Tradwives think people are triggered by them because they’re jealous, rather than crippling anxiety that they may be making decisions that could devastate themselves and their children

outside-perception · 2020-06-26T10:37:47+00:00

Ah, I made a response on PPF but I am a former Trad wife, was "trained" (groomed) from 5 til marriage age to be a wife. It's a fucking cop out. I'm grateful I still had the time to get an education and establish a career.

People aren't triggered by housewives. They see what women like me in postmodern era put up with, as well as their foremothers put up with. Who wants to have a secret account in case you get traded in for a younger model?

Who wants to risk single motherhood in higher risk of poverty because, on top of the added stress, you decided to be a housewife and never work on your resume for 5, 10, 15 years? Or even get an education if you went and got married fresh out of high school?

Who wants to rely solely on their youth as a basis for marriageability? Who wants to potentially risk having kids with the wrong man, which seems to be the common theme since the boomer era, and has only gotten worse? Who wants to possibly be at risk of triggering themselves every time there's family visitation because, let's admit it -- the divorce and child courts still advocate deadbeat and unfit/abusive fathers have the chance to see their children, while the woman who got screwed has to continuously relive all the bollox they just fled from? Oh and on top of all that, they're lucky if they're in the half who get any child support because let's face it; most women simply don't get child support at all.

I'm 27. I am still young and have time. I was able to start over. I can't imagine doing all that at 40 or 50. Even MRAs and RP men admit that women get screwed in divorce the older they get. They're just too afraid to admit divorce screws women of all ages just as bad.

Saitschik · 2020-06-26T12:52:28+00:00

My mother was a "happy housewife" until she got cheated on and treated like trash when my father went through Midlife-Crisis and divorced her.

It left her destroyed, helpless and from financially very well off with no money. So no thanks, hard pass for me.

Also, there is more to life than cleaning, cooking and looking after your kids and manchild for EVERY woman.

Curo_san · 2020-06-26T11:25:54+00:00

Like look at the ladies on My Big Fat American Gypsy Wedding they're stuck with scrotes that cheat on them and abuse them. The men are in and out of jail. They're forcing their teenage girls to drop out of school and get married cause that's the gypsy way only to me stuck with trash they can't leave cause they have zero way to provide for themselves. Hard pass on that vulnerability I'll take the daily grind any day.

coolestgirlyoueverme · 2020-06-26T13:13:06+00:00

My mom is a tradwife who had been devoted to my dad since she was a teen. She has definitely described herself as a "happy housewife" to other people. And while I think taking time off work to take care of family is a wonderful thing....

I've seen her get depressed while struggling to take care of 5 small children, seen her do 100% of the housework, and listened to her talk about a big promotion she sacrificed before becoming a full time house wife to move to where my dad had better work opportunities. From a young age, I decided that kind of life is not for me.

Over the years she has be come less of a pickme and she never forced this tradwife life on any of her children. She always encouraged me to focus on school first and foremost.

Luckily my dad is a great provider but he is super conservative and NEVER helps with any housework or child care whatsoever. Also, he has a lot of work related female friends that my mom doesn't like. She feels like this is attention he should be giving her and the family.

lawless_sapphistry · 2020-06-26T13:43:31+00:00

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sadcello · 2020-06-26T11:32:40+00:00

I've never seen a happy housewife. All of them are miserable, they're always busy, always have tons of things to do and finish in a single day. A lot of them feel like being a slave to their husband and kids but feel bad that they feel that way, which depresses them even more.

The 'lucky' ones who marry into riches? They live with void. They know their husbands are cheating on them, they trade their dignity with money and luxury lifestyle and it shows just how empty and vapid they are. Why do you think men stereotype wives as people who will never be satisfied and happy? Where are the fucking happy housewives? After thousands of years, surely there will be MILLIONS of them, right? Why is it that I never fucking see them?

Whenever I see a happy, content, satisfied older woman, they're always single. There were 2 couples I know who were happy because they have pretty much equal relationship (not really, the woman still do more childcare, but they're happy with it). I literally never see a happy housewife. Never, not even in fucking fictions.

Oh wait, I did remember one who was forced to say she's happy by her husband. She's clearly unhappy and don't want to say it, she kept trying to change the conversation but the husband forced her to say it in front of the guests, so there you have it.

Men fucking suck, why do you think I'll get triggered by pickme housewife who pretend their husband is great and they have a happy relationship, like that tiktok video posted today about how a husband doesn't help the wife at all but she still defends him when viewers tell her to leave him? You consider that happy marriage and happy housewife? No fucking thanks.

