Men have misconceptions about what "being attracted to personality" means for the dating scene

DreamsOfWishes · 2021-04-28T00:05:57+00:00

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Happyhguru · 2021-04-28T00:02:01+00:00

I'm sure what this post is trying to say. Congratulations I guess?

TheBookOfSeil · 2021-04-28T00:12:32+00:00

The body of your post is not at all related to what you've written in your title.

I can't speak for everyone, but I know what "being attracted to personality" means. The problem with some people is that their opinions are influenced by other factors, like looks, so "remotely funny guy" now becomes "funny guy" if he's attractive. Same thing with just about everything else. Guy has a puppy? Now he's sweet and caring on top of that.

This is called "The Halo Effect" (or possibly just infatuation talking) and it really muddles with people's perceptions and their ability to accurately explain what they like about someone. Thus, we can't really know whether someone likes a particular personality trait because they really like it, or because a certain person made it look better than it actually does to people who claim to like it.

Same with "nice guys." Women like nice guys, sure, but what makes the niceness attractive depends on how attractive the guy is, typically. Otherwise, it's a basic, socially expected behavior that neither helps nor hurts anyone.

Other than that, I'm not sure what else to reply to here.

ohheyhi99 · 2021-04-28T00:38:37+00:00

Why would it make dating worse for men overall if women preferred personality to looks? The biggest losers would be good looking guys with mediocre personalities. Personality is somewhat fixed, but you can’t learn to have better facial structure or be taller. If personality came first, it would be easier for guys to learn their niche and excel in it.

cowfishAreReal · 2021-04-27T23:53:33+00:00

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TLorrai · 2021-04-28T02:28:21+00:00

Listen. Guys have been told since forever that personality matters more than looks. And we grew up seeing women still throw themselves at hot guys with the personality of a brick. Even over looking past his ABUSIVE personality because he was hot. It's the same bullshit where girls say they "want a nice guy." They leave out the important part that the guy needs to be physically attractive. It's why The Red Pill exists at all. To tell guys what to actually work on. Looks, confidence, finance. That's it. Personality is just the cherry on top of everything else you work on. This post is just more of the same thing men hear all their lives that doesn't help with dating at all. "Oh girls don't care about looks. It's all about personality. "Just be yourself and the right girl will find you." It's just meaningless words that don't help men at all.

ogres_r_like_onions · 2021-04-28T04:25:01+00:00

You undersell yourself a bit.

Believe it or not the chicks who had weekly crushes probably aren't laying the foundations for great relationships. More like getting pumped and dumped or waking up one morning after having a kid or married already and realizing you have nothing in common with your partner other than looks.

I think it's better to have few crushes in life otherwise they aren't meaningful. I've had crushes on like 3 women total... maybe. One in hindsight I can recognize would have been a terrible partner for me.

Meanwhile I never crushed on my wife but we have an amazing partnership with lots of sex, connection etc.

Whatever, point is, crushes are deceiving.

bowserfire73 · 2021-04-28T03:31:14+00:00

The problem is that women who claim to care mostly about personality actually mean they care about the personality of the subset of men they are attracted to. If you went out and got to know a bunch of guys regardless of what they looked like, you would find a guy with a good personality quite fast.

Bandit174 · 2021-04-27T23:59:38+00:00

The assumption is that women's personality preferences vary more from woman to woman than their physical preferences do. So if you lack the narrow list of unmalleable physical traits that most women prefer it probably is easier to find a woman that prefers your personality than one who prefers your physical traits.

Murphysmongoose · 2021-04-28T00:43:00+00:00

I think I get what you are trying to tell man brains, and that is it would be more work for them mentally, to seduce sex out of women more like you.

