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breadandbunny
[–]FitncurlyFDS Disciple114 points115 points116 points 5 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
Exactly this☝🏼. My husband is the same and it’s soo possible if we just hold onto our standards and have boundaries in place for our benefit.
Edit: It goes without saying that this is entry level in the world of standards, and the sad part is most men don’t meet these even. A true HVM goes above and beyond these but this is a basic guideline of where the line needs to start for women to get better treatment in their relationships.
[–]breadandbunnyFDS Newbie[S] 16 points17 points18 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yes.
[–]Repulsive-Ad1092FDS Newbie261 points262 points263 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Exactly, this is what ANY grown man should do. This is not even HVM, it is BASIC HUMAN DECENCY
[–]breadandbunnyFDS Newbie[S] 58 points59 points60 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I wholly agree.
[–]MixWideFDS Newbie17 points18 points19 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I about tore the head off a relative who tried to praise my spouse for doing this stuff.
No, doing his share of the work does not make my spouse "amazing" or "wonderful." It means he is fulfilling his basic obligations as an adult or partner. If you wouldn't praise a woman for doing it (and you sure as fuck never have), then don't praise a man.
[–]onceuponaseaFDS Newbie197 points198 points199 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
If you want to know who someone is, ask them what their values are and then look at what they do.
[–]breadandbunnyFDS Newbie[S] 89 points90 points91 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Actions have always spoken louder than words.
[–]Super-Alternative-4438 points39 points40 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yesss...and always will....I don't believe a word a man says when he is doing the opposite....
[–]vitryolicFDS Apprentice274 points275 points276 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
High value isn’t bare minimum. Societal pressure has eroded women’s standards so much to gaslight us into thinking that anyone not treating us horribly is treating us amazing
[–]HumanAdhesiveness360FDS Newbie59 points60 points61 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I think she's a high value woman though. Most women aren't aware that men should act like basic adults
[–]tweinerrFDS Newbie86 points87 points88 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
"Not to brag or anything, but my husband is a functional human being" SWEET
[–]weekend111FDS Newbie30 points31 points32 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
This would be a nice jab if directed at your usual menbabies. Men suck at being functional adults.
[–]tweinerrFDS Newbie8 points9 points10 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
These are facts
[–]ferociouslycuriousFDS Newbie49 points50 points51 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Yes. Why is it my job to take care of MIL birthday and Christmas? I barely know the woman. Also not my job to invite her to visit, or to arrange visits to her. Get off your butt and do it yourself. “I didn’t realize how isolated I’ve become” he said. “I can place a lot of that blame on myself”. NO KIDDING SHERLOCK! Stop blaming me. It’s called laziness. Inertia if you want to be fancy.
[–]VillanellohFDS Newbie7 points8 points9 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Kick him out!
[–]ferociouslycuriousFDS Newbie21 points22 points23 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
He left and seemed disappointed I didn’t want to “try”. Like I’d been trying to ten years. Whatever. I’m ready to be single the next half of my life (46 now). Took advantage of Valentine’s Day sales and purchased myself a couple of beautiful rings. He always bought me earrings and necklaces, even though I never wear those.
[–]-pop-fizz-clinkFDS Newbie136 points137 points138 points 5 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
Is this HV or is it just being a functional adult?
Sure, this is all good stuff, but I'm sure she does all of the same things, maybe more. He's not special for adulting.
[–]BlueJeanMistressFDS Apprentice99 points100 points101 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Maybe it’s not so much that he does these things-which is the bare minimum-but how he does them.
I’ll read many times where a husband “cleans” a kitchen but leaves behind crumbs and dirt. Or remembers the special occasion but doesn’t do anything for it. Or does dad things like change one diaper a day.
Whereas a HVM will go above and beyond. Plan date nights and give thoughtful gifts. Play, interact and do at least an equal amount of parenting. Everyday my husband (after working 12 hours) comes home, takes over parenting and tells me “go relax you deserve it”.
So I think like anything else it’s the effort they put into something that determines if they are HV.
[–]-pop-fizz-clinkFDS Newbie32 points33 points34 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
-but how he does them
Great point!
[–]stevenuniversoo23 points24 points25 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
this is just being a functional adult, which most men choose not to be while their wives do everything for them
[–]-pop-fizz-clinkFDS Newbie11 points12 points13 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I tend to agree with this. I know the commenter right below me said it's how he does it and the effort that is put in... But if we are just looking at this example.... It's sad. I want more for my sisters than thinking this - which I feel is bare minimum and simply being an adult - is special.
[–]mini_baguetteFDS Apprentice23 points24 points25 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Exactly. I'm seeing undertones of praise in this post and I find it irritating. "Not to brag..." sis, this is nothing to brag about. I'm always suspicious of people that have to broadcast how great their SO is on social media without any evidential background.
[–]midwesternwindsFDS Newbie16 points17 points18 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I think she was being sarcastic specifically because a grown man paying bills and remembering a birthday for you is nothing to brag about. It's a shaming tactic to people who praise guys for the bare minimum.
[–]verusckaFDS Disciple11 points12 points13 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Normalize male maturity.
