(i thought this needed to be its own post because queens need to think about this stuff and i think some of you are making a mistake letting men drive you around..)

Today is the start of Domestic Violence Awareness month, by the way. very apt.

the most dangerous time for a woman is when you're breaking up with a man (or just broke up w/ one). do not get in a car with someone you are dumping. DO NOT. speaking from personal experience. My ex tried to pull a vanilla sky and drive off a MFing bridge with me in the car.

(for those of you too young to remember the movie Vanilla Sky. this is for reference. just imagine that the gender roles are reversed and its some dude talking about how you owe him sex/a relationship. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7xohWvO9i4c )

DO NOT GET IN A CAR WITH A MAN YOU DO NOT TRUST. PERIOD. EVER!!!!!!!! call an uber. call a friend, or just freaking walk. take a bus.

edit:if he has ever given you the slightest reason not to trust him, or your instincts are telling you no. GO WITH YOUR INSTINCT> ALWAYS

better yet, DO NOT BREAK UP WITH HIM IN PERSON. breaking up in text is JUST FUCKING FINE ignore anyone who says otherwise. (its men who say this) you should first get away from said man.

its better to break up with someone in text than be in a coffin.

you don't owe this man sh*t. you don't owe anyone closure or an explanation.

ohhh. and guess what my ex used to do before he got abusive. he would take my phone so i couldn't call for help. if a man ever takes your phone that is one of the biggest red flags.

have you ever watched any episode of 'forensic files' SPOILER: its almost always the husband/boyfriend/exboyfriendwhatever. anyone with anger issues should never be trusted. men see us as objects or 'their property' they don't see us as humans.

abusive men fly under the radar all the time. they can hide for years. on every damned true crime show the neighbors are always like "ohhhh he seemed so normal. we never would have guessed he could do something like this"

watch the movie "american murder: the family next door" on netflix for a hard lesson in how these type of people can hide.

Do not let a man you barely know pick you up for a date. beware of one who pressures you to let him pick you up.

he is not doing this to be 'cute and old fashioned' he is doing this for two reasons. a.) so he can Know where you live, and b.) so you are basically a captive audience and can't leave until he drives you home. (or you call an uber)

always have uber money. always arrive separately when you are first meeting a man, and if you're going to talk to many men while vetting/dating/getting to know them, I would suggest using a VOIP number instead of your real number. men can get your address easily even if you don't give it to them, with just your phone number or even your full name.

BE AWARE OF YOUR PERSONAL SAFETY. don't assume positive intentions. and always tell a friend where you are going. and when you are leaving to go home.

when I was younger and single and meeting someone I didn't know very well, I would have a close friend on standby who knew the details of who i was meeting, where i was going, and what time I was supposed to leave. I would text them a picture of the person and their phone number for safe keeping.

if you are in a place where you can't call the police because a man will hear you. you can TEXT 911

I also highly recommend getting a personal panic button (and I am in no way affiliated with this company, i just think the product is a great idea and women need this.)

there is one called an invisawear smart jewelry, which looks like a cute necklace/bracelet , or a fitness bracelet or even a scrunchie and if you push it it sends your GPS location to 5 people that you have chosen. https://www.invisawear.com/

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I highly suggest reading the book "The Gift of Fear" at the very minimum.

also "why does he do that" by Lundy Bancroft.

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Not to mention.. when you get in a car with a man as a driver. you are literally putting your life in this mans hands. doubly so for a motorbike. i would never ride on a motorcycle trusting some dude with my life. most men are extremely shitty and aggressive drivers, and they've probably been in more car accidents than you. ASK THEM how many accidents/speeding tickets they've had. (lol this is actually public information and you can look it up without asking.)

its a good indicator of how 'safe' they are as a person. a litmus test for how much of a shitty risk taker they are.

actually my litmus test for keeping a man used to be whether or not their driving scared me. If i felt unsafe, i would delete their number.