Summary: Getting to know the addict
I had been playing Xbox since I woke up 15 hours ago. Two empty Dominos pizza boxes sat open on my desk just staring.
Right now it's 5 a.m.
Matchmaking is getting slow and my coffee thermos is empty; must be time for bed. I say goodnight to my fellow gamers and turn off the Xbox. The thought of brushing my teeth doesn't enter what's left of my consciousness. Without walking, I move from my chair to the bed.
Two missed calls and a text from my girlfriend.
The only source of light is the brightly lit screen of my laptop. As I type in "p," the text "pornhub.com" automatically appears in the URL of my browser. I'm excited before I even press "enter."
After finishing up, I close my eyes as YouTube lulls me to sleep.
A voice inside mumbles, "I hate myself..."
"If I hate myself, who is the I, and who is myself?"
Tomorrow will be the same.
Pleasure is what happens when your brain receives a signal that an activity is rewarding. The sender of that signal is a neurotransmitter called dopamine.
Almost everything we do releases dopamine. Some things release a lot of dopamine.
For instance, sex with the girl you've been with for 3 years releases dopamine. Surfing a porn website and jerking off to any number of your favorite fantasy scenarios releases a lot of dopamine.
Playing golf releases dopamine. Playing Rainbow Six Siege with your squad against teams that you're slightly better than releases a lot of dopamine.
Eating a strawberry or cucumber releases dopamine. Eating a pepperoni and mushroom pizza releases a lot of dopamine.
It might seem hard to believe that a cucumber releases dopamine, but it does.
The problem we have is we develop a tolerance to these dopamine spikes. Our brains come to expect that any activity less stimulating than a dopamine spiking one isn't worthy of our motivation to do so.
Thus, activities which were once pleasurable to us become chores we can't bear the thought of.
This is essentially what depression is.
When I'm depressed or simply stressed over a long period of time I become driven to do things like eat junk food, watch porn, and play video games. This is because these are some of the activities that release enough dopamine to motivate a depressed mind.
These are also things I did often as a kid, when my brain was the most malleable it will ever be. I developed certain connections in a my brain that will probably never go away.
For this reason, if you've ever known someone who had a drug problem early on in life, you know they will always be an addict. The connection is too strong for your brain to unlearn it.
The next day started just the same. I browsed Reddit in bed before I finally found enough gusto to get up and make coffee.
But then something happened.
As we played Xbox that night, we started to get matched up with pro teams. It was exciting-- until we started losing...and losing, and losing. It wasn't a pleasurable experience anymore.
The flow of dopamine stopped abruptly. I took that opportunity to return my Xbox to the store. It felt liberating--just like it did the other times.
The first time it was Wal-Mart, then Best Buy, you get the picture.
My pre-frontal cortex, or the consciously thinking part of the brain, did not want to buy Xboxes and play the shit out of them all day. As soon as its slave driver looked away, the real I started running and never looked back.
When you're under the influence of your addictions, you are like a slave having to watch his world crumble around him.
Last month my brother in law relapsed on heroin. He was 13 when his brain learned how rewarding it was.
He had a brand new home with my sister, a new car, and so many bills he was constantly under the stress of. For the first time in 9 years, he went to some dealer-- not Wal-Mart or Best Buy, but probably some hood dude in Detroit, and he became a slave.
He lost his family, job, and home.
He didn't want to lose any of those things. He was genuinely a good person.
My mission in life now is to treat my brain only to simple, natural pleasures. It's learning to appreciate things like cucumbers more every day.
A big part of my mission is staying mentally healthy in order to avoid depression and long term stress which would likely result in relapse.
Things that used to seem unimaginably painful are becoming small obstacles.
"The day the body becomes dominated by pleasure is the day it will also be dominated by pain" - Seneca
Lessons learned:
Almost anything unnaturally pleasurable can become addictive
The stronger your addiction's influence on you, the more you are a slave.
