Divorce coping

deaflenny · 2024-09-02T13:54:15+00:00

I can relate

Warden_CauseySr · 2024-09-02T10:21:52+00:00

Obviously by judging the comments, you’re not alone. I moved out in January and the divorce was final in May, however it was my decision in this case. Even still, seeing how my kids are coping with it has made me contemplate things. And all the same, they are what keep me going. Find what brings you joy and focus on that.

FewTie77 · 2024-09-02T08:55:28+00:00

I seriously thought about it. I fell into a very bad place after my ex left me. I wasn't a perfect husband but I gave her everything, and was basically on my own providing for us. My family is what got me through it. Mostly remembering how hard my mom took it when my older brother attempted suicide as a teen. I knew it'd be worse for her if I actually did it, and I couldn't bear to be the cause of that kind of pain for her. Now over a year layer I'm not 100% back but I'm in a much better place. There are still hard days especially on important dayes but hopefully with time thay will get better.

jaceq777 · 2024-09-02T07:34:00+00:00

I did contemplate it one evening. Took some benzos and opioids and sat there in the dark with the kitchen knife. Told my friends who texted my wife who moved out at this point, she called an ambulance. By the time they arrived I was much calmer and put the knife down. I was expecting the wife to come home after that, but she didn't, she didn't care more than to just call the ambulance, but you would do it for any stranger also. I didn't do it all for her sympathy or as a cry for help, I didn't text her, didn't want her to know at all. If I didn't have a dog, maybe I would have done that, but I had a sense of duty in that I couldn't leave him alone and I was responsible for him. I'm with him still and everyday I thank this fluffy ball for saving my life.

Exact_Public_2958 · 2024-09-02T01:05:33+00:00

It's amazing so many of us go through the same shit. Feel the same sometimes especially at night when can't sleep. I'm still in the thick of it so great to hear there is light at the end of the tunnel. I've go to really take the advice here seriously and get active. Spent the whole day today doom scrolling not good.

Previous-Product777 · 2024-09-01T23:53:54+00:00

Yeah, in the first year, I once semi-seriously considered jumping off a bridge and onto the train tracks on the way back from a night out. So glad I didn’t, as how my life is now to how I felt then is night and day. You won’t believe people when they say it, as you can’t see beyond your grief when you’re in the thick of it, but things really will improve over time. There’s no quick fix, unfortunately. Just have to follow the advice so many people give, and that’s to work out like a madman, take up a new hobby you always wanted to do, stay off booze, eat healthy and build your money back up. There’s nothing special about me, so if I can do it, you can too, just hang in there.

tinrooster2005 · 2024-09-01T22:42:19+00:00

This worked for me. I made a deal with myself that if it didn't get better in a year then I had permission from myself to go through with it. I circled a date and whenever I thought about it or it got rough I'd say "well x days, and I don't have to do this anymore. ". Eventually things did get better and I forgot about it entirely.

GreenCod8806 · 2024-09-01T22:10:16+00:00

It will get better. The divorce is just evident that this was not the right person for you. Don’t ever think about ending your precious life over the wrong person. That would just be dumb my friend.

Talk to someone you trust-a sibling, a friend, a parent and get your feelings out. You will feel a great deal of relief just by releasing them. Keep yourself busy. Exercise, do whatever brings you joy and a laugh.

I promise you things will get better. One day at a time and the pain will decrease with each passing moment it will become smaller and smaller like a speck of dust and you can just blow it off into the wind.

Life has challenges. This one is yours. Don’t for a second think other people don’t have challenges. Life is all about what you do with those challenges. Divorce does not define you. You define you.

Build your support network—it’s important.

Classic_Dill · 2024-09-01T19:47:51+00:00

Let me give you some facts first, men are eight times more likely to commit suicide after a divorce than a woman is. So it’s not uncommon to feel that way, I myself went through three months back in 2019 when I found about my wife’s infidelity, that I was really in a dark place and on the edge, by month 3 1/2 my spine started to come back and I knew my kids needed at least one parent in their life, never thought about it since then. Don’t do it! This will pass my friend, but it’s going to take a few years, understand you’re gonna have to ride that out because there is sunshine at the end of the tunnel. Stay with us, brother! We need you!

One of the most important things you can do for yourself right now, is get yourself a psychiatrist! Not a therapist, I recommend a psychiatrist! They will help you compartmentalize these feelings, and they will actually give you some relief and validating the way you feel, I can’t tell you how much my Psychiatrist helped me that first three months , find yourself a psychiatrist and go at least two or three times a month until you start feeling better.

icemountainisnextome · 2024-09-01T19:23:18+00:00

Oh yes. The day I got home to a note I had to call the suicide hotline which calmed me somewhat in the moment. The day after I had a suicide note and a noose tied from an extension cord. I couldn't take it, I really didn't want to live without her. Her smile and laugh, her positive outlook on everything, our hobbies were all the same, she was my absolute dream girl. But she left the dogs. I couldn't leave them. I couldn't leave our boys with my body hanging from the stairs. I couldn't leave my dad with that phone call from the police or hospital whenever they found my body days later with the boys probably starving or also dead from malnutrition. I felt even more guilty that I had to keep going. And I have my dogs with me now as I type this nearly 12 months later.

