Does anyone feel there’s increased pressure today to be a “cool girl” about trying the craziest stuff? I feel as if men today just get off on degrading women.

IndividualRoutine661 · 2021-12-21T08:49:31+00:00

I wear the vanilla badge with pride.

If it puts off the porn sick crew GOOD.

ultblue7 · 2021-12-21T15:29:11+00:00

Yes...and Im not proud of how far I went. It was a horrible combination of it being my first relationship, not knowing how to advocate for my needs, and having a partner that was much more experienced than I was. My ex knew what he wanted and I wanted to please because I loved him and thought this was what relationships were like. Didn’t help that I didn’t have anyone I felt comfortable talking to about what was happening in the bedroom. I still don’t.

All I know is that at some point my mind and my body began to diverge. In my head this was a person I loved but my body was tired of the trauma and trying to signal to me to make it stop. At least I know better now.

millennialpink2000 · 2021-12-21T07:12:46+00:00

Yes, men get off on degrading women, but no I don't feel pressured to do it. The only pressure I feel is from society being more upset about women's reactions to this disgusting behaviour than the behaviour itself

w0rmsongs · 2021-12-21T06:29:29+00:00

Lots. But we choose how we react to it and thankfully I'm not a girl anymore, but a woman who knows her worth. I have no social media (a curated reddit account aside) and select my friends carefully. It's easier than we think to tune out the bullshit.

Vaahla · 2021-12-21T14:24:00+00:00

Oh no…mutual orgasms and intimacy… too vanilla 🙁

SpiralDancingCoyote · 2021-12-21T22:17:40+00:00

Andrea Dworkin's Pornography: Men Possessing Women, is her argument that sex, for men, is about "penetrating" women's boundaries, not even necessarily their bodies. Sex for men is necessarily a way to degrade women, because the degradation itself is the sexual act; it's psychological, not physical.

I haven't met a man that made me disagree. 🤷‍♀️

queeninprogress · 2021-12-21T07:40:30+00:00

Yes. Everybody I know my age has been asked to do something painful/degrading that the guy saw in porn

Carneliancat · 2021-12-21T15:58:23+00:00

Oh, I'm PROUDDDDLY vanilla. Vanilla is a gorgeous and rich complex flavour that is highly prized, and is expensive as hell when it's the real deal. Vanilla sex is also the most emotionally present. Hard to connect with your partner on an emotional and authentic level when you're dressed up in a Bugs Bunny costume and pooping on her head while a chicken pecks at your bum, isn't it Karl?

Men who are into KiNk are just bad at sex, pure and simple. That is why they need all the distractions, so the woman is so overwhelmed she doesn't even have time to notice that he hasn't even gone anywhere near her clit, let alone giving her an orgasm.

Catz10000 · 2021-12-21T16:55:20+00:00

Kink shaming is my kink. There's intimacy in gentleness and kindness. Serial killers fantasize about hurting people. I would rather be on the tame side of the spectrum instead of having to arrange the 39 things a scrote has conditioned himself to require to get off. My orgasms are important too, and any man who can't take the time to discover what I like isn't worthy of getting his dick near me. That said, while I have always been vanilla, like everyone else here, it took too many years to develop a healthy non pickme, non cool girl attitude.

Frogspocket · 2021-12-21T11:51:58+00:00

Kinky girl is the new 'cool girl'.

I swear Jennifer Lawrence ended the 'cool girl' era. When she got mocked for doing the act publicly, people caught on that all the hyper chill, pizza and beer binging size 2s in their lives were acting too. That quote from gone girl had a face, a public example. It really made it click for everyone. Cool girls got called out and had to drop the act overnight. I was one of them. 😬 I didn't even realize I was doing it until I saw Jennifer Lawrence being called out for it. At first I was defensive about it and it took a lot of self reflecting to unpack and understand why I was doing it (for men's validation and to make other women jealous by humble bragging 😬). Once I figured it out, that was the end of my pickme phase. I was so regretful and embarrassed. But some pickmes didn't go that route. In absence of the cool girl identity they were left grasping at a strategy to get validation from men (while putting other women down) and most of them found new life as "kinky girl". Kinky girl is eMpOwErEd by her kinks and feels oh so bad for vanilla women 🥺 who are sexually repressed and not sex posi like her.

