I cannot move on

ColdEstablishment172 · 2024-12-21T06:53:50+00:00

I don't get all the hate. My ex cheated on me too and is still with the AP till this day but it is nothing official because she hasn't even introduced him to my son. I'm not sure why. I wonder if it's because he is 50 and she is 32. Anyway, I don't hate her. I also don't hate him. I seriously believe he did me a favor. How can I hate my ex when I consider the fact that she was this disgusting person all the while she was with me in our relationship? She is not the prize that she thinks she is. Is she out there like she is living her best life? Yes. But so am I. I travel and I have so many hobbies and I look forward to 2025. I also have a hotter girl that I am banging at the moment who I actually feel a sincere connection to. But to be honest, now that I have been living on my own, I really do feel like I prefer it. Having said that, I'm not sure what's going to happen with me and this girl come the following year but I don't care. I am very much in love with my life. The love from my family and my son sustains me. As for the ex-girlfriend that cheated on me, although it looks like she is living her best life right now, I know for a fact that karma does catch up to a person. It's not so much a spiritual thing. Really all it is is the consequences of poor decision making. It's cause and effect. Someone with that kind of cheating mentality can only go down in life. I'm moving high up and nothing can stop me. I don't have time to hate. Life is too short for that.

Mediocre_Analysis665 · 2024-12-21T02:45:12+00:00

Time brother..you need time! It took me two years after divorce to find some peace. You'll be ok.

New_Kangaroo9490 · 2024-12-20T00:25:58+00:00

I feel this in my soul. My STBX did the same. Zero accountability is the worst. I am sorry you are going through this. What has helped me a bit is getting new friends that I don't talk about issues with my STBX .this helps a lot keeps my mind away from him, at least for a moment.

ConfidentHyena2662 · 2024-12-19T15:30:36+00:00

Jujitsu brother. It was a life saver for me. I’m 41 and if I didn’t find a community of men into taking out their aggression in a positive way. I probably wouldn’t be here today. The biggest insult to your ex wife is silence. Stop caring about her and do best to carve out a nice life. If you think, you being unhinged and angry is going to somehow make her feel your pain. It’s not. That’s just you swallowing poison hoping she gets sick. Stop the self sacrificing and wallowing in your own pain. Therapy, daily routine, morning sunlight, 3 meals per day, exercise, journaling, and time is what is going to get through this. Add some jujitsu training sessions to get the physical aggression out of your body. I promise you do all those things. It will get better.

Warden_CauseySr · 2024-12-19T12:15:27+00:00

You’re only giving her ammunition to say it’s why she did what she did in the first place. Act the better man and make her think twice. You can fight it and never know peace, or accept it and know peace.

RedFridged · 2024-12-19T09:06:11+00:00

Empathy friend. I get you…absolutely understand. Hopefully, you will eventually find your peace.

No_Astronaut5941 · 2024-12-19T06:48:45+00:00

How old are your girls man? There your girls man. Your. Girls. If they are too young man the fuck up and take it. If they are post pubescent, fuck that bitch. Your daughters might need to see what cunts are like.

randoramma · 2024-12-19T04:17:39+00:00

You do you bro, but not in front of the kids please (if that's a factor). It sucks.. sorry bout that. Focus on this kids, be a good dad.. good luck and wishing you the best!

ideastoconsider · 2024-12-19T02:35:38+00:00

Focus on the reality of her being such a broken person to have done this, not just to you but to anyone.

I guarantee she has terrible insecurities of some kind, an Fd up childhood and/or relationship with her parents and/or immature parents. Some path of least resistance where she rarely if ever had to stick with something hard until she achieved the end result.

When you can look back and see her track record of poor decision making which has led to her self sabotage in different facets of her life, you may turn that hate into a drop of disappointment, perhaps a little sympathy and a whole lot of relief that this person is no longer there to drag you and your kids completely down with her.

This new guy will find out too. You know it. We know it. Don’t waste your energy on this type of person.

bennyl23 · 2024-12-19T02:02:09+00:00

I hate my ex too. I really only feel it when I'm around her. When I'm not, I think about the future when I'll barely have any contact with her at all. Unfortunately I'll always have to be in contact with her because of our son, but that's it.

I think I hate that I still have to see her often. I hate her voice, I hate her face, I hate her. It will go away someday but right now the hate is strong with this one.

regertsrus · 2024-12-19T01:12:37+00:00

Also if you want to get him riled up, just wait, let him get close, then remind him what a real father is capable of. They want you to screw up. One complaint and you will have an order against you and it will be much more difficult to see your young kids. You have a decade ahead before your young kids are old enough to know you and real love of a father. You want to end your chances early? Your chance for real vengeance? Violence don't make you a man. It's your ability to remain calm in the face of adversity. I was where you are now, just a few years ago. Wanting to knock out every guy and friend who slept with my pathological liar of an X. It don't take much for me to pop off. I never feared anyone and have the scars to remind me who scares me. Never got the itch to punch the umpteenth new guy in his stupid face and trust me he deserves it. Itchy fists gonna get you in trouble. This is a chess game. It's going to be for you. They are not playing by the rules. You have to play theirs. Don't lose your cool. She will weaponize the system against you the first chance she gets. Don't let her. Your kids are too young to choose you and understand what a liar is. Give it time. Know tomorrow is going to be a better day and it will.

