Q4LADIES: What Are Your Best Girl Game Tips?

Dazzler1886 · 2016-07-14T01:02:47+00:00

Pill: Blue Status: Married, 5 years

1) Recognize early that which is changeable vs. what is not and likewise what is important and what is not. You know those house hunters who say things like, "I love the place! It's got great lines, the neighborhood is perfect and the price is just right. But the wall color- UGH!" That is how girls who say, "He's so funny and cute but he wore CARGO SHORTS!!" sound to me. Changing a young, straight man's style is easy. Changing his religion, plans for kids or ideas of where he wants to make a home is not.

2) Make his life better. He should feel more confident around you and after hanging out with you. He should feel funny and smart. He should feel attractive. What are you doing to make him think, "My life is better than before we started hanging out..."

3) Never critique him in front of other people and don't talk badly about him to others when he's not there. You two will make up and you'll feel warm fuzzies about him shortly, other people will not and they will remind you of it.

4) Okay so you NEED to vent? Pick a confidante. This is the only person you are allowed to vent to and just because you can doesn't mean you should. Mine is my mom. She would never bash my husband to me. She would never take my side and call him names. She will listen and give me advice on how I can move forward if I request it. Don't have someone like that? Get a therapist.

5) TALK ABOUT THE IMPORTANT THINGS BEFORE YOU FALL IN LOVE!!! Once you fall in love, you'll think things that you've always wanted/wanted to avoid aren't important. THEY ARE. Do you both want kids? Will those kids be raised in a church? Do you want to live in a big city now or forever? Do you have an ailing parent you need to care for in the next 2 years? Does he? Does he have a very young foster brother with special needs and 75 year parents? Guess what you need to be cool with? Oh it's uncomfortable? SHUT UP AND TALK ABOUT IT, YOU IDIOT!!

TheChemist158 · 2016-07-13T21:02:29+00:00

Slow day at my work too. I'm blue pill, in a relationship for 3 years now. I don't have much girl game. I was never super interested in dating, never put much effort into finding anyone. Met him at work, start chatting and hit it off, figured why not.

Communication. It's great. It's lets him know if something is going on, and shows him that he can share with you. Ask him if something is up if he seems off. Listen to him. If he is opening, respect that is an intimate moment and that you need to be welcoming of his emotions. If you have an issue in the relationship, tell him but do so after pondering it for a while. Is your complaint justified? Is there something you can do? Always propose a solution with the issue. No one wants to hear about your problem and feel like they need to figure out how to fix it.

If he has a complaint, respect his emotions. Maybe you don't feel it is justified, but if you love him, recognize the pain you are giving him, and try to fix it. That may not be the solution he wants, but don't fight about it. Keep a mentality of working together.

Don't take things too seriously. If he makes a mistake and knows it, there is no reason to harp on it. Try to laugh off the small stuff.

Be proactive about everything. Most men don't like having to lead their women, and many women don't like where they are lead. If you have a thought or idea, express it and let him know. If you want to do something, tell him.

wynterpetals · 2016-07-13T21:42:27+00:00

Instead of going for coffee/dinner or movies, do an activity together or take a class on learning a skill.

My first date with my SO was choosing a Christmas tree and decorating it. Remember to do something you can do together.

We took a cooking class together too.

coratoad · 2016-07-13T22:14:37+00:00

Pill status: Purple/Mixed.

Relationship status: 4 year LTR.

My tips are all going to be on relationships.

Tip1: The purpose of flirting is to highlight sexual dimorphism. Men are attracted to sexual vulmerability. Remind him in subtle ways that he is bigger and stronger than you.

Tip 2: Recognize your partner's bids for attention. If he is telling you about his day, showing you something on the internet, or asks you to watch a show with him, he wants you to validate his experience through shared emotions. Mirror his emotions (unless he is frantic, then just be calm and comforting). Although "Not now honey" seems harmless enough, you are essentially telling him that he is not as important as whatever else you are doing.

Tip 3: Guys really appreciate it when you cook for them. More so than even sex in my experience.

