I can't fit the female gaze

FellasImSorry · 2024-06-11T23:49:26+00:00

You know how to fit the female gaze perfectly? Be a semi-normal person who can make lighthearted conversation and isn’t obsessed with “the female gaze” or whatever.

I’d be willing to bet a sizable sum that the reason you are having trouble with relationships is that you don’t know how to talk to people, or your awkward and off-putting in some way.

XihuanNi-6784 · 2024-06-11T23:22:30+00:00

I'm not sure what you're watching but "the female gaze" isn't normally discussed in terms of dating and whether or not you're likely to have women attracted to you. It's a media analysis type thing which is about what women like IN MEDIA. I would argue it's not at all meant to be used to inform your understanding of what women find attractive in real life. The jawline stuff especially doesn't sound like a female gaze thing, it sounds like incel and redpill stuff which is based on junk science about what "real men" look like and what "females" find attractive. That stuff isn't based on real science or information. I'd encourage you to seek out better sources of information created by women for women. Anything talking about jawlines, noses, brow ridges, penis size, muscle size etc. is redpill content and it's pseudoscience I'm afraid.

VisceralSardonic · 2024-06-12T03:20:04+00:00

Any “dating science” stuff is a game of averages at BEST. There are no universal rules or tricks for dating, attraction, and human nature. Anyone who tells you there are is lying.

I have a friend who is actively into guys with bellies. I’m clear with my partner about wanting to be the working parent if possible, and seeking someone who’s willing to stay home with the kids. Some short women actively seek short dudes because they dislike someone towering over them. All of that is Not What Women Are Like™️ if you listen to the Redpill fanatics.

There are infinite examples of what the female gaze is, because there are four billion women, each with millions of complex thoughts and opinions. Even an individual’s taste is flexible. I’m into dudes with dark hair. That’s probably the only thing I could explicitly list as my standard. My partner doesn’t have dark hair, because there are a thousand things that I value more than his hair (which I actually find super attractive anyway).

Humans, fortunately and unfortunately, are complicated and contradictory as hell. The only thing you really need to do is to stop looking for rules and be willing to connect organically. You only need to worry about the gaze of the person you’re looking to be with, and she’ll be the expert on her own opinions.

Equivalent-Cat5414 · 2024-06-12T00:28:52+00:00

Despite what the redpill says, there are not just one or two kinds of looks that’ll fit the female gaze and you don’t need to be tall. Another advice to not listen to from them is to get a haircut and grow a beard and look as “masculine” as possible - many of us women love longer hair on the head and not so much on the face. Also even getting highlights could help and dressing in more fitted clothes and dark colors.

No_Juggernaut_14 · 2024-06-11T23:15:07+00:00

The video you watched is bullshit. The "female gaze" is less about specific physical features and more about how men carry themselves.

Jumpy-Middle-304 · 2024-06-12T00:15:14+00:00

Not really, the female gaze isn’t a real thing tbh, as a woman, the attractive male archetype doesn’t exist it’s far too ambiguous, but what usually streamlines is good qualities: respectful, respected, confident, successful and protective man.

A man can look perfect in my eyes but when I see signs of insecurity, I find myself feeling they are unattractive as well, I feel like men have a logical gauge of self judgement and if they are insecure, wether it be in the “right” or “wrong” things is an indicator they have not excelled in life/matured or gained the wisdom to produce the foundational self esteem required for the forementioned qualities which actually matter

wasted_basshead · 2024-06-12T03:24:39+00:00

I’m a “female” and love big noses on men!

ConsultJimMoriarty · 2024-06-12T02:28:11+00:00

Girls and gays who like comics aren’t lusting over Rob Leifield’s Cap. We like Gambit and Nightcrawler.

floracalendula · 2024-06-11T23:13:47+00:00

Two of the sexiest beasts I've ever encountered were closer to my 4'11" than my mother's 5'4". Frenchmen in particular wear noses and cheekbones well -- large ones that could cut fromage. And, controversial take, I hate that most men refuse to grow their hair longer than an inch these days. If it's not at least a long pixie cut, he really might as well be bald. In other words, my ideal man is Antoine Garrel from Profilage minus about a foot of height....!

Autistic to autistic, I know our tendency to need to understand the parameters, and I'm telling you that this is one area where it's just not gonna be logical going.

lasping · 2024-06-12T00:52:50+00:00

I wouldn't worry about it too much. I looked through your profile: you're normal looking and even fairly good-looking on the human spectrum, but you're certainly never going to be a supermodel or a heartthrob actor. This is the normal human condition; most people are not supermodels. I have a lot of male friends in fulfilling relationships: some are better looking than you, but a lot are not. They are normal-looking and dating normal-looking women. The female gaze is not fixed (in fact, this terminology is a bullshit inversion of dumb Freudian analysis, but let's stick with it for the sake of comprehensibility), it differs person to person.

If I were you, I would shave my face. This is up to you, as preferences on facial hair differ woman to woman, but my general experience is younger woman like it a lot less. You're 19, so you'd probably want to be attractive to 19 year olds. It does make you look older (which I assume is why you have it), but I think it probably makes you less attractive to a lot of girls your age. If you're really attached to some kind of facial hair, shave your beard and go with a retro moustache instead.

