OLD low effort date guy update, he unmatched

wanderluster369 · 2020-05-26T14:39:50+00:00

Congrats you weeded him out seems like he has a fragile ego anyways

maraslove · 2020-05-26T14:30:40+00:00

I’ve taught myself to automatically unmatch anyone who brings up low effort “dates”. Also, when you start to feel those butterflies, it’s best to try to calm them down by talking to other people or keeping yourself busy (watch a movie or new show, paint, cook something new) because every time I felt something for someone on OLD, I learned why I shouldn’t have lol. I don’t think you were bitchy at all, just don’t give chances next time.

Milobear27 · 2020-05-26T23:23:38+00:00

Once I told a guy I didn’t do coffee dates. And he said something sarcastic like what do you want to do skydive for a first date? I wanted to say if you think that’s an appropriate first date.. But I just unmatched. I don’t agree with asking them to “correct” their first low effort offer. I’ve literally had offers to immediately meet for dinner, etc. If they are seriously interested, they’ll come correct and trip over themselves to get your attention.

Edit to say I don’t think you are desperate. OLD is a whole different ballgame. Cut yourself some slack, now you know, and you’ll continue to gain experience and you’ll make whole new mistakes, because men will continue to disappoint you in their own different unique ways. Just be ready to drop them.

tellmesomething11 · 2020-05-26T14:28:03+00:00

I think you were fine. You handled yourself well. He’s not a good choice. I would never meet up with a man to go for a walk. No. The only thing that’s concerning is that you seemed to catch feelings a bit quickly. You have to be able to shake dudes off....I don’t need multiple men to date because I’m always somewhat detached anyway. I’m fine alone. You did good, he’s lame.

rosa_sally · 2020-05-26T22:47:29+00:00

If a date costs a man little to no money, it means he’s not invested and is trying to see as many women as possible for free.

I guarantee if you’d gone on that walk, within the hour he would have said something like ‘hey the walk is nice and all but it would be way better getting to know you somewhere more comfortable. We could go back to mine and watch a film.’

You’re too much effort for him. He can’t even be bothered to take you for a nice meal. It’s a lucky escape !

curlygirl507 · 2020-05-26T21:52:20+00:00

You sound pretty inexperienced. This is very common, and you did a great job. Don't expect anything different from the next one.

Most men on dating apps are looking for free sex that they have to put as little money into as possible. Some will take you out on the first date, doesn't mean they really want a girlfriend even if they say they do. They are cunning and very highly skilled in the art of manipulation.

Men are looking to get things from other people. That's how they operate. I want sex, how can I get it? I want money, who can I get it from? I want free food and massages and cuddles all night, who will give that to me? And they've socialized women over many centuries to accommodate all these wants.

Honestly, if you have any self-respect, it's better to just stay away completely. I got really tired of wasting my time on men. Now I do my own thing and my life is so much more peaceful.

warinmymind94 · 2020-05-26T21:37:21+00:00

When I first started reading this sub and still had OLD apps (I lurked before joining FDS) a guy asked me out almost instantly. He was like what are your hobbies? "Hiking" was one of the things I mentioned and the thought hed ask me out on a "date" 3 hours of a drive out of state hiking at a waterfall with a nearby restaurant that he wouldn't give me the name of or tell me anything about. I told him that I do not go on hikes or walks with guys for my safety and that I dont consider it a date period. He said he understood but then tried to guilt trip me by asking me why I mentioned hikes and I was dumb still entertaining this clown saying that it's because I only go with my friends. I said I'm here to date. He then went on to tell me about these really far away hiking spots saying well check these out we could go to one of these. At that point i blocked him since i was already clear that i dint do hikes with guys. Heres what we need to all learn: if they dont suggest an actual date (ie hey do you like italian food? Maybe we can get dinner at name of restaurant saturday?) Then dont bother. It's their job to plan the date especially a first date where they should be sweating trying to make a good 1st impression

Jinxhourglass · 2020-05-26T16:22:43+00:00

Even if you did everything right he sounds broke. “Let’s walk around and look at these homes I’ll never be able to afford together.”

chelseachain · 2020-05-26T21:33:59+00:00

The trash took itself out

VikingPug · 2020-05-26T17:40:33+00:00

Well you learned something didn’t ya?

I’ll be blunt, no butterflies for someone you don’t know. You’re also over analyzing your actions too much. I think you have more personal work to do before you date. You are being very defensive in your comments rather than appreciative for the advice. You did come here for advice, right?

popfriday · 2020-05-26T18:40:25+00:00

I’d take him unmatching me as a compliment lmao what’s the problem here??

throw248348 · 2020-05-27T01:46:46+00:00

You didn't do anything wrong

He decided to show how low his effort is at the first chance he could.

