Wife cheated

thraxx171 · 2026-04-14T09:36:18+00:00

I'm so sorry this happened to you. This is common and has happened to many of us. You're now in grief. I recommend getting some therapy or if you can't, watch the good therapy channels on youtube; Dr Meika Steinborn, Joe Hudson, Therapy in a nutshell just to name a few. You can do this. If you want her back, make her want you, don't beg, set boundaries and show her the best you. Also please start documenting this. Photos, dates, get your ducks in a row now. I know it's going to be the hardest thing you do, but you can do this. Walking/exercising and eating healthy also helps to clear the mind.

This-Sheepherder4061 · 2026-04-09T17:00:59+00:00

This is literally exactly what’s happening to me and it’s a lot to deal with man

darmitage55 · 2026-04-08T16:42:02+00:00

What you're carrying right now is enormous, and none of this is a reflection of your worth as a man or a father. The grief you're feeling is real. When you're ready, your daughter is going to need the version of you that's still standing. That's not pressure. It's just a reminder that you matter to her more than you know.

darmitage55 · 2026-04-08T16:30:52+00:00

What you're carrying right now is enormous, and none of this is a reflection of your worth as a man or a father. The grief you're feeling is real. When you're ready, your daughter is going to need the version of you that's still standing. That's not pressure. It's just a reminder that you matter to her more than you know.

LaCathedrale · 2026-04-08T15:34:13+00:00

Your relationship cannot come back from this. You must simply accept that this woman is not the person you used to know. You will never get closure, she will never sit you down and tell you 'I lied to you because I am a coward, and I cheated on you because I am weak'.

You cannot switch off those feelings because your brain needs time to process it. I am literally wallowing in grief at the life I lost and the wife I thought I had - and I'm almost a year into the process.

You will cope because everyone here has been in this situation and come out of the other side. You cannot see it yet, but time WILL heal it.

Don't try to reconcile, don't entertain counselling, don't try to get her to admit she was wrong. I'm sure you will try these things because we all do, and we all come to realise that we were playing with a crooked deck.

Resolutionary_10 · 2026-04-08T14:01:06+00:00

You are not lost---you are grieving and you are trying to survive at the same time. Makes complete sense that you are feeling disoriented and also---broke open. First things first: please insist that you both go to a mediator to make joint decisions on what happens NOW in the interim before you are physically separated and then legally divorced. Work through with a trained facilitator choices around cash flowing two living spaces, the process of going from join accounts to a single one and financials...and then also everything about coparenting. You are in a lot of emotional turmoil and need support to make agreements in your best interest about NOW (yes, a lawyer can do that---but they are trained for battle and getting the most in money, and not for collaborative family choices). Your own therapist can't help navigate the tricky joint decisions you'll need your wife's buy in for. This is your next best move. First, it signals to her that you are willing to take the lead as well in moving forward. Second, it will signal to yourself that you can act in your own best interest. Third: It can be done with less than $1000, and usually it saves you $4000 later in legal fees. There's nothing besides moving towards what's next (versus waiting) that helps your brain and body feel un-stuck. Once you do this, find a weekly social group to hang out with. If she is going out, you would most likely get a boost from joining a running club, or trivia night or take a lesson or weekday night class. You'll find that doing SOMETHING new will get your dopamine working again.

Il_Valentino · 2026-04-08T11:54:55+00:00

I found out she cheated, and she told me she doesn’t love me anymore.

naturally she tells you that after being caught

At first, I blamed myself completely — like I failed as a husband, failed my family, failed everything we built.

jfc, why do guys keep doing that? she literally cheated on you and betrayed your family, so NO you are not to blame

knowing she’s meeting someone else. Watching this in front of me is honestly breaking me.

she's a fraud and cheat, you are still under her spell. be happy you caught her and move on. the guy she visits is just her next victim

I still care about her. I still love her. And I don’t know how to switch that off or how to cope with everything that’s happening.

your brain tells you that because your biological "love" switch is still turned on, this will go away with time. just sit it out

I guess I’m posting this because I feel lost. If anyone has been through something similar — how did you deal with it? How do you get through the days when you’re still under the same roof with someone who’s already moved on?

a) move out or let her move out, every day you live with her is another opportunity for her to make up false abuse charges if necessary

b) do sports, go on walks, hit the gym, whatever keeps your body active

Nuxpyro_Valhalla · 2026-04-08T10:51:08+00:00

Walk away my good friend.

Same story. Married for 4 years, my ex-wife cheated with her boss. Lied, manipulated and gaslit me. So I went undercover, got their photos and audios. Then I did a reverse alimony.

