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October 10, 2018

Time to refresh on some of the common shit tests and good answers to them. Bonus points for creativity. Add your own shit tests, answers, or both to this thread.

If you're not familiar with shit tests, check out Illimitable Man's Shit Test Encyclopedia

  • I have a boyfriend
  • Buy me a drink
  • I bet you say that to all the girls
  • How many girls have you slept with?
  • Will you watch my drink while I dance / bathroom / etc?
  • I'm not having sex with you.
  • You're too short/ugly/fat/etc
  • Aww, did I upset you?

(Add more if you got 'em)

Post Information
Author redpillschool
Upvotes 243
Comments 151
Date 10 October 2018 01:44 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit TheRedPill
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shit testthe red pill

[–]Modredpillschool[S] 181 points182 points  (38 children) | Copy

I'll start with some of my favorite answers:

For those new to shit tests, the goal is to agree and amplify.

I have a boyfriend

"Me too... don't tell him about us!"

"Well he's certainly not invited..."

"Does he like to watch?"

Buy me a drink

"Great idea, you go first and I'll buy the second round."

"Two waters, please!"

I bet you say that to all the girls

"Only the ones I sleep with..."

"I also like to whisper it to horses..."

"You're the first girl I've ever met..."

How many girls have you slept with?

Start counting on fingers, borrow her fingers and count those.

"I'm actually saving myself for jesus."

"None since I got here." (Or "only two or three.... since I arrived")

Will you watch my drink while I dance / bathroom / etc?

My absolute favorite move on this one is to simply drink it when they hand it to you.

I'm not having sex with you.

"Finally somebody who likes me for who I am!"

"Good! I thought you were just in it for the sex!"

Note: If she brings up sex, she's thinking about having sex with you

You're too short/ugly/fat/etc

"I know! God couldn't give me a big dick and... xyz"

"Usually people complain I'm not X enough! Thanks for the compliment."

(Essentially own it. If you're fat though, diet and hit the gym bro.)

Aww, did I upset you?

"Yes, I'm crying right now on the inside."

"Yes, my world is full of pain now." (look like you are trying to cry but can't)

"Very much, I'm going to write about this in my journal tonight. 'dear journal today a girl was really mean to me'"

Bonus Shit Test:

What do you do for work?

"I dress up like a news anchor to convince others I'm not a super hero."

"I'm the guy that cleans up dog shit in parks."

"My mom gives me an allowance every time I shower"

[–]Endorsed Contributoritiswr1tten37 points38 points  (12 children) | Copy

The goal is to AA at first. It's a great starting point because it's appropriate most of the time.

However, once your game reaches past 101 levels, you'll come to realize that AA or Amused Mastery (AM) is often the wrong response to an Indication of Interest (IOI).

Some shit tests are fusion cuisine, blending "i am into you" with "still need to check if you're worthy".

Remember that women communicate covertly - it's why we say pay attention to actions not words. The words carry a thing called subcommunication, or the thing she needs you to "just get it" to win her over.

So when you AA an IOI, you risk proving to her (or her perceiving it , which is identical to reality) you missed the hint.

AA is a wonderful tool, but like they say, if you only have a hammer everything looks like a nail. Sometimes candor and the truth work just fine.

[–] points points | Copy

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[–]1GroundhogLiberator11 points12 points  (1 child) | Copy

Agree and amplify. It’s the only thing that works for me personally.

[–]ziomgg0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

AA is the Approach Anxiety actually :P

[–]erthian18 points19 points  (5 children) | Copy

This is why a lot of guys get stuck in clown mode. They get a laugh and a touch on the arm, and get terrified of shifting gears. Really, just kino fast and escalate. Be aggressive, isolate. You wont learn the nuances until you just do it.

[–]Trenned_out8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

Exactly. Build the attraction through AA and a bit of aloofness. It becomes very obvious if she's into you or not at that point. From there it's just a matter of experience. '

Gradually increase teh touching and if she's not into it enough to smash that night... Then go for the second or third date.

Personally I have the highest long term retention rate of plates if I wait til the 2nd or 3rd meetup to have sex. It bypasses the anti-slut defense so they feel like you are a witty charming hot guy who seduced them. Often a first time fuck makes girls feel too slutty.

Clearly your strategy should depend on the girl in question. As my n count approaches 100 I just dont care about one night stands unless its an exceptionally attractive girl. I care more about the introverts who I bring out their witty flirty and eventually freaky side....

It has been infinitely more rewarding than the smokeshow "bad bitches" I went for in my early 20s.

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[–]AlmightyPhoenix1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Finish your metamorphosis into the Joker and WIN AT LIFE

[–]markinsinz71 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I don't know mate, quick escalation and agressiveness right after passing shit tests have backfired on me. But ofcourse I haven't really paid much attention to it

[–]erthian1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

There's a process. The more you do it, the quicker it goes. It can and will back fire for sure.

[–]AWorseManThanYou3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is too advanced for this thread bro.

You are doing advanced push/pull when this is basic shit tests.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Some shit tests are fusion cuisine, blending "i am into you" with "still need to check if you're worthy".

So when you AA an IOI, you risk proving to her (or her perceiving it , which is identical to reality) you missed the hint.

I agree, AA too much and you come across as a one trick pony that's faking the impression of a confident person that 'gets it'.

She's supposed to be qualifying herself to you, not the other way round. You're meant to show her that she isn't wrong with her decision making when it comes to hooking up with you. AAing too much comes across as trying to convince her you're something you're not. She'll see through it eventually, and when she does, you're fucked.

She'll forever have that impression that you're someone that fakes the impression of 'getting it'. No matter what you do at this point, you will always be perceived as a faker in her eyes.

