What to teach the next generation?

OkEmphasis5923 · 2025-01-21T22:58:23+00:00

I would want them to know all the possibilities that can happen in marriage. I would want them to go on the main Divorce sub, this sub, the Marriage sub, the dating over forty sub, the infidelity sub, the abuse sub, and so much more. I would want them to know how people tick, what motivates behaviors, and how relationship dynamics play out. I would want them to go into a marriage with their best foot forward but know that its a total crapshoot and no matter how much they prepare or how much effort they put in anything can and will happen.

EvalCrux · 2025-01-21T18:59:30+00:00

I buy the same tool whenever I need it fresh. Problem solved and created.

Real answer: you can strive for and inhabit a life without tools/hobbies that don't need them, cars that don't need maintenance, and your complaints harken to my boomer dad being very particular about his tools as well.

Advice to my kids: I helped set their temperament early, and will teach them to look out for and avoid women like their mother became, though she's doing a great job as a living example to avoid.

SuperConfused40 · 2025-01-21T17:05:04+00:00

Emotional intelligence

DriverMysterious9505 · 2025-01-21T14:00:24+00:00

I’ll teach my boy he does not owe any woman a marriage

THX1138-22 · 2025-01-21T13:59:41+00:00

I would tell them that the clock is ticking for both men and women. If you wait until your 30s to get married, you will have a smaller pool to choose from and there will be a higher percentage of damaged people. Around age 25, they should get serious about finding a partner for marriage and approach it like a job interview-love is the least important criteria. And marriage is definitely worth it—a man in a marriage makes more, it’s by far the best way to raise children. I would also tell them to get a solid prenup, though. Sure, it’s not foolproof, but it will help to filter out the gold-diggers. I would tell them to avoid AI girlfriends since AI is manipulating and addictive and will be a barrier to meeting a real person.

Alert_Brick2273 · 2025-01-21T12:45:26+00:00

I will teach them the importance of communication and probably a pre-nup.

Any-Charge-8356 · 2025-01-21T11:50:11+00:00

I have 3 boys, my oldest son lives with me, he does not like his mum, because every piece of shit she throws at me also affects him. He sees her real nature.

I teach my boys to just enjoy as much woman (paid/unpaid) not get stuck on the first pussy that feels good, and just always focus on their own life with priority at all times.

Woman are for good times, Never to complete one self, social circles, finances, missing love. And like others say, there is no such thing as monogamous woman these days, just enjoy the sex, companionship, get childeren for yourself and threat them as a surrogate for your kids, thats it.

Decon_SaintJohn · 2025-01-21T09:13:40+00:00

I didn't have any, so I don't need to worry about fucking up another generation.

Melynthos1492 · 2025-01-21T05:24:33+00:00

Women purposely do shit to disrespect you, my ex wife would never touch any of my tools for work, but she disrespected me in a dozen other ways. I don’t think it’s that she didn’t care about your tools, she just knew this was a good way to go at you

probebeta · 2025-01-21T04:01:04+00:00

Relationships are no longer what they used to be, and for all I know they will be different when my kid grows up. One advice is to pursue some purpose and not make women the purpose. The good ones will be patient. I can't say that's solid advice, but being pulled sideways by the wrong woman is a pretty big risk 😅

apatrol · 2025-01-21T03:22:21+00:00

I teach my daughter to be kind with her honesty. It's important to have difficult conversations and they take practice. Life is forever a long drawn out learning opportunity. Learn to study school or life.

No matter what feminist say men will judge her for body count. Sex in a relationship is funner, more fulfilling, and have less chance of serious consequences. Teen pregnancy will slow her life earnings by over a million over her life. However she shouldn't be ashamed of sex. It's not some naughty thing to be avoided or go to hell.

We don't bully and we don't judge those less fortunate or be jealous of those with more. We give when we can and work as hard as we can not to take as there will always be those that need it more.

She is very lucky to have had her college paid for already. She can be whatever she wants to be but a degree it required. Then she can go to any trade school she wants. Always have options in case you get injured, to old for that trade, or just decide you don't like it anymore.

Life is really fucking hard. Some years will be filled with crying and depression. Some years will be fulfilling and feel like they are the most loved person in history.

Acceptable_Piano4809 · 2025-01-20T23:27:59+00:00

I don’t have a kid, but if I had a son I would teach him exactly what marriage actually means. It’s not a game, it’s not something you do because you’re cool, and the big huge one is I wouldn’t raise my children to think that marriage is the end game and the only way to be happy and successful. I look at myself, and I think sometimes why do I even think I’d be happier living with one woman? I don’t think humans were ever intended on having one life long partner, I mean almost everything in biology tells us differently. Having a “soul mate” and even the concept of romantic love is a total social construct, and it’s brought so much emptiness in my life thinking I’m missing something. It is amazing to me I let someone treat me so poorly in the name of “happy wife happy life”.