They should stick to miss superficial, and just try to fit superficial benchmarks to snag her. They actually have to seduce you. They would translate that as, "shit testing/hoop jumping/monkey dancing" here. I kinda sorta agree with you, if I translated that right.

sirpsychosexy8 · 2021-04-28T03:16:57+00:00

That may be true for you, but still the vast majority of women that prioritize personality over looks are likely be attracted to a much broader proportion of available men. Perhaps liking 5 guys in 30 years is because you have some maturing to do to see outside your bubble. There are a lot of delicious candy bars on the shelf not just reese's pieces or whatever. You could be attracted to a wide(r) array of personalities if you opened up. Just sayin.

Secondly, People with the sniper approach to mating (like myself) aren't screwing up the dating market - we're only skimming the cream off the top, and hopefully leaving people better than we found them, or staying together long-term. The people screwing up the market are 1) guys that are plowing through dozens of women with reckless abandon and zero remorse for fallout. And 2) women that have become bitter and picky and normalized treating regular men like shit (flakiness, ghosting, getting their hopes up, encouraging their orbiters etc). These two cohorts acting out result in a contagion of the behavior to even regular people- and thus the broken system we now find ourselves in. It's not even necessarily about looks, it's about the lowest common denominator of standards everyone is sinking to.

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a-difficult-person · 2021-04-28T00:45:07+00:00

How long would it take you to walk around and find 2 guys with the same personality? Can you even do it?

Very easily. Are you not aware of how many ultra basic dudebros exist?

just_a_place · 2021-04-28T01:07:07+00:00

So what is your point?

thetruthishere_ · 2021-04-28T01:46:44+00:00

Me, who is into personality, has had a crush 5 times in the 30 years I'm alive.

Im with ya. I have crushed very little in my life and connected with only so many men.

Its not a picky thing, money thing, or looks thing like that. I just have to connect with you, I just dont connect with anyone even though Im a person that can get alone with almost anyone.

I dont find it a problem. I think its weird people can just jump person to person and jump into relationships or crush on so many/so easy.

Learning attachment help me understand why some people do jump person to person/limerence love/lust/crush more than others though.

moon5tone · 2021-04-28T06:25:40+00:00

it's because they think "personality" means "good moral character" (which isn't even necessarily the case for these guys, they just think they're upstanding people because they're too inhibited to break any rules) and not "confident and enjoyable to be around"

Pilling_it · 2021-04-28T07:36:16+00:00

Personality won't be relevant unless you're attractive and most men's problems, that's all I'll be saying.

Unless personality means getting mass, in which case I'll have to agree that personality gave me so much more success.

Aldabruzzo · 2021-04-28T13:10:28+00:00

I challenge the premises of your post. I don't think there's such a thing as "attracted to personality". It's because "attracted" means something way different for women than it does to men.

Women are not "attracted" to personality. They like men with certain personalities. They want men with certain personalities. Women may even "need" a man with a certain personality or certain traits, to have any kind of relationship with him. But that does NOT mean those women want to have sex with those men.

It just means men with the desired personalities are useful to those women. It means women can use those men. It means those men have something those women want or need at the moment.

"Attracted to personality" means "man I think I can use" or "man who has something I want or need right now" or "man I can exploit and stripmine for resources" or "man I can manipulate to do things I want him to do or give me things I want/need".

Women are willing to have sex with men whose "personalities" are "attractive". But that's it - all they can muster up is "willing to" have sex. No. That's not good enough. For true attraction to be present, she must WANT TO have sex with him. Just being "willing" to have sex indicates a lack of sexual attraction.

"Attracted to personality" is bullshit cover for "seeking a man who is useful to me right now for whatever purposes I want/need".

CandleLess · 2021-04-28T14:15:40+00:00

Would you bang a 600lb dude with a 10/10 personality? If not, then looks still matter to you

cowfishAreReal · 2021-04-30T01:57:17+00:00

Comments sense is not scientific and cannot get people to the truth try again

Title	Men have misconceptions about what "being attracted to personality" means for the dating scene
Author	DreamsOfWishes
Upvotes	8
Comments	327
Date	April 27, 2021 11:45 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/n01wgx/men_have_misconceptions_about_what_being/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/men-have-misconceptions-about-what-being-attracted.777067 https://theredarchive.com/post/777067