Stay mentally healthy to avoid being influenced by your addictions
[–]newliferestart156 points157 points158 points (29 children) | Copy
[–][deleted] 47 points47 points47 points | Copy
[–]Ceadda_punorcok0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]1PrinceofSpades23 points24 points25 points (0 children) | Copy
[–][deleted] 36 points37 points38 points (13 children) | Copy
[–]Yankee_Fever33 points34 points35 points (11 children) | Copy
[–]thisishowiwrite21 points22 points23 points (5 children) | Copy
[–]1PrinceofSpades11 points12 points13 points (4 children) | Copy
[–]thisishowiwrite1 point2 points3 points (3 children) | Copy
[–]1PrinceofSpades6 points7 points8 points (2 children) | Copy
[–]thisishowiwrite2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy
[–]1PrinceofSpades0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy
[–][deleted] 4 points5 points6 points (4 children) | Copy
[–]Yankee_Fever0 points1 point2 points (3 children) | Copy
[–]aznredpill0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy
[–]Yankee_Fever0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy
[–]Pastelitomaracucho2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]piquete912 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]poochman0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy
[+]GoodButGettingBettercomment score below threshold-6 points-5 points-4 points (6 children) | Copy
[–]antifragileman39 points40 points41 points (5 children) | Copy
[–]GoodButGettingBetter1 point2 points3 points (4 children) | Copy
[–]Ou-tis2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]newliferestart0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy
[–]GoodButGettingBetter1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]tekn0_0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy
[–][deleted] 46 points47 points48 points (5 children) | Copy
[–]elevul6 points7 points8 points (4 children) | Copy
[–]mheim 1 points1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy
[–]elevul2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]bowie74729 points30 points31 points (12 children) | Copy
[–]newgrounds5 points6 points7 points (10 children) | Copy
[–]xavine5 points6 points7 points (5 children) | Copy
[–]newgrounds1 point2 points3 points (4 children) | Copy
[–]xavine0 points1 point2 points (3 children) | Copy
[–]PillyQ1 point2 points3 points (2 children) | Copy
[–]xavine1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy
[–]PillyQ2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]frys1800 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy
[–]happy_fart0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy
[–]Collector7970 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]elevul0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]ioncehadsexinapool0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]plusninety29 points30 points31 points (31 children) | Copy
[–]Dronitto5 points6 points7 points (30 children) | Copy
[–]scattershot617 points18 points19 points (9 children) | Copy
[–]Exoski 4 points4 points4 points [recovered] | Copy
[–]lugubriusTRP0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy
[–]Dronitto8 points9 points10 points (3 children) | Copy
[–][deleted] -4 points-3 points-2 points (2 children) | Copy
[–]Dronitto10 points11 points12 points (1 child) | Copy
[–]smfc3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]smfc0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]Libertarian-Party14 points15 points16 points (8 children) | Copy
[–]mascalu7 points8 points9 points (0 children) | Copy
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]ioncehadsexinapool0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy
[–]mananlak0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy
[–]ioncehadsexinapool1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]jasonmiles20140 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]Dronitto0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]plusninety0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (6 children) | Copy
[–]Dronitto1 point2 points3 points (5 children) | Copy
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (4 children) | Copy
[–]Dronitto2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]llDarkShine 1 points1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy
[–][deleted] -1 points0 points1 point (2 children) | Copy
[–]ModeratorPaperStreetVilla3 points4 points5 points (1 child) | Copy
[–]Diarrhea_Van_Frank0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]Reastruth18 points19 points20 points (0 children) | Copy
[–][deleted] 15 points16 points17 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]1wanderer197610 points11 points12 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]ModeratorPaperStreetVilla9 points10 points11 points (1 child) | Copy
[–]RedditAdminsSuck_8814 points15 points16 points (1 child) | Copy
[–]ReTToC1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy
[–][deleted] 16 points17 points18 points (2 children) | Copy
[–]elevul1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy
[–]bebestman0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]elevul4 points5 points6 points (2 children) | Copy
[–]CMDR_MBISON2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy
[–]dracolius4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]revtheracecar3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]focusedmofo2 points3 points4 points (2 children) | Copy
[–]UndecidedThrownaway0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy
[–]focusedmofo1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]SubliminalPepper2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]DAEHateRatheism2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]play_time_is_over2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy
[–]JackGetsIt0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]idgotapsaff 2 points2 points2 points [recovered] | Copy
[–]hipfash31 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]slutzombie1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]Xemnas811 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]vegamenian1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]2legion3273 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy
[–][deleted] 3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]trptwerp0 points1 point2 points (4 children) | Copy
[–]Strike48 5 points5 points5 points [recovered] | Copy
[–]ioncehadsexinapool0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]Dronitto5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]sickofbeingaffraid1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]Kryonixc0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]trpbox0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]LexisNexiss0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]Psychoptic0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]Destroyer87690 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy
[–]mananlak0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]maranble140 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]Care_Asthma0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]verify_account0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]DarkRedTwist0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]RedPillSpookyGhost0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]RPFlame0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]Firespit0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]BenOfMahogany0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy
[–]aznredpill0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]BigGreekMike0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]TheElite37400 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]Endorsed Contributorex_addict_bro0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]pray_4_love-1 points0 points1 point (15 children) | Copy
[–]abdada10 points11 points12 points (13 children) | Copy
[–]pray_4_love2 points3 points4 points (11 children) | Copy
[–]abdada6 points7 points8 points (9 children) | Copy
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points (6 children) | Copy
[–]abdada0 points1 point2 points (5 children) | Copy
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points (4 children) | Copy
[–]abdada2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]pray_4_love0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]1StoicCrane2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]1StoicCrane1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]Moneyshot427-1 points0 points1 point (9 children) | Copy
[–][deleted] 3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]1StoicCrane5 points6 points7 points (6 children) | Copy
[–]AceofRains1 point2 points3 points (3 children) | Copy
[–]1StoicCrane1 point2 points3 points (2 children) | Copy
[–]AceofRains0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy
[–]1StoicCrane0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]Polaris3820 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy
[–]1StoicCrane1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]Inoffesnive_Username1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy
[–][deleted] -1 points0 points1 point (0 children) | Copy
[+]Iwillbebacknonstopcomment score below threshold-19 points-18 points-17 points (10 children) | Copy
[–]HappyScribe5 points6 points7 points (1 child) | Copy
[–]Iwillbebacknonstop-5 points-4 points-3 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]1StoicCrane2 points3 points4 points (6 children) | Copy
[–]Iwillbebacknonstop-3 points-2 points-1 points (5 children) | Copy
[–]1StoicCrane1 point2 points3 points (4 children) | Copy
[–]Iwillbebacknonstop-3 points-2 points-1 points (3 children) | Copy
[–]1StoicCrane0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy
[–]Iwillbebacknonstop-1 points0 points1 point (1 child) | Copy
[–][deleted] -10 points-10 points-10 points | Copy