I feel like an A**hole

enemy0freality · 2020-07-20T12:59:53+00:00

Why do YOU feel like an asshole when HE is acting like one? At this point, he's not a boyfriend or even a roommate anymore. He's a squatter.

justme8000 · 2020-07-20T13:19:33+00:00

[deleted]

Flufferly · 2020-07-20T13:17:56+00:00

You've made a bunch of posts about this guy already, over several months. Are you actually taking any steps to get him out of your house?

painmakesyoustronger · 2020-07-20T13:36:36+00:00

Are you really going to allow this man to subjugate you in your own home?

He has turned you into his personal slave.

This was triggering to read. The audacity.

Whatever it involves, pull out the big guns. Men can be extremely dangerous when threatened, so if you have men in your life that can make him get out and afraid to come back, do so. Get him out of your house at all costs, and I’d suggest either getting a new roommate or moving to a location his is not aware of, because it sounds like he won’t take no for an answer.

I agree with whomever said to go to al-anon. Your issues seem to be rooted in self worth. The fact this could even be happening to you shows you do not have proper standards and boundaries. We’ve all been there to some degree, but this is really bad. Get free, get single, level up.

FurryBellyButt0n · 2020-07-20T14:35:44+00:00

In addition to all the points FDS Queens are making (yes, you should absolutely dump his ass ASAP), I wanted to give you some logistical considerations from the USA laws and policies (if you are in another country, I would encourage you to check out your legal system as well...):

To formally evict, confirm with your state laws the time-frame but GENERALLY 30 days notice of an eviction formally served in writing to the other party if they are squatting at your place as an unpaid tenant not on your lease.
- "Squatters rights" are known as "adverse possession laws" and exit/differ in all 50 states. When they are enforced and how they are enforced differ GREATLY among each state. squatters rights, also known as “adverse possession” laws, exist in all 50 states.
The following steps are recommended to evict a squatter...via https://www.american-apartment-owners-association.org/property-management/latest-news/squatters-rights-law/ . I will copy/paste the important info below for your review...
- Call the police and file an official police report to start the documentation process. This will help if you need to peruse additional evicting processes through the legal system later on as well.
  - Remember, you can not legally try to intimidate the squatter or forcibly remove them from your property. If you must engage with the individuals who are illegally inhabiting your property, it’s best to have a police officer present.
- Provide a formal eviction notice. After you have notified the authorities that there is an illegal tenant on your property, you’ll need to file an Unlawful Detainer action. The process of filing such an action can vary from state to state, so it’s important to speak with a lawyer or your local court office to ensure you understand all of the required steps. Depending on your state, if you cannot afford a laywer--there are county and/or state civil defenders and layers pro bono you can utilize for the paperwork process and consultation for free or low cost.

Litigation (IF the NVM refuse to leave after being ordered to do so and given a written notice)
- If the squatter refuses to leave after being ordered to do so, you can take further action by filing a lawsuit. After doing so, a hearing date will be set and both parties will be required to attend. If the courts rule in your favor (which is most likely), the judge will order the police to escort the squatter from the premises. At this point, you will be allowed to change the locks to the property.
Remove Any Possessions Left Behind? Check with the state landlord laws to make sure you are in compliance with your state/local laws. Some states will require written notice to the squatter stating a deadline that they must collect their belongings so they recommend preparing a letter of written documentation stating when all deadlines should be collected and bring this to your court hearing.
In this same notice, you can disclose what you intended to do should the belongings not be collected by the specified date. Either way, be sure to speak to a lawyer or your local judicial office to ensure you are following the proper procedures.

Other considerations:

This shithead may pull the federal housing laws and policies to try to have you cave and have him use you more. One thing he may try to pull is that "he has the right to livable conditions" while squatting at your place. Yes, he does have the right to water, electric, and basic living needs for the short duration of time he will have before you formally serve him to leave. With this said, this DOES NOT include the following things you CAN do to him legally (still confirm/double check your state/local laws...)
- You CAN (and should IMO) change your wifi password and log in to reset it so only you have this information. If he pulls the "right to livable conditions", remind him that you met the legal terms and he does not get free wifi at your place. I guarantee without internet, he will feel compelled to spend LESS time at your plant to taunt you or he will have to pay data to stay. If you are on a phone plan with him before doing this, get off the phone plan so you do not absorb costs.
- Take pictures and document EVERYTHING in your apartment and the conditions to your landlord. Let your landlord know what is happening to see if they can assist and if he retaliates and destroys property or acts in a shitty way, how they will proceed to support you as the tenant.
- After serving an evicting and paperwork the legal route, once you include the deadline to collect possessions to your NVM, contact the lawyer to change locks and stuff ASAP following the day after the notice ends for your NVM.
- Install a camera for security/safety after the squatter has left and call the authorities if they attempt to tamper/harass you afterwards.
- If you are not pleasant to him or cave to his needs, know that he cannot use this to prove you are "intimidating" him to a safe living conditions. They mean water, heat, and shelter needs being basically met. Not you being mean to their fucked up ego. You can ignore them or be cold during the process. That is not illegal.

ChocoBananza · 2020-07-20T13:13:03+00:00

KickHimOut2020

He doesn’t deserve you. You deserve better. Please break up with him and make sure to change the locks.

ewoksareprettycool · 2020-07-20T13:11:43+00:00

Sis, kick his ass OUT. He refuses to leave? Get an eviction notice sent to him. He sounds like nothing but a parasite.

chateauduchat · 2020-07-20T13:25:15+00:00

[deleted]

zagreus8me · 2020-07-20T13:45:49+00:00

The only way I was able to get mine out was by breaking the news to him when we both were visiting our family (we are from the same town originally) and I also rang his mom to tell her that her son has a drink and drug problem though it seems she didn't give a shit. Then the next thing, my dad and mom had helped me pack all of his stuff and we hired a van and drove it to his mom's house. It seems cruel but it was the only way as he was extremely emotionally and mentally manipulative and I was too weak and needed strong backing.

maj0relle · 2020-07-20T17:29:02+00:00

I thought some of the top comments on this post seemed a bit harsh. But then I read your post history... Sis.... you need to look at yourself hard in the mirror and get some help. I say this with love, but the men you’re dating are pure trash. I think you know what the replies will be when you make your posts but seem to have trouble taking the advice given.