Tip 4: Talking about problems is overrated. Chances are that one of you is just tired or grumpy and talking only prolongs the issue. Also the more you talk, the more likely the argument will escalate.

Tip 5: Assume the best about your partner, even when he's not at his best.

Tip 6: Never criticize him for anything. He already knows what he needs to work on. It accomplishes nothing good and is only likely to make him defensive.

Tip 7: Female frame means being cheerful, kind, warm, playful, and gentle. This is what's most attractive to men.

hakosua · 2016-07-13T23:09:18+00:00

I'd break my girl-game tips into two categories because, when I got sober, I had to learn an entirely different skill set on top of what I already had. The rules to getting hammered do not, by themselves, make for a happily-ever-after.

Here are the tips for girls just looking to get shit-faced:

When someone buys you a drink or gifts you with drugs, smile broadly and express your gratitude, even if you knew that it was coming.
Your best friend is the pool table. If you suck, men will get a kick out of coaching you. And, if you're good, they'll get a kick out of watching you play. You can't lose at pool.
To leave a guy whom you don't want to fuck feeling good about himself, let him know early on (ideally, in a sweet-but-awkward way when he offers you the first drink) that you're not looking to hook-up tonight. Now he can chalk whatever he does down to altruism, rather than a failed attempt at getting laid.
Gravitate toward the older guys in bars. They're more likely to reward your platonic company with alcohol without becoming resentful.
Be willing to validate your SO's irritation at you because, no matter how patient your SO is, they will at some point get understandably irritated (especially if your idea of fun is slumming it solo in dive bars).
Know at what (mid-range) level of drunk you need to leave a bar and at what (slightly higher) level of drunk you need to call a cab (versus taking public transportation home).
Never go anywhere alone with a guy who offers you cocaine. Marijuana, absolutely, follow him wherever. Cocaine, absolutely not.

And here are the tips for girls once they sober up:

You will not find a healthy relationship in your first year of sobriety. Also, try not to give your phone number out to guys at 12-step meetings unless they're openly gay.
Never, ever assume any one person will fix the problem. Maintain a diverse social circle and resist the urge to latch on to your romantic interest too tightly.
Take it slow sexually. Expect sober sex to be uncomfortable at first. You might find your sexual tastes change too once you get sober. To partners, frame this in terms of "exploration"; you aren't damaged, you're just rediscovering yourself.
Come up with a funny elevator pitch about sobriety to toss at guys (and girls) who ask you about it. My personal favorite: "I got so good at drinking that I moved on to master other things." (Keep it light.)
Come up with a list of sober date ideas. If you're dating somebody who drinks, be prepared to propose date ideas yourself.
Have something tentative to do after the date. Dates won't end as organically as they used to, now that you're both alert and fully functional at 10 p.m. If you like a guy enough, you can always cancel your post-date plans for him later.
Talk about sexual kinks early on. One thing sober alcoholics have over other people is openness to experience: we tend toward excitement and don't mind getting weird.
Continue to acknowledge wrong and validate your partner's frustrations. Remember: you will inevitably fuck up. The bennefit of being in recovery is that you're not just an asshole anymore, you're now a self-aware asshole.

Dazzler1886 · 2016-07-13T21:41:44+00:00

I hate hiking and camping and I will not be doing myself any favors in the long run by pretending that I do. That said, I also might wait until we know eachother better to reveal that I'm bisexual or that I do cosplay. Be the best you!

Strongly disagreeing here. Obviously look for things you have in common but don't hold back in order for the other person to have too many feelings to reject you. If something is dubious, make it known early so they know what they're getting into. Otherwise, people who don't make great relationship decisions will come to hold it against you.

monkees4va · 2016-07-13T22:36:22+00:00

Suppose I'm purple, 23 and a student. Don't do casual sex, but the men I've had a FwB scenario with have eventually turned into a boyfriend. My shortest relationship so far has been two years. Sleeping with my roommate atm and although it sounds like the situation from hell, we've been together for two years and care for each other immensely.