It's simply better to set boundaries while sporadically using AA to let her know that you 'get it' and that you're not putting up with her shit.

[–] points points | Copy

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[–]Modredpillschool[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children) | Copy

Rule of thumb for attraction is show don't tell. You can't tell her you're awesome. But she can see it.

I know it kind of sucks because you worked hard for prestige, but you can't bring it up on first meet. She has to discover it.

[–]plokman4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

There'll be time for that, but jumping through her hoops (trying to impress her / be good enough for her) at the start is gonna wreck attraction.

[–]Trenned_out0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I often tell girls I'm a male stripper. base teh second response off what they say. It helps if you look the part clearly lol. But for me I have a law degree so I can contrast the douchey confidence about my physical appearance with the education.

[–]ECoast_Man5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

My absolute favorite move on this one is to simply drink it when they hand it to you.

LOL I used to do this all the fucking time back in college when I drank more. A kindred spirit.

Man, that was always a solid play.

[–]AWorseManThanYou1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Great stuff. “Watch my drink” and drink it all is the only response.

“Did I upset you” I can tell you’re guessing BTW. It’s cool, I’ve never had it either. Kinda a weird shit test to get. It implies you failed one already.

Good step with the bonus shit test. I simply say “I won’t tell you, but here’s what I love to do <passionate discussion on my hobby>”

[–]Mysterious_Thing1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

This might be a stupid question, but how is "What do you do for work?" a shit test?

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (3 children) | Copy

Translation: "Are you a provider? I am trying to make you talk about yourself and prove yourself to ME. This will affect the rest of the interaction."

[–]Mysterious_Thing0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Still don't see it as a shit test. I feel like you guys see everything as a shit test. You don't have to have a witty remark to everything she says to you. That will get old and boring pretty fast. Don't be a clown.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

You don't have to have a witty remark to everything she says to you. That will get old and boring pretty fast.

Not if you do it right. ;)

Also, you want her trying to impress you, not the other way around. That is the general point I was trying to make.

[–]Mysterious_Thing0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It also depends on what you actually do for a living. If you are an office rat, or if you are a firefighter makes a huge difference in what you tell them.

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[–]Modredpillschool[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Sometimes the girl flinging the shit tests isn't the girl you're targeting. You'd know that if you tried talking to girls.

[–]Warped_Mindless98 points99 points  (3 children) | Copy

Protip: If you never know how to respond to a shit test, jusy shrug your shoulders and go on like she never said it. Law of least effort in action.

[–]PoliticallyCo_rekt29 points30 points  (0 children) | Copy

her: what do you do for work?

me: shrug you wanna kino?

Works every time.

[–]Cloak775 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

What if they double down?

[–]Trenned_out5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

go over the top. Male stripper or something of the like.

[–]huhub50 points51 points  (2 children) | Copy

Wifey: "You haven't bought me flowers recently".
Me: "You too".

[–]RedPill201826 points27 points  (3 children) | Copy

“You’re so sassy”

[–]Modredpillschool[S] 53 points54 points  (1 child) | Copy

Gay slap and say "noooo you areeeee"

[–]RedPill201840 points41 points  (0 children) | Copy

The girl actually said

“Are you always this sassy?” to which I replied

“Only during that time of the month”

(This suits the format of your question better)

[–]Trenned_out4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Dude this means you're doing everything right. Usually I tease teh girl about being sassy first. It works if either A. they are kind of being bitchy and you call them out in a fun way or preferably B. The girl is actually a fun flirty girl who can go back and forth teasing eachother. For me personally this is the perfect scenario to get plate locked in to be super into me. I am a conversationalist and that's always been my "game." I've honed that over the years to the point I tell my buddies that to I need a smart enough girl to game because "you can't entertain trailer trash with Shakespeare" lololo.

[–]justtenofusinhere19 points20 points  (0 children) | Copy

I have a boyfriend
"I have the cure for that condition"
"You call him, I'll call my girl and it'll be a foursome kinda night."

Buy me a drink
"Bar keep! One water over here."
"Wow! Looks AND a sense of humor!"

I bet you say that to all the girls
"Just the ones I sleep with."
"No, just the ones I don't want to sleep with."

How many girls have you slept with?

Will you watch my drink while I dance / bathroom / etc?
"Sure, just leave it where I can see it from next to that woman over there."

I'm not having sex with you.
"Of course not, you're not that lucky/hot/interesting."
"Of course not, you haven't earned that yet."

You're too short/ugly/fat/etc
"Sure, but: I look good next to your personality/I'll look like a reed between your thighs"

Aww, did I upset you?
"Not yet, we should go back to your place and you can keep trying."
"Yes, and now you need to be spanked (use with caution)."
"Yes, as you can see from my stiffie of sorrow."

[–]Korrangar36 points37 points  (8 children) | Copy

When you meet a chick on tinder she always asks you "what are you looking for on tinder?" what's the best answer guys?

[–]AdmiralFiz57 points58 points  (1 child) | Copy

Usually I go for something stupid "my dad, he left when I was young"

Or a pressure flip "you maybe, hbu?"

[–]Endorsed Contributoritiswr1tten25 points26 points  (1 child) | Copy

I gave an example in my other reply but the answer is be honest but not candid. If you want to just fuck you can't say that, but you can say "I don't make assumptions or put people into boxes, I have to get to know them before I can appreciate what they have to offer"

Why does this work? Three things: first it depersonalizes the subject. She is ACTUALLY asking "what do you want from ME". By changing the subject to "people" you take some pressure off.

