Which book impacted you the most and would be your first pick as a gift to someone?

samedinuitmort · 2022-01-27T19:08:01+00:00

When I had my first breakup as a teen, I was recommended “It’s Called A Breakup Because It’s Broken” by the guy who wrote “He’s Just Not That Into You” (Greg Behrendt). I haven’t read the book since (it’s been… a long time) so I don’t know if it holds up, but I thought I’d mention it because it really did help me then.

When I moved out of my parents home, I read Marie Kondo’s “The Life Changing Magic Of Tidying Up” to help me reduce and say goodbye to my childhood/teenager belongings, because I did not want to leave a mountain of stuff to burden my parents with. It was really great, and what I learned in that has stayed with me and helped me until today. It’s much much better than the show when it comes to understanding her message. I’d say the Netflix show is purely for entertainment. I’ve gifted that book to 2 people; one felt lowkey offended and never read it (she’s a LVW and she still lives in basically a hoarding home…), and the other loved it and applied it to her life.

The next life-changing book for me was The Body Keeps The Score by Dr Bessel Van Der Kolk. It’s a must read for anyone who had trauma in their upbringing, or who suffered from some major trauma as an adult, and really anyone who wants to learn compassion and understanding (and straight up science!) for other people who are not doing well. Everyone I’ve recommended it to has also been mind blown.

Currently I’m reading Meditations by Marcus Aurelius. This book is tougher to recommend, because it’s of course an ancient piece of writing with a lot that needs to be considered and disregarded, and it’s widely misused and misinterpreted by men (google any of the writings and cringe at the interpretations dudes make). However I think it’s a testament to the core of human values, how what makes a good, strong person is more or less intuitive and inherent to our humanity. Things like honesty, integrity, commitment, diligence, patience, self-control, etc. I also love finding evidence of these virtues from themost varied sources as a form of proof that humanity as a whole has more or less a consensus on the basics of decency.

Oh and anything by Terry Pratchett! It’s good humor, not so much specific teaching or self help. But his perspective on people is endearing.

whiskey_and_oreos · 2022-01-27T19:23:17+00:00

I read two different books back to back last year from different authors that actually fit together perfectly.

The first was Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents and it's been recommended all over the FDS subs for good reason. If you grew up with this vague sense of something missing but telling yourself you had the physical necessities and there wasn't any overt abuse, this book fills in those pieces. Emotional neglect is hard to identify and kids don't know what they're missing exactly only that something is missing. It gave me a place to put a lot of pain that my family of origin could never acknowledge.

Then I read You Are the One You've Been Waiting For by Richard Schwartz (download warning, free PDF of chapter one here). It's written by the founder of Internal Family Systems therapy, which is a therapy modality in which you identify and work with "parts" of yourself (if you've ever thought "part of me wants to move to NYC and part wants to stay in my hometown" you're halfway there, the next step would be to work with the individual parts and find out why they want those things. I've made huge progress with handling trauma with IFS). Anyway, it's a relationship book that doesn't criminalize the concept of codependency and instead it explains that we act in those ways because of childhood wounding, so we tend to pick partners who resemble parent figures in an attempt to win their love and prove to ourselves we were lovable all along. It sounds a little immature and childish because it is our wounded inner children looking to our adult partner for the unconditional love and acceptance our parents couldn't give. Except that doesn't work and it's unfair to our partners so instead we should treat conflicts with our partners as trailheads to working with our own hurt.

Both books together completely changed how I looked at my family of origin and then how I had taken my coping mechanisms to emotional neglect with me into adulthood and into adult relationships. So if you came from a similar background and have struggled in adult relationships, I'd definitely recommend both of these.

Equal-Ear2312 · 2022-01-27T21:47:51+00:00

Women who run with the wolves. I've bought several copies and sent to some cool women I used to work with. It's nice to have mutual appreciation and respect.

