So buddies

It’s really hard to talk about for me but I want to ask a few things here the straight facts:

I (38,M) cheated on my wife (33, F) after 7 years of marriage. Had an affair for 6 months straight. She caught us at our home.

I feel 100% guilty. She of course is more than mad. I am full time working, she was staying at home/studying for the past 6 years. We do own a house which is fully paid off, bought 6 months after our marriage.

She has a lawyer and I agreed with an uncontested divorce. I agreed with giving her the house, our dog and 7 years of spousal support 60% of my income after taxes. I am guilty I do have a guilty conscience and I don’t want to argue with her over her claims.

Her attorney, her and myself will have a meeting next week to do finalize the paperwork. My question is: edit: she and her attorney answered my questions

Please help

Final answer:

Just want to answer to all of you: I am really thankful for your kind words! I will definitely go to a therapist, from my today’s point of view I can’t stand the situation without one. I was at our former house talking to her tonight and she said the same and she will help me with my therapy. She is ready to attend if the therapist think it helps.

She also brought me back to the bottom line. After reading all the comments on here i was a bit positive and was ready to get a lawyer just to have an eye on. She really disliked the idea, she thought I will maybe try to renegotiate our conditions, that I already promised her to agree by my life, and if it won’t be me myself than the attorney would talk me into. She asked me if I am already ready to break another promise after what I did to her and her life and she’s right I am not. I promised I will agree, I won’t get an attorney and we will play it be her rules to make it as quick and easy for her so that she can move on. She promised that there won’t be any hidden traps and that I can trust her because she isn’t a liar like me.

Our conversation really hit me and I am definitely at my lowest point in life. I never felt more guilty than now. We also figured out that she will get 50% of my 401k, as it was meant for both of us so it technically belongs to her. It has to be done now in the process of the divorce or I will have to pay the 10% penalty.

So we sorted everything out, I know compared to what she’s entitled to it is way to much, but I just have to agree I am emotionally not ready to disagree or argue with her. I just can’t and it feels right because I messed with her life as hard as I could. I somehow looking forward to get everything signed and stamped by a judge. She will try to ask her attorney to speed up the process so we will get to sign by the end of the week.

She also answered all my questions which were left.

Her attorney explained all the details to me. We already had 2 meetings after her filing the divorce where we both listed all of our belongings to her attorney on which base she is working out the settlement to sign.

The support is a non modifiable one, so she won’t be able to claim a rise and I won’t be able to lower it. Better for me, I can plan and I have just enough savings to pay the support for 5 years without income. So even if I’ll be without a job for 5 out of the next 7 years I will not get into legal trouble. Almost, I do have living costs, so let’s say 4 out of 7 years if I move to a really cheap area but I won’t lose my income, so no problem.

We both do have our own car, one registered on her name one on mine, they stay untouched.

All the furniture, paintings,... stay in the house, which is fully paid off and will be hers. I already moved out, staying at a friends apt and looking for a new one

There is no property registered in my name, except for the house.

My 401k will be split 50/50

Spousal support will be 7 years approximately 60% of my monthly income after taxes

We did have a shared checking account where my paychecks went to. We both had access to it. All the bills were paid of this account (gas, property tax, internet, her fees for school, her cosmetics, ...) and all the money we used everyday came from it. (Groceries, dinner, shopping, wardrobe,...) The money left before the next paycheck went 50% into her personal savings account and 50% into mine. My savings account stays mine, her savings account stays hers.

When she filed for the divorce she withdrew the whole amount which was on the shared checkings account and transferred it to her new private account to have money for the first time. I opened a new private account for my paychecks from now on. So we have already seperated that.

Everything is sorted out and crystal clear so far. She also answered me my questions yesterday.

I just wait to sign the paperwork and she will then hand it in to court for final review.

Thank you for your help and concerns

Thank you all for your good comments and advice!