I don't get it. The only people doing and teaching cold approach and game are redpill types.

iostefini · 2026-07-13T04:34:47+00:00

Why is this? Am I not seeing something obvious?

Most "normal people" aren't going for "volume", they're looking for connection. So they're prioritising places where they find others they connect with and relate to (i.e. social circles).

If your goal is to ask out the most women possible, then yeah cold approaches are the best way to do it (though I'd still refocus on doing it in actual social spaces, like bars/clubs, rather than approaching people just going about everyday life). Most people are looking for a single highly-compatible partner though, and that means quality over quantity. Looking in your social circles and/or expanding your social circles is the correct strategy in that scenario, because your social circles are where you're most likely to find someone with shared values.

xvszero · 2026-07-13T01:18:26+00:00

Dafuq is volume?

youalreadyknow07 · 2026-07-13T00:38:49+00:00

In theory there shouldn't be anything wrong with going up to strangers making small talk and asking them for their number/coffee

A lot of women do not enjoy being on the receiving end of this. It doesn't feel good when simply existing in public is seen as in invitation to be hit on by someone who knows literally nothing about you other than "she's hot"

Instigated- · 2026-07-13T07:24:53+00:00

Because cold approach and game are precursors of redpill and part of the toxic manosphere.

They are ways of harassing women rather than treating women with respect and empathy.

What is the point of “volume” when you are only 1 person? You only need to find one person who is a match. “Volume” tactics are quantity over quality, and poisoning the well while you are at it by making women feel more unsafe and wary.

Alseebee · 2026-07-13T00:20:17+00:00

Thanks for sharing. I think it partially depends on what you set as your goal. I don’t think that looking actively for a partner is healthy or beneficial.

I think we should view ourselves as individuals engaging with others and consider those others as each unique. If we let chemistry and life do their work without expectations we are more likely to make significant encounters Imo.

We should be ourselves with anyone else. Having to go through a validating process to « master the tools of communication » is yet another way of erasing our uniqueness.

I personally don’t want to appear as part of a whole but rather as someone with specificities. To me you are right in a way, only we should learn how to embrace ourselves instead of trying to fit in.

HelenHavok · 2026-07-13T18:13:29+00:00

Look, I don't like how you're behaving in these comments or the dehumanizing terms you've used to talk about dating and women, but I will give you what you asked for.

A really good friend of mine who is not a manosphere dude had a great bar/club technique to meet women. When we were out, if a lady caught his eye, he would buy her a drink from across the bar without leaving our friend group. When she received it and the bartender pointed him out, he would smile and raise his glass and then immediately go back to socializing with us (usually a group of men *and* women - which is important, but not required) and not engage her again. If she was interested and bold, she might come over and introduce herself. If she was interested but less bold, she might intentionally catch his eye in a friendly or curious way several times and he would pass her on the way to the bathroom with a pointed look, slip her his number, or approach her if it was obvious that's what she wanted. Because he was discerning about who he chose, respectful of her space, comfort, and safety, and allowed her to show interest before engaging her directly, he had lot of success hooking up with women he met at bars. These women didn't feel like he'd settle for any chick who said yes in the bar, but that out of all the women in the room, he had taken an interest in her specifically, which was intriguing and flattering. That said, the people he actually dated usually came from his social circles and friends of friends, or from online dating sites geared toward relationships.

youalreadyknow07 · 2026-07-13T18:34:21+00:00

Your question is "Am I not seeing something obvious?" and we're trying to tell you, but you're still refusing to see it

GGSPSkywalker · 2026-07-13T04:06:05+00:00

The problem is that your framing this question the wrong way. You speak of volume like women were products, marketing leads, whatever, a neoliberal approach to meeting women, which is pretty much akin to RP, so you're gonna find only them have your answer.

The issue with redpill is that they prey on people that are in some kind of isolation, of feeling alone. These people feel detached from those around them, causing them to suffer. They feel like they just don't fit and RP culture just give it to them. They replace that isolation with group fanatism, make these people think women are to blame for their problems and give them a way to overcome it by manipulating these women. RP make these people turn all the resentment of isolation, of the modern world, of their lived decisions on women's account. And they might be on a group, but they aren't really connecting... experiment sharing different views among them and see how group dynamic goes.

The thing with women and how to approach, it has many good answers, but all passes through you living your life, trying to be true to yourself and to build meaningful relationships with those around you. THAT breaks isolation. Seriously, if you start talking with the guy on the store, the bus driver, your old lady neighbor, people on your gym or whatever hobby you have, coworkers, people from your school/course, it will start to be natural. You're gonna have a better grip on people, developing emotional intelligence as you live your life. That may be the best way...

But, if you wanna speed things up (since we live in performance society), the best advice one could have on how to approach women is from feminists. Really. Like, they spend a lot of their time discussing all the terrible approaches from men around them and if you just try not to be like them, then you're miles ahead any RP guy.

Also, you'd wanna immerse yourself on things that present women's perspectives, be it from "for women, by women" content or even from women that talk about whatever you like. But approach it with interest in learning, not using. Do you like DnD and TTRPG's? Try Ginny Di's, Corkboard of Curiosities or other channels led by women. Know that TV channel focused on "for women, by women" content? Pick some shows to watch. That YT channel many from your circle share? Watch a thing or two. Go through a list of k-dramas, soap-operas, movies and whatever media genre they tend to prefer and, trust me, there are good things to watch among it. It will surely help you understand women better.

smileycat007 · 2026-07-13T12:24:00+00:00

Give the woman your number and ask her to text you. Don't ask for hers. It comes across more respectful because you are demanding anything from her or putting her on the spot. She doesn't want a bunch of creeps calling her number, so show her you aren't a creep.

