Beta Orbiters

Mr_Smoogs · 2017-11-20T16:40:41+00:00

I would dump any girl acting like this. Either she has one foot out the door, is about to cheat, or is already cheating. Ain't got time to put up with that shit.

sublimemongrel · 2017-11-20T16:29:33+00:00

Men also do it to themselves. They try and stay just enough in your life so that when you are single BAM here they are want to go out? I’m sure some women do keep men on the back burner. I didn’t, unless you count “not totally rejecting friendships from men while LTR’d” keeping “orbiters”.

Some women probably just don’t want to give up the positive attention.

[deleted] · 2017-11-20T16:52:29+00:00

*Puts on tinfoil evopsych hat

I think if you look at the theoretical tribe hierarchy that we seem to be emotionally wired for:

leadership > precious cargo (women & children) > worker bees

I think you get women who don't bat an eye at receiving care from worker bees, sort of in the same way you don't bat an eye at the friendliness of wait staff, it's just kindof expected and there's nothing malicious going on. I think this is what happens more like the auto-pilot default behaviour that shows up when ppl don't think about it.

I think what happens here is that since we don't have the tribe & positioning around us anymore, people kindof treat you how you act. So if you act like a service provider then you sort of get treated like one.

philomexa · 2017-11-20T17:02:26+00:00

I've never wanted a beta orbiter in my life, god, its hard enough paying the correct amount of attention to one man, and yet these bitch ass orbiter motherfuckers want me to give a shit about them and their lives? get fucked.

Yet these fools still try to insert themselves into my life with their random ass FB messaging about some shit we laugh about 15 years ago.

Beta orbiters do it to themselves. I just don't have the energy to care about some sad dude lurking around a woman, offering her fucking nothing (that she cares about), for a hopeless chance to smash.

(I admit I'm ranting about some dickhead who popped up in my DM after he got out of rehab, wanting to talk. ew, dude, never going to happen.)

Girls who actively collect beta orbiters are some next level shit, that are, frankly, outliers amongst the women I know.

Mr_Smoogs · 2017-11-20T16:19:29+00:00

Men of PPD, what do you think about women keeping beta orbiters?

It's not always intentional, some men like to orbit on their own.

darla10 · 2017-11-20T17:53:56+00:00

Orbiters and girls who entertain orbiters are children. I did it in college and high school. Felt dirty. 'Ew, why am I letting these guys even think they might have a shot with me? Oh yeah, it's because I'm not sure my boyfriend looooves me enough.' Insecure little girl.

wtknight · 2017-11-20T16:31:40+00:00

I've never known a woman who has kept a beta orbiter around intentionally. I'm sure it happens, but, in my opinion, the frequency with which this happens is exaggerated. Some men become beta orbiters because he is into her and she is too non-assertive to tell him to go away and he is too "nice" of a guy for her to come up with an excuse to tell him to go away without her seeming like a bitch to herself.

As for flirting with random guys, which is different from having a beta orbiter, women do this because they don't have a strong emotional bond with the guy who they are with already and are looking for something potentially better. If she feels a strong emotional bond with the guy who she is with, then flirting with other men is either harmless or non-existent, and even flirting with a "better" guy is not likely to cause her to branch swing. Women usually have an emotional reason for their cheating. This is different from men, who are by nature polygynous and may still have feelings for a partner while also cheating on her.

Butt-Factory · 2017-11-20T17:50:19+00:00

I haven't had orbiters since high school, and the only reason I had them then was because I was too naive and inexperienced to realize what was going on. "Oh Nick doesn't have a crush on me, he just walks me home two miles out of his way because we're friends!" or "Wow Tim baked me my favorite pie from scratch for my birthday! What a nice friend!". Stupid kid stuff. Usually a boy who was too shy and clueless to be upfront and me being too young and dumb to read the signals. No purposeful manipulation on either end. Looking back it's obvious to me now, but teenage me was a dummy like many of us are.

