How do you guys go about walking out on a date safely?

ASeaOfQuotes · 2021-10-25T19:55:52+00:00

You do not owe anyone an explanation. Always have a ride of your own secured before a date, never allow date to control your ability to leave a situation.

In terms of leaving without explanation, you can get up to ‘use the restroom’ and walk out. If the front doors are too obvious near the table you can pretend to get a call, or text a friend to call you ASAP, and say you want to step out to take it, then just walk out of sight and leave. The most important thing is to either drive there yourself, or secure the rideshare from the bathroom or under the table.

Safety is the most important thing, and angry men can be unpredictable. In a perfect world, a man would allow you to leave with both of you having your dignity intact. Instead we have to jump through hoops to ensure we are not embarrassed, harassed, assaulted, or otherwise.

Saying no to men trying to occupy our time takes courage. Keep to a strict date timeline. Do not flex your boundaries for unknown men, because they will ask for an inch and take a mile. You always have plans after a date, that’s why it has to end at X on the dot. For HV men, this won’t be an issue. For LV men, they will push and prod and guilt and pout and you will know with 100% certainty they do not deserve another moment of your interest or time.

herbivorouscarnivore · 2021-10-25T19:56:14+00:00

I went on a blind date and the dude was drunk when we met at the agreed upon location. He staggered off to pee on a tree, and I turned and speedwalked away, called a friend, and hid until she arrived to pick me up. lol

Another time, I endured an uncomfortable hour of stilted conversation before saying I was supposed to meet friends.

The FDS way, which I didn’t know about back the , is to vet the men before meeting them to decrease the likelihood that you need to run away.

Confidence_Relative · 2021-10-25T20:11:47+00:00

IBS playing up. Act like you are queasy and about to barf. Call Uber and dash out saying a family members outside to take you to urgent care.

lolmemberberries · 2021-10-25T21:45:32+00:00

I once went to the bathroom and claimed a friend called me with a personal crisis and that I was leaving to take care of them. A friend actually texted me asking me to come over to hang out and eat homemade cheesecake and I preferred that over listening to the dude continue to talk about himself.

I would recommend always having your own transportation to and from a date and/or the ability to quickly arrange transportation in the case you need to make an exit.

carmen_sandiegos_hat · 2021-10-25T20:48:38+00:00

Depends. I'm an introvert so naturally I'm observant. I use that to my advantage, stop talking, and just look around without making eye contact. Makes him get uncomfortable and the date ends. For me, it works.

Capable_Okra · 2021-10-25T21:40:50+00:00

I don't like confrontation with male strangers/acquaintances so for my own safety I usually come up with a white lie. Or I have a friend arrange to call me at a specific time during the date, and have a code word to say the date is going poorly and then be like omg I have to leave my friend is having an emergency. There's also websites that allow you to pre-schedule a robo call to your phone (just make sure your call volume is turned down so he can't hear the prerecorded message). In the past I've said "gotta go, I can't leave my foster kitten home alone for too long!" or "gotta wake up early for a doctor's appointment". I know this sub promotes just straight up walking out without an explanation, but I don't feel safe doing that (what if the guy gets mad and follows you) so I come up with a polite excuse and tell them we'll have to do this again some time, then block once I leave.

deadinsidelol69 · 2021-10-25T21:48:29+00:00

When I was dating I always had a friend or family member call me with a "emergency" so I could leave if I needed to. Worked great for so many shitty dates, I was once on a date with a guy who was 200+ pounds heavier than his pictures and was telling me all about his sexual history in GREAT detail when my sister called me with the fake emergency that my ferret got hurt. I jumped on it, ran out of the restaurant, and left him sitting there while I blocked him on the way out of the parking lot.

xdecadent · 2021-10-25T21:51:25+00:00

Always make sure you have your own transportation in place. Never let them drive you the venue.

You can always excuse yourself to the restroom and then dip out. Have your Uber lined up while you’re in the bathroom and as soon as it arrives make a beeline out of there. Block and delete on the way home.

hopeful_flounder93 · 2021-10-25T19:59:45+00:00

I've personally excused myself to head to the restroom & then simply walked out the door - once I pulled our lovely waiter aside to give him a tip on my way.

I've also done the "I'm going to go get us another drink!", headed to the bar, let the staff know I was uncomfortable on a date, and left. This is great if you've got a misogynist on your hands and want to make sure you can get out safely.

Another time, we were going on a weekend away (someone I had known for about 15 years and dated for a few months). He started acting up in my car & I wasn't having it, so I stopped at a gas station, told him I was going to fill up & to go grab himself a coffee, and drove away, blocking him on my way out. He got to pay $300 for a taxi as we were very far from the nearest town, but sometime lessons have to be learned.

I wouldn't say you're uncomfortable, don't give them any warning. You often don't know these men and don't know how they'll react. Make sure you get yourself out of there safely first & foremost.

cinequefoils · 2021-10-25T22:44:45+00:00

I tend to be pretty good when it comes to walking out on a date I’m not enjoying, from saying I don’t feel well or just straight up “I want to go home.”

But my favorites are tied, one was when a man told me he wasn’t pro choice. I had pikachu face (nothing about him even gave the indication that he would hold that view!) and then I said “this date is over. I am leaving.” Stood up and walked out.