Second, it subtly communicates that you take women seriously, because you're getting to know her. You should always create this perception

Third, you also subtly shit test her back. You're subcommunicating "I don't know if you're worth it yet"

[–]Trenned_out5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is great. I almost always "pressure flip" as well.

I say, well I think it's disingenuous to know what you "want" from anyone before you get to know them.

[–]Fulp_Piction4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

A best friend since my dog ran wway

[–]Trenned_out2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

" A girl who can finally appreciate me for more than my handsome face and broad shoulders."

[–]1redhawkes10 points11 points  (1 child) | Copy

I have a boyfriend

"I just met you and you're already telling me your problems."

"I thought you were a lesbian."

"Only one?"

"I have a girlfriend, shall we introduce them?"

Buy me a drink

"It says no alcohol under 18 (watch the hamster spin)"

"You're adult, you can buy it yourself."

"No, but you can buy me one."

"Do you say that to every guy?"

"This guy over there looks like he wants to buy you a drink."

I bet you say that to all the girls

"Guys too."

"No, every other."

How many girls have you slept with?

"Not many. They snore really loud."

"All of them."

"Today? If you're lucky, you'll be the third."

Will you watch my drink while I dance / bathroom / etc?

"10$ a minute."

"No, it's grown up."

"Drink it"

I'm not having sex with you.

"Of course, you think Im that easy?"

"All you think is sex."

"Me too, I prefer fucking over sex."

You're too short/ugly/fat/etc

ZFG and Amused Mastery

  • short "You'd be the same size when on your knees."

"We're the same size while laying down."

"Yea I need ladder to climb you."

  • ugly

"You should see me without a makeup.."

  • fat

don't be fat, hit the gym

Aww, did I upset you?

"Yea, now I'm gonna buy a cake and eat it by myself."

"Make some sad face with shit eating grin"


How many girls you're seeing?

“Take a ticket and get in line.”

“There’s always room for one more.”

"One at the time"

How much do you make?

"How much you charge?"

"Why? I'm not paying for your services."

I'm old for you

"I'll make an exception."

"Let me introduce you to my grandpa."

"I'll be fun when you'll calling me daddy later."

How big is you dick?

"Biggest on I've seen so far."

"About threefiddy."

Is she your gf?

"Shes my sister" smile then slap her ass. "If she plays her cards right...we'll see" "Nah, we're just fucking."

Note: The most important thing is the delivery. Don't take the shit seriously and have fun with it.

[–][deleted] 39 points40 points  (18 children) | Copy

Shit tests? Let me pull out my alpha-sperg excel spreadsheet!

  • I have a boyfriend. - I have a wallet (bad, presents youself as the beta bux) | So you have a wallet

  • Buy me a drink. - You're thirsty, I can tell

  • I bet you say that to all the girls. - Only to the sassy ones

  • How many girls have you slept with? - None so far. Pause. It's not even 11pm.

  • What do you do for work?

  • - I'm a garbageman, I only dress up Fridays (this one credit to James Tusk)

  • - You don't read the news, do you?

Feedback welcome.

[–]womans_algorithm18 points19 points  (11 children) | Copy

I have a wallet.

Kinda funny, but it comes off as you defining yourself as beta bucks. Not a good way to start.

You're thirsty, I can tell

What? I don't understand it.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (5 children) | Copy

Kinda funny, but it comes off as you defining yourself as beta bucks. Not a good way to start.

Yeah, just realized you can interpret it that way. Rather aimed at comparing the bf to the wallet.

[–]Endorsed Contributoritiswr1tten11 points12 points  (4 children) | Copy

Leave your post as is when you make edits, I. E. Don't delete but simply add a qualifying statement

Others are deprived of what you learned and how you changed your mind otherwise

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (3 children) | Copy

Good tip. Changed, will keep in mind.

[–]NoFap_FV4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

I have a better response based on that, instead of "So you have a wallet" why not "Yeah, I have a wallet too"

[–]dust_puppy_0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Isn't this still qualifying yourself as a wallet? Perhaps; "Yeah well I'm more than just a wallet."

[–]Kyson53 points4 points  (3 children) | Copy

Thirsty can also mean desiring sex

Ie "yo dis nigga thirsty yo" "This bitch thirsty for the dick"

The trick here is getting that little hamster to warm up and start spinning, by making a declaration that she is thirsty, followed by a cheeky wink or grin- you're suggesting indirectly she wants to fuck you, play your cards right and she will play along with that all night.

Fuck it up and you just move on to the next

Women love to be lead into shit, so you dictate her mental state with hidden meanings like this, and both have a good night full of smashing some of dat gushy wet wet


[–]womans_algorithm3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Si senor, just needed the translation though, io no americano.

[–] points points | Copy

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[–]Kyson50 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Or maybe, she's referring to that peepee you're rocking, maybe she wants to sit on it or have you put it inside her

[–]Trenned_out0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

If you don't understand that you're autistic and just looking on this forum for copy pastes to say IRL instead of truly trying to internalize the concepts

[–]FirstLastMan6 points7 points  (4 children) | Copy

How many girls have you slept with?

I get this all the time. My go to's are:

What, this week?

Count three on my fingers-- Around three hundred

[–]Endorsed Contributoritiswr1tten8 points9 points  (2 children) | Copy

Too much. I'd say "...Including you?" make sure you have the right facial expression if you're being bold

[–]FirstLastMan3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

It's meant to be sarcastic/deflecting because she initially thinks I'm just going to say "three" but it's obviously not three hundred. But yeah, point taken.