Scotsburd · 2020-07-20T13:53:31+00:00

Call the Police and tell them this turd is refusing to leave your property and you need assistance.

RadarFemef · 2020-07-20T16:13:58+00:00

Get him the fuck out, girl. I would do everything in my power to make sure he is inconvenienced and uncomfortable in my home.

strangerinthealps_ · 2020-07-20T13:57:03+00:00

I was in a similar situation, and no, you’re not wrong for being upset by the drinking. Your boyfriend is an alcoholic, and you’re not going to change him or “fix” this. He will change when he wants to change, if ever, but that’s not your responsibility. If his cat wasn’t sick, he would STILL find another excuse to drink all night. He thinks another woman would tolerate this? Let him go find one.

He’s not on the lease or mortgage, and if your state law doesn’t give him some kind of rights for essentially living with you for this period of time, you need to have him removed. Start packing his belongings while he’s sober and tell him flat-out you’re not listening to his excuses. It may be best to have someone else there while this is happening so you can’t be manipulated (and for your safety.) You need to remember that you are not responsible for him. You are under NO obligation to shelter him and enable his destructive and abusive behavior. He is an adult, and he is capable of making his own decisions. If he feels he can’t be on his own, there are plenty of services out there that he could utilize, but you are not responsible for providing assistance or therapy to him. If he stays with you, this will escalate and things will get worse. Believe me. I know.

Uglyoldncranky1982 · 2020-07-20T15:26:27+00:00

You need to consult a lawyer. You have legal rights and there is a process by which you can kick him out.

Chobyo · 2020-07-20T15:56:51+00:00

Seriously call the police and call over some male relatives if u have beforehand, dont endure this shit a second longer Queen.

Angrboda229 · 2020-07-20T20:56:50+00:00

At this point there is nothing you can do on your own. He sees you're not really strong enough to move him and laughs in your face each time you try. He is staying in your house by force and taking away from you in every aspect of your life.

You my have to go to work early or instead call off to call the police if it is your house. Have him escorted out. Use any means necessary. He is using any means necessary on his end to stay. Or if he goes out for at least half an hour change all the locks and call the police. Take his cat to the vet and leave it there if it will cause him to get it because YOU WON'T. It will be safe. Get a restraining order. In that order.

Stop giving a crap about him he isn't giving you the same courtesy. It's now or never or you will never be rid of him. Otherwise secretly find another place to live and stop paying the bills on this one once you are SECURE. Alert your landlord to help.

Then...NEVER LET A MAN MOVE IN WITH YOU EVER AGAIN BEFORE YOU ARR CERTAIN HE IS WORTH YOUR TIME OR MARRIAGE. Don't make the same mistake twice or it could be fatal next time.

If you aren't willing to take legal action to get him out then just accept the situation because there is no other option you can back out of this. If you actually want him out he would have been gone already. A missed day of work is not worth the headache of an uninvited guest.

Howslap · 2020-07-20T13:10:06+00:00

I'm sorry you have to deal with this loser of a man. Do you know his family info? Can you call his friends? If other people know what hes doing it will force him to be more accountable. Because it's clear he doesnt give a damn what you think of him. Maybe he'll care more about what his family/friends think about his bum ways. Just a suggestion, good luck sis ❤

Blackishcat27 · 2020-07-20T13:57:09+00:00

We're all here for you. You can do this! Also I don't know what it is about women but we always feel like jerks when standing up for ourselves. Guilt is how they trap you. You've got this. Get past the cat crisis first I guess if you're do inclined.

2020-07-20T20:20:19+00:00

Give him an eviction notice, find another place to live in the meanwhile. Stay with a friend or family member. Take anything valuable out of your house when he’s out. Arrange with your apartment to come the day the notice ends to change the locks. Also ask a friend to come for support. If the day the notice ends, he is still in your house, call the police to escort him as he’s violating the eviction notice.

3vad127 · 2020-07-21T02:54:28+00:00

When he leaves for a while, throw his stuff outside and change the locks. Physically block him from entering YOUR home. That’s the only way to get rid of this leech at this point.

littlestarling123 · 2020-07-20T17:28:28+00:00

I recently got my very LVM to move out by stopping all grocery shopping and chores. I told him to not touch anything of mine and i stopped chatting with him. My house got disgusting. I removed laundry items he tried to sneak in with mine. My floor probably couldve sprouted legs. I got so petty I hid food in the closets. I cut of all access to every part of me. It took a lot of my energy to be so hateful but guess what? He had an apartment in FIVE DAYS. FIVE.

I am sorry for you and for the cat. Hang in there.

cupittycakes · 2020-07-21T03:30:52+00:00

You need to go to the court house and get an eviction notice.

In my state you can't just kick someone out without one, no matter they pay or not

Stranger_Memer · 2020-07-20T15:06:24+00:00

Leave his ass

Title	I feel like an A**hole
Author	justme8000
Upvotes	78
Comments	56
Date	July 20, 2020 12:57 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/huks06/i_feel_like_an_ahole/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/i-feel-like-an-ahole.716651 https://theredarchive.com/post/716651

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KickHimOut2020