I finally broke up with this fucker. After months of a faux relationship, which was actually very pleasing while it happened, a fight made me finally have enough strength powered by disappointment to pull the trigger and be done with him.

Yesterday, I went over to his place and we had a wonderful time. At night while we were making out, I made a comment about his lips that he was offended about but didn't tell me until the next day (today), but that isn't the issue- the issue is that when we started stripping, I checked my phone for 0.5 seconds because someone was spamming me with text messages. I checked out of reflex, didn't even bother reading any of it nor the name, just confirming if it was social media or not. Well, this completely killed his mood. He told me he wanted to go wash his hands and when he came back he was like a different person. Distant, not in the mood anymore, cold. He told me he couldn't do it today, and I smiled, kissed his forehead, and said that was perfectly fine. We didn't have to do anything if we don't want to, and we could just watch something or go to sleep if he wanted.

Next morning, he was like a stranger. Didn't talk to me until I did, didn't look me in the eye. Just got on his phone and didn't direct a word to me. I excused myself to go get dressed and decided to not bring it up since he's been dealing with a lot of stress (boohoo) and I assumed it was just that. So, instead, I was possessed by all the devils of Pickmeishaism and spent the whole day trying to make him feel better. It was pathetic. I massaged his shoulders and back while the food I ordered for us was on its way. I bought him snacks for him to munch on while he works. I kept running my fingers through his hair and kissing his forehead because I was afraid he thought I was upset with him over him losing his erection. He barely smiled back at me, but closer to the end of the day before I left to go back home he started perking up. Kissing my hand while I held his, things like that.

Well, today, which is a good few hours after I left his apartment, I brought up the issue. An issue I thought was simply him feeling depressed and/or stressed. But no, he said he felt that way because of "what I did" the night before. We argued about it, quite coldly, because of how disappointed I felt this was a problem to him. After everything I've done for him, all the things I've forgiven. I called him insecure and accused him of projecting his exes on me, and he defended himself. He changed the narrative of what happened to accommodate his story and not once considered he might be wrong. This all happened just an hour ago and all I feel is tremendous disappointment and some grief over the person I believe him to be. It didn't end in insults but I don't know how I am going to deal with this loss, we created so many memories together. We had plans for the future. Places to go. All that is down the drain and I don't how to deal with that loss. Any advice is welcome, I want to focus on me.