Also "all men are jerks until proven otherwise" given to me by my pilates teacher who was very upset with my pickme ways back when I was dating mr GI Joe and robocop. It was a great book and those were bad relationships 🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮

basuragoddess · 2022-01-27T20:43:25+00:00

The Four Agreements is a great recommendation.

Secrets of Six Figure Women is good one for those seeking to increase their income and improve their mindset about financial literacy.

WomanCode by Alisa Vitti is great for those looking to live a healthier lifestyle in sync with their hormones, and/or resolve hormone-related health issues.

For smokers who want to quit - The Easy Way to Stop Smoking by Allen Carr. A little old fashioned sounding, but really does work to help you de-brainwash yourself and reframe your mindset when it comes to a nicotine addiction.

Stop Self-Sabotage: Six Steps to Unlock Your True Motivation, Harness Your Willpower, and Get Out of Your Own Way - breaks down how our brain works in relation to procrastinate and bad habits, and how to hack the process. Super interesting and helpful read.

cakewalkofshame · 2022-01-27T20:06:07+00:00

Depends on the person and their interests and situation, but for any woman who's gone through an abusive relationship, I would emphatically recommend Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft.

_HEDONISM_BOT · 2022-01-27T21:15:03+00:00

I will never stop recommending these books - (By Dr. David Burns - a Stanford Educated, award winning Physician who specializes in mental health). A few other reads (not by David Burs) are also included. I also strongly recommend you guys google the Feeling Good Website (which has copies of the CBT worksheets/tools/scales), and check out the "Feeling Good podcast" - all of it is free info. (CBT - David Burns.... I don't want to get in trouble for linking it here.)

- Feeling Good: The new mood Therapy

- When Panic Attacks: The New, Drug-Free Anxiety Therapy That Can Change Your Life

- Feeling Great: The Revolutionary New Treatment for Depression and Anxiety

- Feeling Good Together: The Secret to Making Troubled Relationships Work

- Ten days to self-esteem

- Cognitive Therapy and the emotional disorders (by Aaron T. Beck, M.D.)

- Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men(by Lundy Bancroft) unfortunately too many women have dealt with abuse from current or former partners. This book was helpful to me in my recovery from abuse. WARNING: THIS BOOK WILL PISS YOU OFF!

- Daily Wisdom for Why Does He Do That?: Encouragement for Women Involved with Angry and Controlling Men (By: Lundy Bancroft) unfortunately too many women have dealt with abuse from current or former partners. This book was helpful to me in my recovery from abuse. WARNING: THIS BOOK WILL PISS YOU OFF!

- The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life(By: Mark Manson)

- Boundaries, Updated and Expanded Edition: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life (By: John Townsend , Henry Cloud)

- The Gift of Fear: Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence (By: Gavin de Becker)

- The Science of Self Discipline Anger Management, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Self Control and Discipline (By: Sarah Emmerson) warning: this reads like a college textbook, so please be patient, it's full of gold.

- Emotional Intelligence, 10th Edition (By: Daniel Goleman) warning: this reads like a college textbook, so please be patient, it's full of gold.

- Cognitive Behavioral Therapy: Techniques for Retraining Your Brain(By: Jason M. Satterfield , The Great Courses)

Interesting reads (in no certain order)

- Methods of Persuasion: How to Use Psychology to Influence Human Behavior(By: Nick Kolenda)

- Logically Fallacious: The Ultimate Collection of Over 300 Logical Fallacies (Academic Edition)(By: Bo Bennett) WARNING: THIS READS LIKE A COLLEGE TEXTBOOK. You'll have to power through it, but it IS interesting info.

- Emotional Intelligence Mastery: 7 Manuscripts: Emotional Intelligence, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Anger Management, Self-Discipline, How to Analyze People, Manipulation, Empath (By: David Clark) WARNING: THIS READS LIKE A COLLEGE TEXTBOOK. You'll have to power through it, but it IS interesting info.

keep_my_stuff · 2022-01-27T19:27:49+00:00

The Drama of The Gifted Child by Alice Miller

circe_is_in · 2022-01-27T19:21:38+00:00

The Gift of Fear …it can really help someone caught in an abusive cycle or being stalked. For me it was the reassurance I needed that my instinct about a creep was spot on.