The other, we got the bill and he was shocked by it (only $70, what a cheapskate) and he demanded we split it. I had the cash but I don’t 50/50, especially when he was ordering pricier food and drinks than me. I refused, he said he was going to the bathroom and we would discuss it after. I got up and walked out while unmatching him. A bar back chased after me but I straight up said I wasn’t paying and to hassle the man that was still in there. If he couldn’t afford a night out, he should have said 50/50 upfront and I would have declined. If I wanted to pay for my own drinks I’d go out with friends, not on a date with a scrote.

therewillbedrama · 2021-10-25T23:38:51+00:00

Honestly it’s perfectly ok to just say ‘I’m not feeling very comfortable, I’m going to go’ and just leave, don’t stick around and let him try to argue. BUT ONLY IF YOU FEEL SAFE THAT HE IS NOT GOING TO TURN ON YOU. Can’t stress that last part enough, if you don’t think he will handle it rationally then you may need to be more delicate. But you’re firm and polite and non-apologetic, in my experience there’s not too much push back, just act like it’s a not a big deal and it’s a perfectly normal and ok thing to do. TBH that’s actually really useful in other situations as well, if you appear confident and firm but also nice and non-confrontational it seems to work really well with disarming aggressive behaviour. It’s a combination of ‘I’m nice so you don’t need to be threatened’ and ‘I’m not taking any bullshit from you’.

I have walked out on one date who more than deserved it, but I have also not walked out on dates where I should have. That was always worse. The worst case, I found myself entertaining some joker who ‘couldn’t get home because his phone had died’ etc. I felt bad for being rude during the night so I let him just crash at mine and he tried multiple times to sleep with me throughout the night, despite me repeatedly telling him I didn’t want that. He even went as far as trying to use ‘the implication’ to intimidate me, pinning me down by my throat. It didn’t work but it was a shitty night and morning. So yeah, just tell them you’re not having a good time and leave 👌

Edit: typos

shadowkittn · 2021-10-25T20:16:46+00:00

I'd say don't do a multi-location date. Set a tme limit, a public place, and provide your own transportation. Vet (obviously). Before you start trying to say anything about ending the date, stand up with coat or purse in hand and slide out of your booth. Push your chair in front of you if that's a possibility to create a barrier between the two of you.

It is easier to feel scared of saying no when you aren't already on your feet. Plus if he tried to grab you or follow you when you are clearly making an exut, it would get people's attention.

If he gets hostile, shout "I'm leaving don't follow me!" Don't be embarrassed making a scene if you genuinely feel threatened by this guy. For a first date, perhaps have a friend you can call who has promised to answer so you can talk to her as you get to safety and drive away.

Platipus6 · 2021-10-25T23:45:54+00:00

If the food has arrived, say you're going to wash your hands (safety first!) and then leave.

"I'm really uncomfortable, I'm going to go home."

If you're going to say that, don't take the blame. Men are externalizers and love shoving blame onto women. Their first thought will always be to interpret it where they are not to blame. "she's uncomfortable? must be irritable bowels lol. oh well, off to my next date:)"

Tell them Problem and Solution.

"Your behaviour is making me uncomfortable, this date is over, goodbye".

Then of course, their reaction will be to get defensive, whine, cry, pout, demand answers and try to change your mind. Just run. If he blocks you, again tell him what he's doing. "You're blocking me, get out of my way". If he grabs your arm or wrist, bets are off. Learn to spiral your arm to loosen his grip and get loud and shrill. Fuck the backlash. He's already done it. Embrace people looking. They're your witnesses.

If you're too afraid to state a boundary, firmly give orders and leave, you're not ready to date. What happens if he hides all his red flags and he starts some shit in bed when you're alone with him?

Listen to your unsocialized thoughts. Don't talk yourself out of self-preservation with politeness. So many times my true self has thought "Fuck this shit" but I thought "no no:) give him a chance:)" and it's no good for me. After you're Done, it just gets worse when you don't leave.

ferociouslycurious · 2021-10-25T23:18:10+00:00

Public places, esp those with two exits. Drive yourself. Excuse yourself to the bathroom. Don’t return.

FUBARfromLSA · 2021-10-26T01:46:54+00:00

I pick up my purse and say “this isn’t working” and walk. But I always know where the restaurant is, and have been there before so I’m familiar with the exits and where to slip off to if he follows me, and always UBER there and back. Never give too much personal info from the jump so he can’t find me and of course block on all social media and phone. Plan for the worse for each date.

TikiTikiTata-chalala · 2021-10-25T20:16:40+00:00

I have wondered the same thing for many years! Once at a bad movie date I ended up hurting my back from sitting so stiffly and angled away from him in the chair... I shoulda gone to the bathroom and dipped. I still struggle with the 'nope 🤬 this' and leaving in the middle of a date- I tend to try to keep things light at all costs so as not to get attacked. Of course this just means I end up getting unwanted goodbye kisses 🤢 which I can't brush my teeth enough afterwards. I haven't dated since I really internalized FDS, when I was dating I was starting to implement and enforce my boundaries, but I'm still better at it virtually over in person.

I think the bathroom is a good excuse if your table/seats aren't where he can see you going in or out of it or the restaurant.

Title	How do you guys go about walking out on a date safely?
Author	teaandcoffee717
Upvotes	310
Comments	25
Date	October 25, 2021 7:27 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/qfobpq/how_do_you_guys_go_about_walking_out_on_a_date/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/how-do-you-guys-go-about-walking-out-on-a-date.1081858 https://theredarchive.com/post/1081858

Comments