It looks to be that most advice geared towards men are to the sole breadwinner. I’m like quite a few men these days who have stepped into a role of primary caregiver to our 2 children. In the beginning of our marriage I worked as a bartender in a successful restaurant and she wasn’t as high up in her company. Fast forward some years and she’s an executive while I was still tending bar and taking care of our kids during the day. Then the pandemic came. She began working longer hours than ever, since I was out of work I naturally took over most of the childcare and household duties.

After the pandemic lifted, I went to working at the bar a couple days a week. Her responsibilities increased and her company moved farther away. It really seemed logical that I make a few bucks on the side while doing all the pick ups, drop offs, and doctors appointments. Also household chores.

This year she tells me she wants a divorce. I’m devastated. She says she still wants to be friends and wants to be amicable, which I agree because I absolutely want whats best for the children. Well, with that decision the law says she is now responsible for spousal support. I don’t want much, just enough to get me through a vocational college and help me get on my feet. We also have a house together, and she wants to keep it-fine. I don’t mind living in an apartment so long as I get kid time. We’re in a very expensive part of California.

Now she’s telling me, “You are not getting 1/2 of my 401k! Don’t expect any money because we’re broke, living paycheck to paycheck!” However she says she has my best interest in mind.

The harsh reality is her father is a cosigner of our home, and loaned the down payment. There is also significant debt to him that I didnt sign for and he has no official paperwork. It was supposed to “come out of her inheritance”. Her family is very wealthy- she will have no financial problems after this. Meanwhile she tells me she’s defending me from her sociopathic family. I didn’t do much wrong which she acknowledges.

We have a meeting with a mediator this week and I feel so defeated. I’m not trying to be greedy but I will need (and am entitled) to help. I really love my kids, but she’s pissing me off. The ball will be in her fucking court because of her family’s wealth.

This sucks, I just needed to rant. We were talking about avoiding lawyers, now it looks like we’re going to lose a bunch of money to them.