CMV: Most of the time a guy is called creepy he is making a bold move on a girl way out of his league

DemonConsulting · 2017-07-14T09:38:14+00:00

I'd say it's enough to just act "off"/ weird without making advances or even talking to the person. Maybe they stare too long, have bad hygiene, look strange, move weird, talk weird, can't read body language well and are just generally not well adjusted. All of these signals make others uncomfortable since they can't tell your motives, predict your next action and actual predators often act "off" in similar ways (body language differs from words, they're nervous, don't make eye contact but survey your surroundings, cross physical boundaries). Very often the "creep" crosses those boundaries without noticing himself (stands too close, can't take a hint that the other person is uncomfortable, is inappropriately touchy-feely, brings up strange subjects, body language doesn't fit his words,etc.)

Pope_Lucious · 2017-07-14T08:14:57+00:00

My ex would call dudes creepy for doing nothing. I once watched her get a fountain soda at a gas station and make brief eye contact with an unfortunate looking dude. He politely smiled and said "good morning". She returned his smile and nodded.

When we got back in the car, "DID YOU SEE THAT CREEPY GUY?!??"

Not all women do this I'm sure, but a lot of women associate almost any interaction with a bad looking man as creepy.

cxj · 2017-07-14T06:48:01+00:00

I don't believe this. I think you are invested in a "just world" fallacy.

The word creepy describes people and things that make other people uncomfortable. The cold reality is that today's generation of helicopter parented millennials were raised in such a bubble and with such an overdose of caution that they are made uncomfortable by harmless events slightly out of the ordinary.

I remember In nursing school I was driving a group to clinical and the whole car freaked out about one girl getting a cold phone call. It turned out to be her boyfriend calling from another number and she scolded him for creeping her out. I told them every call used to be a cold call and they were like "omg it's like the movie scream, I just wouldn't answer lol" and I was like Jesus fucking Christ. This is just one example of many. People are fucking pussies these days, and poorly socialized due to smartphones etc so they get anxious from face to face social interaction.

Even a decade ago I rarely heard the word creep used, now it's extremely common. Can't go through Facebook once without seeing it

DeathByBeelzie · 2017-07-14T13:38:41+00:00

I find it insulting to be honest. I work out,use light make up,have well fitting clothes,cut and style my hair,get my nails done....etc. I make sure I look at least presentable. And then an overweight dude,that hasnt showered in 4 days,with greasy unkept hair and awful clothes hits on me. Its insulting,cause I actually put effort in how I look,while he rolled out of bed.

I get people cant choose who they are attracted to,but at least try to get close to the attractivness level of the girls you desire.

Dominic_Badguy · 2017-07-14T07:26:47+00:00

Being called creepy has to do with misreading social situations, it has nothing to do with looks.

ProbablyBelievesIt · 2017-07-14T06:06:57+00:00

Or if the guy is autistic then he's creepy for existing near people ¯_(ツ)_/¯

Butt-Factory · 2017-07-14T07:41:43+00:00

I've been a bartender for over a decade, and most of the men I've thrown out for creepy behavior have been good looking, some very good looking. I get very few complaints about average or unattractive men, although it has happened.

95% of the time, it's because they won't take no for an answer. Over- persistence is the creepiest behavior there is.

Princeso_Bubblegum · 2017-07-14T05:42:45+00:00

I was called creepy back when I was trying to be a guy for doing absolutely fucking nothing. I'd just be on my computer and watch TV and people would find me creepy.

speltspelt · 2017-07-14T06:20:33+00:00

The one guy that most set off the creepdar of women around me subsequently robbed a bank.

Debra_Lou · 2017-07-14T07:25:47+00:00

Most of the time, it's because he's ignoring her visible non-interest. This is what is making her uneasy or "creeped out". The fact he's unattractive physically and/or of lesser sexual desirability than what she can attract is secondary.

[deleted] · 2017-07-14T16:34:08+00:00

Usually people are called creepy when they are crossing some sort of boundary and are therefore making the other person uncomfortable. Sometimes it can also be called creepy when people do stuff that doesn't conform with societal norms or expectations, for example when people have a large age difference in their relationship. Making a sexual comment or touching someone's butt can be creepy when you're ignoring how this would make the other person uncomfortable. As a general rule, don't touch people's butts unless you're absolutely sure that they want to be touched by you.

