What are you giving man in a fwb Vs a one night stand and in a relationship Vs a fwb ?

the_purring_jew · 2020-06-23T12:31:52+00:00

Framing it as what the man "gets" is weird because it is not about what he gets but what the woman wants and needs. Women make men wait in an attempt to get the man to invest emotionally before sex in the hopes it makes him more likely to stick around after. If she doesnt care if he sticks around after or thinks sex is the only shot she has at getting him shell have sex faster.

ldonnawho · 2020-06-23T11:31:07+00:00

I am not sure why this is hard to understand but:

One night stand gets 30mins of fun. That's it

FWB I would never do so I don't understand.

LTR vs ONS: Simply put, one gets me every night and another for not even a full night. They get intellectual & emotional support, good conversations, love and companionship.

flamingoinghome · 2020-06-23T14:32:30+00:00

I mean, I've only ever had one ONS, and what he "got" was uncomfortable sex with a woman who proceeded to freak out about the whole business.

A FWB gets less adventurous/exotic sex, less/no emotional support, no guarantee or even presumption of sexual exclusivity (a big thing everyone forgets), no claim on my time, but still some sex and affection.

A partner gets everything.

crookedsummer2019 · 2020-06-23T17:13:08+00:00

I was in one FWB arrangement: he got sex on the weekends and I helped update his resume.

One ONS while I was on vacay. He got sex.

Relationship: he gets exclusive sex, commitment, loyalty, cuddles, emotional investment, a nurse when he’s sick, an ear, someone to have his back no matter what, and unlimited blow jobs.

azngirl7689 · 2020-06-23T11:37:57+00:00

ONS: 1 hr max of fun, we don’t talk much or exchange names

FWB: we talk, have sex, maybe get a drink occasionally if it’s appropriate.

Relationship: love, affection, 24/7 hugs and cuddles (I’m a very huggy person), little favors, I remember what food you like and buy it for you etc etc.

relish5k · 2020-06-23T15:04:23+00:00

After reading through the comments here...

These aren't hard rules but in my experience it's generally been;

ONS: basic sex, always with a condom. Some friendly chitchat. Maybe food if it's convenient.

FWB: kind of like relationship-lite. Depending on duration and exclusivity ca go without condom. Can try out different sex things, go on small dates for food and sex, talk about positive things in our lives. I won't do you big favors, meet your family or listen to your problems though. I also won't appear publicly as your anything.

Relationship: we do just about everything in the bedroom (no condom!), talk about anything and everything, cuddle constantly, show each other off to our friends, make long trips to see each other, make long term plans and do holidays with our families. Listen to each other's worries and problems, get to know each other on a more intimate level. Try new things together.

A relationship is always the best deal but very few people are a good fit for me and therefore "worth it". That's why it's so valuable.

spacechicken1990 · 2020-06-23T17:28:54+00:00

what are you giving him in each one that would make him want to engage with that relationship that you weren't giving him in the relationship 'level' below?

Nothing but more of my time, simple as. If we get along I'll spend more time with you and a relationship will develop.

Why is it always "giving" something to men rather than just sharing time together?

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SqueaksScreech · 2020-06-23T15:00:10+00:00

I get emotionally invested and support my partner. ONS and FWB don't get shit it's just sex that's it.

My partner and I were fuck buddies but we ended up getting more interested in know each other than fucking each other. Been together for almost 3 years.

gaylordfag6 · 2020-06-23T12:01:59+00:00

FWB is sorta like a ONS that was good enough I wanted the same thing multiple times. It always starts out as casual sex. Just lasts longer.

I try to talk to a guy I have a FWB as little as possible. The whole 'friend' thing isn't actually a part of it. It's usually because I don't find him interesting enough to want a longer term relationship. It all has to do with conversation. If he doesn't make interesting conversation but I thought the sex was good, than I'll only call him up when I want sex. In a relationship I want both of those things and more often. In a fwb its awkward because when I do make small talk I don't want to and it feels forced. I'd really rather have a relationship and steady sex but settle with FWB because I'm lonely.

ONS have never really happened for me because they don't make sense to me. I don't think there is a point in getting to the point of fucking someone unless you do it as many times as you can get. I just never really understood it but the people who do it might find it exciting because it's dangerous or something like that.

kwalden2 · 2020-06-23T16:28:18+00:00

Never did FWB or ONS. I find the concepts undesirable. It takes at least a minimum level of commitment to be worth any type of risk to my health and/or my sanity.

