"Are you a feminist?" How do you answer this?

sardonic_flare · 2022-02-07T19:12:24+00:00

I say I'm a radical feminist and watch the light leave their eyes. It's fun.

night_glitter · 2022-02-07T18:22:52+00:00

I just say yes. You don’t need to spell it out. Don’t give him all the answers as to how to manipulate you. If they think that means I’m into stuff like 50/50, they’ll tell on themselves eventually.

SnooEagles9138 · 2022-02-07T18:04:18+00:00

I always say yes

relaxsuziesaid · 2022-02-07T22:10:15+00:00

“I’m a feminist. I’ve been a woman for a long time now. It’d be stupid not to be on my own side.” — Maya Angelou

millennialpink2000 · 2022-02-07T18:15:50+00:00

I look at them innocently and say "aren't you?"

gingerandlime · 2022-02-07T18:13:53+00:00

I’m certainly a feminist. I don’t think that really gives anyone a great deal of information about what I believe, though.

herbivorouscarnivore · 2022-02-07T18:05:52+00:00

“Are you a feminist?”

What do my actions tell you?

I dislike labels because people tend to get caught up in using them and not embodying them. So what do my actions tell you?

itsirrelevant · 2022-02-07T20:06:17+00:00

"Yes I believe that women are of equal status to men" If they press any further I'd say that's a red flag.

KetoKittenAround · 2022-02-07T21:01:51+00:00

“Yes I am a feminist. I believe women should not be subjected due to their biology.”

Usually shuts people up quite quickly. They don’t know what to do with that hard truth.

Living_Butterfly7171 · 2022-02-07T21:17:19+00:00

I quote the dictionary. :) The definition of a feminism is: the belief that men and women should have equal rights and opportunities.

A feminist, by definition, is a person who supports feminism. If you aren't a feminist you don't believe men and women should have equal rights and opportunities. Please explain that stance to me if you don't call yourself a feminist?

JulyParade · 2022-02-07T19:27:51+00:00

"Are you really asking if I believe that women should have the same rights as men? The right to be paid equally?" That usually makes this person feel like an A-hole. Because that's feminism. If someone doesn't believe that I have the same rights as men, if they actually have to ask, they are the problem.

Honestly, there are a lot of feminist issues to discuss but I fail to see how much any of that can matter when women are out there working harder while being paid less. Money is power, it's financial freedom to walk away from bad relationships and to provide for our children when their fathers won't. Once we get equal pay and equal opportunities we'll be better equipped to deal with the other issues.

jugularlemonade · 2022-02-07T18:00:53+00:00

I always say “yes, but not the kind you think” if they’re assuming I’m a lib fem

Colour_riot · 2022-02-08T01:32:41+00:00

"I'm not a fan of misogyny, are you?"

They think that setting up a strawman makes it easier to attack and condemn you, so set one back up. Responding with tricky words is the only way to deal with someone who will only converse in tricky words. They started by asking a question in bad faith, because we all know what's the answer they want.

I think it's a bit hard for most women because we don't interact with others in bad faith. OTOH men often interact with others in bad faith to manipulate a response. They are very very surprised to have it reversed.

melympia · 2022-02-07T19:49:52+00:00

Possible answers - or counter questions:

Aren't you?
What does being a "feminist" mean to you? / Define feminist!
Why? Are you scared of poor widdle me?
I'd have to be stupid not to be a feminist.
Why wouldn't I be a feminist?

Spittens · 2022-02-07T18:23:15+00:00

I just look at them and say "I'm a woman, aren't I? Of course I'm a feminist. But I don't agree with the current discourse known as liberal feminism, it's downright harmful."

Then watch them implode trying to figure out how best to categorize me in their head.

abby_ch238 · 2022-02-07T22:57:12+00:00

Who is asking you this? I feel like anyone asking this out of the blue is just looking to pick an argument with you and it’s best to just walk away and not waste your energy with them.

Depending on the context though and if you feel like someone is genuinely asking I would say radfem but I cannot imagine a context where someone would ask me that genuinely. Like around women who I feel are safe I’m open about my views that would make it obvious I’m against libfem so again I can’t even imagine a scenario where someone isn’t asking you this to pick a fight.

warinmymind94 · 2022-02-08T07:05:25+00:00

I used to say I'm a "true feminist" and they would get baffled. All the men asking were hoping I was a lib feb that believed in free prostitution and being their band-maid.

