I can't stand my stbxw

xadmin1 · 2024-01-18T03:43:46+00:00

You resent investing in somebody who can’t be a good partner in a marriage. The red flag was there from the beginning.

Visual_Cycle_1066 · 2024-01-12T22:44:48+00:00

Resentment and hate are poisons in your mind and body. Cleanse yourself my brother. Indifference is where you want to be. Your current state of mind and emotion gives her power over you - is that what you want?

Your dog exchange is a business transaction. She's a clerk at a store.

Step into your new life and leave her behind.

cashewnuts69 · 2024-01-12T15:53:04+00:00

Give it time to settle off / cool off🥰❤

52 (F) from Seattle Old fashioned

captainchippsixx · 2024-01-12T14:49:54+00:00

Man. Best to be done. When they say that stuff they have been planning for a while, even setting up the next guy. She may have already started seeing someone. Most women have to have landing place to go before they give up the resources that your providing.

lolofrofro · 2024-01-12T14:12:00+00:00

If someone doesn’t want you, do yourself a favor and don’t try to convince them otherwise. You deserve someone that actually wants you.

New-Amoeba9042 · 2024-01-12T12:53:03+00:00

Well, on the bri the side, if you hate her, and she’s a stbx, it’s going the right direction. Honestly, hate makes it easier, just don’t do anything stupid because of it

HODLMEPLS · 2024-01-12T04:02:27+00:00

Narcissistic abandonment by her. Sorry

Acceptable_Piano4809 · 2024-01-12T03:47:04+00:00

So right on, how do they do this? It’s borderline insane! I’ve forgiven my STBX (to myself, never to her face) for wanting to leave me/move on/ whatever, but I’ll NEVER forgive her for damaging the trusting nature that I had. I never once invaded her privacy or second guessed her, I have her all the freedom she wanted and respected that she had her own life outside of our marriage, but to totally take advantage of the nice trusting person I was, will never ever be forgiven. She damaged me for life, and I feel bad for the future women I may or may not date. I will forever be paranoid, anxious about whoever I date in the future doing anything without me. She killed my innocence!

She’s a completely sociopathic lying individual who has way way more issues than me! I don’t feel the need to spy on people, go through their phone, second guess everything they do, I’d rather remain single. It’s sad as I was completely trusting and always gave her the benefit of the doubt. Turns out she was projecting her own narcissism on me.

foookie · 2024-01-12T01:03:24+00:00

Hate to say this, but there’s almost always another man in the picture when they say that.

Let’s say this is a complete anomaly and there’s no other swinging dick to monkey branch to. Once she uttered those words it’s over! And it has been far longer than you knew.

Women completely detach before the man even knows what happened, she’s way ahead of you and you feel blind sided.

The only mantra that needs to be said about her from now on is “I Don’t Care”. Say it every time a painful thought comes in, say it enough until you believe it.

Choose indifference and work the legal process.

DatabaseSpace · 2024-01-12T01:02:36+00:00

She probably already has a new guy. If not the whole i love you but not in love with you is womanese for I want to go screw at least one other person to possibly many. I was really angry during that time. During divorce proceedings my ex was telling people at her work "I have a husband and a boyfriend right now". Like it was funny and she was proud of it. Fucking karma will catch up with that bitch eventually.

moveonplease45 · 2024-01-11T23:12:33+00:00

Yup. You gotta realize the person you thought you were marrying didn’t exist. She was playing a role - an actress. The person you see now is who she always has been.

8 years for me! Except I filed first.

It’s freeking tough. Lots of emotions.

But use that fire to do something positive. Make up for lost time. You can have a MUCH better life without her. Do things right for yourself from this point forward.

I’m in the middle of a super high conflict divorce right now. She’s making false allegations, telling every mutual friend and even strangers that I’m a monster, trying to control our daughter, etc etc. SHE is the monster, it’s all projection. It took me about 5 months to realize she always has been a monster, she just hid it well, and when she didn’t I made excuses for her. I got a good therapist and have gotten stronger and can see where and how to set strong boundaries, trust my intuition, and not let garbage people into my life.

Still a long journey ahead, but I’m starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel and I know I’ll be a better man for going through this.

Flimsy-Ad-1959 · 2024-01-11T22:29:52+00:00

What is it with the 9-10 year mark. Mine just asked for the divorce after 9+ years. Is that a major number for the girls?

GravityIsForRookies · 2024-01-11T22:21:12+00:00

In a way, you are lucky. My ex gave up on us too but I still love her and can’t bring myself to hate her. I wish I could, it’d make this much easier.

If it’s any consolation… we went to pre-marital counseling and still ended up divorced 9 years later.

Hang in there. This may be the best community on Reddit.

fives_gw · 2024-01-11T22:01:16+00:00

Totally empathize with you, my man.

It's just guttingly unfair how much the divorce laws of our so-called society can allow a selfish / controlling etc woman to take advantage of a man in today's world, if she's inlined to (or, very importantly, if she decides often years later, after her delicate feelings have changed, that she's inclined to!) just by convincing him to marry her.

Sure, that selfish/shitty/greedy/unaccountable ex wife is a necessary ingredient for the pain and loss I'm sure you're feeling now (and I think it's absolutely fair to be mad as hell about how her exploitative decisions disadvantaged you, as long as your mindset is to acknowledge those feelings and work to eventually move past them, and never let them own you or control your behavior or outlook). I think it's also true that agreeing to the absurdly stacked-against-us deal that is legal marriage is where all of us in this forum, fundamentally, fucked up. And that's not to blame you, or me, or any of us, for being naive about that. In many cases, it was just impossible for us to have known what we were getting into by signing that marriage license. Live and learn, right?

Best forward-looking advice I've heard is to just try to learn what you can from your (awful, painful, life- and person-altering) divorce experience and use that hell-forged new experience and insight to make yourself stronger and your future life better. It sounds like you (very much like me!) probably had some trouble holding your boundaries with your ex. Acknowledge that (read the book No More Mr Nice Guy if you haven't yet--it's great on this sort of issue), own it as something that you fell short on, and resolve to change how you'd handle a similar situation in the future. Hold those boundaries better in the future -- never put yourself in a position to allow any woman to exploit you like that again. You'll be better for it, and, eventually, so will your future life, any relationship you choose to pursue, and ultimately your overall life satisfaction. You'll be stronger for what you went through, and what it taught you about things to change in yourself for the better.

So yeah, I'd say, it's probably more than fair for many of us here to be mad as hell about where our ex's decisions left us in life. But always remember that your decisions were there in the mix too, and you can make those -- the only part you control -- better in the future, and have a better life for it.

Title	I can't stand my stbxw
Author	ashport775
Upvotes	35
Comments	76
Date	January 11, 2024 9:35 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/194d6l3/i_cant_stand_my_stbxw/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/i-cant-stand-my-stbxw.1242747 https://theredarchive.com/post/1242747

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