For those of you who are in LTRs and cohabitating, why haven't you married yet?

Sufficient-Ad-3586 · 2021-02-18T15:56:59+00:00

Frankly if you aren’t religious or Dont have/planning on having kids I see no point to getting married.

PMmeareasontolive · 2021-02-18T16:56:43+00:00

[deleted]

tiposk · 2021-02-18T16:11:35+00:00

I'm a part of one of those couples. I've been with my partner for around 5 years now, 4 of which we've spent sharing the same roof.

We've talked about marriage, but a set of conditions in our jurisdiction make it unnecessary. We both can get insurance, pension and other benefits without getting married. Since we're economically independent from each other, we like to keep our finances separate except for specific purchases. There are also some aspects of our financial situation that might make marriage a disadvantage.

Marriage gives some level of protection to the stay at home parent via alimony and making child support easier, but the advantages are very limited unless you marry someone wealthy. For middle class individuals, the best way to insure yourself against the financial blows of a divorce is keeping your financial independence and avoiding the homemaker role. This will come easy to me as I'm not interested in having children.

I'm not against marriage, but it's not something I'd actively pursue.

Slipthe · 2021-02-18T16:09:35+00:00

Because I don't want kids right now. So I don't care. If I get to be 30 something and I want a kid, then my condition would be marriage.

But until then, I pride myself on not nagging my partner to propose to me. I want him to be ready to spend his life with me, I'm not going to force him. Plus I'm only 24.

flapperfemmefatale · 2021-02-18T18:19:20+00:00

My partner and I have been together for 12+ years and are getting married this fall. I think we waited as long as we did because we wanted to make sure we could have the kind of wedding we actually enjoy

xFallacyx69 · 2021-02-18T17:01:34+00:00

I’m living with my gf... have been since we started dating. She says I make her home life better. She definitely makes my days better. It just works better tbh. I have been married before and living with my wife was way more stressful than living with my current GF. We just clicked really well and she makes me happy, and I make her happy.

Kids are not even talked about. I know she’s not ready, and I’m not ready so I’m not pressuring her. We have mature discussions and she’s not manic like most the chicks I’ve dated. Very rational, very sweet... also, neither one of us wants to raise our kids religious which is actually uncommon here.

throw-away-1709 · 2021-02-18T19:34:16+00:00

The divorce is not finalized....

rosephase · 2021-02-18T16:59:27+00:00

Because I have zero interest in marriage. I’m not monogamous. I’m not going to have kids. And marriage is an old sexist stupid institution and I’m not going to let the federal government tell me what family is.

GrandRub · 2021-02-18T18:36:53+00:00

Cause marriage is outdated and anachronistic ... its 2021 and not 1821

LeatherDifference583 · 2021-02-18T19:45:40+00:00

I've had a relationship for seven years and one for three years.

With the first (seven years) - none of us had any money, so the financial benefits of marriage never applied to us. We never owned a house and always had our own bank accounts. I just didn't see the point in marriage.

The second one only lasted 3.5 years. It was on the cards but I wanted to get to know him for a lot longer before marrying him. I was correct to do so because it didn't work out.

infps · 2021-02-18T22:52:46+00:00

We went ten years without getting married, then got married. We both really dislike how other treat us socially, normitize our relationship, and the pressures of "commitment." As soon as she gets her passport, both want to dissolve the marriage and go back to cohabitating, LTRing.

It's nice when both people know, every year, "I'm just hanging out with this person because I actually want to." Add in a contract, and a lot of the bloom is off the rose.

thetruthishere_ · 2021-02-19T03:16:11+00:00

I have in the past. I dont need a piece of paper to know we are committed.

Barely-moral · 2021-02-18T16:08:08+00:00

Because marriage creates a perverse incentive structure in which one of the partners gets an economic reward for leaving the relationship.

Creating that incentive structure is stupid. I have a better one in mind. The only way any of us gets any benefit is if we make the relationship work. If the relationship fails there is no upside for anyone.

Marriage would be important for me if the institution was anything like what it once was. Marriage used to mean ultimate commitment but since divorce is not only a thing but a thing that is accepted in society marriage is neither ultimate nor commitment.

I would love to have an institution that works as a one way in no way out, give out both of your freedoms and live with each other forever or be socially ostrasized for trying to run kind of deal.

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801735 · 2021-02-18T16:43:04+00:00

Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.

towerofcheeeeza · 2021-02-19T10:33:09+00:00

I (25f) and my bf (26m) have been together for 3 years and living together for 1.5 years. At least among most people I know, the consesus is trhat a good age to marry is around 28-30. A lot of our friends are couples who met in college and we're all still getting our bearings in terms of career. Bf is in grad school and I'm only a step or two above entry level, so we're not exactly rolling in money. We know we're going to get married eventually, so there's no real sense of pressure. If one of us were to get a really good job with phenomenal benefits or something then maybe it would make sense to rush a marriage, but otherwise there's no need to hurry. I'd rather we both be a bit more settled financially before thinking about a wedding, buying a house, etc. Our families have met. We've spent holidays with each other's families. We've traveled together. We just adopted a cat together. And we survived a year in lockdown together. Even though we've been together for 3 years, which to some (like FDS) might be considered long, it honestly feels like time has flown by. Another year or two is nothing when I think about how long our future together will be. Oh and neither of is ready for kids for like another 5+ years lol.

Whisper · 2021-02-19T10:38:04+00:00

Because the state isn't part of my relationships, and neither are other people's imaginary friends.

decoy88 · 2021-02-19T13:00:17+00:00

I don’t worry about it.

“Why do you want to get married?” is a better question.

Often is to meet expectations and approval of people who are not involved in the relationship.

Kizka · 2021-02-19T14:11:14+00:00

The desire dwindles the older I get to be honest. We've always had separate finances and would keep it that way even when married. We don't have kids or big shared debts. I am saving for a house, my partner has no desire in home ownership, but would of course move in with me and pay rent once I do buy a house. I would like to have the house in my name before marriage and would also want him to reduce his debt of his business more. We are also together for a long time now and had our highs and lows. Until now we've always managed to work through our difficulties but I am not living under the illusion that there are some relationships that could never not work out. Every single relationship/marriage on this planet can break for one reason or the other. I like it that I could simply pack my bags and go my merry ways if I wanted to, no long, costly divorce. I mean, I do think that I found the person with whom a divorce would be as easy as it gets but if you can avoid it from the beginning, why not?

patlight1 · 2021-02-19T14:50:37+00:00

why marry? all it does is giving you tax privileges. Marriage is not a necessary sign of love tho.

Pastelitomaracucho · 2021-02-19T19:48:33+00:00

I'm not going to get lawyers involved in my bedroom.

I'm not going to risk wasting time and money if shit goes tits up.

I'm not going to be turned into a weekend dad or an alimony tit.

Relationships these days are more fleeting and sex is abundant. I want to be able to get on my feet asap if my relationship goes down

Title	For those of you who are in LTRs and cohabitating, why haven't you married yet?
Author	missing_voice
Upvotes	11
Comments	85
Date	February 18, 2021 3:44 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/lmplex/for_those_of_you_who_are_in_ltrs_and_cohabitating/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/for-those-of-you-who-are-in-ltrs-and-cohabitating.741744 https://theredarchive.com/post/741744

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