Relationships got my undivided attention for a time. A boyfriend or a girlfriend, to me, is consistently the first person you call when you get big news. They're interesting, they're attractive, and they have good character which helps you to trust them. In relationships, I try to share lighthearted fun while also being open and helpful.

My marriage gets my ultimate commitment to the best of my ability. A spouse is family. They are included in family traditions, they live together when they can, and they share equally in big life decisions. I still try to have fun with my husband, of course, but I share even the tougher parts of life with him (chores, financial burdens, dealing with in-laws, etc.). I would actually adjust my life plan to suit my husband. Boyfriends don't automatically get that privilege.

relish5k · 2020-06-23T17:40:54+00:00

Time and affection.

thetruthishere_ · 2020-06-23T12:44:53+00:00

Id do everything with a partner over a ONS/FWB. I dont have a bond and trust with them like I do with my partner. Ive actually never had a ONS/FWB thing.

That said, I can relate this to my sex work, there are things I will not do with a client that i will do with my partner. I dont have that bond and trust with them like a partner and there are just things that are for a partner only for me. My service doesn't serve kink fetish, Im a GFE so Im pretty 'vanilla'. They want kink they have to see an escort that offers that.

Id be way more kinky with a partner.

Things like unprotected sex, toy play or anal would only be with my committed partner.

GennyX · 2020-06-23T11:24:37+00:00

I’ve never done fwb, but I have done the other two. Of course the ons will get sex straight away, it’s there in the title. You’re just there with the intent to hit it then quit it. It’s not a certain type of guy who gets chosen for a ons, it’s more that I didn’t want a relationship at the time, but did feel like some quick stress relief.

A relationship means I had completely different intentions.

goatismycopilot · 2020-06-23T13:13:37+00:00

I don't do ONS or FWB and I don't do girlfriend/wife stuff for casuals.

philomexa · 2020-06-23T20:50:18+00:00

I meet Chad and then 10 minutes later I'm giving him GoOgOlPlEx AnAl plus a side of throat fisting. Everyone else gets weak handies while I browse Amazon. 🙄

Reisiluu · 2020-06-23T14:21:55+00:00

LTR guy gets it all: degenerate sex acts, cuddles, companionship, affection, help, someone to share responsibilities with, a family and financial security.

ONS guy gets a rejection.

FWB and open relationships are the same thing and completely retarded. Thankfully no one has ever suggested it to me.

babybochog · 2020-06-23T14:26:12+00:00

I haven’t had a one night stand as I am too much of a softie for that, but when I do, I’d only be giving them sex and a thank you at the end. No more communication than necessary since there isn’t any interest in forming a meaningful personal connection.

For FWBs, we’d fuck, talk/eat/cuddle after. But outside the bedroom, we’re strangers in a way we’ll only contact each other if we want to fuck. Personally, a fwb can never be a “real and true” friend. Perhaps I’d hit them up if I want to do a new activity with someone and none of my real friends are available. However, I instantly cut off fwbs whenever I enter a serious relationship.

For relationships with people I like and love very much, that’s where I will fuck them and try to make them happy in any way I can. It’s where I’ll be investing myself emotionally and also trying to build a deep personal connection with my partner. All in hopes for having a future together.

Sultmaker_9000 · 2020-06-23T16:29:02+00:00

ONS is usually drunk then go home from the bar and a 30 minute fumble? I think that's why most women whilst in the moment at the time, often feel pretty shitty the day after.

I do my hookups on a Saturday mid day, it doesn't have to be night. Sex twice before lunch, then watch football on the sofa, sex at half time and then again at full time. I am as dry as a bone after that. If you can get her for a day. By definition, women who are going for hookups are bigger risk takers, so amping it up into having her in a leg spread bar by the end is never a a big issue once she is going along with you.

Most men are just selfish to get their 5 min fix, because it comes in such limited doses. I specifically go for a heavy workout in the morning on the Saturday just to get my testosterone up enough for it.

Women fall into your fame, if you have a dominant leading personality, women will go along with pretty much anything. I have them legs wrapped around the waist against wall when we walk in, that is a hefty steamy start.

And so long as you don't start acting all beta, catching feelings, texting her the next day and only bring her round for a drink at the bar before back to yours when you send her one message, they will come back many times. So you can put ONS into FWB to an extent quite easily, particularly if your the type of man she can proverbially ' loose herself with' in the bedroom.

i_have_a_semicolon · 2020-06-23T17:23:47+00:00

I never made a man wait for sex. My husband and I started having sex after becoming exclusive because he did not initiate sex. Same for my ex. The difference is the ONS and FWBs initiated sex. I had to initiate sex for my two LTRs because they were too respectful / timid to make the first move.