Lavender_flow · 2020-06-26T11:09:53+00:00

Yeah "happy housewife" that is so busy making their children MISERABLE as adults because they can't relinquish control. My partner has a mother just like that, he has always been of a pretty independent mindset, but his mother has tried to control SO many things over him and she totally "mommied" him and WILL STILL DO IT TO THIS DAY! He is 30+. Her favorite hobbies include cleaning and cooking and she is struggling with severe depression on/off for her entire life. When my boyfriend moved in with me, she had a depressed dip for 6 MONTHS! like she would CRY when she saw him, because he moved in WITH HIS ADULT GIRLFRIEND! She is decent towards me, and she doesnt get involved much in our life, because we both wont let her, but she has a lot of very toxic opinions- I know she means it in the best way possible, but it is still toxic to comment on my tattoo's because she doesnt approve, or say our house is "messy"- it is not, we have a very clean house, but I dont spend hours to clean every day as she does, I prioritize other things, like we both clean the kitchen every day, but we dont scrub all the tiles and stuff like that, we wipe down the kitchen and fix the dishes etc, but it is not up to her standard, so she deems it messy. We vacuum every second day etc. the list goes on.

Her husband cant cook a meal, because whenever he tried she would laugh at him, sort of ridicule him and take over, so he stopped trying. I have seen her pull stuff like that on my boyfriends dad plenty of times, like she is not a mean person, but the things she says can still hurt other peoples feelings and she also shuts the dad down when he tried to open up to me about some problems he was having with his siblings over dinner. Felt bad for the man, he clearly just wanted to talk about those things and she made him stop.

These women can be SO Toxic, so please shut up about the "Happy housewife", if they werent toxic and lecturing towards other women, then I wouldnt give a shit if they are happy being a SAHM, then do it, but stop ruining your kids lives and lecture other women on how to live their lives- because that is exactly what they do. Shitting on women wanting a career over starting a family etc. The list goes on.

So respectfully dear Cynthia- Fuck you.

idiosyncraticg1 · 2020-06-26T17:54:20+00:00

I don’t know how someone’s entire life can revolve around cleaning the house and serving their husband. If the couple has young kids, that’s fine, but if they don’t have kids or once the kids are school age? Pass.

If I had a wealthy husband and I didn’t “need” to work, I think I would fill up my time with various classes ranging from cooking to salsa and I would like to go back to school. Maybe open a small business. Do some consulting work on the side. Work part-time at my current job.

bt21shooky · 2020-06-26T13:42:34+00:00

I'm not "triggered". I do know what happened when my grandmother's husband walked out on her in the 1970s and she was stuck as a single mother in poverty trying to raise three children by herself, having married at 17 and with her only work experience being a year or two on a factory production line. So while I don't deny that some women are happy being stay at home mothers, I would never give up my financial independence (this doesn't mean "working in an office all day and neglecting the children!") nor would I ever encourage any other woman to do it

HaveNoIdeaWhatToPick · 2020-06-26T14:22:18+00:00

We already are brainwashed enough into believing that in order to be happy we need a husband and children. We don't need more of this bullshit as a "new" trend. It's not only toxic for women but even more for kids. The amount of times I've seen parents getting mad at their children for not being their tokens of happiness like it was promised they would be is crazy. So many people believe children will make them happy and it's all roses. Then they are disappointed when they realize that child rearing involves a lot of sacrifices.

BetterToBeLonely · 2020-06-26T21:10:04+00:00

Other than financial suicide, the big problem with tradwifing is that men never respect it. So long as you work fewer hours than they do, they call you a housewife or SAHM even if you are the bread winner. They see it as a way to win some invisible pissing contest. I've never even known a true SAHM who doesnt have at least one side hustle and I am NOT talking about MLMs. I mean real jobs doing night shift, nursing, freelancing, or anything that is just under 40 hours/week. I have known men to call their wife a SAHM working "part time", when her little ol' part time job was 39.75 hours/week as a surgical nurse. And other examples where the wife owns several investment properties from before marriage and is actually pulling in $200k to his 50k, but she is referred to as a SAHM despite doing all the work to manage these rentals. I know hundreds of "house wives" but almost none of them are actual HOUSE WIVES. Seriously, 90% of the time, it is all a big lie. I don't know if it is to brag or save their man's ego or what.

honeybeeroll · 2020-06-26T14:25:02+00:00

One of my best friends is a SAHM but she has actual skills and began working part time remotely a few years into the marriage. Which is the only way to do it really, you can't not work period, there's no safety net. Lately I no longer want kids, not even marriage (or a relationship even lol), but when I used to, I figured I'd rather be a SAHM than a working mom, but realized God forbid something happened to my husband, what would I do?

cupittycakes · 2020-06-26T10:31:31+00:00

Get 'em!!!

fuckCharDMacDennis2 · 2020-06-26T19:29:12+00:00

While being a homemaker can leave you vulnerable I would never shame a woman in that position. Most cultures push women into that role and it's a really hard, and thankless job. When you come across someone who is genuinely happy being a homemaker you should leave them be. Just like we would never push someone to quit a job they love. The only exception I can see for this is if you're family unit is impoverished, in that case everyone should be working. No exceptions.