I've had a few men in my adult life who I've learned are just lurking, waiting for me to be single or express interest. When I learn their intentions, I confront it and make my feelings clear. If need be, I cut off contact. These things become less of an issue as you get older.

splunx · 2017-11-20T16:32:54+00:00

Beta orbitors allow women to get their emotional needs met by people of the opposite gender.

Women don't have any attraction to beta orbitors, and in most cases, these beta oribors have low SMV and have a pipedream that they'll eventually hook up with these girls.

Friendships are different, and are usually based on pairing where both people have similar SMV.

Whenever there's a significant SMV difference, you'll either get a pump and dump, or a beta orbitor situation.

Temperfuelmma · 2017-11-20T16:37:01+00:00

If I find my girl doing that behind my back I'd be seriously pissed and I'll likely eat her for breakfast yumm

rainisthelife · 2017-11-20T18:48:13+00:00

This response reeked of the revenge fantasy of a hurt woman.

Lol. And you wonder why I called you triggered.

I honestly don’t know why you’re getting all up in arms about this. RPers are proud to do this and play out their revenge fantasies. Funny how I’ve never seen you making a thread and criticizing these men that have apparently been hurt by women and vow to only pump and dump women because they believe women aren’t worth it or whatever. The realization that some women have started doing this too, really shouldn’t surprise you. If one gender is increasingly becoming shitty, the other gender will typically respond in kind.

Besides your little narration of the experiment there has nothing to do with the initial conversation. One is keeping a man as a beta orbiter because she’s been treated badly in the past and the other is flirting with other men while you’re in a relationship. No idea why you put both together or tried to relate them to each other. But I guess any effort to paint women’s actions in a bad light, despite the fact that the action is one that men already do, is right up your alley. Bravo.

iLLprincipLeS · Mon Nov 20 19:05:29 2017 UTC

Men of PPD, what do you think about women keeping beta orbiters? What are the strongest reasons for them doing it?

I don't mind a plate keeping soyboys around on social media with whom she can discuss dumb shit. Any LTR tho, if I don't have access to her social media she's not a LTR. It's OK if the LTR has admirers as long as I can see all the conversations.

pinkgoldrose · 2017-11-20T19:08:02+00:00

Yes, having flirtationships when you're in a relationship is cheating. She's looking for another relationship either because she doesn't like her boyfriend that much (branch swinging) or because she's afraid her boyfriend is about to dump her (too much dread). Maybe there's a third option where she's just addicted to Tinder attention.

I'm not sure I would call these flirtationships beta orbiting. For me, beta orbiting is when a guy is in love with a girl who will never date him. She's out of his league, but she makes him feel special. He will say stuff like "yeah she's back with Chad who cheated on her, but he doesn't understand her like I do, we have a similar sense of humor and we like the same TV series" and he will be completely oblivious to the fact that their relationship is not in fact deeper than her relationship with Chad, it's just the way she presents it to him. I know this because I've listened to beta orbiters talk about their Stacy often.

[deleted] · 2017-11-20T20:09:48+00:00

When I did this it was for validation. Sometimes I even kind of crushed on the validation from somebody I wouldn't date in a million years. Like a contempt crush.

I don't think this is all women. But really, I have seen women nurse attention from guys and then privately show me the text messages and we'd laugh about it. These guys weren't like doing big big favors or paying for lots of stuff though. More like the types of friends you can always hang out with if other stuff falls through. In high school some of these guys just had cars, in college they booze and weed.

[deleted] · 2017-11-20T20:35:05+00:00

To be honest, I don't really see this whole beta-orbiter thing in real life.

