How the Fuck

Party7670 · 2025-02-28T16:54:57+00:00

You sound like my situation. Married 22 years.

I had to buy her a house and then give her a set amount monthly for 6 years.

When the divorce was final there was a such a mess to clean up. She left our previous home a disaster which cost my tens of thousands to take clean up. When I went after her, I got the sob story of "let's be amicable" and "just please deal with because I am trying to start fresh and I am not doing well mentally"

I let it go and paid it. I was doing really well in my job and I could afford it.

The next year I lost my job. When I couldn't pay the alimony she pounced, I had to cash in all my 401k to catch up. I lost my home and am now buried in about 50k in debt.

I finally found a job but it pays monumentally less so she gets 70% of my paycheck.

She even sent a letter to my then girlfriend's mother warning her about what an awful person I am and to watch out for me.

A couple weeks ago I was really busy and didn't get a chance to send her the alimony payment until the end of the day. She must have been in a panic because I got 3 nasty emails.

So yeah, I hate her. I hope she is miserable.
Its OK to hate, do it.

Remarkable-Photo-533 · 2025-02-27T23:11:58+00:00

The “No Fault” state has to go away, but never will since it keeps lawyers in business. Every divorce is different and they should not be treated as if they are all the same. The system makes it way too easy for women to take advantage of men.

NothingIsEverEnough · 2025-02-27T22:59:55+00:00

I think I hate my ex, but she doesn’t occupy any headspace. There is a difference there. My life move along just fine

Jigglytep · 2025-02-26T14:54:30+00:00

I dealt with it by making a detailed revenge plan. Had to have the following criteria. Could not harm my daughter in any way. Had to have the result of making the following statement true: “clearly in our marriage I was holding her up and she was holding me down. “

STRONGER: I committed to working out and loosing weight getting healthier. She has put on weight and I lost some gained it back in COVID, but I’m still ahead.

SMARTER: I finished my college degree and started a masters program. She still lie to people that she finished college and how she is planning to get a PMP certificate.

RICHER: I changed careers and more than doubled my income. She lost her job and took a pay cut. I’m shopping around for an investment property to buy while she is looking for an apartment to share with her boyfriend.

Last November was our five year divorce anniversary. I am taking my daughter to DisneyWorld and Kennedy space center (where we will have breakfast with an astronaut! Because that is what she wants to be when she grows up. Love my little mini-me-nerd) as a victory lap; just us two!

probebeta · 2025-02-26T02:25:39+00:00

Look at the bright side maybe. Your kids are 18+ and will do whatever they want now. You are free to do whatever you please and won't have to see her ever again. I often envy folks that can fly across the world and come back 4 months later, but with a 6 year old and 50/50 it's not easy to pull off...

hfttb · 2025-02-26T02:19:46+00:00

The fuel for your hate is your own soul. Can’t change yesterday, figure out what you want for tomorrow and just work on that. Married for 30 and recently single. No one bossing me around in my space any more.

ThrowMeAwayPlz_69 · 2025-02-26T01:15:34+00:00

My only advice is nobody can dim your light except for yourself. Letting her ruin your mood is only letting her win. Now is the time to go out and live your best life.

She’s going to quickly find out she’s on the wrong side of the rainbow.

duck__man · 2025-02-26T01:14:51+00:00

You know how when your team loses the championship you feel terrible the next day but then it feels easier and easier. That’s how it is with divorce. After a while you’ll it won’t sting as bad

Zealousideal_Try_864 · 2025-02-26T01:01:39+00:00

You probably do, and most likely for good reason, but that’s not going to do you any good.

Just be the chill and forget about her victimhood (and yours).

We are all victims of life, how much we focus on that determines our ability to move on.

Saturday night my dinner was Cabernet and bacon. I’m living my best life.

CoatedWinner · 2025-02-26T00:48:16+00:00

Hate is strong, but you might. It's normally hard to hate someone for a very long period of time. Takes too much energy. You'll end up just feeling nothing for them eventually.

Just keep your head up and keep it going. You'll recover, land on your feet, and be better for it.

Sorry about the present - you got this though

Expert-Raccoon6097 · 2025-02-26T00:46:05+00:00

You signed a lifelong contract to a sub par woman (you're not alone most of us chose horribly) are are now being allowed to get out of that contract for a small sum compared to what you would have spent on her for the next 40 years.

