[CMV] Online dating didn't make dating worse, it just brought the wrong type of people into the casual dating scene

lonelinessmademecave · 2019-11-18T23:40:40+00:00

I kind of disagree. If you're in a place where online dating is the norm, it definitely hurts your options. Simply more women are less desperate and less likely to force themselves to go out just to get laid. That being said it's been my experience that girls 100% prefer meeting guys in social situations than online. Their standards are generally much lower in real life.

Also girls who are shy definitely take OLD much more seriously than girls who are outgoing. It's been more of a boon for them. Outgoing, attractive - even unattractive - low inhib girls never needed a boost lol.

ohheyhi99 · 2019-11-18T23:31:06+00:00

I’m not sure if OLD made dating worse, but it arguably made it feel worse.

These days is that the general dating scene has much more overlap with the casual dating scene. People are getting married later and both men and women are becoming more commitment-phobic. Both sexes don’t need each other as much because we aren’t strapped for money or raring to have kids. The sexes are arguably more closed off from each other in public because of changing cultural norms. For men at least, dating of any kind has become even more obviously about looks than before thanks to swipe apps and cultural shifts. OLD makes it easier for everyone to keep chasing the next thing instead of making the most of what they have. This is especially true for people who would have been lower-inhib before they got on Tinder and saw that they can get relatively easy attention (not necessarily commitment) from more people than they thought.

That said, OLD has made dating significantly better for shy average women and shy good-looking men.

wtknight · 2019-11-18T23:37:54+00:00

This enabled many people who would have never been in the casual SMP--introverts, socially anxious people, high inhib nerds--to suddenly enter it.

These people were using OLD before the social extroverts got their hands on swipe apps. The extroverts are the newcomers to OLD. In the old days when people used desktop computers, OLD was actually for setting up dates rather than casual sex.

MaryContrary1999 · 2019-11-19T00:35:21+00:00

The problem is that online dating is now the most common way for couples to meet. While yeah Tinder is still a hookup app, Hinge and Bumble made it easier and more normal to form LTR online. Around 39% of couples now meet online.

Anecdotally, I'm going to start looking for a boyfriend again in January and since I just moved to the city I'm in this June, it would be kinda hard to find a boyfriend since I only have a few friends. It'll be my first time online dating (my only boyfriend was in my social circle, and even the one FWB I had was somebody knew for a couple months prior), so I'm nervous about seeing strangers, but after seeing how detailed a lot of Hinge profiles are, I'm a lot less nervous. Hinge really forces you to get to know someone, and learn about who they are, so its definitely geared towards finding a LTR.

findingfemininity · 2019-11-19T02:30:35+00:00

[deleted]

PickUpScientist · 2019-11-19T01:13:09+00:00

Average internet nerds were never good at obtaining NSA sex.

true

They either didn't date or dated equally high inhib nerdy women.

true

OLD did not change how casual dating functions and the people who complain about it are the type that wouldn't have been good at casual dating even without it.

false. those high inhib nerdy women are all on tinder. i am not talking out of my ass. i am in a social anxiety support group with a dozen of them and they are all on tinder. they range from bipolar to general anxiety to outright agoraphobic. they are all on tinder and they all speak proudly of their zero social anxiety tolerance policy for who they date.

this is new.

----

this is the brave new world we live in and i think its a good thing. if you want to get laid and be happy, you are going to have to stop with the bullshit social anxiety/drug addiction/autism/adhd/ocd/depression excuses, clean your shit up, and make something of yourself. you are going to have to get in peak physical form. if that depresses you, if you think thats unfair, then you don't deserve to procreate.

OverEasyFetus · 2019-11-18T23:15:00+00:00

I highly disagree man. When I was in my early 20s I went out and partied A LOT. Partying basically was what my spare time consisted of. I fail miserably in online dating but I had a lot better chance of getting laid when on line dating didn't exist, or when it wasn't popular. On line dating 5-10 years ago was considered for losers that didn't have enough of a social life to meet people. Now it's how most women and hot men get their dick/pussy. Basically everything that's happened since like 2015 has made my life worse.

I party a lot less now mostly because nearly all my friends have settled down. My chances of getting laid are astronomically lower because of it.

Online dating makes life infinitely harder for the average man no matter how you spin it. OLD fucking sucks and I wish it would die. I wish social media would die in general.

hammerhaunts · 2019-11-18T23:39:31+00:00

What do you think happens for anyone looking for a LTR on OLD?

Christian_Kong · 2019-11-19T00:51:49+00:00

To be honest I don't really get what you are trying to get at. Pre-OLD a options for someone was who they knew or where they were invited/frequented. Now it's the options are only as far as you are willing to travel. Sure the hot frat guys/bad boys were getting all the girls at the parties. Now those same guys do that and get every girl in a 50 mile radius. It seems to have worked out great for women. It has maximized most womens sexual/dating potential while minimizing most mens. In this situation the group that maximizes their potential further shrinks the potential of the minimized group much more so than in pre OLD conditions.

