Make sure you're not with him just because you want something to love.

UpbeatIncubator · 2020-04-21T15:39:27+00:00

It's funny. We often hear talk about wanting someone to love us, but I think it's a real thing (especially for women) if we can't give our love.

I sometimes work with kids with special needs and they brighten up my world. I love them. A pet or volunteer work is a great place to park that nurturing impulse. Romantic and sexual love are just a couple of forms of human love; platonic and nurting love should not be forgotten or underestimated.

He's just a nice guy, but not relationship standard for you. That's totally okay.

Glad you've made this discovery, sis. Keep on growing :)

AfraidofFollowers · 2020-04-21T15:38:11+00:00

That resonates with me so much. Thank you :)

throwmeinthetrashho · 2020-04-21T17:18:37+00:00

I needed to read this today. After ending a 5 year relationship a month ago, I’m definitely feeling this way.

estu0 · 2020-04-21T19:28:30+00:00

I adopted an adult corn snake after a bad breakup. I took her home and took her out of her enclosure and let her hang out on my shoulders. She started crawling up my head and trying to burrow herself in my hair, and I realized that this cold-blooded creature who probably only thinks about food offered me more affection than the man that just left me.

sadpourtoujours · 2020-04-21T18:05:43+00:00

Unpopular opinion, but love is probably the worst reason to get into a relationship with a man. Love should be grown into over time (not fallen into) after he has continuously demonstrated value to you consistently over a long period of time. When a man adds something to your life; whether that’s happiness, monetary value, etc. or a combination of factors, that’s when you should agree to a relationship. When it benefits you. Not because you’re chasing some fairytale romance that doesn’t actually exist.

kueenbea · 2020-04-21T15:41:14+00:00

Also pups give unconditional love so you’re probably feeling that from him as well and aren’t needing it from your partner. We love to see it.

DoodleJack · 2020-04-21T19:24:14+00:00

I have a lot of houseplants for this reason. And a cat. And a snake.

I have enough things demanding my time, attention, and love that I feel no need for a partner. If one comes along that I like and is genuinely great and adds to my life, fine, but until then I have enough babysitting to do.

lickyblickyuhh · 2020-04-21T16:25:19+00:00

This is very interesting and a good point. I’m lucky to not be in the same situation but it will be something I keep in mind as part of my strategy

Namtara · 2020-04-21T18:26:10+00:00

Don't get me wrong he's not a bad guy. My pup made me realize that he's just... Okay. He's a medium value man. (Is that a thing?) Not terrible, no horrible red flags, good man, he's just...fine. Doesn't provide, doesn't make my life particularly easier, doesn't give me anything I can't give myself, doesn't make me feel happier than my dog does, etc.

Then he is a low-value male or zero-value male. That is exactly what these labels are for. People who do not add to your life are low-value or zero-value. It doesn't matter if they are nice, if they aren't sexist, if they aren't disgusting or rude or hostile. Honestly, most of the stuff people post here is about negative-value men mislabeled as LVM.

Again: LVM do not add much of anything to your life. They do the bare minimum, if anything at all.

A HVM significantly improves your life. That is who you deserve. Dive into the handbook again. I'm betting it's going to read differently now that you've gotten this new perspective.

mrCNeverSleeping · 2020-04-21T17:31:43+00:00

This post nails it for a lot of us I think.

umbralgarden · 2020-04-21T18:32:57+00:00

You just reminded me to go cuddle my dog. When I used to live with my ex I missed him so much. (He was allergic so my brother watched him) I would just go spend 2-3 days at home and never miss my ex because I got to be with my dog lol.

MomsSpecialFriend · 2020-04-21T18:08:24+00:00

Suggestions for getting your "loving/nurturing" instincts out? I have a dog and a nephew I like to lavish with love, snuggles, gifts but I still feel like I need more!

curlygirl507 · 2020-04-21T22:58:59+00:00

That's why my mom had me... With someone she married seven weeks after meeting at a bar. He was never in my life, and she died when I was five. I don't think I'll ever forgive her.

2020-04-21T16:41:38+00:00

"...doesn't make me happier than my dog does..." LMAOOOOO 😂

dzgata · 2020-04-22T07:00:01+00:00

Oh my god...yeah I need a kitten asap.

watchoutwoman · 2020-04-22T01:46:26+00:00

My ex displayed a strange sort of jealousy whenever I was affectionate towards a dog...now I realize that he knew something I didn't. These days I've often thought that if the right man doesn't find me in the end I would be quite content to be a Doge Lady.

saydeesalt · 2020-04-22T03:27:34+00:00

My dog didn’t budge when I opened the door one day coming home for lunch and I started tearing up thinking he was sick or dead (he was just super tired and used to this routine) anywho, I love him SO much and when guys ask me what I like to do for fun, I honestly tell them “spend time with my dog”. It’s a great way to get your nurturing side out, that and being in the equestrian world if you can afford it.

lival42 · 2020-05-15T17:01:45+00:00

By far this has been a superb piece of advice. I love pouring love into others and a dog is in my future.

VirtualSpacedCadet · 2020-04-21T22:51:58+00:00

I’m feeling that way about the guy I’m with right now. He’s ok. I just feel like I could go so much further without him....

krptonight · 2020-04-22T00:57:36+00:00

Do you ladies think it’s a good idea to get a dog during this time ? Or foster ? I’ve never had a pet before? I’m currently living with my parents in a rural area with a big backyard to ride out the quarantine. I have my own place in the city 🌃but no car and no backyard for the dog after quarantine ends. I’m an attorney so I work 8am to 10pm at the office but since it’s foster hopefully someone will adopt the dog before quarantine ends.

jessicapearson06 · 2020-04-22T08:41:49+00:00

I feel woman naturally have the ability to care and love. That man really should be someone who is worthy of it.

Title	Make sure you're not with him just because you want something to love.
Author	Eltrajeazulito
Upvotes	317
Comments	52
Date	April 21, 2020 3:28 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/g5hagu/make_sure_youre_not_with_him_just_because_you/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/make-sure-youre-not-with-him-just-because-you-want.677891 https://theredarchive.com/post/677891

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