It was a heart break for me, I was shattered. I know what you must feel like, but my friend leave her. That is the only solution.

Respect yourself first.

UrAristotle · 2026-04-08T10:32:35+00:00

I’m sorry you’re having to go through what so many of us on here have dealt with. I hope the best promise anyone can make is that you can get through it just like we did.

Everything you’ve described you’re going through is 100% normal. That doesn’t make it suck less, but you need to know that. The pain will start to lessen and it will eventually get close to zero. Never to zero, but close.

Chance-Aspect8009 · 2026-04-08T08:58:23+00:00

That's tough man

Mental_Antelope_7202 · 2026-04-08T07:07:41+00:00

The only way to get over it is to put to bed the man you have been your whole life, and become the man you need to be. I learned this world is unkind and unforgiving. You must become the person to battle this world. You must become all the things you tried all your life not to be. Only then will you be ready.

serkovavantgarden · 2026-04-08T05:46:01+00:00

Mate I, along with many others on here, were in exactly the same boat.

I caught mine in the act. Within a week she was flaunting it in my face, leaving the house every night to get banged.

Within 2, she was trying to arrange that her new man met my kids.

An absolute nightmare

Once you realise, and you will, how shitty this behaviour is then the anger will build.

That’s when you’ll start to take action.

Wipe your tears away mate, get to a lawyer and tell them you want 50/50 everything.

Carry a voice recorder on you at all times. Mainly because this will keep YOUR behaviour in check.

Get to a gym or figure out a fitness activity that will stay to rewire your brain and thoughts

Reach out to old friends and tell them EVERYTHING. This is not embarrassing at all. Only one person should be embarrassed here and we all know who that is….

Even though your ex wife has screwed you over, take emotion out the game. This is business now. She’s a shitty human and will have to live with herself. She’s not worth the mental headspace.

Treat this like a transaction. She is DEAD to you now.

fiddsy · 2026-04-08T04:33:57+00:00

The woman you loved and fell in love with no longer exists. We all figure that out at some stage - some sooner than others, others figure it out later rather than sooner.

Cohabitation is soul destroying - sharing a space is soul destroying.

I hope the house sells soon for your sake.

First-Sail8421 · 2026-04-08T03:35:39+00:00

You love what she used to be, not what she is now. She betrayed you. It is hard, but you have to move forward.

Immediate-Story2562 · 2026-04-08T03:28:49+00:00

Cohabitation is like living in hell and there is no easy way through this. You have to grunt bear this and its very triggering.
Best I can tell you is that it will get better once you are not living together anymore.
You will have to work on acceptance and letting her go as you don't own her and cant make her love you.

MonarchistExtreme · 2026-04-08T02:26:28+00:00

Do your best best to act like you could not care less. They get a high from compounding our misery when they are in the affair fog.

If you want her back (bad idea) or want her gone, the best course of action is to ignore her and be too busy to pay her any mind

Conscious-Hope3083 · 2026-04-08T01:41:55+00:00

6 months from now you feel better brother. Work on yourself. I’m finalizing my divorce in Aug. My wife filed while having cancer and her reason is because she can’t be my wife while working on getting healthy. I was astonished because I was there the first half of her treatments. Now she’s getting healthy and acting happier than I’ve ever seen her. Hang in there bro. It took about 3 months to really get back to business. Good luck

Bowl__Haircut · 2026-04-08T00:17:56+00:00

This is tough OP. I’ve been in a similar situation except she moved out of state so it was blessedly much easier to rebuild and eventually move on.

The most important thing for you is to get some legal protection and counsel (right away), protect your peace, and figure out a separate living situation as soon as you possibly can without giving up too much or moving out of the marriage home (unless a favorable deal has already been worked out).

The other issue is your daughter. I can’t speak to that because we didn’t have any children, which of course made it much easier. That makes it that much harder. I’m sorry.

The sooner you can start rebuilding on your own in a sane and fair way the sooner you’ll be through it and not standing before it. That’s the crushing part. Stay strong.

Federal_Repair1094 · 2026-04-08T00:04:36+00:00

It’s been 5 years since divorce. I had to deal with my ex wife this past week with something with my daughter. I didn’t recognize her as a person that I used to know and love. I’m glad I wasn’t around her to see these changes first hand. I’m lucky to be divorced and content living the single life.

When I get asked randomly my relationship status I say I’m divorced and for some reason people say sorry. I tell them they need to say congratulations based on the outcome of it.

Reflog1791 · 2026-04-07T23:45:37+00:00

File for divorce
Get a gym membership and get buff
Update your wardrobe and hairstyle

In 18 months your skanky ex wife will be old news. Many much finer women will want a shot at the champ. You can play golf or do whatever you want when ex is watching the kid.