[–]Endorsed Contributoritiswr1tten3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Anything works with the right tone and frame, but yes. I think there are better options

[–]Trenned_out1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Had a scenario in a "never have I ever" game where a beta though he was calling me out. SAying never have I ever slept with more than 3 girls...

I said "Umm do you mean in a night??? Because that's my average weekend"

He was pissed but all the women present had that look of "omg he's dangerous and bad but I like it" and I ended up hooking up with one later on that night.

[–]ButteredPastry27 points28 points  (1 child) | Copy

I have a boyfriend

"Really? That's surprising." (not mine, I saw it in a comment in another thread)

Buy me a drink

"Why?" Then hear her say some stupid shit like "oh because I'm cute/you like me" and then just say no with a grin.

I bet you say that to all the girls

"oh yeah, even their moms" This one is true for me because I like MILFS lol

How many girls have you slept with?

I never answer this one. I respond with something similar whenever I'm asked about my age ("how old do I look?"), I look very young so every woman I meet is surprised when they hear I do adult shit. "How many do you think I've slept with?" Let the hamster spin.

I'm not having sex with you.

"We agreed on just hanging out but I like how it's already in your mind" go for the kill

You're too short/ugly/fat/etc

"God just wanted to level the playing field"

Aww, did I upset you?

I've only heard this one once, and she was a huge fan of The Office like me, so I replied with a Dwight quote: "Are you trying to hurt my feelings? Because if so, you are succeeding. Fortunately, my feelings regenerate at twice the speed of a normal man's." Got a good laugh

[–]Endorsed Contributoritiswr1tten21 points22 points  (0 children) | Copy

My personal favorite boyfriend rebuttal is, after a pause and making a face, "... I'll allow it".

[–]2virusofthemind26 points27 points  (5 children) | Copy

I have a boyfriend

"Do you have his permission to talk to other men?"

"Why are you telling me this?"

Buy me a drink

"Are you unemployed?"

I bet you say that to all the girls

"Only the ones I think might have something going for them"

How many girls have you slept with?

"I don't kiss and tell"

Will you watch my drink while I dance / bathroom / etc?

"Why what does it do?"

I'm not having sex with you.

"You're not there yet..."

You're too short/ugly/fat/etc

"I'm the dude, that's all that matters."

Aww, did I upset you?

Only in that you're giving me unconscious psychological tests to see how I react, 'disappointed' would be a better word"

Bonus Shit Test:

What do you do for work?

"You wouldn't believe me so I'm not saying"

Important note

After giving your reply keep talking and preferably in a way which asks a question. "questions" elicit a mild threat state so she focuses on the answer she's going to give you. Your reply to the shit test then passes direct to the unconscious without due appraisal by her conscious cognitive mind. Attraction ensues.

[–]SalesOverEverything20 points21 points  (3 children) | Copy

Are you unemployed... ahahahaha

[–]2virusofthemind10 points11 points  (2 children) | Copy

A reply which you can use across the board is to just look her in the eye and say "You know what they say about girls who ask that?" and then don't tell her.

[–]1Sir_Distic0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

My response to "What do you do for work?" is:

"I'm part of a bureau that licenses, monitors and polices...alien activity on the planet Earth."

Bonus points if they get the reference.

[–]thismightnotbetaken6 points7 points  (6 children) | Copy

Since this post is about shit test let me share a sticking point of mine that is relevant to the topic at hand (but askTRP is the appropriate place) –

“How do I look in this dress?”

or another variation of it

“Do I look fat/ugly in this dress?”

I feel these two ones are very much double binds. Unfortunately I was out of ideas when hit with them.

[–]Modredpillschool[S] 27 points28 points  (2 children) | Copy

"I need a before and after to answer honestly. Here, take it off"

[–]anal_coke1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is my absolute favorite response to a shit test

[–]hopelesshotel3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

the trick is to compliment the dress not her. “i like the color/pattern” (or just simply the dress) or a kino version, touch it and say (i like the fabric...” etc.

complimenting her in any way is validation

[–]2virusofthemind5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

"Do I look fat in this dress?"

"Don't blame the dress"

[–]dirk19713 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

"Don't blame the dress"

I think the dress would look better on my bedroom floor

[–]RedDeathClock15 points16 points  (6 children) | Copy


  1. Don't get ahead of yourself, this is only the first time we have met.

  2. Tell him to quit cock-blocking.

  3. Do I look like Dr. Phil to you? I don’t want to hear about your problems.

  4. Thats fine, I can be your man-friend.

  5. Just because there's a goalie doesn't mean I can't score.

I bet you have a small dick

  1. I'm flattered you're thinking about my genitals, but I'm more than a sex-object.

  2. Bigger than yours.

  3. like losing money'd be a model mother.

  4. Bigger than all the ladies' combined here.

  5. No, I had a surgery and now I have to tie it around my waist.

  6. I make it up by fucking twice as long.

Are you married?.....Cuz I wear a $600 diamond ring on my right hand that I won gambling.

  1. Am I blonde? [I'm Indian].

  2. Just devoted to Cthulhu.

  3. We aren't that far into the relationship yet, sweetheart.

  4. No, but I'm planning to take a trip to Vegas, we'll see how it goes.

What do you do?

  1. I'm a G. I. Joe at MURICA

  2. I teach yoga and tantra.....

  3. I am a moonshine connoisseur.

  4. I work for mother nature.

Why are you talking to us?

  1. You seem like an easy target.

  2. Yes, we always end up in the same place. [This works surprisingly well.]

  3. I'm delivering Cthulhu's message; don't be nice to brown guys. [This doesn't always work, but when it does, it's ON.]

  4. Izvinite!! Eta svobodnaya strana.......[Excuse me!!! This is a free Russian.]

  5. What else have you got going besides your looks? [Ignoring the shit test]

Will you buy me a drink?