Pay her to walk away and be happy. You just won the lottery mate. Don't believe me? Look at all your fellow men still trapped in miserable marriages. That could have been you!

Particular_Act7478 · 2025-02-25T23:51:36+00:00

How the hell does she get a house that you have to pay off? Seriously

fingerbang247 · 2025-02-25T23:38:30+00:00

Ii believe you’ll be okay, and probably better for it. Anger is a part of love, the tail end of it anyway. You’re not alone, most everybody that has loved and lost has gone through some or all parts of what you’re experiencing. Sounds cliche, but time will deaden that overwhelming never ending angry thoughts. And you’ll be whole again. Be patient my friend and hold on. Goes without saying: Take care of yourself.

Acceptable_Piano4809 · 2025-02-25T23:34:03+00:00

It’s not easy but it gets easier. I myself have been up and down, but the more time goes on, it’s been 29 months for me, it gets much easier. Now I would not go back to being married ever. It was like a gift for me as she got pregnant w APs baby before we had one, so now I’m free. Good luck guys!

Fiberguy81 · 2025-02-25T23:20:30+00:00

It's not easy by any means! I am in a similar situation with a bitch I've wasted 23 years on. I'm now 43 going on 44 and completely starting over with my life. My divorce won't be finalized until May. I get my kids (7 & 11) from 6pm Thursday to 6pm Sunday every other week (which absolutely kills me)!! I can't do 50/50 because of my work schedule. I've basically lost the last 23 years of shit that I worked so hard for and to provide for the family so this bitch could work 3 days a week. I've lost my house, my sweetheart of a dog, and I only have the boys a whopping 6 days a month. I've had to move back in with my parents house until I get shit straight and can get my own place again. I was so full of hatred and still am, but I am slowly realizing that I have been miserable for years and my kids was in a toxic environment (never violence though) and this is a chance for me to think about myself for once and actually being happy and my boys seem to realize this. I keep telling myself that this is giving me a clean slate and I am looking at it as a whole "new book" not a new "chapter". Thankfully, this ungrateful person is not taking alimony, but I have to pay 1032.23 every month to her for "child support" I am basically paying the mortgage for her and the power bill. This really urks me, but again, I keep telling myself this is my chance to finally think of my well-being and me and my boys have an even tighter bond and have so much fun together now without having to worry about pleasing the "narcissist of a mother/wife". It is so hard to look at the bright side of this, but you have to or the anger will ruin you! This is not easy! I broke down and cried almost every day for a couple months after I was ordered to leave the house and knew I wouldn't see my boys every day. But we video chat every night which is nice and it has lit a fire under my ass to make me want to come back a thousand times better and happier. My divorce won't be completely done until May of this year (which is also my birthday month) and I can't wait to get this stress over with and I know things will get even better for me and I am just praying that her shit starts falling apart. I'm kinda rambling but I hope this helps you just a little bit. You will be happier brother! It just takes a little time, but just realize you are the winner! Stay strong man, you got this shit!

CharacterProper8732 · 2025-02-25T23:11:44+00:00

"She gets the house that i have to pay off"

Do you have an attorney? Where are you located?

Hate is part of it—eventually you'll get to indifference. And you can fake indifference.

NotYours25 · 2025-02-25T23:04:11+00:00

There are dudes in this sub living out of their cars. The system will fuck you 6 ways to Sunday.

Keep your head up. You got this.

Content-Class1259 · 2025-02-25T22:45:50+00:00

I really don’t understand how you still need to pay these grubs. Australia, divorce, kids over 18, it’s sell up and split 50/50.

clvitte · 2025-02-25T22:44:27+00:00

Easy. You’re free. See it as paying for freedom

henrysmyagent · 2025-02-25T22:43:07+00:00

I never miss an opportunity to let everyone know what a shameless parasite my ex is.

Love watching their faces when I match her actions to the dictionary definition of "parasite."

InternJimmy07 · 2025-02-25T22:34:28+00:00

It'll eventually pass won't be a fast process especially writing that check each month I know first hand it's the worst day of the month for me writing that check for someone who claims can be independent but only if she's getting a free ride but eventually that will end and ill smile

Title	How the Fuck
Author	Maybe_an_Abyss
Upvotes	41
Comments	41
Date	February 25, 2025 10:26 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1iy7rvp/how_the_fuck/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/how-the-fuck.1544965 https://theredarchive.com/post/1544965

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