Of course, whether or not a person wants to be touched or receive sexual comments is a bit dependent on how much they are attracted to the one making a sexual comment or touching them. But attraction isn't only visual and there can also be factors that are not directly related to attraction. For example, a person ignoring that you are in a relationship would also be creepy. Or an older hot person hitting on a very young person. Or an attractive person making extremely sexual (graphic) remarks way too early in the conversation/relationship. Or someone sending unsolicited pictures of their genitals. There are also comments, actions, and "compliments" that are creepy for almost everyone in almost every situation. Anything related to childbearing hips, for example. Or intrusive questions concerning a couple's sexual life. Or secretly taking pictures of another person. Or following someone home.

ExplainsSocialNorms · 2017-07-14T16:39:43+00:00

In my experience, me and my friends call guys creepy when they violate someone's boundaries or try to take advantage of someone's vulnerabilities. Things that I or my female friends have described as "creepy" recently include, off the top of my head:

Possibly the creepiest thing that's ever happened to me is when a stranger on the bus - completely out of the blue - started asking me absurdly intimate questions, saying wildly inappropriate things like proselytizing the virtues of cheating, and then followed me off the bus. This is scary creepy. Sure, maybe he just happened to have the same stop as me. But the things he said were setting off alarm bells in my head, and I kept thinking "don't let him see where you're going, stay in the eyesight of other people until he's gone."
Many of us called it creepy when a guy tried to take our very, very, slurring her words, falling down, blackout drunk friend home from the bar.
I said that it creeps me out a little that one of our friends stands so close to people when talking to them, because it invades my bubble. I don't think he is a creep, because it's genuinely not targeted at anyone in particular and doesn't seem to be conscious of it; it's just that he's British and I'm American and Brits tend to have smaller personal space bubbles than us. But it still gives me that creepy feeling of "ugh, you are too close, please move away!!" It never bothered me enough to say anything about it, since I could just take a step back whenever I got too close, until it came up in conversation organically (we were chatting about cultural differences).
A woman in our friend group said she felt creepy for flirting with a 21-year-old guy (7 years younger than her).

In none of those cases was the person's level of attractiveness relevant. I don't even remember what the dude in point #1 looked like, but I remember everything he said. I don't think he was good-looking though. The people whose behavior was described as "creepy" in points #2, #3, and #4 were all good-looking.

I think what you're picking up on is that people's boundaries are going to be more permissive and flexible with people they know or like. So yes, sometimes a woman will let her guard down with a guy she's attracted to, and allow him to do things that would not be okay if someone else did them, like touching her in intimate places. This is part of the basic concept of hooking up, dating, etc. - you pick out specific people that you want to allow to touch you in ways you would not allow anyone else to touch you. If you had to have the same boundaries for everyone, then you'd either have to have sex with everyone or no one.

The difficult part is that boundaries are often simply implied by social interactions rather than overtly stated. This is inevitable, because would be impossible (and immensely impractical) to list off all of your boundaries for all situations that might arise to every person you meet, and publicly announce any changes. If you're unsure, asking is usually a good way to clarify a particular boundary. If you decide to risk it, you have to understand that you might upset or offend the other person. I think occasional, minor mistakes in understanding other people's boundaries (e.g. touching your arm when you don't want to be touched) are usually forgiveable, but boundary violations should be treated as a serious problem if they are severe, repeated, or if the boundary in question has been explicitly verbally stated. In other words, doing a creepy thing occasionally isn't a big deal, but if you do creepy things often or do even one extremely creepy thing, that makes you a creeper and that is a big deal.

HiDefFX · 2017-07-14T17:06:09+00:00

The guy is not nearly as smooth as he thinks he is and makes someone uncomfortable.

This can range from direct sexual comments off the bat, to butt touching or waist touching etc.

When you assume that you are not jumping the gun when you do any of these things, you are setting yourself up to be labeled. Because you would immediately be invasive. Bold actions can have sexual undertones but it doesn't mean going after someone's ass on the first swoop.

akanachan · 2017-07-14T06:23:31+00:00

men escalating quickly or making a bold overt/sexual move

^ not just this alone, but combine it with their lack of sensitivity to / awareness(?) of body language, and/or their body language not matching with what they're saying.

Personally, I've never used the word "creepy" to describe someone else. I just call it gross, because being touched in a sexual manner by someone I'm not attracted to makes my skin crawl.

I've actually been called "creepy" before, for just being myself -- being "too quiet" .. :p So I'm totally claiming the label of "creepy" for myself.

honeypuppy · 2017-07-14T10:16:54+00:00

I think one factor is that hitting on women way out of your league probably correlates with a lack of self-awareness that shows up in other ways which often seem "creepy". Like for a clichéd example, a guy who thinks his neckbeard and fedora makes him hot is probably going to be weird in ways beyond strictly how he looks.

wtknight · 2017-07-14T14:55:22+00:00

from direct sexual comments off the bat, to butt touching or waist touching etc.