[deleted] · 2017-11-21T02:20:21+00:00

He sounds like a shitty dude/a TRPer. Shitty dudes go for shitty women. If you are a shallow dude, you will get a shallow girl. Pretty simple really.

ivegotsomequestions0 · 2017-11-21T03:00:30+00:00

Yes, I've kept orbiters. It's just part of the way the dating scene works. Attractive younger me had lots of guys of all ages interested. Older me won't, and the guys my age will then be orbiting and trying to fuck young women. It's an age dependent supply and demand problem. Everyone makes the most of what they have at a given time, and the ones in demand will always be seen as cruel by the ones who want them.

newName543456 · 2017-11-21T07:57:19+00:00

A fellow PPD member recently told me that keeping beta orbiters around is a response to men thinking it is okay to pump and dump women:

Problem with that reasoning is that those doing "pump and dump" are not the same ones as those prone to becoming orbiters.

[deleted] · 2017-11-21T10:04:37+00:00

I only ever did this in my early teens. After that, I would manipulate the women I would orbit. Never led to sex, but I fucked their minds good and plenty.

alreadyredschool · 2017-11-20T17:01:41+00:00

"... guys complain when women select for who would be the best beta sucker that she can use for his money and attention and dump afterwards. Or the ones women keep as beta orbiters for validation and use as emotional tampons... If men think it's okay to pump and dump women, then women don't have a problem with using men for their money and other benefits or keeping them as beta orbiters."

I love it when people like that try to preach morals to you.

Mr_Smoogs · 2017-11-20T17:21:48+00:00

This response reeked of the revenge fantasy of a hurt woman.

Nah. All I see is someone pointing out one of the many hypocrisies of TRP.

However, TRP is one big revenge fantasy for the many hurt men that populate it.

Also, your example says nothing about female sexuality. Some people are like that, men and women, most aren't. It's certainly not a gendered thing.

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SpaceWhiskey · 2017-11-20T22:41:20+00:00

Not on purpose, no. I was once young and oblivious and thought all men being nice to me were just genuinely nice. Now that I know what to look for I’m careful to keep the thirsty ones at bay, the ones who don’t want friendship at all despite the words coming out of their mouths. Some guys are able to compartmentalize their feelings, and if some of my real male friends are attracted to me, I don’t care so long as it never has to be my problem. I have a big social circle, everyone knows I’ve been in a committed relationship for years, some guys can handle being friends with women and I’m happy to have them over for Game of Throbes night or whatever if they’re actually cool with just being friends.

IHeartDay9 · 2017-11-21T02:56:36+00:00

I guess you'd probably think I've kept "beta orbiters", though I just call them friends. I enjoy non-sexually emotionally and physically intimate relationships with a wide variety of people, but being physically and/or sexually attracted to a man is incredibly unlikely to happen (am queer). Everyone knows what's up going in. I overlook their attraction to me (because really, I'd have all of 2 gay men and a straight chick as friends if I ditched everyone who'd ever expressed attraction to me), maybe engage in some light flirting, cuddling, possibly some kissing if high, and some cool conversation and shared activities. FWIW, I would do this with women too, except for the likelihood of it turning sexual, and I'd like to have a few female friends I haven't made out or slept with.

I'm poly, so idgaf if I'm in a relationship or not. I'm always happy to be considerate of others people's relationships though, and have zero issues dialing back a friendship to honour the boundaries of their relationship.

One thing that I think gets overlooked is that for whatever reason, guys often can't have the same emotionally intimate relationships with men as they do with women, where as women can get their emotional relationship needs met by other women. I think this is changing with the younger generations, but for many guys in between relationships, these pseudo relationships with women fulfill a very real need for a deeper emotional connection.

basebool · 2017-11-21T19:14:27+00:00

My girl has a few orbiters. Doesn't really bother me because their just beta orbiters: aka no reason to ever be sexually attracted to them.

xtsv · 2017-11-22T20:35:04+00:00

Beta orbiters are pathetic cunts. They make it harder for themselves and they don't even realize.

Title	Beta Orbiters
Author	Mr_Smoogs
Upvotes	18
Comments	135
Date	November 20, 2017 4:17 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/7e9yap/beta_orbiters/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/beta-orbiters.264797 https://theredarchive.com/post/264797

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