For me, my general rule is always be friends first. Complete strangers turn me off completely. It's only as I get to know someone that an interest can blossom. All three of the men I've dated, including the current guy, have all had similar interests/senses of humour and I know their history before we sleep together.

I firmly believe the reason I've done so well in each scenario is affection and equality. Financially I'm fiercely independent, sexually I'm almost insatiable and open minded and I love 'looking after' someone I care about through more traditional routes (I love to cook!). I have respect for myself and call out issues as I see them, whilst simultaneously ensuring my partner has as much independence as he needs. My rule has been total communication. If he wants to sleep with someone else I expect to be informed in a FwB scenario. I'm a kinky mf with someone I care about and the topic of paying a professional domme has been discussed with my current beau, but I'm still figuring out how I feel about that. What's important is we talked to each other about it openly and without fear of judgement.

Ringoddess · 2016-07-14T02:35:17+00:00

Pill: Blue. Status: married, been together for 4 yrs

1: I agree about waiting with sex. If you are young and a virgin, choose wisely who you'll give your virginity to. At any age, expect commitment first.

2: If you have any exes and no ties like kids with them, don't stay friends. Don't get with guys who claim to be great friends with their exes, either.

3: Go for someone who shares your core values and has the same family goals as you.

4: Be honest. No need to play games.

When within the relationship:

1: Take interest in learning about his hobbies, be open to teaching him about yours.

2: If there's an issue, especially between you two, speak with HIM first, not with your friends. Similarly, if he trusts you with his issues, don't go around telling your friends or family. Be trustworthy, be a shoulder to lean on when he needs it, offer him help to your best ability.

3: Pay attention to the small things he cares about. If he asks for a drink and you know he likes his drinks extra cold, give him the extra ice. He liked some dish in a restaurant a few weeks ago? Why not try cooking it for him? Notice that he's coughing a lot today? Make him a tea with honey and lemon (if he likes that). If you show a little bit of extra affection everyday he will notice and appreciate it and be all over you, it's not that much effort and his happiness will make you happy, too. (Ideally. If him being happy doesn't make you happy something's wrong.)

4: Share the workload and financial responsibilities, that may be an obvious one but not to everyone. If you have time, you do the chores and run errands, if he does, ask him if he could do them. Tell him SPECIFICALLY what you'd need him to get done, he might not see it (eg not "can you please clean the house a little?" But instead "can you please do the dishes and vacuum the floors?") and he might have a bad memory so you can text him a reminder or write a cute note. Please remember that "please" and "thank you" still apply in a relationship, and if he fails to take care of something don't angrily complain immediately but ask nicely, maybe something came up. Maybe he forgot, in which case you can ask how to help him remember better next time. (Idk if it's just me but IME most men have shitty memory.) If he absolutely hates taking care of a certain thing, you can just agree to be the one who takes care of that in the future while he could take over something that YOU hate doing but he doesn't mind much. (Eg I do doctor's appointments and laundry, you do our taxes, or whatever.)

5: If you wanna spend more time with him or do something romantic, YOU can plan that, too. Nobody likes to be the one who always has to choose the activity or restaurant. Some women still expect that from a guy. Try to think of something you'd both enjoy and ask when he'd have time to go. If the day comes but he's too exhausted to go and it's not a prepaid thing, then just plan for the next possible occasion and spend a nice day home together without resentment. You might have a shitty day sometime, too, and require his understanding.

TL;DR: treat him with the consideration you (likely?) want to be treated with.

flamethrowup · 2016-07-14T03:15:27+00:00

Despite some of the high school-level bullshit advice given in this thread, I'm pleasantly surprised at the number of blue-pill women who sound like mature and empathetic individuals. /u/TheChemist158, /u/MissMaude, /u/artichokess, good shit, guys. If you're truly following your own advice, keep up the good work.

lbspredh · 2016-07-14T06:38:02+00:00

ITT

How to you achieve Y

"I do x"

"that's wrong, you're wrong, that doesn't work on me!"

ozymandias271 · 2016-07-14T19:31:59+00:00

Blue pill, married. Here's the advice that worked for me:

1) Niche, niche, niche. You only need to marry one person (or for the special snowflakes out there, two). Don't whine to me about how many men aren't interested in you, and don't try to appeal to the lowest common denominator. Find someone who wants to date you. I'm a butch slut, but I don't go around sulking because some man on TRP said that sluts are gross or hairy legs are disgusting. He's not in my dating pool, and I wish him the best of luck finding someone else.

