The absolute bare minimum, and an automatic dealbreaker. NEVER, no matter the circumstance. Do not ever let a man think that it is justifiable to try to physically intimidate you. There exists not a single excuse for violent behaviour. It will always escalate.

pinkgirly111 · 2022-01-22T14:51:45+00:00

yep, i’m done. notice they will never act this way to their friends or male peers. just us.

mrs-not-know-it-all · 2022-01-22T14:25:42+00:00

To me men with anger issues are so unnatractive, the look like overgrown children that are throwing tantrums.

Like I get it you're mad, I'd probably be to, but do your really have to start huffing and puffing, screaming, or punching things beacuse you didn't have it your way? Bye boy.

SpiteTomatoes · 2022-01-22T15:05:55+00:00

Sad af straight women have to have such bare minimums. Do men have to have bare minimums like that? If I was a man, I doubt the first question my mom would ask when finding out we're dating is if she is any way abusive. She asks me that bc my dad used to have major anger issues and so does my brother in law.

questionsaboutrel521 · 2022-01-22T14:40:49+00:00

Love is respect.

When I was leaving my NVM, another person told me: “Well, he may love you. But that is going to kill you.”

Or, a poet wrote this about abusive relationships: “He does love you. He loves you hurt. And he will do it again.”

BeanBagSize · 2022-01-22T13:34:24+00:00

Abuse is abuse. Do not tolerate.

tellmesomething11 · 2022-01-22T15:52:13+00:00

These actions are absolutely meant to intimidate you and bully you into submission. But, it’s sort of like, you don’t really understand what’s going on in the moment? You’ve seen them act in a completely different way and you have to force yourself to realize that everything up to that point was fake and was not the real him

my ex was super aggressive and controlling but it never really hit until he was driving wildly, screaming and punching his phone because I had refused to speak with him for a few days. We met up and this is what happened. I’ve never been so scared. Yet, I forgave him. I thought it was a one off but I know now (I’ve since dumped him) that it was his true nature.

thinktwiceorelse · 2022-01-22T15:19:04+00:00

Not even in a "playful" way.

dinarvand88 · 2022-01-22T14:01:28+00:00

Yes I had an ex who was like this. (He never hit me but I can relate to him blocking my path and raising his voice at me. ) Ever notice these people often only seem to have "anger problems" at us? That they don't ever seem to break things or throw things they personally value? It's deliberate. They're not "out of control" or they'd charge into walls rather than at women and they'd break their own stuff every once in awhile.

ConfusedBisexual1992 · 2022-01-22T13:52:41+00:00

Next time, I’m leaving at the first sign of any aggression. I get that it’s normal to experience anger, but I’d rather my partner left the room and calmed down before discussing things than yelled at me.

ultblue7 · 2022-01-22T15:46:35+00:00

This was a very tricky thing I had to deal with in my last relationship because I grew up being physically disciplined and screamed at on the regular. It was like any other day. My adapted response also made me more likely to freeze or fawn and try to make things work because it’s literally what I STILL DO with my family. My ex was never physically violent (outside of “kinky” sex...whole other thing to unpack) but towards the end he showed small instances of loss of control. And I froze. I froze and tried to tell myself to just let it go like I do with my family. Reanalyzing my behavior after my breakup, I am shocked and scared to realize how casual it is for me to accept aggression because it has been the number one reason for me to distance myself from my family and now I realize I almost perpetuated the cycle. I’m honestly so lucky I didn’t end up staying in that relationship and am now aware of my behavior and working on it.

AnniaT · 2022-01-22T16:30:45+00:00

Zero tolerance to any kind of emotional, physical, financial, destroying objects, whatever type of abuse or aggression. Leave at the first sign. But not just against you. Even if he treats you "well" but shows aggressive or abusive behaviour towards exes, family members, children or workers at shops and restaurants, leave at the first sign. You're saving your life and possible offspring's lives. The sooner you leave, the easier will it be to untangle from this person and the less repercussions you'll have. Don't let it get to the point where you're baby trapped or house trapped.

divination__ · 2022-01-22T16:52:46+00:00

My dad is the calmest, sweetest man. Never raised his voice at me or anyone in my family in his life. I was shocked the other day when he said he had been in a bad mood the past week, but because he is so sweet to me I barely noticed. Whenever he is annoyed at me, he just shakes his head. My mum is the same. Calm and so patient.

My ex on the other hand, even though he never really raised his voice and never hit me, would say the cruellest things when he was angry. Just utterly horrible things. He would blame it on his anger and self control, but people know what they're doing when they cross those lines and they do it on purpose.

When we moved in together, he would threaten to move out after every argument, leaving me in a lurch. It made me so angry that eventually I told him, calmly, next time he threatens that, it's final and he is leaving. 'Lo and behold, he never ever threatened it again. Proving he is perfectly capable of self control.

I have my father's (and my mothers tbh) sweet and calm temperament and I want the same in a partner. Absolute zero tolerance for even snappiness. I don't want someone who is merely non-violent, I want someone actively gentle and kind and I think that id the bare minimum.

ButterfliesHurricane · 2022-01-22T14:12:48+00:00

The punching walls is a less obvious sign but it’s a definite red flag. Don’t ask me how I know…..

hensbanex · 2022-01-22T14:46:04+00:00

if a man so much as raises his voice at me, I’m out.

WhereMyHoseAt · 2022-01-22T14:11:50+00:00

Fudge. I think this post just made me confront issues in my own relationship. He’s lovely when in a good mood, but get him upset and the name calling, raising voice, calling me weak, unworthy of respect, brainless and batshit crazy starts…if I cry, he tells me I’m weak and dramatic, when I try walk away he threatens that if i leave we are over, or he will block the exit….these are all things my mother used to do too!! Thank you for this timely post, it seems silly but it actually forced me to take all of it into account.

sewingmachinesavior · 2022-01-22T17:19:43+00:00

Any sign of aggression when angry: aggressive driving, flipping people off, throwing tools or object in anger (even if not at you).

Men do not have to hurt to to keep your behavior in check with fear tactics. They just have to be scary and intimidating, so you think they MIGHT hurt you. And then they waltz around like “but I never hit you”.

We need to redefine what violent relationships are.

myheartisfulloflove · 2022-01-22T16:24:27+00:00

Woah. My ex husband did all of that.

candyfox84 · 2022-01-22T16:47:56+00:00

Yea, the yelling and following you part I can relate to. Never again.

sexyvirgobabe · 2022-01-22T17:34:59+00:00

This is like shit boyfriend bingo. Don’t spit on me or trying to demean me by threatening to tell people intimidate/personal things I confided in you, should also be included.

2022-01-22T17:50:48+00:00

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