TrueReligionGenes · 2019-11-19T01:54:10+00:00

OLD short circuits the scarcity of chad and bridges the logistical challenge of casual sex between women and harem worthy men. To think it doesnt have an effect on the average guy is naive. Never before has a high value man been able to have sex with such a volume of women.

ifelsedowhile · 2019-11-19T00:29:42+00:00

OP you're out of the loop. 50% or close to 50% of couples met through online dating.

darudeboysandstorm · 2019-11-18T23:32:08+00:00

I agree, but only under the condition that you accept it brought the wrong type of women into the scene as well. I have been screamed at multiple times by girls who thought they were finding true love on tinder.

Coldinhear · 2019-11-19T01:39:43+00:00

I disagree. I cannot speak to women's experiences only my own, but the women who use online dating are simply sub par. I see no reason to use it at all, even though I have used it extensively with some success. I've just done light years better other ways.

I think the.. What's it called? The paradox of choice? I think that comes into play. Also I can't use my charm and natural charisma in online dating. It's my pictures alone making my first impression and I'm not some guy who did anything but put up some random pics I had of me around.

Still when I've chatted with guys IRL I've done much better than them on OLD. I get messages, girls respond to my messages, I get dates, but the women I get dates with on OLD are so beyond subpar. In person I get much much higher quality women. There's no comparison. It's not even remotely close.

I'll add that on OLD women are explicitly rude. I've never experienced anything like that. I imagine it's like road rage. You know guys who get road rage? Women get OLD rage, and try to take it out on random guys. It definitely inflates their egos. I would never recommend any man use online dating for anything but pumping up his ego and sharpening his game with anything. Old should not be taken seriously by a man with real potential.

cormmm · 2019-11-19T01:29:51+00:00

Also depends on the site. Pay sites are actually more geared towards LTR, people are committed financially to finding the right partner for them, so it weeds out people who just want to pop on and find someone to bang.

Pontifex_Lucious-II · 2019-11-19T01:47:25+00:00

Still better than meeting a girl at church in 1958 and hoping her vagina didn’t smell funny.

LotBuilder · 2019-11-19T03:08:43+00:00

OLD just made everything more convenient which increases frequency. Men and women that liked to hook up would go to clubs 2/3 nights a week and meet in person. Now people can run game 24/7 so it’s easier. People have not changed, their personalities have been amplified and they are fishing with bigger nets. Back in the day guys and girls had to go out and make it happen. Now it’s like ordering room service.

findingfemininity · 2019-11-19T00:26:33+00:00

OLD made introverted homebody girls more flaky. cos now they got dick on demand.

whereas before where introverted chicks would make a lot more effort to see you and shit. now they got mad options too from the comfort of their home.

before only very social girls had dick on demand. now every girl has dick on demand. uber dicks.

OLD is depressing though and frankly girls resent the fact that they need to use. in fact i think pretty much everyone on some level resents OLD. it's not cool. it's like an admission to yourself that you're too antisocial/lazy to meet people in person.

largepaycheckaddict · 2019-11-18T23:52:56+00:00

OLD is a norm now. You have people just interested in casual things and people who are open to an LTR forming. Casual dating works well for me cause I work a lot and I’m my field I’m surrounded by dudes all day. On top of this I’m a pretty shy, low self esteem, kind of depressive not so outgoing guy- but still physically attractive.

If it wasn’t for online dating I probably wouldn’t have had as many dates or relationships over the years. That being said, those girls probably could have been spared my bullshit lol.

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ALexusOhHaiNyan · 2019-11-19T01:39:08+00:00

Great observation but that just seems again like it makes it only harder for men. More guys, lower odds. And women just swiping away.

TheBookOfSeil · 2019-11-19T02:14:29+00:00

I wouldn’t say they are “the wrong type of people.” They’re the same ones who were out looking before. It only gave them another way to approach others that is quicker and easier than going out every (other) night to meet new people. Now they can sit at home or go about their lives while a profile and winks or hearts or whatever feature the dating site uses can do the work for them.

People who are always looking or perpetually single because their relationships never last for whatever reason (maybe because of them) exist regardless. Online dating only brings them into a wider playing field than the local bars, clubs, supermarkets, etc., that they’d normally be at.

SemiLoquacious · 2019-11-19T02:25:13+00:00

I agree. Of course, this doesn't describe OLD for everyone, as many commenters are saying, but overall, yes.

What I don't agree with: it's made the dating scene worse. Dating is the same as it's always been.

Meeting people in person is still an option -- internet nerds having a way to participate in more dating than they could 20 years ago didn't ruin dating for normies. Normies have always had it made. You'll have it made no matter how nerds live. God forbid nerds with apps have the courage to want sex outside a relationship you must commit your whole life to.

Jake_Chavira · 2019-11-19T03:02:18+00:00

I actually agree with OP. From my experience I had WAY more luck actually talking to women in real Life than with online dating which was.... zero luck there. OLD makes it extremely superficial. Though that is not to say first impressions matter but at least you get a chance to say something or do something with a tone than on a profile page.

lestratege · 2019-11-19T04:42:53+00:00

The trend you noticed is correct but you're leaving an important point: OLD apps have become the new default. Almost all women are on it because it plays to their wanting of attention.