2) Related: bring up all your dealbreakers early-- the first date or, better yet, before. The second sentence on my dating profile was "I have borderline personality disorder." If you don't want to date a borderline, I don't want to date you, and it's best for both of us if you filter yourself out as efficiently as possible so I don't waste my time dating you.

3) Dating older men is an excellent way to find men who are more marriage-minded. I recommend a man five to ten years older who has a track record of dating women the same age as him (IME, solely dating younger women tends to be a red flag).

4) If you can write, start a blog. Dating blog groupies is dating on easy mode, and it always puzzles me whenever I see bloggers who don't take advantage of it.

5) If you're having trouble, pick up a male-dominated hobby that caters to men who like your niche. If you like writing fanfic, try Magic the Gathering; if you're an athlete, try lifting weights. That can be a great way to meet men who are compatible with you.

Helmet_Icicle · 2016-07-14T03:35:22+00:00

Check out /r/fPUA.

1) When you really like someone, wait a bit to have sex if you want an actual relationship. I have converted all of my friends to this rule. Wait at least 5-6 dates and wait until you both agree not to have sex with others. This allows the person that you are seeing to fall for more than just your body.

Horrible advice. You're operating under the belief that you can control their behavior. If someone isn't interested in a relationship, there's nothing you can do about that. Instead of some trite attempt at preserving your ostensible integrity, try using genuine communication to filter out incompatibilities.

2) When you are in the talking/ early dating phase, don't worry so much about texting "rules". If you like someone and they text you, go ahead and reply. It shows them that you aren't into games. That said, don't text them a million times either... Nobody wants crazy.

What kind of person actually says they're into games? More to the point, why would people who are into games be dissuaded when you say you aren't? You're basically relaying "I have a huge bullseye here and you have a bow and arrow, please don't hit it." All this does is bely a vulnerability for emotional manipulation. The real solution is to introduce an abundance mentality into your perception, because there is nothing so special about someone that can't be found in hundreds of other people.

3) When dating and looking for a LTR, instead of the "Be yourself!" thing TRP hates, the saying should really be, "Be the BEST version of yourself!" That means that you don't reveal everything about yourself but you don't pretend to be someone else. I hate hiking and camping and I will not be doing myself any favors in the long run by pretending that I do. That said, I also might wait until we know eachother better to reveal that I'm bisexual or that I do cosplay. Be the best you!

Emotional shrewdness has more to do with this than any cute axiom. You should be able to gauge how much is appropriate to elucidate. What you're scared to share with one person is likely a mistake not to share with another. For example, to someone who is in the party scene doing drugs is a turn on, but to someone who is into living a clean lifestyle it would be a turn off.

4) When in a relationship, don't be afraid to be enthusiastic about sex or to initiate! Go in the bathroom and have sex at a party. Embrace oral if you love it (Grab his hair and hold him where you want him if it is your turn. Be as loud as you want. Don't be afraid to spit and get messy if it is your turn. Don't try to imitate porn or stay sexy looking. If you have his dick in your mouth and are having fun with it, he'll think it is sexy. Trust me!)

Probably the only good advice here. The most unattractive thing in a person is inhibition. When you're declining sexual activity (in reasonable circumstances), you're essentially broadcasting insecurity, anxiety, an absence of self-confidence, etc etc.

Stop worrying about looking slutty! If you actually held out for a bit (like in tip 1) and he (or she) has gotten to know you, they will know that you aren't a ho. Go for it!

Again, abysmally misguided advice. You should be denying all forms of outside input when you're considering your character. Seeking validation from other people is a hopeless pursuit and fear of desperation is just a defense mechanism against rejection.

