"You should've asked" is a comic made by Emma that describes the mental and emotional load put upon women. You can find the English translation here

BlazingHazard · 2021-02-01T21:10:10+00:00

Notice also how lots of "compliments" that are given to women are just here as excuses to put the mental load on us. "Oh, men can't multi task, unlike women!" "Women are just better at organisation !" "Women have better attention to details, they think about the little things!".

If they really thought that, then those would be arguments to put us in positions of power. But it's only used to put more unpaid and thankless burden on us.

PasDeTout · 2021-02-01T21:04:28+00:00

I love this. It really shows that when Reddit says ‘communicate more’ what it means ‘be the household manager because you can’t expect a fellow adult to know how to take care of his own home or child unless you issue specific instructions’. It’s like when I go to a supermarket and you’ll always find a couple of men on the phone saying ‘what brand of washing up liquid do we use?’ Somehow that lack of observational ability or attention to detail does not manifest itself in their workplace or when playing a video game.

companyofwolves · 2021-02-01T23:03:46+00:00

They know 100% what they're doing. That poor, helpless GoSh I Didn't Mean To Be Useless Golly Wow expression on their faces is a mask they have created over decades of turning every woman into Mommy who will nag and nag until she just gives up and cleans up after her darling boy herself.

They know. They know if they make themselves useless and do nothing that they have a free ticket to blame you with later if you ever pipe up and tell them you are tired of their laziness. Mommy - in all her myriad forms - has been punishing him his whole life for trying to escape chores. You think him pretending that he's clueless and "you should have asked!!!!" is his first time?

It's a weapon. Take it away from him by kicking him to the curb the first time he does it to you, because I promise you if he does it once, he will continue to do it the entire time you are together. No begging, pleading, or bargaining will make him change.

hyperjinxx · 2021-02-02T00:33:43+00:00

My ex used to tell me to remind him to do things all the time. “Remind me to message my friend tomorrow morning”, “Remind me to get gas before we go home”, “Remind me that I should look into blah blah”. At one point I snapped. I’m not Siri, I’m not Alexa, I’m not your fucking mom, nor am I your personal assistant. He said he was sorry but then continued to not remember things. It was so bad I started marking everything down in a community calendar and AGAIN I was the task manager.

Apparently I needed to learn my lesson a couple times. 🤡

Ladies, if your man can’t remember to do things, know that more often than not its because he doesn’t care to remember. He expects you to. Sure there are outliers, people with genuine memory damage, but most don’t have memory damage. He just expects you to anticipate his needs and remember everything. Then gaslight you for being too stressed and paranoid about completing tasks.

Remembering to do important things like pay bills or minor things like buy new socks bc the ones you have developed a hole aren’t hard! So why do we accept that excuse when they say they have a “bad memory”? No dude, you just don’t care bc someone else will always do it for you.

trashpandaayy · 2021-02-01T23:11:45+00:00

i will never not read this when it gets linked. so well written, and such an important message.

VanityDecay666 · 2021-02-01T21:42:57+00:00

Honestly the mental loads killed my motivation in life currently, this comic is literally my life and I get nagged if I forget anything even though my downtime is rare for something I enjoy outside the house. Gonna buy this for my daughter so she expects better and breaks the generational cycle!

GoldenSlippersL8M8 · 2021-02-02T02:46:22+00:00

It’s interesting and sad how as men become more and more medically complex they put more and more responsibilities on their spouse until she leaves, exhausted. They will expect her to do the work of 4-5 disciplines who get rotating shifts (so 10 people). Then they act surprised at how much work she’d been doing and how why didn’t she just say so? This didn’t happen to your dad because he didn’t live that long, Earl. All those people you see at rehab or the hospital are people who do services you need and you can’t put that on one person!

BiscuitWoof · 2021-02-02T05:26:20+00:00

I hate when men do less than the bare minimum (cue the helpless men with a written shopping list looking confused) and are applauded and lauded because ‘at least they’re trying’. It’s always when men are typically doing what is seen as a ‘female’ hobby or activity (e.g. all the support men get when they knit, or do makeup etc).

They never extend that same energy to women, it’s either you must get it perfect or you’re a poser pick me (e.g. oh you carry a skateboard? Do 100 tricks right now and recite the entire history of skateboard to me or else you’re a poser and a lying attention seeker).

Jaymite · 2021-02-01T23:22:36+00:00

My ex used to cook, because I sucked at it and I thought that was top quality man. I didn't have a job because I was struggling with depression/migraines and didn't know I was autistic back then. When we had a baby though I sort of gave myself a break in that I had a job finally and didn't fail as a person anymore. But my ex would do things like come home from work and have a nap. I'd never have nap time. He'd also fall asleep magically when it was baby bedtime. Then after ages of getting the baby to bed I'd come downstairs and he'd be on his computer wide awake. I'd do the dishwasher and laundry, but I'd get really resentful at my ex because he never did it. I'd also be doing the majority of baby bum changes and I'd be the only one getting up all night long. I was doing all this with PTSD from the birth and post natal depression. When the baby was 5 months old I'd lost more than the baby weight. I then got diagnosed with hypothyroidism. I was so tired. I found it so much easier to just do it and assume there was no way he was going to help. He still did dinner so he acted like he was amazing.

throwaway04357 · 2021-02-01T20:46:00+00:00

I always felt this but never had the words to explain it. Thank you for sharing

complex_answer_22 · 2021-02-02T07:22:02+00:00

One of my exes could not handle it. I'd ask him to pick something up for me, like over the counter allergy medicine, and he acted like it was such a hard thing to do. He had to commute home and stop by the CVS drive thru. He was so damn selfish too, he'd get something to eat only for himself on his way home, so he didn't have to pay for mine. I feel so lucky I didn't end up with him.

StrawberryMoon3 · 2021-02-02T07:31:12+00:00

Manchild behaviour is absolutely unattractive. I lose all interest

EffectiveHoneydew422 · 2021-02-02T01:05:58+00:00

Men are actually stupid, they dont know how stupid they are thats why its so painful for the rest of us, and the live in ignorant bliss while the societal structures surrounding them re-enforce the lie that they are the more accomplished, valuable, and intelligent of the genders. Anecdote; When Im at the laundromat I often have to assist a man in operation of the machines despite the fact the the instructions are replete on the walls in large print and on the machines its been made full proof, yet they don't know how long a load takes to dry, or how much soap to use or how to close the door latch, and they just look at you like "please please help me" Male inadequacy is so depressing to witness.

eaucitron · 2021-02-02T21:30:00+00:00

I am 1000% getting these for my niece

eaucitron · 2021-02-02T21:29:45+00:00

I am 1000% getting these for my niece

eaucitron · 2021-02-02T21:29:51+00:00

I am 1000% getting these for my niece

Title	"You should've asked" is a comic made by Emma that describes the mental and emotional load put upon women. You can find the English translation here
Author	who_mad_again
Upvotes	495
Comments	46
Date	February 1, 2021 7:00 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/lab0jj/you_shouldve_asked_is_a_comic_made_by_emma_that/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/you-shouldve-asked-is-a-comic-made-by-emma-that.742714 https://theredarchive.com/post/742714

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