Most women have at least one relationship in their past out of convenience and not one of genuine attraction

sublimemongrel · 2017-06-14T15:59:25+00:00

Eh I wouldn't necessarily say "out of convenience." But I've dated guys I wasn't attracted to hoping it would develop because they really liked me, would make good BF material and I really wanted to like them the same way back. Did that twice (and yes slept with them). Didn't work, I never was able to develop attraction for either one and felt really bad about it afterwards. I was confused about how my own sexuality worked. 10/10 would not do again.

shoup88 · 2017-06-14T16:10:26+00:00

I know many women who have postponed a break up out of convenience, but there was genuine affection in the beginning. I think your example is too extreme. If by convenience you include things like loneliness or social pressure, then you could be on the right path.

But as it stands, no, I do not think most women have had such an extreme example in their past. I also don't think it's unique to women. A lot of thirsty men will enter a relationship to avoid loneliness and get sex, even if they don't feel a whole lot of affection for the woman.

2017-06-14T16:14:19+00:00

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GridReXX · 2017-06-14T15:59:41+00:00

At least she wasn't cheating !!

She should have done an arranged marriage. That way the guy wouldn't be deluded into thinking there was lust and love.

Also they just got married. After kids and such she would have grown a familial affection for him.

That said, I would have broken up.

If you don't like me, let's not be together.

To your question, I don't think most women's rationale is as calculated or malicious or callous.

I think many women find themselves in relationships simply because the guy was persistent and everyone in her life says things like "give him a shot!" They date the guy hoping feelings will develop that'll match his feelings.

I know plenty of relationships like this and it's evident that the guy likes the woman more, but for the most part the woman is content or at least trying to be.

I don't feel totally bad for men and women in situations like this because usually they're lying to themselves. The red flags of lukewarm attraction and affection were always there plain as day.

wtknight · 2017-06-14T17:15:08+00:00

I don't think most. I think some. I don't think there's any evidence that most women have relationships where they never really loved the person who they are with from the start.

Doom_and-Gloom · 2017-06-14T21:11:13+00:00

This shouldn't really be that surprising. Women learn very early on they can use their sexuality as leverage to get a LOT out of society with minimal effort, and they're nowhere near as finicky about it as they would like you to believe. And by that, I mean they dislike it and would rather not engage in it, but they're willing to if something of worth is offered to them in exchange.

hyperrreal · 2017-06-14T15:44:31+00:00

Because your title is a direct claim, this has been tagged CMV. Top-level responses must challenge the OP.

i_have_a_semicolon · 2017-06-14T17:37:06+00:00

I had one Relationship where I wasn't genuinely attracted to the person. I was 16 it was my first one. There was no convienience factor involved. I was straight up just ignorant of what sort of role attraction has to play in a relationship.

Would I say most women do something where they stay with someone they're not attracted to out of convienience? I would think not

cxj · 2017-06-15T02:46:10+00:00

I think lots of women have much less extreme "convenience" relationships than the one described, but I wouldn't say most have.

hyperrreal · 2017-06-14T15:48:14+00:00

This is your proof? A story on /r/relationships?

You know how many of those stories are written by men. That's why they're always so similar. You'll have to find some more compelling statistics to make an assertion this bold.

blackedoutfast · 2017-06-14T18:33:53+00:00

i'm a man and thought this was common knowledge.

and it's not just for financial reasons. i know married women (women with good careers who are perfectly capable of taking care of themselves) who have told me me that they would prefer being independent and the only real reason they married their husband was because they felt pressured into being married.

theiamsamurai · 2017-06-14T15:47:53+00:00

Yeah, it's just BB and convenience in this relationships. I think most women do this. I don't think it's necessarily AF/BB dichotomy, but it can be in between like a spectrum if the woman has LOWER attraction towards the guy, where she gives him less sex, or depends on him for her social or financial needs to varying degrees. I think most women aren't self-aware that they're doing this and actually believe they love the man, but this woman in the example was definitely aware.

I don't think most women are sociopaths, because they have cognitive dissonance and feel bad about shit they can empathize with, but they definitely want the BENEFITS from acting like sociopaths without feeling like one, if that makes sense.

eliechallita · 2017-06-14T22:17:03+00:00

In this particular case, that woman sounds like a pretty bad person and I sincerely hope that the guy broke it off for his own sake: The problem isn't simply with the lack of attraction, but with how she felt it was OK to simply use him that way.

However, i wouldn't generalize that behavior to most women, any more than I would say that most men have stayed in relationships that they did not care for because of the easy access to sex. I'm sure it happens, but I have no idea how you would even go about quantifying it. It sounds more like an individual problem than some sort of mass gender issue.

Mr_Smoogs · 2017-06-15T12:50:48+00:00

The woman in that thread sounds like a complete bitch but she's not representative of "most women" at all.

Also the male version of this is keeping a girlfriend around you don't really have any feelings for just for the sex, which come on we do all the time. You speak about manipulation and morality but it's not like blokes have any moral high ground.

Nobodyknowsthetruth · 2017-06-14T16:49:17+00:00

nope never.

all my bfs have been for my genuine company and pleasure and i cared deeply for each one of them. and i enjoyed having sex with all of them.

Kralee · 2017-06-14T17:18:42+00:00

I agree with your view. I know several cases of girls using guys for living arrangements but having no attraction.

I had a very similar situation to the posted saga. Granted, we had been living together for more than a year so there was initially genuine love and attraction in the beginning.

I also snooped a phone and found texts to another guy she was sending nudes to and telling him she was only still with me because it was convenient but she loved him. The sex never stopped though.

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wolfman86 · 2017-06-14T19:06:37+00:00

So what? Each to their own. Are you saying that this hasn't happened to you?

rulenumber303 · 2017-06-15T13:38:04+00:00

I think it is very common among both men and women to extend a relationship past the point where real attraction has waned forever. The classic case of this is deciding there is no point ending the relationship now... when three months is when the joint lease is up. There's nothing much wrong with this so long as it is over a short amount of time. Look upon it as smoothing the bumps out of everyone's life by being flexible.

I also think it is common among both men and women to pay more attention to the possibility of being with those potential partners who offer solutions not problems. For example, if you commute three hours a day to get to college then another student who has his or her own apartment all to themself right next to the college is just going to get your attention more than if they had a similar commute to you but in the opposite direction. The key thought here is "hey we could..." Hey we could get together at your place, hey we could walk to college in the morning, hey we could... you get the picture.

I think it is quite uncommon for people who don't have a history of sex work or PUA to chose to enter relationships based purely on convenience. Most people take attraction and emotional compatibility more seriously as a relationship prerequisite than that.

acetylcysteine · 2017-06-14T19:31:29+00:00

That's fair, but women's general purpose for a relationship used to be more utilitarian. Money, shelter, protection etc. Provide those and she will be content

Title	Most women have at least one relationship in their past out of convenience and not one of genuine attraction
Author	Mr_Smoogs
Upvotes	15
Comments	243
Date	June 14, 2017 3:43 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/6h8b3z/most_women_have_at_least_one_relationship_in/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/most-women-have-at-least-one-relationship-in-their.267600 https://theredarchive.com/post/267600

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