[–]musicallymirroredFDS Newbie25 points26 points27 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
My husband does all of these things. Just means he can be a functional room mate. Doesn’t make him good at the love and intimacy and mutual respect marriage requires. And yet, I am aware how much more he does than many men out there.
[–]dzgataFDS Disciple4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Ugh bitter feminists expect too much!!!
/s
[–]peachesngrungeFDS Newbie11 points12 points13 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Where are those though.
[–]NorthrnSwedeFDS Newbie30 points31 points32 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Shaming women for men being POS? Nah. Get help with your internalized misogyny.
[–]Miss_InsherFDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
I mean, this is great. But also feel like men would do a lot and go out of their way for an objectively beautiful woman. And not necessarily because they are HVM, but because beauty in men's world (and society) is a virtue in itself?
Edit: spelling
[–]CassieGreen85FDS Disciple4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is why vetting is an on going process with no deadline, and one of the hardest pills for newbies in general to swallow.
At one point he will drop the act. It might take days, weeks, months and even years. We have to not only learn, but be able to know when and if he blew his cover.
[–]breadandbunnyFDS Newbie[S] 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I see that.
[–]UmmmHiHelloFDS Newbie18 points19 points20 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I mean, I still would happily fuck/marry bare minimum.
Does your husband have a brother?! 🧐
[–]ceilingkatwatchesusFDS Disciple0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
For the life of me. Why is it hard for most men to do basic everyday adult hooman things? Can build a gaming computer from scratch but can't do laundry or cut a bagel..... Like huh?
[+][deleted] 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
[removed]
[–][deleted] 3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
No, there are men out there who don't suck. And I'm not trying to NAMALT you but if you don't think they're out there then what's the point of FDS?
[–]myeggsarebigFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
This basic shit is taught when they’re children. My sons never got kudos or praise or money for making the most basic contribution to the family. And the one time the oldest complained, I open the door and told him that homeless man would gladly switch spots with you and gladly scrub the toilet, walk the dog, help with dinner, look after your brother...etc. for a warm home, healthy food, clean clothes,and parents engaged in their well being.
Kudos is staying up all night to draw your wife while she’s sleeping because she just that beautiful that a sketch of you in his mind, is just not good enough. 💜
[–]midwesternwindsFDS Newbie12 points13 points14 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I think it's very different with kids than adults though. Most kids naturally think chores are unfair. They mentally and emotionally don't need heavy responsibility like adults. But adults should be over that. I would never hold that stuff over my kid's head because like OP's husband, caring for my kid is the bare minimum I'm supposed to do for them as a parent. It would be like if a woman's husband told her "You don't like it here? You don't appreciate all I do for you? Them leave."
[–]myeggsarebigFDS Newbie-4 points-3 points-2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I’m not even addressing your assessment of my child rearing...but in case your concerned, they’re grown and HVM.
But your last quote, last sentence. You do realize where you are, correct? Because that’s exactly what I’d say to a LVM, if he wasn’t in fact a LVM.
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[–]FitncurlyFDS Disciple114 points115 points116 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]breadandbunnyFDS Newbie[S] 16 points17 points18 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Repulsive-Ad1092FDS Newbie261 points262 points263 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]breadandbunnyFDS Newbie[S] 58 points59 points60 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]MixWideFDS Newbie17 points18 points19 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]onceuponaseaFDS Newbie197 points198 points199 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]breadandbunnyFDS Newbie[S] 89 points90 points91 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Super-Alternative-4438 points39 points40 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]vitryolicFDS Apprentice274 points275 points276 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]HumanAdhesiveness360FDS Newbie59 points60 points61 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]tweinerrFDS Newbie86 points87 points88 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]weekend111FDS Newbie30 points31 points32 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]tweinerrFDS Newbie8 points9 points10 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ferociouslycuriousFDS Newbie49 points50 points51 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]VillanellohFDS Newbie7 points8 points9 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]ferociouslycuriousFDS Newbie21 points22 points23 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]-pop-fizz-clinkFDS Newbie136 points137 points138 points (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]BlueJeanMistressFDS Apprentice99 points100 points101 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]-pop-fizz-clinkFDS Newbie32 points33 points34 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]stevenuniversoo23 points24 points25 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]-pop-fizz-clinkFDS Newbie11 points12 points13 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]mini_baguetteFDS Apprentice23 points24 points25 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]midwesternwindsFDS Newbie16 points17 points18 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]verusckaFDS Disciple11 points12 points13 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]musicallymirroredFDS Newbie25 points26 points27 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]dzgataFDS Disciple4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]peachesngrungeFDS Newbie11 points12 points13 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]NorthrnSwedeFDS Newbie30 points31 points32 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Miss_InsherFDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]CassieGreen85FDS Disciple4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]breadandbunnyFDS Newbie[S] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]UmmmHiHelloFDS Newbie18 points19 points20 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ceilingkatwatchesusFDS Disciple0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[+][deleted] (5 children) | Copy Link
[removed]
[–][deleted] 3 points4 points5 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]myeggsarebigFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]midwesternwindsFDS Newbie12 points13 points14 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]myeggsarebigFDS Newbie-4 points-3 points-2 points (0 children) | Copy Link