Stop wearing graphic tees: they read very juvenile. I know I just said shave your face, but youthfulness =/= looking like a kid. Wear boxy cut, very-slightly-cropped, neutral-toned short-sleeved shirts instead; you can buy them very cheap online. Get something with a high natural fibre content like this. If you really want to wear a tshirt, wear a vintage band tshirt of something slightly obscure that doesn't look like it's out of a walmart bin. Even if you do this, layer a button down. I'd check out Lewis Hamilton's more relaxed fashion, he's pretty short and has figured out the most flattering dimensions for his body type. He used to dress in a lot of ugly graphic tees and snapbacks and had bad facial hair. Pretty impressive turnaround. I'm not saying you need to dress as outrageously as a multi-millionaire who wears exclusively designer clothing—but dressing well is a big portion of the female gaze.

I'd also recommend working out, which you've said you struggle to do on a budget. Get into walking or cycling (one free, one very cheap) and start doing ten minutes of push-ups and crunches before you shower. Or: the next point, get a hobby that involves a fitness component.

And now the obvious advice: stop spending so much time online. Get some social hobbies, even if you're broke. A big part of the "female gaze" is contextual: you will be hotter to people within that hobby if you're a rock-climber (there's usually student discounts) or a soccer player or a guitarist or good at LARP or art. I don't know what you enjoy doing, but pick something you actually enjoy.

(If you're actually autistic and not using it as a turn of phrase, this advice goes double: this is the best way to find an autistic partner you connect to deeply on a shared hobby. I'm not saying this in a dating-as-eugenics way—I'm autistic, and this is how I make my deepest personal connections. Remember that a lot of autistic women are going to be really good at masking because of social pressure.)

A lot of the issue with the red pill is that it's written by people without any interests outside of casual sex and angrily posting about casual sex—this makes their deranged advice non-applicable to people without internet addiction or undiagnosed clinical depression.

Personal_Dirt3089 · 2024-06-12T00:17:52+00:00

The internet tends to elevate slightly weird things to huge world breaking events.

oldcousingreg · 2024-06-12T16:29:25+00:00

“The female gaze” is a concept, not a physical demand.

What you’re watching in those videos is someone else’s interpretation of the female gaze - and it’s probably some loser who thinks being confident makes them smarter than everyone else.

Personal_Dirt3089 · 2024-06-13T09:33:02+00:00

A lot of ugly guys have girlfriends. You don't have to be perfect.

Inareskai · 2024-06-12T12:04:13+00:00

The classic example of the difference between the male and female gaze (specifically and media and there's debate about if the female gaze even exists) is the two different magazine articles with Hugh Jackman on the front. Google them.

Hugh Jackman is on both, so it's not a change in his literal physical features. It's a change in the framing and focus - to appeal to women he's friendly, domestic, and approachable.

The term male gaze (and loosely female gaze, but again it is debated as a proper description) is about framing and focus. It's more about how someone is portrayed than how they actually look.

daisy-duke- · 2024-06-12T00:51:44+00:00

Can you clean the floors? What about yard work? Washing your car?

Sextsandcandy · 2024-06-12T04:30:34+00:00

So, I am a woman and understood the "female gaze" conversation very differently from you. The things I noticed about the female gaze were that it was just mostly men who didn't fit the stereotype of what we are "supposed to like" (also referred to as the male gaze), and that the men all had charisma and confidence. Like, that was the biggest takeaway of the convo for me - *Men think women care about buffness/ chiseled jaw/whatever but most women just want a man who is comfortable in his own skin".

Now, I will admit that I didn't spend that much time on the conversation and could have understood it wrong, but my understanding lines up with my own experiences and my observations of women around me, too.

Also, as an aside, I checked your profile, and I think you may be dealing with body dysmorphia because you are a good-looking guy, and it's possible that addressing the dysmorphia and the feelings it causes could help you develop the charisma that the female gaze seems to truly be about.

McTitty3000 · 2024-06-14T13:51:49+00:00

If you're using the terms "male gaze" and "female gaze" un ironically you're not ready

featherblackjack · 2024-06-12T04:04:59+00:00

There's no such thing as "the female gaze", bruh. There just isn't, because women grow up trained to think of men as people. Men grow up thinking women are sex objects.

watsonyrmind · 2024-06-12T11:55:43+00:00

You need to research the female gaze more as you are not understanding the concept at all.

What you are doing instead ironically is filtering the theory of the female gaze through the male gaze. Like, how many of the videos you watched are created by women? I'd love to see what you watched vs how you have interpreted it here.

rosiespot23 · 2024-06-12T00:40:41+00:00

Women care less about aesthetics than men, as long as you have good hygiene and look put together you will be fine.

Women are attracted to confidence, a good sense of humor, and respectfulness. It helps too if you’re a well rounded person with friends, hobbies, and a career.

dottywine · 2024-06-25T19:40:57+00:00

For a guy, there’s no such thing as a nose that’s too big.

Also you should know the female gaze is sooooo variable. It’s not like the male gaze where it’s stereotypical and clear cut.

Grouchy765 · 2024-07-15T16:58:30+00:00

The only thing I can think of that most women (and men) universally agree on is good hygiene

Title	I can't fit the female gaze
Author	KaliFlesh
Upvotes	0
Comments	115
Date	June 11, 2024 11:01 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/1ddrtdt/i_cant_fit_the_female_gaze/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/i-cant-fit-the-female-gaze.1521279 https://theredarchive.com/post/1521279

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