  1. I'm sorry you've got me confused with every other guy you've met.

  2. Let's ask that guy over there. [Ask some guy to buy us a drink, worked for me a couple of times.....DHV, demonstrating resourcefulness.]

  3. You first.

  4. You're all cute and all but you aren't that special.

I don't give my number to strangers/people I just met......I need YOUR help with this.

  1. But what if you need tech support? [I'm Indian, but I've got a British accent.......I just have this one and it often works.]

  2. ???

  3. ???

For me, I find it more challenging to get shit tests than to pass them.

[–]SlurpTime18 points19 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'd like to add one to the "you have small dick category." I picked it up from some kid in high school. He used to say, "two inches going 200 miles an hour, I've never heard a bitch complain yet." Which I always thought was pretty funny.

[–]NoFap_FV12 points13 points  (1 child) | Copy

Bigger than all the ladies' combined here

She brings her trans friend

[–]RedDeathClock0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

What, a fucking mutant? Call Disney!

[–] points points | Copy

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[–]TheStoicCrane4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

"Do you have a girlfriend?"

Me: "Too many to count."

-Though this might not be a classical shit test but a question like this can be used as an opportunity to display value and confidence.

[–]Endorsed Contributoritiswr1tten16 points17 points  (27 children) | Copy

Finally some fun. I don't do one liners like most, but my shit works really well in my frame. If you make the impression of being significantly more intelligent than others you can use my techniques. Otherwise stick to your Twitter length comebacks until your game catches up, boys.

"Are you a player?"

Yes, I'm a level 96 Warlock in dungeons and dragons and it's really important to me.

"I mean it!!!"

The question you're trying to ask is, "do I have options", and verbalizing the answer isn't required. You have 100% of my attention when I'm with you. [change subject to something inane]

Why this works: provides comfort after first taking her down several pegs. The mini emotional Rollercoaster of being dickish but then immediately validating her breaks her guard.

"what are you looking for?"

You, maybe. I'm not sure about that yet.

"I'm only looking for men interested in serious relationships, so please don't waste my time."

In that case, I can tell you that relationships are easy for me, but finding the girl is the hard part. We're currently in the hard part of that process.

Why this works: makes it clear you find the current line of conversion irritating, while also demonstrating every girl has asked you this and you know the answer. Indirect proof of abundance

"you must get lots of girls"

[NOTE: this is very different than are you a player]

I'll just give you an actual real life response for this one

Why this works: the thing she's trying to determine here is why you picked her. It's different than "are you a player" because it's an IOI and the player question is not. If you AA or AM this you fail, because she's already demonstrated interest. To AA or AM it proves to her you don't get her subcommunication. Just tell her the truth and she'll start to qualify herself to you

To my dear readers, hit me with anything and I'll respond to it. More amusing than trying to remember more

[–]ArchetypicalDegen15 points16 points  (1 child) | Copy

These are pretty cringey responses. They come across as too angry, and flying into a rant as a response to a question just looks insecure.

[–]Endorsed Contributoritiswr1tten-5 points-4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Text doesn't include the non verbal communication that eludes most. If you think I'm being even vaguely aggressive here that's on you. I have a rule of thumb that anyone who uses the word cringe is a faggot anyway.

Indifference is a sales technique where applied properly

[–]thoughtlow3 points4 points  (6 children) | Copy

Thank you for your content. Can you do some shittests for LTRs, like:"you are getting too big" ect

Not in one right now but I think we can all learn from your examples.

[–]Endorsed Contributoritiswr1tten4 points5 points  (5 children) | Copy

Sure just throw me whatever.

What you're describing is a "comfort test" which is a MRP (marriedredpill) term. If you want an LTR you can't just be All Dread All The Time. You'll kill the relationship and that's a mistake many rookie TRP babies make, using the tools literally and using them like a blunt object by which to smash the girl.

"you're getting too big" "why are you at the gym / out all the time" and those derivatives are all actually the same question - "why are you visibly improving yourself? I am worried there is an ulterior motive that doesn't involve ME".

So what do you do? You can't go bitch mode and say oh no honey I don't / won't blah blah. That's called DEERing. Defending excusing explaining rationalizing. Don't do it when faced with comfort tests.

Instead, tell her how it aligns with your goals (you have them, don't you?). "Babe, I'm lifting to see how far across the room I can throw you onto the bed." this mixed in a little Amused Mastery, but you get the point. Use that blend when it's not a serious test.

If it's a serious comfort test (genuine jealousy, which is different from envy btw), you'll need to throw a little shade of beta in. "I want to be the fun dad who can keep up with my kids when I'm 40, not the guy on the park bench." if that's actually congruent with yourself and your mission, you'll pass with flying colors

The most important lesson is the tests never end in an LTR or marriage. You either get comfy swatting them off and mentally frame them as amusing, or you decide she's not worth it anymore. No one is alpha enough to change that

[–]thoughtlow1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thank you. Really insightful comment again. I really like your writing style. I will read the post about deer and dare another time.

[–]Shankar_0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I love your writing style too and I think it resonates with me. Thanks bro

[–]Trenned_out0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I completely agree but also find it odd that girls actually ask this shit, in regard to the gym. Maybe it's because the only LTR's I've had I was already clearly a gym rat. So if I upped the dose or bulked etc.... It was just "omg babe you look even bigger than usual" guess my thing may be situation dependent. But I would personally not be into a woman for a relatioship if she ever questioned why I was a the gym in a way implicitly reasoning that's a negative. '

For me that is a solid next.