It's only a matter of time before this new pickme character gets mocked enough that people catch on to the act and move on.

In the same way that actual 'cool girls' exist (we all know women who genuinely love sports, hunting etc) there are some actual real 'kinky girls' too. But it's a little... suspicious that the numbers are so high.

I mean, it's possible all these women had private kinks laying dormant their entire lives and it's just an amazing coincidence that they ALL just happened to have the exact same "kink" (of being abused - choked by dAdDy, degraded and beat up). And it just happened to coincide with porn trends and men's tastes perfectly too. AND these kinks all surfaced at the exact same time (at the end of cool girl era).

But I doubt it 😂.

Maingurl · 2021-12-21T15:08:35+00:00

Yes, women are expected to fuck enthusiastically and be down for anything...yet men can't even do the bare minimum...

Like they'll complain about buying your dinner....then expect you to fuck like a porn star.

It's crazy out here.

xfelugirlx · 2021-12-21T14:20:46+00:00

They like to make us believe that is hot and empowering (really no, most of them don’t like it. They are just thinking by male gaze)

scorchedsouI · 2021-12-21T12:13:47+00:00

There's no such thing as "vanilla". There's normal sex, and there is violent and abnormal "sex" people who need to go to either therapy or jail engage in.

mashibeans · 2021-12-21T18:00:10+00:00

There's no need to minimize your words by adding "I feel as," queen! This is absolute FACTS, there IS increased pressure (AKA lots of shaming) towards women to be sexually abused and humiliated by men.

ifhewantedtohewould · 2021-12-21T12:14:57+00:00

I feel zero pressure in my life to be a “cool girl”. “Vanilla” is the term pornsick men and women with trauma coined to project their hate about their sex life. “Vanilla” is just sex, it’s literally just intimate, gentle, real sex.

BlueSkiesOverLondon · 2021-12-22T14:20:08+00:00

There definitely is a lot more pressure. But I’m a bit socially dense, so the pressure has never really swayed my decision-making. I honestly don’t think about it that much.

I have embraced the “vanilla” label, though. It saves explaining, and also, vanilla is delicious.

Shitcoin-Stacy · 2021-12-28T04:12:57+00:00

“Men always say that as the defining compliment, don’t they? She’s a cool girl. Being the Cool Girl means I am a hot, brilliant, funny woman who adores football, poker, dirty jokes, and burping, who plays video games, drinks cheap beer, loves threesomes and anal sex, and jams hot dogs and hamburgers into her mouth like she’s hosting the world’s biggest culinary gang bang while somehow maintaining a size 2, because Cool Girls are above all hot. Hot and understanding. Cool Girls never get angry; they only smile in a chagrined, loving manner and let their men do whatever they want. Go ahead, shit on me, I don’t mind, I’m the Cool Girl.

Men actually think this girl exists. Maybe they’re fooled because so many women are willing to pretend to be this girl. For a long time Cool Girl offended me. I used to see men – friends, coworkers, strangers – giddy over these awful pretender women, and I’d want to sit these men down and calmly say: You are not dating a woman, you are dating a woman who has watched too many movies written by socially awkward men who’d like to believe that this kind of woman exists and might kiss them. I’d want to grab the poor guy by his lapels or messenger bag and say: The bitch doesn’t really love chili dogs that much – no one loves chili dogs that much! And the Cool Girls are even more pathetic: They’re not even pretending to be the woman they want to be, they’re pretending to be the woman a man wants them to be.”

Title	Does anyone feel there’s increased pressure today to be a “cool girl” about trying the craziest stuff? I feel as if men today just get off on degrading women.
Author	Myplummms
Upvotes	785
Comments	41
Date	December 21, 2021 6:04 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/rl7ubz/does_anyone_feel_theres_increased_pressure_today/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/does-anyone-feel-theres-increased-pressure-today.1091400 https://theredarchive.com/post/1091400

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