Women in general don't have an agenda or desire to call guys creepy for their sexuality

These statements of yours seemingly contradict, so there is an aspect of sexuality when it comes to calling out creepiness. In my opinion, it's a combination of over-sexuality or over-persistence in his approach, and the woman being out of the man's league. If the approach is particularly sexual or persistent, even a man of equal attractiveness might be labeled creepy.

However, if she is way, way out of his league, even a simple approach where the man walks away immediately after being rejected might be considered "creepy" by a woman if that woman has bigoted views towards unattractive men. Not all very attractive women think like this, though, although most will be at least bothered when unattractive men approach them.

Daniel_Bryan_Fan · 2017-07-14T17:09:44+00:00

Unsolicited touching is creepy. Also unsolicited dick pics, etc.

purpleppp · 2017-07-14T17:48:30+00:00

Where's automod? Anyway I think it's true in a lot of cases but I totally understand it. Maybe I'm female-brained but I feel disgusted on a visceral level when someone very unattractive hits on me. So I totally understand how a girl is creeped out by unattractive guys.

BookwormJane · 2017-07-15T03:57:32+00:00

A guy is creepy when he's making any kind of move without consent or reciprocation. There's nothing to do with physical appearance.

wholesomedude · 2017-07-15T06:04:14+00:00

Maybe, but it just shows that creepiness is a matter of perception and very few times is a guy objectively creepy. Guys are better off not caring about being creepy when they're trying to meet women. I don't know why so many guys do care. I always assumed fear of coming off as creepy was mostly the domain of women and that guys were more practical and result-orientated. Just do what you have to do.

2017-07-14T06:35:10+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Battle-Scars · 2017-07-14T06:16:56+00:00

Creepy = female entitlement + male assertiveness - male attractiveness.

mgtownigga · 2017-07-14T10:30:48+00:00

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BPremium · 2017-07-14T11:53:06+00:00

Thats only because women get to choose leagues. Some creepy guys wouldnt be seen as creepy if their value was just as artificially inflated as some of the women labelling him creepy. Lets not pretend young women dont have insta-validation devices in their purses, filled with their friends and a plethora of thirsty dudes just waiting to tell them how great they are for existing.

[deleted] · 2017-07-15T00:43:46+00:00

I dont wanna blow it out of proportion, but Ive seen women call a guy 'creepy' just cos they dislike something he said or did. They use it sometimes just when they dislike a guy and it is pretty harsh, a real defamination of someone's character.

Ive had women being overly familar with me when I didnt want them to, and there is little recourse. If you speak out about it people just laugh it off.

From what ive seen, it isnt as endemic as people perhaps like to make out. It isnt everyday that I hear people being called creeps, but it is worth noting that it isnt just used in this way. Women sometimes use it to defame someone they dislike.

[deleted] · 2017-07-15T03:03:11+00:00

Funny how so many girls who talk about guys being "creepy" aren't anywhere close to being cream of the crop, themselves.

[deleted] · 2017-07-15T14:30:01+00:00

"Creepy" is a very well known codeword women use for "ugly". People who disagree with this are typically people who would use "creepy" in the first place.

rreliable · 2017-07-14T10:48:43+00:00

So if you need to be shitty to the guy, tell him he's shooting out of his league, if that's the problem.

"Creep" just means "how dare you approach another human, you disgusting inferior being!"

blackedoutfast · 2017-07-14T14:50:01+00:00

generally yes, but the idea of leagues is bullshit.

guys get called "creepy" when a woman thinks he is unattractive OR when she wants other people to know that she thinks he is unattractive. the guy pictured in the OP is likely to get called creepy by hot girls AND very unattractive girls in the same "league" who are trying to convince themselves and eveyone else that they are hotter than they really are.

architect_skyscraper · 2017-07-14T18:13:59+00:00

Your choice of pics was interesting and somewhat amusing I thought. A normal person taking an awkward selfie vs some kind of sex worker /instagram model showboat done with professional lighting and camera angle. You could show the same guy without glasses, with good lighting, and the same girl wearing sweatpants and no makeup, and it wouldn't be at all clear that they are "in different leagues". That would have made your point come across much less convincingly, I think.

Title	CMV: Most of the time a guy is called creepy he is making a bold move on a girl way out of his league
Author	soccerstar77
Upvotes	15
Comments	188
Date	July 14, 2017 5:35 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/6n747f/cmv_most_of_the_time_a_guy_is_called_creepy_he_is/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/cmv-most-of-the-time-a-guy-is-called-creepy-he-is.266995 https://theredarchive.com/post/266995

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