Do not let this mentality make you more susceptible to manipulation, gaslighting, and other forms of abuse. You do NOT need to ‘see things from his perspective’. All you need is block & delete!

Aocwannabe · 2021-12-06T06:26:58+00:00

There is a difference between courting stage and relationship stage. …which is also why you should take the advice of people in ltr and marriage with a grain of salt. Of course people in committed relationships have to communicate differently and work through certain things. But if you’ve known someone for less than 3 months, you are not functioning as a unit yet and should adjust accordingly.

subgirlygirl · 2021-12-06T05:15:31+00:00

The only slight exception to this (imo) is the tone trap of texting. Sometimes things simply don't come across the right way (either direction) and a quick 'Hey, wait...' can clear it up. (I have a dry sense of humor, and I know I've come across unintentionally rude before...lol 😆) That said, I don't think anything even remotely heavy should be discussed over text.

whiskey_and_oreos · 2021-12-06T04:42:00+00:00

Because men literally can't see things from any other perspective. They don't care and they don't have the ability.

Women have been doing this since we're old enough to watch cartoons or look at picture books because everything is written with "male" as the default. We have to put ourselves in a man's shoes just to enjoy 98% of movies and books.

bleda_princezna · 2021-12-06T08:22:24+00:00

I've been guilty of this, always trying to see things from the other person's perspective. It can be very useful. But in a dating scenario, not so much. It led me to forgive behaviours that shouldn't be forgiven, always give the benefit of the doubt. Meanwhile, if I made a small mistake, it would be made into a big deal and noone cared about my perspective. Or a mistake didn't even have to be involved, I just wanted normal relationship stuff or honest communication about their intentions and got refused such basic things.

This one is pretty much a no brainer, but it's not as easy to put in practice if you've spent your life being people's doormat and takes a lot of practice.

tuberosetears · 2021-12-06T10:35:29+00:00

While I agree with being open and understanding, it was used against me by my ex. Being the predator he was, he saw that I barely knew anything about relationships or what respect from a boyfriend looked like, so he could turn any bad behavior of his into a "misunderstanding". That's how he eroded my self-confidence and made me think I was stupid for wanting to be treated fairly.

Muffcakelord · 2021-12-06T09:06:34+00:00

I'm too good at empathy as a result of an abusive upbringing. The only thing i see when looking from most men's perspective is a lack of empathy, massive amounts of selfishness, often a willful ignorance that noone can help but himself, and there's no way to find a "middle way" with them because they're obsessed with "winning" any "debate", argument, fight, discussion, anything really. This sounds harsh but this is noticeable with regular friendly men in my life as well, they just seem more eager to win at anything than the women i talk to. Men may not be designed for communication the same way as women, such as evolutionary theory goes as well, and so there's no logic behind trying to reason with men. I do enjoy the conversations i have with men, i would just prefer to never discuss a matter i find indiscussable with them, such as my status as a human or my feelings.

If he feels the slightest tiring, BLOCK + DELETE

aoi4eg · 2021-12-06T11:10:23+00:00

"Sorry I tried to prove so hard that you're wrong, turns out we both right" said no LVM ever lol

Lost_Kale90 · 2021-12-06T17:08:03+00:00

This was probably one of the most harmful pieces of advice for me growing up - this advice that gets spewed across all self-help areas. It basically caused me to overthink, to self-doubt, and to allow my boundaries to be crossed/non-existsnt. It does not allow me to choose myself.

This advice becomes worthless when talking about an oppressed class of people.

lexyglass · 2021-12-06T04:38:18+00:00

Women already overthink interactions and tolerate too much crap from men. Posts like this that encourage "c0mmUnIc4tion" just make it worse. Ladies, listen with your eyes more than your ears(aka watch his actions) and allow your actions to speak louder than your words. In the days before FDS, going "no contact" was the advice that helped/benefited me the most.

sleepysiri · 2021-12-06T13:53:06+00:00

This is literally empathy and barely any men have this quality. You might give him the benefit of the doubt but would he? Doubt it.

lucidlotus · 2021-12-06T14:23:12+00:00

The last person who said “Neither of us was wrong—we just saw the situation differently” was a straight-up narcissistic sociopath who destroyed everything she touched. Truth isn’t a gray area.

SupremeDearLeader · 2021-12-06T22:38:02+00:00

This is why older men prey on younger women : they think they can manipulate you and you won't even notice.

FineDeliciousSnakes · 2021-12-06T14:27:38+00:00

I was at a church party and met a really nice woman around my age.

We eventually talked about a man I knew from church as Jack.

But she was SURE his name was Jake.

We both said to each other that we were certain of the name we knew him as. But we didn’t fight and just shrugged it off and kept talking normally

Eventually we found Jack/Jake and asked him what his name was. His name was legally Jake, but he went by Jack 🤷‍♀️ so we were both right and since we didn’t make a giant ego stink of it, we could laugh it off

AyemHerself · 2021-12-07T02:37:49+00:00

In general, this is a good attitude for interacting with people.

The trouble is when certain types of men use this narrative and twist it into "I know you're upset, but I saw it this way, so you should really see it this way too and stop being mad at me."

It only works if the other person is willing to see and understand your perspective too.

candyfox84 · 2021-12-07T01:35:36+00:00

👏👏👏👏

Comments

If he feels the slightest tiring, BLOCK + DELETE