[–]Endorsed Contributoritiswr1tten0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Get ready to next a Lotta vagina

[–]ShotgunTRP0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

There’s a lot of confusion with what is a comfort test so I don’t blame you for fucking this up

Clear examples of a comfort test

“Do you love me”?

“What do you think about me”?

“Am I just a sex toy to you”?

“Why don’t you do [x] anymore”?

“Stacie’s boyfriend buys her flowers all the time”

“You are always checking out other women”

“Stop going for cigarettes after sex I need cuddles”

This example of “you’re getting a bit chunks” is a clear Shittest

The difference is how begging the seemingly required beta response is. The wider your smv gap the more the comfort tests will come pouring in.

Edit: I miss understood bigger as fat and not ripped

[–]U_Lika_Da_Tomato12 points13 points  (3 children) | Copy

All of this comes across as extremely pretentious.

[–]untonyto1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

It's all about the delivery. Wit. If you doubt your material it will show up as jitters.

[–]Endorsed Contributoritiswr1tten2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Yes. I am. But I own it and it works for me. Might not be the case for you

[–]NeverLace2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Your response to # 2 is good/funny. will definitely use those.

[–] points points | Copy

[permanently deleted]

[–]Endorsed Contributoritiswr1tten1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

It's a ridiculous assertion so it deserves a ridiculous answer. When you agreed with her you bought into her frame, which is an auto-fail in her eyes.

"Well you saw right through me, I'm the janitor at Phi Alpha Gamma" - this is different than straight up agreeing because it is obviously untrue, and meant to poke fun at her statement.


"I have a genetic condition that renders my tastebuds useless" - you can turn this into a cunnilingus joke after btw


"OK sommelier de bière, what do the enlightened drink?" - needs to be said not in a mocking tone but in a playful one. an even better version would be to exchange "what do the..." with "éduquer ce plébien" or [something in a language she clearly won't understand]".

[–]Trenned_out0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Oh so (insert her drink here) is only for pretentious douches?

Or AA, yea just came from my box down the street...

Yea of course I'm clearly the biggest frat boy ever... (depends on your look, can make sense if you are clearly not a frat boy)

[–]Shankar_0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

What's a good response to "you've got to earn it first" when asking for nudes/escalating physically?

[–]Endorsed Contributoritiswr1tten2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

In person played different than text, but the thing she's trying to tell you is "almost there" with that statement. So relax the pressure temporarily before pushing again, harder.

If she is genuinely attracted, you're good. If she isn't, you get a rejection, which is also good because now you can move on to better prospects.

I personally never solicit nudes but will send something sexy of myself (in a suit, not a towel) and ask them what they think the girly equivalent of the intent of my picture is or whatever. This often is reciprocated by bare skin to some extent

[–]Vikingcel0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

The take away here is that if you're attractive you can get away with cringy shit and they'll eat it up anyway.

[–]Endorsed Contributoritiswr1tten2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

You inspired a reply because I like trying to rescue incels and you're already in the gym

You likely have very low non verbal communication skills which is why you misinterpret the tone of everything I write here. Because your frame of reference is you trying to say it - same barrier to guys who can't read field reports without calling them all fake.

So low non verbal skills can make the right words come out wrong. The point of a shit test thread is the guy should be having fun. If you're having fun talking to her, you can say just about anything that's not capitulation to the test. That's it.

But without practice and willingness to fail productively there is no hope.

Ps only faggots use the word cringe

[–]Vikingcel1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

The point of a shit test thread is the guy should be having fun. If you're having fun talking to her, you can say just about anything that's not capitulation to the test. That's it.

So I was pretty much right. You could've said "beep boop nigger faggot" and if she was into you she'd gobble up whatever you say like it's your dick.

Ps cringe

[–]Endorsed Contributoritiswr1tten0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

This reads like you're drunk. There's a way forward from where you're at but you have to change your attitude

Good luck out there.

[–]Vikingcel0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Why does this read like a bail out?

[–]SalesOverEverything-2 points-1 points  (2 children) | Copy

Great responses. Those who don’t like it are retarded.

How long will you keep a response going like the dungeons and dragon one? Does it become a motif during the night?

[–]NeedingAdvice862 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Be wary of using such responses because for many truly hot girls, even mentioning something as nerdy as fucking dungeons and dragons is an instant disqualifier unless you look like Kellan Lutz.

This type works well at Com-con or Rad-con events, not so much at the tailgating party on a Saturday afternoon.

[–]Endorsed Contributoritiswr1tten0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

The good thing about saying ridiculous shit is when it lands it turns into a comedy bit. Ever notice how good standup usually has one or two killer bits that reoccur throughout the set? Same thing here. It's basically your inside joke

[–]meowsero1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Most times I get the "I am seeing someone" instead of "I have a boyfriend". Any good repsonces to that different?

[–]SlurpTime10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy

I would look around and say, "...I don't see anyone." Obviously make it clear you're joking and not autistic.

[–]AnimaCorpusLucra1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Let me try

  1. Cool switch subject
  2. You deserve it? "answer" "humm nahh" change subject
  3. And boys too
  4. You mean today? 0 it's 6 pm
  5. Sure but I don't guaranteed i won't drink it. Then drink it and switch target. She's gonna ask you for her drink and the game is back in your favor
  6. Same> change subject - still bring her home and fuck her
  7. She's a cunt leave her. If she was saying it playfully agree and amplify
  8. Yeah I'm hurt - 20 point you gotta catch up now

Never ever take anything seriously it's a game and in general you gotta like it even when she gives you a challenge, see it this way and shit test pass themselves without thinking. Always reply with a cock and playful/funny attitude to a shit test

I mean cocky.. Cocky

[–]haroldpeters1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I have a boyfriend

" Sorry I don't do threesomes with other guys"

[–]classicverdant1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

GF always says "You never compliment me" or something to that effect every time I pick her up, even after the occasional times I do say something nice. What's an appropriate response that would maintain my frame?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I bet you say that to all the girls

I bet you say that to all the boys.