All of this is precluded upon the goals of a stable, confident, high value individual. If that's what you aren't, nothing will help you until you affect concrete self-improvement.

[deleted] · Wed Jul 13 21:09:57 2016 UTC

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[deleted] · 2016-07-14T20:12:06+00:00

Bluepill, single with a FWB.

The single biggest issue I've noticed with girls and dating is change, a lot seem to swing too far in either direction, the girl who changes completely for every guy that she dates and the one who doesn't want to compromise because she doesn't want to change herself for a guy. There's a nice healthy middle ground, find it.

Figure out your priorities before you have to make a decision. Where do kids, career etc. fit in. If either of you have a course requiring overseas study are you both able to deal with a LDR etc.

Communicate. Don't nag it's counterproductive. If something's big enough for you to ask him to change it it's big enough to be worth appreciating the effort he went into in changing it. It's okay not to feel like talking but you should let them know if you're brooding over something else rather than just saying nothing. That said it's okay to let things go, my ex always left the toilet seat up, I always left it down, neither of us died over it.

Sex. It's a good idea to be open with this one as you can only (happily) compromise so far in terms of drive and wildness. There seem to be 4 basic moods for sex: I want it, I'd like it, I'm neutral to slightly against, and I don't want sex. If your partner wants sex after an argument and you fall in the 3rd category you should probably go for it, 4th category you might end up resenting him and the sex probably won't be great for either of you. Feel free to initiate and if he's bad in bed if you don't let him know what you like, you only have yourself to blame down the road.

Finances and housework, figure out how your money works, is it 'our' money, your money and my money or a joint account. Be aware of things like the possibility for promotion. E.g. if you earn about the same now and split bills 50-50 but then one of you gets a big raise, will you stay 50-50? How about if the raise is enough to move to a bigger place with lots left over for you but doesn't leave much for him or vice-versa. Also about how much is reasonable to spend out of a joint account without any discussion.

Housework, this links back to finances, talk about the division of labour, it's better than letting resentment grow. With my ex there was us housework (50-50 when we both worked full-time) and me housework. There's a good chance that one of you will have higher standards than the other, this extra cleaning will all be for that person's benefit will that still be equally split?

Kids? Religion? Oldies? Debt?

Be yourself (cliché BP advice right here), there's nothing wrong with improving yourself, but if you start by being someone else on the first date it's probably going to lead to a) you being unhappy faking or b) him being unhappy that you've changed.

Don't keep score. Also choreplay not always a good idea.

In terms of non-relationship stuff: Be fit Male perception of fashion different to female (red is a safeish bet) Figure out the farthest you want to go before the situation comes up, you don't want to be the girl who wants to have sex on this date but has something first thing in the morning. Always have an exit strategy, it's okay to have a really bad date and let the guy know there won't be a second. Be safe.

prettydrunk23 · 2016-07-13T21:07:19+00:00

Be kind of mean/standoffish. I've noticed in relationships and friendships this works because people want other people to like them so they will try harder to win your affections/attention.

Be attractive. Men will date the nastiest, meanest girls if they're pretty. If you have a shitty personality (I happen to) then work on making yourself hot. I think a girl's body is most important - most men seem to think a woman is hot if her face is passable as long as her body is on point.

Make men feel needed. Even if you know how to change a tire or understand quantum physics perfectly let the man in your life (or the one you're hoping to get) "teach" you how. Men love feeling needed and important - they have huge egos. Don't be too helpless though or you'll only attract 'savers' and they are annoying.

I don't agree about waiting to have sex - In all my relationships I had sex with the guy the day or night I met him. I guess just do what you want. If they guy actually likes you having sex on the first day you meet him won't bother him. If that deters him he probably didn't like you that much anyways.

Make the guy feel like he's pursuing you. Even if you're the one pulling the strings so to speak men like to feel like they're the ones pursuing a girl. You can obviously do things to increase your chances but be covert about them.

I think a lot of advice depends on the type of guy you're after. Obviously certain personality types like certain things so it's a bit varied.

