Another one bites the dust. I’ve been seeing a guy for a while and we just swapped socials this morning. Turns out he’s your common, garden-variety, LVM Insta-voyeur, following far too many unnecessarily underclothed women posing in photos designed to attract the Neanderthal in him. Blocked, deleted, no explanation required. A shame, because he really had a lot of good qualities? No, a bullet dodged.

I’ve seen a lot of posts about this issue here and on the dating and relationship subs lately. Over and over, so it’s a constant issue for women, but there always seems to be some doubt if this is crossing a line. If you have to ask the question, you already know the answer.

  1. These men are undateable. They are not relationship material. They can unfollow/delete when called out, just to make you happy, but they’ll go looking somewhere else and then hide it better. Be aware too that even if they unfollow the accounts, they’re probably still following hashtags that give them the same content without following specific accounts. They will hope that you simply don’t notice and will play dumb again if you challenge them on it. Believe me, if a man is following a hashtag, he knows exactly how that happened. You have to set them up, Instagram doesn’t invite you to follow tags with a simple click. He typed that shit in deliberately, which means he had to think about exactly what he wanted to see in his feed.

  2. We all know that regular porn use destroys grey matter, but even viewing lots of static images of women in bikinis or lingerie makes men see women as literal objects and it reduces their empathy towards women. There have been peer reviewed studies done on this and the results are terrifying.

  3. If they’re following dozens (or hundreds or thousands) of women on Insta, you can bet that’s not the only place they’re doing it. They’ll be on Snap, pornhub, OnlyFans and every other site they can get a fix from. They might start out innocently ‘just looking’ and they’ll say it’s natural, but eventually they’ll try to interact with the women, sending them DMs, because they lack self control and they’re too stupid to realise Insta Models aren’t excited at all by their creepy messages, likes or compliments. They just want to keep him following their account. It’s business. They do not find the men who comment or message them attractive. Men are deluded if they think otherwise. Also, there’s nothing natural about flooding your brain with hundreds of images of near-naked women every day. That shit isn’t normal at all.

  4. Men who behave this way either have no, or misplaced self-esteem, and they will make you suffer for their inadequacies. Its the kind of thing you might see in teenage boys who lack good role models, not adult men who should know how to comport themselves in society. They defend it saying ‘All men do it’ and ‘Its no different from having some Playmate magazines.’

I assure you that not all men do this, and regardless, we do not date ‘all men’. If you have to ask him why he does it, or if you’re trying to help recovering pickme friends level up, ask them this:

‘Would you have a pile of dirty magazines on the table in plain sight when your mom and dad come over for dinner? Would you keep a few on your desk at work? Would you take a stack to a date with a woman you like so you can flip through them while she’s in the bathroom? Would you bring a few along to dinner with your girlfriend’s parents, or when you meet her best friend?’

Because that is literally the real magazine equivalent of looking at them on your socials. His Insta is not at the back of the closet or under his bed. His friends can see what he’s looking at, his workmates, his boss and their husband or wife, his partner, probably his partner’s friends, his sister, his grandmother, his girlfriend’s parents. Even if those people are not on his social media, some of them will be, and his girlfriend will be eventually and she will show her friends and family and ask them for advice. Of course, we hope she comes here and gets the advice she really needs. If he’s okay with all that though, thumbing through his dog-eared porno mags in a nice restaurant while his beautiful date checks her hair and make-up, he’s simply not a good man. That is not how good men behave.

We only date disciplined men who consistently demonstrate self control and respect for women.

Be okay with having zero tolerance for this behaviour. His socials should be about his career, friends or family, hobbies and interests, sports etc. If they’re all about over photoshopped women in come-hither poses, he’s intellectually and emotionally stunted and it will only get worse.

It is not our job to teach men how to behave. If they’re not self-motivated to be the best man they can be, no amount of nagging or cajoling will change them. If this is the best he can bring, he’s not good enough for you. You don’t owe him an explanation and you don’t need to give him a chance to explain or do better, because he will absolutely gaslight you to make you think you’re the one with the problem. You’re not.

You can have boundaries. This is a good one.

Just block and delete.