GroundbreakingAct434 · 2026-07-13T14:54:37+00:00

Set up a side gig or group for activities, events and day trips and give out business cards. I did this and got friends, dates and even a little profit.

No_Guarantee505 · 2026-07-14T08:49:00+00:00

What is there to 'teach'? All you can do is ask. Red pill influencers try to sell you that you can manipulate the reaction you want.

becomesharp · 2026-07-16T05:59:29+00:00

Its too difficult and niche for regular people to do it, man. That's why you're only encountering niche communities for it. It's like saying you really want to learn how to punch people in the face but the only people who want to teach it are boxers, boxing coaches, and MMA people. There's a reason for that.

Verge_Of_Despair · 2026-07-12T23:48:56+00:00

What about Models by Mark Manson? That book is the gold standard for anti redpill dating advice.

GoRangers5 · 2026-07-20T23:45:58+00:00

Gonna defend OP here, just watched the Jubilee, Manson said "just talk to her," when did that become bad advice?

chihuahualover58 · 2026-07-21T02:29:53+00:00

Try to step outside yourself for a second and consider what it might feel like being on the receiving end of the approach you're suggesting.

You've mentioned here several times that you see little value in putting energy into fostering connection through shared interests or things of the sort

So it follows that the only reason you would approach women in such a manner in a public setting is because you want something. You have an objective.

And this is where your inability to distinguish between reality, media, and your imagination is going to fail you—

With virtually no exception, women can always smell that on you.

The ability to be slick about it is simply not a real thing.

The notion that this is how one exudes confidence in reality will be perceived as persistence and leveraging intimidation to override boundaries.

You will be perceived as a threat.

And I don't think that's what you want.

This isn't a numbers game, because any time of day you do receive from a woman in the manner will be mired in the predatory nature of it all and won't come to fruition in any sort of way that will be appealing to you.

Back to my suggestion of trying to consider it from the other side—

Would you feel embarrassed for yourself?

Would you feel threatened by yourself?

Would you feel disrespected by yourself?

Would you feel repelled by yourself?

The answer to all fo these things, in the context of the hypothetical woman's perception of you, will invariably be yes. I promise you will not catch a falling star by reaching for the moon.

You don't want to be perceived that way.

And you don't have to be.

There is a better way.

You can avoid all that, get your wants and needs met, and in reality can choose to actually be perceived as the opposite of those things.

That version of yourself where you go "what woman wouldn't be impressed?"

Please take the advice of the people here.

My advice is to stop applying statistical analysis and quantifying this with terms like "volume", because that will only enhance your descent. Instead, quantify it with "wants and needs". What are your* wants and needs? What do you think are the wants and needs of a person you'd fancy? Probably things like feeling safe and respected would be high in that list, wouldn't you think? Creating this tectonic shift in your mindset will yield the results you are hoping for.

If after trying to consider what it might feel like for a woman to be approached in public like that, you still arrive back at "well there shouldn't be anything abnormal about doing this, right?" then try doing some research on what women say about how it feels to them, because that will be another skill that I cannot stress enough how valuable it will be to you as far as getting your wants and needs met here: listening to women.

theasianplayboy · 2026-07-13T16:35:24+00:00

Not strictly a redpill thing, but look at the replies you're already getting. Most of them regurgitate mainstream dating advice that only works if you're already mainstream, reasonably good looking, white and neurotypical.

As a 5'4 below-average-looking Asian man who wasn't raised in American dating culture, I found both mainstream and redpill lacking. Mainstream coaches don't last long because their advice quietly assumes you start with advantages you might not have. Picture a tall, good-looking white coach telling me to "just be myself" and "be confident." It's not wrong on the surface, but it's tragically incomplete. It was never designed to take a guy who's short, not conventionally attractive, and neurodivergent and put him on parity with the guys who had a head start.

That's the actual gap. The generic advice works well enough for the people it was implicitly built for, so it never had to solve the harder version of the problem. Guys who don't fit that mold go looking for something that addresses their real starting point, and right now the only people who even acknowledge that starting point exists are the PUA and redpill crowd. That's why you keep landing on them. Not because they're right, but because the mainstream refuses to admit the playing field isn't level.

The other piece is emotional resilience. There's real social stigma against men openly working on this, which pushes a lot of guys toward the redpill spaces where at least nobody shames them for trying. You have to be willing to work on it anyway, and to filter hard for who's actually giving you useful mechanics versus who's just selling grievance.

Promethium61144 · 2026-07-14T01:24:05+00:00

I will actually agree with OP here - all these replies are just saying the same thing over and over again "go to social hobbies and it will happen naturally", but they fail to see that there are people who do not like these kinds of social gatherings - and even if they do force themselves to go to those social gatherings they usually stand out a lot - which might be good for advancing in that specific hobby but will always result in everone being weirded out by you...
Also, how in God's green earth do you get social connections when your hobbies are things like "Watching science documentaries"???

Title	I don't get it. The only people doing and teaching cold approach and game are redpill types.
Author	Curious-Confusion642
Upvotes	12
Comments	155
Date	July 12, 2026 11:25 PM UTC (1 week ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/1uuuwxn/i_dont_get_it_the_only_people_doing_and_teaching/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/i-dont-get-it-the-only-people-doing-and-teaching.1584895 https://theredarchive.com/post/1584895

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