Usually they would tell on themselves immediately "that's great I live that women are empowered I support it totally!" And then ask me to go HALF on a drinks date 🚩 or ask let's get dinner it'll be my treat this time you can get it next time

Specific-Composer300 · 2022-02-08T09:59:31+00:00

I also don't identify with any "brand" of feminism, since I hate liberal feminism but I also am not a radical feminist and many of them would not accept me for wanting to get married to a man, engaging in performative femininity like wearing makeup and heels etc. However I agree a lot more with rad fems than libfems in general and their arguments are far more logical. So I just say I'm "pro women".

Constant-Wanderer · 2022-02-07T20:33:22+00:00

Stop thinking so much about all of the different ways the person asking could take your response, and just answer. Most of the time, they’re not worth all that energy.

If they asked you because they want to pick a fight with a feminist, say no and end the conversation. Who gives a shit what they think of you for lying, the most important part is maintaining your peace and space.

_mangoes_ · 2022-02-07T23:56:45+00:00

I say no, I believe women are superior to men (I’m engaged now but even my fiancé agrees with me lol)

Platipus6 · 2022-02-07T23:50:48+00:00

"Oh my gosh yes, there's just so much work left to do in order for women to be recognized as human and regain our human rights, which have been unjustly taken away by the patriarchy full of men who hate women. How about you? Are you doing anything to restore women's human rights? :)"

The_Cat_Empress · 2022-02-08T00:40:33+00:00

Got really asked this once and I just stated the facts that I was a Radfem.

He was basically like “EH?!”

ifhewantedtohewould · 2022-02-07T22:54:02+00:00

I say “why wouldn’t I be?”

chainsawbobcat · 2022-02-08T01:00:54+00:00

Liberal feminism is NOT feminism as a whole.

Emphatic YES, AREN'Y YOU? is my answer

InspectorGadget07 · 2022-02-07T18:57:11+00:00

I don’t.

Im a lot of things. You just have to get to know me
Are you?
Why do you ask? (throwing smoke by answering a question with a question)

I’m an undercover feminist, judging from the shadows. I’ll never really declare myself as one and don’t really even think of myself as one (not because I’m not, just because I’m not into labels in that way).

I find it best to avoid declaring what I am and instead sit back and watch people prove what they are

Am I a feminist? Doesn’t matter. The real question is who are YOU. I’m looking to see if everyone I interact with especially men- prove to be so through their actions, thinking and comments. I know who I am and that I won’t ever cause harm to anyone. So that question doesn’t concern me. The real question is who are YOU?? Are YOU sexist. Are you trying to gaslight and cause harm?? Cause I know I’m not.

I skip over the question altogether because I don’t want anyone playing a role to align with any declaration Ive made. Occasionally I turn it back on them, but even that is less than optimal as it telegraphs that you care about that. I usually just shrug and say you have to get to know me.

Japanese_Lasagna · 2022-02-08T07:10:13+00:00

I’m a feminist even if my views don’t match with what mainstream “feminism” looks like. As for men calling themselves feminists, quite some time ago I took the stance that a man’s self-identification of being a feminist is meaningless. His actions will tell me what I need to know.

iacint · 2022-02-08T07:47:31+00:00

radical feminits is my answer, they can deal with it.

Commercial_Place9807 · 2022-02-08T14:27:54+00:00

“I’m a radical feminist”

That’s what I say.

Words matter. So do labels. Men have worked hard to make it so women don’t like identifying as a feminist. They’ve muddied what the word means as much as possible. Own it.

Salt_Satisfaction · 2022-02-07T18:06:52+00:00

I say "yes, but I don't have the usual opinion on several things".

c_a_t_lady · 2022-02-07T18:19:06+00:00

I say yes, and nowadays I also often clarify that I'm not a liberal feminist though.

PasDeTout · 2022-02-07T23:54:05+00:00

One answer is ‘one would I be against more equality and rights for myself?’

But one definition of feminism is ‘the radical notion that women are people too’ and of course I believe I’m a person! And any man who wants to be with me should also be comfortable with my personhood.