regertsrus · 2024-12-19T00:58:07+00:00

What if you knew, within a few short years you can; Find trust again, Rid yourself of the guilt you might be carrying, Find hope, Discover how to add meaning to life instead of finding the meaning in it, Find love, Start a new life, Find a new purpose, In the end realize that the worst liar of your life made you honestly happy, That the system she weaponized against you has no sway over your kids. Only you do. When you stumble and fall you will get up and take more steps forward.
It's ok to be angry. This too shall pass. Focus on your kids and one day you will keep the love, you will have given away over the next decade or more. Good luck bro

Commercial-Doubt-612 · 2024-12-18T23:56:56+00:00

I feel you brother. One day at a time. Keep the hate and grow stronger when the dust settle. We are made different. Some overcome it fast and some of us are tough nut to crack. Not only I hated her, but I hated myself for allowing and enabling all the lying, gaslighting and simping. I still hate myself for being stupid. I assume all these as an investment failure, a chance to grow and be more careful in the future. Some woman belong to the street. I hope they get railed and dumped by the Chad. Live by the sword, die by the sword.

Reflog1791 · 2024-12-18T23:25:40+00:00

You’re still early man. Breakthrough is coming. You will soon be glad all this happened exactly the way it happened IF you use it as fuel to improve everything in your life.

I had the same feelings. Just kept telling myself to make the next best move, keep grinding, let it go and move on.

I can happily report I just laugh at these scrubs now. Took awhile to rebuild but the proof is in the motherfuckin pudding.

Also remember you had her first, when she was younger, and not a dumb cheating wench. If you need a smile next time you do drop offs just ask that random dood how your balls taste (say it in your head and smile).

But the main thing is just improve your life and become the man you want to be. That will make you feel good about yourself and help let go of the past.

dnbndnb · 2024-12-18T21:18:40+00:00

If it means anything, they likely won’t last.

Your anger will chill more with more time. Don’t get yourself locked up over fighting with the trash.

I’m going to suggest you spend some time on the YouTube channel of John Griffon. I think it will help you.

sense4242 · 2024-12-18T19:58:37+00:00

I completely understand that rage. I know it helps nothing. The only person it hurts is me. You think she and her new guy are sitting around thinking about how mad you are? I can tell you that they aren’t. They are having fun and enjoying life. I know I have to start living too and you should too, brother.

Objective-Bug-9205 · 2024-12-18T18:24:37+00:00

Same situation. I think you just have to learn to live with the anger and get better at compartmentalizing it or redirecting etc. The worst part is you end up having to talk to the person who stabbed you in the back because kids and can't sever contact entirely. I can rationalize that our marriage not being in a good place might be 50% my responsibility but cheating is 100% hers and the damage it does. I think the only way for me is to accept that she was always a piece of shit and I should have picked better. That said the AP hasn't really won anything here either.

Nowayman1414 · 2024-12-18T17:05:57+00:00

Hey brother I feel you on this. Similar situation but my timeline is smaller

15 years together, 7 married, 4 kids, cheated on me with someone she was trying to hide from me. It’s been 4 months and it’s hard for me to let her go, but to also not feel hated for the situation we got it and hate for her guy

But I think what helps is taking a step back and looking at everything. Honestly take a hard look at your whole situation and learn to accept the reality of it all. And that means also taking ownership of your own actions of what you have done as well. People in happy relationships don’t cheat. It’s a hard pill to swallow but I know I wasn’t perfect and i had to accept that. It made me resent my ex less and learn to split the “blame” more equally. It made me feel “ok” with the situation and somewhat accept it. Healing is slow process, and it’s difficult alone. You have friends and loved ones, it’s a matter of taking a step back and looking at what you have in life. You’re more blessed than you realize

andy2m · 2024-12-18T10:30:57+00:00

Get a pen, write lists of appreciation. Lists of achievements you have had since. Situations you’ve experienced that you wouldn’t have had if it hadn’t happened. Lists of how you’re getting better or even just how you’re changing .

It’s not easy and it’s ok to feel bad, just try not to let it consume you.

Suspicious_Dot6179 · 2024-12-18T10:06:59+00:00

Problem with hate, it only destroys your life, not hers

LeaderTrue4192 · 2024-12-18T07:55:47+00:00

Bro, honestly do you have a couple of close male friends? If not you need to become part of a herd brother.

You need to be under other men, you will quickly adapt and not give a fuck, because you will notice your friends have the same problems, and men do motivate and uplift other men when you meet the right bro`s.

You probably do not have enough distraction in your life.

keep going to the gym 5~7 day per week, use that anger, that fucking relentless mouth foaming angrer that i feel for my ex in the gym, I am lifting max weights everytime due being always pissed off about my ex, embrace that agression.

Also you need focus on yourself, how to enhance you to the next level, anything that financially or give you better social status. Next level you, that is what it is about.

Pay for pussy, you need get laid, me too i plan to go thailand early 2025 and set a new world record, not kidding.

pinku1 · 2024-12-18T07:03:27+00:00

exact same situation here, hate this

Title	I cannot move on
Author	throwawaystyle0
Upvotes	21
Comments	50
Date	December 18, 2024 5:58 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1hgv7b1/i_cannot_move_on/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/i-cannot-move-on.1538845 https://theredarchive.com/post/1538845

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