Platipus6 · 2022-01-27T22:39:43+00:00

Not a long book, but Everyday Chauvinism is so handy for spotting the constant disrespect we deal with simply for being born female.

https://www.stop-ferfieroszak.hu/sites/default/files/dokumentumok/everyday_male_chauvinism_pdf_46753.pdf

The book "How he gets into her head" explained so much about abusers. https://cryingoutforjustice.blog/2018/02/12/how-the-male-intimate-abuser-selects-sets-up-and-grooms-a-target-woman/

again, this seems like everyday behavior from LVM. They want unquestioned sexual access and they lie and manipulate and distract us to get it.

"Men Who Hate Women: From incels to pickup artists, the truth about extreme misogyny and how it affects us all" by Laura Bates confirms everything we've observed about the manosphere and the effect porn is having on young men's ability to have healthy relationships.

frogchickenhorse · 2022-01-27T21:22:45+00:00

Having sex, wanting intimacy by Jill p Weber, lost connections by johann hari, barefoot investor by Scott pape

CroneRaisedMaiden · 2022-01-27T22:32:40+00:00

Smashing glass and kicking ass: lessons from the meanest woman alive by Linda Smith, cleopatra: a life by Stacy Schiff, warrior goddess training Heatherash amara, and one big recovery book about stimulants. Sorry for the formatting I’m on mobile

Noemie_Mathilde · 2022-01-28T05:13:40+00:00

28 Days by Gabrielle Lichterman changed my life. Understanding women's hormonal fluctuations turns "bizzare mood fluctuations" into something you can work with, manage and pre-empt. (It's not just PMS! The cycle involves oestrogen, progesterone and testosterone which all have effects on our mood and body).

https://www.amazon.com.au/28-Days-Reveals-Potential-Updated-Expanded-ebook/dp/B07R9XGPKX

yungkaleidoscope · 2022-01-27T23:02:14+00:00

Mine is a little different— The Autobiography of Malcom X. It’s my absolute favorite book because it’s about identity and living a life thats true to you. It has a lot in it but the message I took from it is that you have to really think about who you are and the life you live. How much of what you do is for other people and because of other people. How much of it is good for you? Why are you trying to be a certain way? I think it’s a very raw and powerful read.

sikulet · 2022-01-28T04:58:21+00:00

Emotional Band-aid by Guy Winch

It’s coming from the concept if you had a physical gash you would get betadine and band aids on it. Why do we not take the same opportunity to heal and do self care when we get inflicted with emotional wounds.

thecrazywitch31 · 2022-01-28T09:55:00+00:00

Why Men Love Bitches is one of my favorite. I read it as a teenager in an age gap relationship with an abusive scrote. It gave me sooooo much to think about and changed my mentality.

ecorado14 · 2022-01-28T19:44:58+00:00

Buy yourself the fucking lillies

The author's journey to developing self-worth and learning to care for herself after a dysfunctional childhood really resonated with me.

PS I loved Why men love bitches 👍👍👍

platinumprimarina · 2022-01-28T23:53:18+00:00

I finished Outliers last month and really liked that one.

dumbleberry · 2022-01-30T21:13:17+00:00

I love the 5 agreements as #5: be skeptical, but learn to listen is essential for myself. All about love by Bell Hooks

Title	Which book impacted you the most and would be your first pick as a gift to someone?
Author	teaandcoffee717
Upvotes	217
Comments	34
Date	January 27, 2022 5:39 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/se3xvl/which_book_impacted_you_the_most_and_would_be/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/which-book-impacted-you-the-most-and-would-be-your.1097246 https://theredarchive.com/post/1097246

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