I'm not gonna get too far in the weeds on this:

synopsis: marriage of 16+ years (2003-2019) imploded, ruined mine and my kids immediate life, due to adultery by their mother. emotional affair, led to physical. she blamed me for it, classic I know. separated and going through divorce process for 6+ years. divorce finalized in 2025. now looking at having to sell my house for the divorce to finally be free of her minus minimal involvement for my kids sake.

I've dated once early on in the first year of separation, but didn't tell my then 8 and 12 year old because I didn't want to introduce them to someone who wasn't going to be there for us. that relationship ended due to trust issues from her, as she saw my focus as being a good and involved father as an "issue", even though she was a single mom of three, who had only weekends and nothing more due to her past. found out this woman was also entertaining another man towards the end so it made me sour for relationships for several months.

next relationship lasted nearly 2.5 years and that one ended amiably. single gal who had never been married and no kids, but fell into the "not bonus mom" realm after we combined household after being together for over a year. I introduced her to the kids and had their blessing in moving her into their home.

now I find myself not even mentally wanting to be in a relationship. I'm quite happy to be single, though I do like the idea of a partner, I'm just not looking if that makes sense?

I find the dating market where I am feels tainted, is the best way I can wrap my mind around it. I get friends and family saying: "go find a good church, you'll meet someone." and to that suggestion? my usual response is to deflect, as my last experience with church was to be left hanging by my then local church when I asked for help. made me feel abandoned and without help.

am I becoming black pilled?