[deleted] · 2016-07-13T22:02:59+00:00

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Dazzler1886 · 2016-07-13T22:53:17+00:00

Be the best version of yourself and do NOT have sex until you're in a relationship, period.

I don't want to hear any of this "you'll run off good guys that way" crap.

Bottom line is that if he is into you he WILL commit to you before sex.

Don't listen to what men say, look at what they do.

Plenty of relationships and marriages started because the woman put her needs/desires first and only had sex in the relationship.

There are absolutely NO excuses, no matter what anyone says.

If he walks away, good. On to the next. Trust me, there are plenty of men who would love to have a woman who actually waits for commitment before having sex.

And before the ignorant males reply to this, no ladies, you do not have to be a virgin for this to work.

Never, EVER listen to a man's advice about how to get a man. They literally have no idea what they're talking about.

[deleted] · 2016-07-13T22:54:39+00:00

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[deleted] · 2016-07-13T21:54:28+00:00

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slicebypass · 2016-07-14T04:39:26+00:00

Girls need game!?

[deleted] · 2016-07-14T03:29:10+00:00

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[deleted] · 2016-07-13T22:50:56+00:00

Ha. Don't give it all at once but when you do it should be amazingly intense laser like focus on him, him, and him some more. Turn the tap on and off unexpectedly so he knows the nectar is amazing but unsteady. He thinks it's him but it's just a strategy. Never never chase, I don't. Guaranteed he can't get enough. Lol

[deleted] · 2016-07-14T02:37:44+00:00

Make.The.First.Move

Seriously. Best advice ever for women.

Don't wait to be chosen. Go pick the best of the best. Ever see women with great-looking, devoted SOs and wonder how they got them? By being pro-active, that's how.

The time of women hanging back and only selecting among the men who happen to approach her is OVER.

burkhart722 · 2016-07-14T14:18:57+00:00

Be Attractive, that's it

[deleted] · 2016-07-13T22:32:42+00:00

Me: Purple, dating but not seriously.

I think the most important thing here is to emphasize the need to figure out what the specific guy you're into is like. Playing hard to get often works, but it can also backfire badly with a guy who knows what you're up to and for whatever reason isn't into it. That's just an example. You have to figure him out before you figure out how to get your blood-dripping female claws into him.

Things that are generally true:

Be attractive. Someone below said 'have a pulse, leave the house' - aaaand, no. Unless you're looking to attract random men who also meet the have a pulse/leave the house bar but do not surpass it. There's no getting around attractiveness. Men can't think straight around hot women.
Don't be unpleasant to be around. Don't be too needy, too whiny, too boring etc. If you're hot enough you can get away with this, of course, but who wants the guy who puts up with that?
If you want a serious relationship or marriage, I completely agree with the advice to not sleep with him too soon.
I dunno, I was going to say 'be interested in him' but if you want to get with him then you presumably already ARE interested in him, what he has to say, what he thinks etc., right? So much of this stuff actually happens completely naturally and with no need for planning or calculation. When you're into someone you generally act into them, from your body language to the way you talk and dress etc. around them. There's no need to be thinking "OK, tilt head to side and giggle in 5 seconds...wait for it...waaait...NOW!" in your head, you know?

I also think there's a difference between trying to get with a guy who you only just met and may not be into yet and one who you have a pretty good idea is already open to a relationship with you. With the former, playing little 'rules' games re: texting etc. isn't that useful. He's into you. Text away.

	Men who want sex	Men who want sex and commitment	Men with high value who want sex and commitment
Arbitrary limit	Possible rejection	Placation	Definite rejection
Pursuit of a connection	Possible emotional hookpoint	Definite emotional hookpoint	Probable emotional hookpoint

Title	Q4LADIES: What Are Your Best Girl Game Tips?
Author	Dazzler1886
Upvotes	20
Comments	308
Date	July 13, 2016 8:34 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/4spbsx/q4ladies_what_are_your_best_girl_game_tips/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4ladies-what-are-your-best-girl-game-tips.274041 https://theredarchive.com/post/274041

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