"He Might Not Be A Good Partner To You, Doesn't Make Him A Bad Person"

oi_oi_oink · 2021-03-27T17:13:17+00:00

What makes a person a good person? Their principles, values, morals, relationships and how they treat other people are the parameters through which we judge whether said person is good or bad.

If they're treating a partner like shit, they're a bad person. Period. A person cannot be an angel to everyone but shitty to the one person they're closest to.

Papaverinum · 2021-03-27T17:38:25+00:00

"He lies, cheats, manipulates and is violent to you. Doesn't make him a bad person". Seriously?

Alarming-Midnight-73 · 2021-03-27T18:09:41+00:00

It depends on what you mean by "good partner". If someone's not a good partner to you because their life goals (children? lifestyle? location? etc) don't match up with yours, then that in itself doesn't make them a bad person. But if despite those differences, they lead you on, try to change you, lie, etc then that makes them a bad person. Bad behavior makes them a bad person. Period.

However, it's telling that your best friends keep insisting on "he's a good person" despite you speaking about his behavior. Doesn't sound like very good friends to me at all.

And even if he puts on a good show in front of your friends (as narcs and abusers do), your friends should support you. Sounds like they're his best friends; not yours.

Geocities_SEO_Expert · 2021-03-28T01:13:01+00:00

I hate how women are trained to give men endless second chances, endless benefit of a doubt, but none of these are ever given to women.

Altowhovian93 · 2021-03-27T19:23:05+00:00

I hear this in regards to parenting also. Like “he was a crap husband but he’s a good dad because he plays with them!”. Your sons will model how they parent and treat their wives off how they see their dad treat them and you. Your daughters will model how they parent and accept treatment from their husbands off on how they see mom respond to dad. To quote AOC, Do better and do not raise your children to accept abuse.

circescircus · 2021-03-27T18:27:13+00:00

You don't need any enemies with 'best friends' like that. I hope they will be your ex best friends soon. You deserve better.

honeybeeroll · 2021-03-27T19:24:31+00:00

If "not a good partner" means he was a fucking asshole, then he's a bad person, no debate. If "not a good partner" means he just wasn't the right fit for you, he wasn't good for you, because of differences in personality, religion, life goals, etc, then no, doesn't make him a bad person. If I told my friends a mutual male friend treated me shady during our relationship and that's why I broke up w/ him, and they were still friends, I dunno, I can't lie, it would bother me.

carlther · 2021-03-27T18:07:35+00:00

This kind of toxic rhetoric is the most damaging. It leads the next woman to believe that she can be the one that will be "compatible" with him. He isn't compatible with anyone, He is simply an abuser. You will be in the next victim in line. I've fallen for this before, never again.

tellmesomething11 · 2021-03-27T17:16:03+00:00

It’s these passive statements that really grind my gears🙄 If y’all are not compatible, that’s one thing and it happens. But if he is a bad partner to a woman, no woman can “change” him to be better. It’s like this, I used to be extremely manipulative, I only became nicer or hid myself better when the stakes were higher. But it always came out eventually, because it cannot be maintained. I have changed, after years of self reflection, sacrifice, and therapy. But. Like a junkie, the urge to get my “fix” is always there. That’s why I worked hard to be rich and not need a relationship w a man, I don’t feel like maintaining the facade and I find it hard to not be drawn to toxicity.

Men don’t change, they just hide it better.

ububTkuc · 2021-03-27T17:17:02+00:00

Vetting is focused on whether he is a good person for you. Resist the attempts by scrotes and pickmeshias to twist your arm into declaring an unsuitable match as "a nice guy"!

Kimpractical · 2021-03-27T21:57:02+00:00

Unrelated but reminds me of when they say “he’s not a very good husband but he’s an amazing father”

Lmao yea okay

GoldandGlowing · 2021-03-27T21:33:08+00:00

“People are only bad when they mistreat men.”

eveloe · 2021-03-27T18:13:38+00:00

“A man without integrity is not a good person, dummy”

spinsterchachkies · 2021-03-27T18:59:39+00:00

How can you be a good person if you treat the person closest to you (your partner) like shit? No excuses that is a bad person.

FrozenExpanse · 2021-03-28T05:58:09+00:00

If you go into a relationship with someone you know loves you, but you don't love them, you're a bad person. Period. You cannot be a good person and intentionally jerk a good person around.

PollyAnnaSunshine · 2021-03-28T03:16:04+00:00

If the reason he wasn't a good partner to you is you're a vegetarian and he's paleo or some other such incompatibility, then sure, he's not a bad person.

From your post it seems more like he was shitty to you and in that case his actions = his choices = who he is as a person. If he did bad things willfully and / or repeatedly, of course that reflects on him as a person and your friends are being obtuse.

Owl-right · 2021-03-28T00:08:52+00:00

Ditch those LV friends x

Worldly_Sell · 2021-03-28T01:17:10+00:00

This is true but there is fine line between being incompatible with someone and mistreating them/wasting their time....That’s when you become a bad person.

Protoetype · 2021-03-28T01:51:32+00:00

Being abusive makes someone a bad person, doesn't matter who they are.

UnstrirringCoffee · 2021-03-28T12:58:32+00:00

You cannot be a good person if you don't treat the one you claim to love properly. If you are no longer interested in dating them then you need to do the right thing and break up, rather than become a crappy partner. Doing the right thing is part of being a good person.

catlady4u · 2021-03-28T12:43:38+00:00

Then he can go be a 'good partner' to someone else. Wtf

abby_ch238 · 2021-03-28T20:37:05+00:00

I don’t think those people should be your best friends if they tell you something like that. Because when someone tells you that a person who treated you badly can be a good person, they are telling you that you did something wrong and therefore you deserved the bad treatment. And that’s never true. A good person won’t treat someone so poorly. A good person would leave you if the relationship was incompatible, they wouldn’t stay and treat you badly.

Title	"He Might Not Be A Good Partner To You, Doesn't Make Him A Bad Person"
Author	Downtown-Temporary52
Upvotes	192
Comments	38
Date	March 27, 2021 4:35 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/mehb7o/he_might_not_be_a_good_partner_to_you_doesnt_make/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/he-might-not-be-a-good-partner-to-you-doesnt-make.1187260 https://theredarchive.com/post/1187260

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