If I had a daughter, I would teach her that her goal in life has to be something more than “marry as well as you can”. Me being a very successful 44 year old man, I am totally amazed sometimes at some of the women of my generation, they will get a cheap apt w the intention of meeting a guy and moving in his place. Men don’t do hang kind of thing, and if they do they’re immediately seen as a leach or a mooch. When is the last time you’ve seen one of your buddies deliberately get the cheapest efficiency in town and spend all his money trying to win the heart of some woman at the bar who has a house? For some women my age, this is like sport.

IceCreamMan1977 · 2025-01-20T23:22:10+00:00

The person you marry is the single most important contribution to your joy or suffering.

BlueHarvest17 · 2025-01-20T22:55:41+00:00

Learn how to be happy with yourself first and foremost and not to feel the need to have someone else make you happy. You'll be a lot more successful in all your relationships then. Make sure to have friends and friendships outside your marriage....don't make your marriage your sole focus. Learn how to communicate well. Letting stuff build up or go unsaid is going to kill you over time. Learn how to set appropriate boundaries. And very importantly, know that if you get married, it's both a loving commitment AND a legal contract that comes with legal obligations you may not like. Know your rights and what happens if the other person changes at some point (or if you change). Have a pre-nup agreement...if your relationship can't survive a pre-nup, it can't survive a marriage.

Effective_Hornet_833 · 2025-01-20T22:23:13+00:00

Not yet divorced, but may end up there. I shared a copy of Attached with my 4 older daughters. They can find someone who is more likely to give them a successful relationship. At some point I will explain that they need to actually understand the weaknesses of their parents’ marriage in a more substantive way, and they will need to be really intentional about finding a new path that they haven’t yet seen well modeled. It’s easy to say you’re going to do that, it requires more than they are going to expect.

Expert-Raccoon6097 · 2025-01-20T22:18:37+00:00

My advice to my daughter is to marry and have kids young. Pick a guy who has $$$. Divorce when the kids are grown and then go have fun with a man you love.

My son already figured out on his own never to get married and never commit to a woman. Smart little fucker he is.

TXJohn83 · 2025-01-20T21:47:43+00:00

You can date rich or you can date poor, it's the same dating experience just one comes with a better quality of life.

Far-Equal-8618 · 2025-01-20T21:29:20+00:00

Be a better man than me.

rationalvet · 2025-01-20T21:05:41+00:00

Don't ignore the red flags over your feelings. If you choose to move forward remember, you're not going to be special compared to their exes you are just next. Don't get married if they only care about their needs/wants and not your own. And honestly, there's no reason to get married. Just makes the end of the relationship that much more difficult.

stent00 · 2025-01-20T20:52:52+00:00

Gonna tell my boys to not get married. Especially to someone who makes less than they do. Vet the woman! Don't rush anything. Too many red flags and gonso. Don't be a simp

pk2at · 2025-01-20T20:30:29+00:00

I would teach boys to not sign the marriage certificate

regertsrus · 2025-01-20T20:15:02+00:00

Mark Twain once said "a man who never lies does not have to remember what he said". This has been the most influential quote i have read. Both for me and my kids.
Another one is "the love you give away is the only love you keep".

detmus · 2025-01-20T19:54:11+00:00

Great topic. I’m in the early stages of my divorce. Kids don’t know officially, but they’re smart and they “know” on an intuitive level.

I’m cautiously optimistic for things to be amicable and civil, but time will tell.

My takeaway is that through years of therapy, I’m the one that gets to break the generational trauma. I refuse to pass that on to my kids. The best way I can provide for them is to give them the best version of me. To do that, I’ve got to split from their mother. They deserve to grow up in a home with laughter, joy, conflict AND repair. They need to know what respect and love looks like and have it modeled for them.

pookiemon · 2025-01-21T05:38:03+00:00

If you have a plant and want it to flourish, you take care of it by watering it, feeding it, caring for it, learning all you can on how to take care of it. If you have a relationship and want it to flourish, you have to apply the same effort.

DaveTheDrummer802 · 2025-01-24T19:45:39+00:00

I know that my kids have a warped idea of what a good marriage is. Truthfully, I hope my sons never get married and my daughter doesn't treat men the way most women do.

Title	What to teach the next generation?
Author	domo_roboto
Upvotes	27
Comments	32
Date	January 20, 2025 7:46 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1i5z31t/what_to_teach_the_next_generation/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/what-to-teach-the-next-generation.1541715 https://theredarchive.com/post/1541715

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