VaporwaveVampire · 2022-02-08T03:28:03+00:00

“Depends what you mean by feminist; there are many different types of feminism. But yes I do support women.”

Struggleis4real · 2022-02-07T23:49:22+00:00

I respond with “What kind of feminist?” to get an idea of what that definition means to them. Why answer a question they don’t understand? shrug

cupittycakes · 2022-02-08T01:44:08+00:00

"of course"

FluffandRainclouds · 2022-02-08T04:48:54+00:00

I dislike libfem and "performative" woke make feminists I am reluctant to adopt the term "feminist" alone. I think "radical feminist" better suits me, even though I do perform certain rituals of femininity (Hair removal, etc). Can we make a FDS form of feminism? 🤓

Heather619 · 2022-02-08T08:18:40+00:00

I ask them "What's your definition of feminism?"

Correct them if they describe misandry.

Then answer accordingly.

Muffcakelord · 2022-02-08T00:29:52+00:00

"Depends; what do you mean when you say "feminist"?

Most people describe "libfem" ways of things. That is a good opportunity to ask them if they don't think it's strange how that kind of feminism benefit men while hurting women, as well as mentioning that you're a feminist as in someone who supports whatever benefits women. A fine way to spread the simplicity of what feminism really is to try and stop people from believing feminism is about being a pickme

spinsterchachkies · 2022-02-07T18:13:28+00:00

”No. I support women.”

I think that sends a clear message. Feminism = Libfem now. That term is tainted so I make sure to distance myself from it.

PaunchyPilates · 2022-02-08T01:55:24+00:00

Yes, I am a feminist.

slinkingintheshadows · 2022-02-08T14:46:15+00:00

I'm always going to be a feminist whoever judges me for it or claims to be one to fool others, I don't care. It's a very sacred process passed down through so many generations of women, allies, really anyone who faught for self respect.

There are many people who muddy the term, ruin the significance, debate schools of thought. But the same can be said for anything. For me feminism promises the possibility of a new dawn, of change, hope to so many marginalized people waiting for world to take notice of whatever wrongs are happening to them.

I'll always be a feminist and if someone is unreasonable enough to take offense to the fact without even discussing the reasons, opinions, then I know whom to steer clear of.

sleepysiri · 2022-02-08T21:28:27+00:00

I find that men who ask this have a specific intention in mine, and that is to either watch you fumble and convince him you’re not and that you’re a cool girl who is okay with having threesomes you don’t want to have and enduring his dingleberry, swamp ass OR he wants you to say yes so he can neg you and make you feel like crap.

Peak_Tree · 2022-02-08T03:02:44+00:00

I always answer no to men because I don't discuss feminism with them at all. Never. And because I will not let myself be publicily associated with libfems ( the only recognized kind of feminist nowadays as it seems). EDIT: that doesn't mean I don't act like it...just not in the way many women associate with it like going to parades and the like. I'm not very social in that aspect.

With women is a marvelous vetting tool... I have my agreements and disagreements with feminism but I recognize all the things older feminists have gained me and any woman giving me the "I'm an antifeminist because those evil b*tches make us work now" Is a pickme and not to be trusted. Also any woman that is obviously a libfem. If a women doesn't consider herself a feminist but is aware of the importance of it that's fine with me too.

Noemie_Mathilde · 2022-02-09T00:47:06+00:00

I've never been asked. I think it is assumed all women where I live are feminists.

myheartisfulloflove · 2022-02-09T06:05:01+00:00

"I believe that women should have the same rights and opportunities in the world as men do, if that is what you mean. Why? What do you think it means?"

ShegoGreen · 2022-02-10T11:01:31+00:00

I don't think of myself as a feminist because there are many things I don't agree with typical liberal feminism, so I'd say no. However, I've noticed men who ask this question will try to test your boundaries if you say no, because so many women who are anti-feminists are still huge pick-me's who want to seem, "cool" for men.

Title	"Are you a feminist?" How do you answer this?
Author	teaandcoffee717
Upvotes	343
Comments	91
Date	February 7, 2022 5:56 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/smwc3j/are_you_a_feminist_how_do_you_answer_this/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/are-you-a-feminist-how-do-you-answer-this.1100514 https://theredarchive.com/post/1100514

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