I get that this may be an unpopular opinion, but we have to keep lifting eachother up, and we should not shame eachother for having different life paths. I want all of you to be happy, healthy, and passionate about what you do. And if you ever find yourself wanting I hope you push for more, or even find the strength to start over if you must.

2020-06-26T13:30:09+00:00

Yes! I agree with this sooo much. Being a housewife isn't just a personal decision for yourself, it affects how your children see relationships and affects their relationships in the future and what they think is "normal".

CelebrationKey · 2020-06-26T15:49:16+00:00

My mother-in-law is a prime example. Had 6 kids with a man. Hasn't worked a day in her life, husband left when the youngest was just a baby. He doesn't pay child support, she lives solely off the system and her 3 eldest sons- including my husband for a time. They were unable to work above part time through most of their late teens and early 20s to stay under the threshold to receive benefits. They all gave her 90% of their paychecks yet there was never enough food and utilities were still being cut off.

Eventually that amount of assistance was cut back anyway and she kicked my husband out in an attempt to regain the assistance. He quickly switched over to full time work at his job and moved in with me. She hated me by the way. (thats another long story)

Our bills were a fraction of what he had to paid to his mother and he was kind of shocked, but she would call crying about going homeless or getting more letters saying she was losing assistance and he started giving her money every week. I was pretty mad about this, but we were young and with him working full time and no baby yet I let it slide. He paid most of our bills and she hated that...the hypocrisy right?

We got married and he joined the military. I had complete control of the finances at this point, but I still gave her an allowance, suddenly she was very nice to me. The baby came a few years later and she was furious again saying 'we couldn't afford a baby!' I still budgeted MIL's allowance though it was half of what she was getting before.

Meanwhile his 2 brothers were still trapped there both in their 20s. She sabotaged any effort they try to make to better themselves and move out with emotional manipulation.

Eventually I asked my husband to cut her off financially and gave me spiel about how its African American Culture to provide for their mothers (he's black, i'm latina) so I said it's Colombian culture for wives to divorce dumbass momma's boys and get child support and alimony. So he stopped sending her money and she hasn't spoke to us since.

His 2 brothers are total dipshits and sexist af and hate black women the most. My husband has had to kick them out on several occasions for saying crap in front of our daughter. None of them learned how to cook or clean or basic lifeskills. Military taught my husband thank god.

RadarFemef · 2020-06-27T04:24:52+00:00

A happy housewife would imply consent and choice. Which they are all too excited to remove and eliminate from women

TheOGJammies · 2020-06-27T01:44:06+00:00

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LiuCheeze · 2020-06-26T15:13:41+00:00

Absolutely love this! 'the future wives/girlfriends' one is 100% the last two guys I dated. I love this subreddit!

fijupanda · 2020-06-26T19:09:42+00:00

I was groomed to be a trad wife and it gave me an eating disorder that ravaged me physically, spiritually, and financially <3

(4 years in recovery now and doing well)

Myplummms · 2020-06-27T02:28:35+00:00

What happens if your husband dies and the life insurance money runs out while your kids are still young?

Saltwich · 2020-06-26T19:25:53+00:00

Honestly I'm getting a lot of projected mommy issues vibes from this.

If you don't want to be a housewife, then don't be a housewife.

But Happy Housewives do exist, and there's nothing wrong with having a "traditional" housewife/provider marriage, just so long as "traditional" isn't code for "violent and controlling."

Good provider men are what we're searching for here, right?

avakadava · 2020-06-26T18:32:46+00:00

First one so much. My mum basically has no interests but attempting to live vicariously through her kids' life choices

LondonDaPink · 2020-06-26T16:11:10+00:00

I see happy housewives and follow many on social media. I'm not going to knock the women who wanted to be a tradwife because it's their choice. I think it's a beautiful thing that in today's world women have choice to be and do whatever they want. Sadly the modern woman and the tradwife are always going to butt heads because both are too busy looking down on each other instead of celebrating the fact that they both are living the lives they wanted. Of course I'm speaking on the women who CHOSE to be a tradwife, not the ones who were forced.

radical__daphne · 2020-06-26T17:40:11+00:00

Ouch. You fucking murdered her.

LadyE123 · 2020-06-27T05:28:00+00:00

So good!

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