Since all women are on them, men have to be there too. Especially since one of the effects was to make real life approaching even more selective and difficult. OLD did attract the wrong kind of people but it's not like they had a choice.

-OpportunityCost · 2019-11-19T05:00:06+00:00

Online dating was a great idea that turned into a disaster. I do agree with a lot of what you say but the problem is the huge influx of availability of top tier men on these apps. Girls have access to such a larger amount of high value men that they can go on dates or hookup with many of them while leaving some of the mid tier and nearly all of the low tier men left out.

I promise you nearly every average young woman can make a tinder and have hundreds of matches with 10-20% of them being top tier men that will hookup or go on a few dates and if that doesn't work out then she can just wait for another high value match. OLD is great for women and top tier men but its flat out decimates the chances for low tier men. The only way this would ever be fixed is if somehow men and women swapped sex drives and urges.

rus9384 · 2019-11-19T00:43:22+00:00

This enabled many people who would have never been in the casual SMP--introverts, socially anxious people, high inhib nerds--to suddenly enter it.

Women who are into it casual sex are still high sociosexual, low inhib people who want high sociosexual, low inhib men.

There are many introverted girls who like weed, video games and casual sex.

Most of the girls who want FWBs or something like that still do not go to Tinder. Perhaps, Tinder is what she uses when she wants ONS ASAP, but then the dude who matched and messaged her is just lucky because it's pretty rare when a girl wants ONS without being persuaded for it.

In this digital era men offer casual relationships much more often. I mean, psychologically it's much harder to ask a girl if she wants to have fun through a cold approach IRL than when you are behind a screen.

Even introverted girls, given they are attractive and have at least a few dozens friends and followers, get these messages pretty often. Not all of them are weird, far from that. Not all the men sending them are old or unattractive. There are guys to choose from. Unless, as I said, she has no patience and needs a dick ASAP.

But I agree OLD did not make dating worse, because there still are all those girls outside of OLD. Just as it was a decade or two ago.

P.S. I don't get what you mean by sociosexual. Sociosexuality is a scale, not a trait. It can be restricted or unrestricted.

NockerJoe · 2019-11-18T23:31:47+00:00

You know who does well on OLD? Antisocial women who want either a relationship or just dick.

Who the fuck are you to say who should and shouldn't be on the market because they don't trawl meat markets every saturday night?

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Mystery_Tragic · 2019-11-19T03:10:20+00:00

You still have to interact face to face with people when you do OLD....eventually.

geyejoe7 · 2019-11-19T06:33:05+00:00

Sure, you could argue that OLD isn't typically for forming LTR's. But if a girl is looking for a LTR, she can potentially go on a dating app and spend her time texting random guys, and testing them.

In reality, she might have settled for a guy that's not as high of quality as one she would maybe meet online.Because she has a bigger dating pool online.

While this is better for women, this puts men in a disadvantage. If OLD becomes completely mainstream, guys like me would have been screwed.

I spend 2 weeks on a dating app with 0 success. And I must have looked at thousands of women. Only 2 responded. Both brick walls to talk to.

I do have a gf now, that I met irl. Because my personality is what I can offer. My looks, which women base most of their decision online, wouldn't get me a date. Ever.

Sure I can change them. But that's a bit too much work just to get a simple date. Not even a relationship. A date...

analt223 · 2019-11-19T17:54:06+00:00

...so it made it worse...

El_Guapo2020 · 2019-11-21T18:24:10+00:00

You’re contradicting your self , how does bringing the wrong people into the dating scene ‘not’ making things worse ?

UrMomma4 · 2019-11-19T00:29:09+00:00

Yes!! I never did OLD because it was looked down on in my 20s, but I had a lot of ONS. Going to a big University with a high party atmosphere helped a ton. I had to go out to the bars and meet people. I went to a good University for engineers (U of IL) so plenty of introverted nerds, but I only messed around with those extroverted boys.

Kos_-_Omak · 2019-11-19T01:28:58+00:00

I don't understand why everyone here is obsessed with OLD and hookup apps. Tinder was a fad a few years ago, but not anymore. At this point I'm pretty sure the only people who still regularly use Tinder are desperate low SMV dudes with zero social life, fat single mothers who can't troll bars IRL because they have to take care of their kids, and legit crazy women. And maybe a few Chad's with low standards who want to use the absolute minimum amount of effort to get laid.

The vast majority of normal people looking for casual sex have gone back to meeting people at bars/clubs/parties, through social circles, etc. I mean Tinder obvs still exists but from reading PPD you would think that everyone is using Tinder 24/7 when that's definitely not the case at all.

Title	[CMV] Online dating didn't make dating worse, it just brought the wrong type of people into the casual dating scene
Author	findingfemininity
Upvotes	94
Comments	220
Date	November 18, 2019 11:08 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/dybalk/cmv_online_dating_didnt_make_dating_worse_it_just/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/cmv-online-dating-didnt-make-dating-worse-it-just.295768 https://theredarchive.com/post/295768

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