[–]Starcruiser280 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Buy me a drink

I bet you say that to all the boys.

[–]tekkato1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

I have a kind of FR regarding "Buy me a drink". In a bar a young woman approaches, flirt with me and asks me to buy her a drink. She had an awesome ass, those that only seem to be on instagram.

The most beta friend I have was in the bathroom at that time. I said this to her: "Now a tall, blond man is going to come out of the bathroom. Game him like you just tried to game me, he's going to buy you the drink Once you have the drink, come with me" It worked very well, I got a free drink and a good ass effortlessly

[–]MisterDSTP0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

You did NOT fuck her. And why'd you do that to your boy?

[–]tekkato0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

No that same night, but two weak later. I did that to him, because he is really anoying. Since when this forum is about morals ?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

My style is a combination of serious and witty, with occasional bouts of extreme playfulness. I like to get women to take me seriously, while also thinking of me as fun. I like to push and pull and try to get them to get the playful side out of me after seeing hints of it. Responses obviously depend on several factors, but a few of my favorites:

I have a boyfriend

  • "Whoa, not so fast! You're talking about boyfriends and haven't even bought me a drink yet. Whiskey, neat." Then smile and test the waters.
  • "A shame to single men everywhere, I'm sure." Then smile and change the subject.

Buy me a drink

  • "Only if you can best me at a game. I have never lost." Then I use the Neil Strauss 5 Questions Game to get them to buy me a drink.
    • This is my favorite thing. I use this to make new people at work buy me coffee as well. It really helps with breaking the ice. Please don't fuck it up or overuse it and ruin it for the rest of us...
  • "Buy me two first and I'll consider it *amused smirk*." (AA)
  • On this thread, virusofthemind said, "Why, are you unemployed?" This is gold, and I can't wait to try this.

I bet you say that to all the girls

  • "Only when I'm trying to get free drinks." Then smile.
  • "And their mothers. I am a gentleman."

How many girls have you slept with?

  • "None since we started this conversation."
  • "Today?"
  • "Why, are you a player?" (Turn that shit around on her before she can grill you - if you do this, you'd better have solid frame and response ready for if she turns it around on you. If she does, you can pass two shit tests at once.)

Will you watch my drink while I dance / bathroom / etc?

  • Drink it all in front of them. If it is a girly drink or you don't like it tell them so playfully, then tell them you'll be elsewhere when they are done. Then walk away and talk to other people. Others on this thread have said this, and I have actually only ever done this. I feel it is the only proper response.

I'm not having sex with you.

  • Jokingly: "Not until we are married."
  • "You have a dirty mind..." then change the subject, or go for a playful kiss then de-escalate for buildup if you can manage it.
  • "That's what they all say before seducing me..."
  • Just ignore and change the subject - preferably to something that makes them laugh.

You're too short/ugly/fat/etc

  • Short (I am 5'9", so not that short but I have got this before): "And you are about 6 inches too short for me. Sorry, I only like women who can pick me up and carry me to the bedroom. If you buy me a drink I might be able to see past this."
  • Fat: "And you are way too skinny for me, you should eat something. Buy us dinner?"
  • Ugly: "And awesome. Blind women love me, though." Then a smile.
  • "Come on, you can do better." then smile and laugh dismissively.
  • Anything else: Agree and amplify, or remain silent and make eye contact with a raised eyebrow and an unimpressed look that turns into a smile. Disarm her bullshit and get her to laugh.

Aww, did I upset you?

  • I have honestly never got this one before, so maybe something like: "The only thing that has ever upset me was the ending to <insert name of TV show or movie here, e.g. Bambi, Titanic, How I Met Your Mother, etc.>." Then sarcastically pretend to be sad, before recovering with a playful smile and wink. You could also use this to change the subject of the conversation, which you should be doing often, anyway.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

BONUSES (some from other threads):

What do you do for work?

  • "I'm afraid that information is classified. I am going to need to see your security clearance." Hold with a straight face for a few seconds, then smile and escalate with a laugh or "You could also buy me a drink." Then change the subject.
  • "I am a Russian spy, but not a very good one." Then change the subject.

Bring my my shoes!

  • Walk over to her shoes, then playfully throw them as far away from her (and each other) as possible.
  • Bring her just one. Maybe hide the other one so she can't find it, then show her where it is and laugh at her playfully.
  • "No hablo Ingles!" Then ignore her or change the subject.

Are you a player?

  • "Yes, I play Basketball for the Los Angeles Lakers. Lebron James at your service." Then extend your hand out for a handshake, then change the subject.
  • Jokingly, but with obviously fake pride: "Only if you count Dungeons and Dragons!"

Who are you?

  • "The answer to your prayers..."
    • If you speak Spanish well or want to add mystery say it seductively: "La respuesta de tus oraciones..." When she asks what that means, tell her, laugh, then change the subject.
  • (Same as above) "I'm afraid that information is classified. I am going to need to see your security clearance." Hold with a straight face for a few seconds, then smile and escalate with a laugh or "You could also buy me a drink."
  • "Do you seriously not know who I am? GOD that is SUCH a relief. Buy me a drink?"

I am not that easy!