It’s actually awesome if you make it so.

In the long run my ex’s affair turned out to be a great thing for me. For her, not so much. I sleep like a baby in my fat golf course house. She’s in the starter home with 6 pets and a live in boyfriend who helps with groceries and cheated on her.

Once you make it through to the other side everything in life will be much sweeter. You get to rid yourself of a killbuzz with a clear conscience. It’s a quite lovely.

StatisticianEven6354 · 2026-04-07T23:37:46+00:00

My ex wife was ordering lingerie and love cards for her affair partner and delivering them to our shared home.

She didn't care.

It is uncanny how the people that we once called our best friend and that we gave our all to can turn into these heartless monsters.

The next few months are going to be incredibly difficult for you. But you will get out to the other side of this and be happier than ever.

No-Sink-9601 · 2026-04-07T23:28:11+00:00

Dude I feel you first hand. Take a look back at some of my posts if needed. Summary is that 5 years ago I caught my wife cheating on me. After catching her through a text thread that I saw I actually spied on her phone for 3 months before letting her in on the fact that I knew some of what she was doing. I should also mention that we have three kids. The spying that I did allowed me to see that there was a lot more going on than just one guy or simple cheating. I was foolish and let my wife convince me that everything was only through texting. I knew there was more but I buried this for over two years all the while my mental health was in the toilet. Over the next then two years because of the information I had from spying on her I got her to admit an affair with one man for three years and two other affairs for probably close to a year each or more. There was so much lying and hiding that she did in order to pull all of this off. I was miserable for four years and trying to keep things together for our kids. Finally after a bunch of therapy and couples therapy I was able to grab my balls back and tell my stbxw POS that I wanted a divorce. It felt like the biggest load was lifted off my shoulders then. But little did I know that with us being middle class and in the town that were in that I would be stuck under the same roof as her for the next 8 months. We’ve been going through the divorce process using an online company to keep the costs low. But damn man I feel you with living under the same roof. And at least my stbxw didn’t stay with any of the men that I know of. So I can only imagine with that on top of things. So for me i now close on a home in 2 weeks and our divorce will be finalized I. 1-2 months so I have a light at the end of my tunnel. You, you have received some good advice here. It seems simple and obvious but it is what it is man. I would tell you to focus on your daughter. If your wife is out prioritizing this affair partner then you use this time to focus on you and your daughter and you become the hero that your girl needs. I would also recommend getting to the “angry” feelings towards your cheating wife as this took me a long time to get to but once I did, she’s basically been nothing to me at all. Be a grey rock to her and read the book if need be. Best of luck to you and DM me anytime brother

ImplementNo2413 · 2026-04-07T23:19:04+00:00

Dawg you better document everything. Every time she leaves and comes back - things you do in her absence. She will weaponize herself as the primary parent. You steadfast and remain the father. Thank me later.

NilesGuy · 2026-04-07T23:00:25+00:00

OP I feel for your loss & pain. May I suggest you seek therapy for yourself and help overcome your grief and loss. Because in reality your relationship is over. However, you want to be the best version of yourself for your daughter’s sake. I’d consult with an attorney and discuss separation or divorce with her and try to reach amicable agreement that avoids trauma and costly litigation. In the meantime , focus on yourself. Working out , hitting gym, nature walks , reading good book or spending time with family / friends to keep yourself busy. Trust me on this , time heals all wounds.

According-Designer15 · 2026-04-07T22:55:39+00:00

Man, that’s a rough spot to be in. Living in the same house while she’s already moved on can really mess with your head.

Don’t beat yourself up. A lot of guys blame themselves at first just trying to make sense of it.

Right now it’s less about her and more about keeping yourself steady. Try not to react to what you see. Just focus on getting through each day without losing yourself.

It’s also normal you still love her. That doesn’t just switch off.

What part of the day is hitting you the hardest right now?

EnvironmentDazzling9 · 2026-04-07T22:51:07+00:00

This angers me so much for you. What a selfish act to do this shit while you two are trying to sort this out. My only advice is to build yourself up and focus on you. I know that’s easy for us to say but time to bury that chapter and start a new one. Stay strong. You got this.

dystinct · 2026-04-07T22:38:30+00:00

Damn near all of us, bruv. Find a lawyer, start the process, work on yourself, and find another woman (if you want)

Title	Wife cheated
Author	Own-Setting2096
Upvotes	56
Comments	46
Date	April 7, 2026 10:28 PM UTC (4 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1sfau8m/wife_cheated/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/wife-cheated.1577398 https://theredarchive.com/post/1577398

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