If he's like that during the messaging stage, imagine what he'd be like to date.

If you'd have ended up dating him he would consistently disappoint you and you'd be fighting for more effort all the time

Let him disappoint the next girl

heytheredelilah00 · 2020-05-26T19:54:32+00:00

Nah you didn’t sound or come across as bitchy! A “walk around and look at estates” activity is NOT a date lol. He couldn’t even say “Yeah sure I’d love to take out to a nice restaurant once quarantine is over.” and it sounds like he was just looking for a one night stand type of thing.

gitepor · 2020-05-26T14:22:39+00:00

OP you came across way too desperately and this guy didn't think you were worth an actual date.

You didn't know this man, you had never met him, why were you giving him so many chances? I think you need to read the FDS handbook on how to handle yourself OLD. You should always be talking to multiple people and not get so worked up on one guy like this.

redfarmmmmm · 2020-05-27T06:07:54+00:00

Same thing happened to me recently around April ? I hope he gets infected with covid19. Its crazy to suggest walk date.

What i started doing is, i agree to meet and ghost on them.

pinkyberries · 2020-05-26T15:08:01+00:00

I feel like you should be slightly more "playful" to make the guy feel ashamed for suggesting that so he can never shift the blame on you in his mind though this one is a LVM or a greedy/paranoid NVM.

Should've said "Oh? just like in middle/high school?😜" or "I thought we already graduated high school😜" if he says yes then he has 0 shame, unmatch. Any normal guy would've understood it and changed his date idea.

Sreshme · 2020-05-26T23:06:27+00:00

I was reading all comments and OP replies. OP, if you are reading this- You were desperate. Please stop trying to justify yourself and defending yourself. If you stopped that and looked at yourself from FDS eyes as a third person, you would understand why everyone is saying that you were desperate. If you still defend , sorry to say you are pickmeisha who isn’t willing to agree that you are.

bigbootyonface · 2020-05-26T15:11:18+00:00

I don’t think a walk is a bad, low effort date at all honestly. It gives the two a chance to actually talk and get to know each other a lot more than a dinner in my opinion. Walking while talking also makes people more comfortable and less anxious about going on a first date, so you’ll get to know them even more. A dinner is more nerve racking for me personally, because you have to follow all these protocols. Or getting a smoothie then going on a walk is really nice. The two should also pay for themselves as to not set a standard that the guy must always pay. I think you came off too desperate, wanting a full on dinner date rather than just time with the guy.

divdec · 2020-05-26T19:25:32+00:00

I don’t think you sounded desperate at all. Your replies came off a liiiiittle harsh in my opinion but NOT because of what you said and more because it’s easy to misinterpret your tone over a messages. It seems like he was just a broke dude who took your response as you being bitchy when you were just teasing him a bit. I don’t think anything you could have said would’ve made this loser actually want to take you out on a real date but for next time try to message things that can only be construed as you being warm and positive. Instead of saying “a walk doesn’t seem like a first date” you could say “dinner sounds lovely! I’m free on Tuesday night!” Men can be insecure and sensitive to anything that sounds like criticism.

Gutterchaos · 2020-05-26T23:07:22+00:00

You did well not accepting the walk date. The reality is, these guys who suggest these low effort, cheap ass dates are probably suggesting them to 5 other women. The chances of AT LEAST one of those women going to bed with him is high, and he hasn’t had to spend any money at all.

He didn’t want to spend money on you because other women will give him what he wants for free. He could spend a couple days talking to some other girl with lower standards and not have to take her out for dinner. He wasn’t looking for the same things as you, so you weren’t worth a dinner date to him. And that’s fine, once we realise that, we can cut them off.

Similarly, they will cut YOU off when they realise that your standards are too much effort to reach for the sex that they want.

That’s not to say that every guy will see you as too much effort - guys will come along that see your high standards and ARE looking for a long term girlfriend. These are the men that will offer a high effort date right off the bat to impress you. Keep your standards high for these guys, these are the ones who will chase you and treat you like the HVW you are.

Good job changing your thinking, keep at it and never tolerate sub-standard effort for even a second. You’ll have MANY more guys to cut off before you find a decent one!

kirky500 · 2020-05-27T03:29:01+00:00

You did not do anything wrong. That was a low low effort on his part. Which means he was not very interested. Don't accept that.

OrchidLion · 2020-05-27T09:41:18+00:00

He just showed you he doesnt want someone with standards. He wants a pickme and youre too much effort for him. He wants easy.

PsychologicalBeat2 · 2020-05-26T20:36:23+00:00

Read the handbook please

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