  • "I am."
  • "Well, it's no fun if it isn't at least a little challenging."
  • (Advanced) Jokingly: "Neither am I. In fact, I am VERY high maintenance." This works even better if you can imitate something she knows she does. For instance, if she checks her phone a lot and you've called her out on it (in a funny way, of course), imitate her by checking your phone and maybe looking at your nails. Then smile and say something like: "That's you." You will have changed the subject and playfully negged her simultaneously.

Do you have a girlfriend?

  • "No, but I know several women who would be very upset if they heard me say that." That response is modified from a joke by Mitch Hedberg.
  • "Wait, do YOU? ...Because that would be hot." Then laugh and change the subject.

Let's just be friends.

  • If you think you can salvage it, smile and say: "Great, let's negotiate benefits. Article I, section 1..." Then laugh, change the subject, and try to re-escalate.
  • In most contents if you arrived at this point it is hard to get out of this, or you would waste too much time and effort trying to do so. Just find someone else, but be flirty and nice and every time you see them so they don't think their rejection stopped or phased you. You may still be able to get social proof out of this.

(from other thread) ”Josh asked me to hang out with him at the beach and offered me free gym lessons."

  • With fake excitement that shows you obviously don't take it seriously: "Yay! Do I get free lessons, too?!" Then change the subject.
  • Chuckle then ignore.

You are disgusting

  • "You have no idea..." with a playful smirk.
  • "And you love me for it."

[–]1Self-honest2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

During sex with a new girl, "Oh you're a talker...? I'm not a talker."

[–] points points | Copy

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[–]1Self-honest1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I like the last one. I went with a chuckle then saying everything I wanted to say while she dug her fingernails into my arm. Haha.

[–] points points | Copy

[permanently deleted]

[–]1Sir_Distic3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

"All of them have been women."

[–]National_Capitalist0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

A lot of times I get"I'm too busy" or "I don't have time"? Does anyone have a response to those?

[–]hopelesshotel1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

personally i wouldn’t do an AA here cause it may not change the outcome if she really is busy. just say it’s cool we can hang out another time

[–]Tom_Bryantkobe_Brady0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

The best response I have ever witnessed to the buy me a drink one:

" hmm.. maybe, only if your going to sleep with me?"

"WHAT?? your such a pig why would you ask that, you think you deserve that just for a drink"

"well...are you a hooker or a beggar? you want me to pay for this drink for what, I thought you were capable of getting your own, so which is it darling, hooker or beggar?"

she storms off and gets angry, literally comes back 5 minutes later "oh you again, what would you like from me this time hun?"

"you're just..sooo interesting I just want to hangout"


[–]classicverdant4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

hmm.. maybe, only if your going to sleep with me?"

While it's good to put the idea of sex out there, it still implies buying her something just to have her sleep with you. I would avoid such phrasing.

[–]Fulp_Piction0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Copied rps's comment cause formatting.

I'll start with some of my favorite answers:

For those new to shit tests, the goal is to agree and amplify.

I have a boyfriend

"Cool, can I meet him"

Buy me a drink

"Buy me two drinks"

I bet you say that to all the girls

"Only the nice ones"

How many girls have you slept with?

"No idea wby" - fast, pressure flip

Will you watch my drink while I dance / bathroom / etc?

As rps said, have it half drunk by the time she returns, but be talking to another girl.

I'm not having sex with you.

"Ok" - this isn't a shit test, it's a rationalisation that you can fail if you take it seriously.

You're too short/ugly/fat/etc

"God had to make it fair somehow"

Aww, did I upset you?

You can't take this seriously ever - A&A, laughing, something like "Yeah, can't you see I'm in hysterics here"

Bonus Shit Test:

What do you do for work?

Say the first thing that pops into your head

"I hoover the farts out of spacesuits"

"I own a glow-in-the-dark-hedgehog farm"

"I'm the booty inspector"

[–]memphisjohn0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

How many girls have you slept with?

"sleeping... we aren't going to do much sleeping" - delivered with a devilish grin

[–]ZigzagLumen0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I have a query as the topic of shit tests has come up:

When giving a response (agree & amplify particularly), should the tone err on the side of sarcasm, or be more a genuine insinuation?

[–]willynewport0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

"You look a lot like a guy I know" asks friend to confirm

This "guy" was her

[–]1Sir_Distic0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

My personal favorites to the "I have a boyfriend" shit test are : 1. That's ok. He can watch. 2. I don't want his number, I want yours.

Both have gotten me shocked laughs every time. After the second rejection I simply say "ok" and move on.

"Buy me a drink" 'Why would I do that?' "To be nice." 'Why don't you give me a blowjob? You know to be nice?"

[–]UpperRedSide[🍰] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

What about:

"Let's go out together!"


[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

chick claims to be a virgin while flirting. Could be true, but honestly seems like a lie, and I have no idea why she said it

[–]jonpe87-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

"I have a boyfriend" not to fast

"Buy me a drink" water here is free

"I bet you say that to all the girls" yes

"How many girls have you slept with?" I dont know

"Will you watch my drink while I dance / bathroom / etc?" Your drink? while drinking it

"I'm not having sex with you." Already?

"You're too short/ugly/fat/etc" and hot

"Aww, did I upset you?" what?

[–]novalentineforyou-2 points-1 points  (1 child) | Copy

If she tells you that she has a boyfriend, (just a suggestion) she is probably not worth the time and mental energy. I'd next her and go pursue other women.

[–]2virusofthemind1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

IHAB is the most common autopilot response you will ever hear. If you next her you're doing yourself no favours. Just barrel through as if it was never said.

[–]dogenes09-4 points-3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Patting the seat next to her.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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