It's been a wild year. I've cried less, understood why she left more, and ultimately it's given me a new plate of armor that I can apply to any challenge in life.

No_Pace2396 · 2024-09-01T19:06:43+00:00

Yes. I've been through this. My partner and I were both going through protracted divorces. Ours had both been getting progressively worse, financially, losing our kids, our identities, the life we had. Being exploited by our ex's. She completed 7 months ago, left me, her kids, her family, coworkers and friends that loved her. Her ex too, but I saw him at the funeral. He found her but I could see on his face that he knew he won. For him her suicide probably wasn't the intended outcome, but it was an acceptable outcome. I figure my ex feels the same way--not ideal but something she could live with.

I get why she did it, and I've thought it through too, but what she's left in the wake of her death you don't want me to tell you. Go here: https://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideBereavement/

If you ever want to talk you can PM me. I go on for my kids and my brother, but I can't give you any other good reason why. I get it: men give themselves to marriage, become what their woman wants, then get discarded in divorce.

mjake15 · 2024-09-01T18:40:05+00:00

Thought about it many times and also thought better of it. Leaving my daughters behind would be the ultimate selfish act on my part and I would never do that to them. I’m here doing my best to give them the best version of myself. This shit isn’t easy, very painful at times.

stupididiot78 · 2024-09-01T17:38:29+00:00

The people at the mental hospital gave me the option of committing myself or doing an intensive outpatient program for weeks. I didn't feel in immediate danger so I went the outpatient route. Eventually, insurance said that they were going to stop paying because of how long I'd been going despite the fact that everyone there said that I needed to keep coming.

RevolutionaryLaw8854 · 2024-09-01T17:37:48+00:00

Yes. Wrote a note and sat with a loaded gun in my hands. Very dark indeed.

Please contact someone, anyone. You are loved and your life is worth living.

PM me anytime 💙

Reflog1791 · 2024-09-01T17:12:54+00:00

Schedule an appointment with a counselor asap.

HusbandGettingBetter · 2024-09-01T17:09:25+00:00

Yes, my thoughts went there when she filed. She destroyed me several times through the process (though I now realize I was her partner in my destruction). See a therapist and work through it. There is no other way. Message me if you need to. I'm here for you if you need someone to talk to.

zemira_draper · 2024-09-01T16:48:15+00:00

There’s a reason the suicide rate for men going through a divorce is 8x higher so what you’re feeling is 100% normal. You’ve gotta stay with us though, suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem and leaves a hole in the lives of those left behind that you can’t begin to comprehend when you’re considering taking yourself from us. Get out and go for walks, stay away from alcohol, get into a doctor and therapy if you can afford it.

T-Rat93 · 2024-09-01T16:30:21+00:00

Try psilocybin, helped pull me away from suicidal thoughts. Been divorced 4 months now, still sucks, still hate my current life post divorce, but I’ve started to gain some glimmers of hope for the future.

Bobby_Digitul · 2024-09-01T16:19:06+00:00

It's more common than you might think. Don't do it. In a few months you will look back and feel like that moment was a snapshot of someone else's life.

Excellent-Mongoose96 · 2024-09-01T16:13:37+00:00

I have deff felt the same way . I was with ex for 6 years and roller coaster rides. I felt my identity as a family man was gone , stripped away from me with no fault of my own. My ex and I tried to reconcile , and i moved back into her house. I found she was texting a co-worker, and 2 weeks later, she wanted to separate.

I have been separated and moved out for 4 months now. I have been in BJJ(jui-jitsu), working out daily , creating a purpose with my career, and being the best dad I can be for my son .

All this said , there is light at the end of the tunnel . It takes a little time, but it will get better . The best ways that i have seen are getting into a hobby , talking with guys in a group, reaching out to friends and family, and journaling thoughts. It takes time, but the dark days will turn to light.

Much love, brother .

Professional_Local15 · 2024-09-01T16:11:34+00:00

Go watch office space and say fuck it. Try that for a year first

ImportantRecipe3087 · 2024-09-01T16:06:42+00:00

Yep. It’s a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

Title	Divorce coping
Author	Efficient_Leather_76
Upvotes	26
Comments	26
Date	September 1, 2024 3:53 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1f6hqzv/divorce_coping/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/divorce-coping.1529081 https://theredarchive.com/post/1529081

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