I don't give a ons and FWB anything more than I've ever given my own ltrs. It's a false dichotomy.

2020-06-23T17:41:43+00:00

One night stand: I don't have them intentionnally.

Fwb: Timeline 1 date, then 2nd date sex. Assess worth. Dump if too much education required. I'm not on call, ever, get your rocks off with someone else. Always a condomn. No pictures.

Relationship: Timeline 1 date, then 2nd date starting talking about sex to assess compatibility, 3rd date hint for sex but waiting for first move, 4th date hint HARD, 5th date make move yourself...maybe even 4th? Never gotten that far actually. Start education emediatly.

Reserved for relationship: possibility of no condomn, having sex when not initially in the mood, pictures only without identifyers, any sexual act that requires trust like tying up.

2020-06-23T18:37:44+00:00

Every man I’m going to have different chemistry with. At every stage in my life I was open or closed off to experimenting with different things, depending on what sounded fun or no longer intrigued me, things that used to be a hard no became a why not.

So it’s not about what type of hookup it is. It’s about how generous or filthy of a mood I’m in.

GroundSloth123 · 2020-06-23T18:41:43+00:00

I think it’s all the same standards just to different degrees. For me to want to have sex with someone even once I need to feel respected and listened to by that person, there also needs to be some amount of physical attraction, and a lot of intellectual attraction. There doesn’t necessarily need to be emotional attraction or compatibility for a ONS or FWB, I guess that’s one big difference: meaning I will have a one night stand or FWB relationship with someone who has the qualities I’m attracted to, but maybe isn’t “relationship material.” Could be that the person is a little immature, doesn’t have their shit together in life (unemployed, abuses alcohol, maybe has some emotional issues they haven’t figured out how to manage, bad at communicating, whatever else...sometimes it’s people I just feel “better than” which is a shit thing to admit but true). Especially if it becomes an FWB, it means I like and am attracted to that person but something about them makes me feel like I don’t want to combine my life with theirs fully and I may not trust them or feel I could trust them in a deeper way.

LTRs are people I have that attraction to, but also see as “teammates,” who I feel comfortable building trust and mutual support with and see as an equal physically, intellectually, and emotionally.

I also don’t usually go into a situation thinking “I want an LTR with this person” more often it just starts with attraction and then grows. I usually know if someone is going to be just a ONS before I sleep with them.

I’ve also slept with people I start LTRs with on the second date. I don’t women necessarily make men “wait five months” for sex in serious relationships.

As for what the man “gets” sexually: well the more people mutually know and trust each other the more sexually open they’ll be together and the better it will be.

Physiologist21 · 2020-06-23T21:31:45+00:00

[deleted]

janeaustenfan99 · 2020-06-25T09:02:49+00:00

I pretty much treat all guys the same in the beginning since I don’t have ONS or FWB.

2020-06-25T18:32:34+00:00

I give my casual partners everything bc if I'm experiencing intimacy I care for that person and I want the experience to be the best that it can be.

rakiim · 2020-06-23T13:54:49+00:00

My best friend (F) and I share way too much information about our sex lives so I'll try to answer based on what the college-aged socialite perspective would be.

ONS --> just be hot / her type (6'+, good looks, not asian). For an ONS it's usually just average non-kinky sex b.c. most ONS happens because she's drunk.

FWB --> be hot / don't talk much (pure sex relationship, dick appointment). She's more willing to experiment but it's purely a 1-2 hr sex relationship and doesn't extend to a friendship. Basically a "with benefits" no strings attached type ordeal.

Relationship --> Be funny / semi-good looking / match her energy. Does anything/everything for her guy.

Essentially anything that isn't dating for her is just no strings attached sex, and dating == relationship with her so sexually probably not a huge difference from FWB except the FWB gets kicked out pretty soon after deal's sealed.

In my experience, women tend to not give head on ONS because it's more intimate, most don't do anal. I don't do FWB. Relationships usually are everything under the sun that she's willing to try.

Title	What are you giving man in a fwb Vs a one night stand and in a relationship Vs a fwb ?
Author	mostmenractuallyalfa
Upvotes	12
Comments	156
Date	June 23, 2020 9:31 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/hebi2n/what_are_you_giving_man_in_a_fwb_vs_a_one_night/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/what-are-you-giving-man-in-a-fwb-vs-a-one-night.700821 https://theredarchive.com/post/700821

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