Weekly FDS Check-in

OatQueenn · 2021-08-24T12:43:57+00:00

applying for a scholarship that will save me big bucks and make me super employable while being a once in a lifetime experience all during a mental break, wish me luck x

Cute-Apricot4648 · 2021-08-24T12:06:02+00:00

I just want to say thank you to someone who led me here. It’s been wonderful to read the handbook so far. Amazing to see my weaknesses and where I can become stronger, more confident and more happy with myself.

I was previously going through a rough time in my relationship. We were struggling to communicate well and so I ended up turning to the internet to support me. It led me here which was great, and also when we finally did clear the air we realised it was mostly a misunderstanding. My boyfriend is high value to me, but he communicates badly at times which causes problems that once we get to the root, don’t even exist. We’re starting to see patterns in how this plays out so we can find better ways through these times.

I have suggested this sub to others, and feel disappointed when they reject it without even looking at the handbook. They are missing out on so much.

I just wanted to say thank you.

spitinmymouthplss · 2021-08-24T10:51:48+00:00

looking back at my previous relationship..i realized scrotes know exactly what they are doing they love to act dumb and innocent.

my ex used to insult me and how i look on daily i was going to dump him but i wasn’t sure..until i thankfully found out about this sub and realized that i’m dating a POS and him gaslighting me into thinking i’m sensitive for not wanting him to insult me didn’t work anymore..the funny thing is when i stopped putting up with his shit he suddenly started complimenting me and treating me totally different from what he used to treat me lol wow!! i’m pretty sure he thought treating me like shit would make me seek validation from him and would make me chase him.

he knew he hurt me and he knew he shouldn’t insult me but he kept acting surprised and shocked when i told him he wouldn’t treat me like that if he loved me..but wow all of a sudden when i dumped his ass he spammed me with dozens of messages begging me to give him a second chance and he kept talking about how i’m the prettiest woman he dated lol! i thought you don’t see anything wrong with insulting me and i shouldn’t be sensitive for getting called unattractive?

but nope, i’m not going to entertain scrotes anymore.

temporarylibrarian · 2021-08-24T11:43:01+00:00

For anyone who is really into film and media analysis, and youtube video essays, I highly recommend the channel The Take. Not only do they deconstruct common media tropes very well, it's through a feminist lens. It has helped me see so many of the harmful but common tropes used in all media (tv, movies, etc), and the insidious ways those tropes manifest in real life trends/thoughts. It's like training to find the red flags in movies!

Suspicious_Bad_5178 · 2021-08-24T12:15:10+00:00

Just a rant. How shameless can man be ffs. How can he say he is of the old ways, a gentleman... then proceed to ask to split the f* bill. Oh so you mean you open doors? WOW that's so impressive. /s

hopeful_flounder93 · 2021-08-24T12:12:21+00:00

Dang ladies, 4 comments & I can only see one, the mods are ON POINT 🥳😘😘 #DieMad

oliviasmoon · 2021-08-24T12:32:51+00:00

[permanently deleted]

intergalacticanon44 · 2021-08-24T13:13:40+00:00

I need some sisterly advice from you all.

I was recently accosted by a coworker who seems very mentally unstable (judging by her past actions towards customers and staff) and truthfully she seems threatening af. I can back myself 10000% but I genuinely do not even want it to go that far since I’ve already put in my notice for this place. As it happens my last shift will involve a swap over with said coworker after I’d already expressed my concerns about her to my biased manager. WIBTA if I happened (😉) to fall ill on the morning of my last shift to avoid drama??

NotYourCirce · 2021-08-24T14:35:53+00:00

Where have you met HVM and HV friends lately? Covid is still rampant where I am but when it’s safe to get out again, I’m ready

Betty_Bottle · 2021-08-24T15:49:25+00:00

I was having dinner out last Thursday and there was a family on the next table. The boy, who couldn't be no older than 13, loudly shouted "step-bro, I'm stuck again!" And the whole family just laughed along with him. Very sad.

Hateorade_ · 2021-08-24T16:22:03+00:00

I’m really excited for my second semester at my masters program. I joined two clubs and I’m totally looking forward to meeting new people!

RecentSprinkles5997 · 2021-08-24T23:15:33+00:00

so i have a good friend whose boyfriend seemed high value at first , he's handsome, he has a good job, he's committed but after getting to know him better I realize he's terrible.

he constantly puts down my friends choices in clothing and insists on picking out all her clothes. He shared deeply personal information to me about his female friend right after I just met her, things I'm sure she wouldn't want me to know. And the absolute kicker when my friend was in the bathroom at a party he said to his scrote friend yeah wouldn't want my female hanging out with other ppl then saw me looking at him and said uh i mean my girlfriend .

She's super in love with him and I know any direct criticism would probably just cause a rift in our friendship. Her last situationship was so terrible ( cheap single father LDR that had a whole ass gf) that this dude looks amazing in comparison as well to her. How do I maintain a supportive friendship with her . I try to reassure her that she should wear what she wants and she has good taste in clothing (he dresses like absolute shit so what would he know) but he's already gotten in her head that she needs to "fix" her wardrobe. He also has made direct comparisons in how we dress and suggested she dress more like me which makes me absolutely furious.

He has shown signs of being controlling in general and he's started to pick up that i don't care for him even though I've tried to conceal that so I'm also worried he will try to isolate her from me if I ever step to him directly.

dopezahra · 2021-08-24T14:07:01+00:00

I wanted to share what’s happened to me recently in hopes of getting good perspective from others so that I can healthily move on from this hiccup in my life.

I met this guy off of Bumble (shame! I know) while I was being very picky about my standards. He met all of the ones on my list and we started seeing each other. He seemed HV at the time - he bought me flowers, put in effort to keep in contact with me each day, initiated seeing each other and doing activities together, initiated exclusivity, made me feel appreciated and wanted, and even housed me after a minor surgery I had. But a week after my surgery he decided overnight that he no longer wanted a relationship (period). That he was too busy and wanted to focus on his career and taking care of his family (in regards to health problems) first and could not prioritize a relationship at the time. I wanted to talk to him face to face but he refused, stating he was uncomfortable with that. After convincing him to see me we talked about it in his car and he said a bunch of pretty words that made me feel like it really just was not the right time in his life, and he constantly re-assured me that it had nothing to do with me. He wanted to stay friendly and would message me daily afterwards. I usually never allow that but I genuinely thought he was a sincere person. He gradually started being rude/disrespectful to me and wouldn’t reply for a day at a time stating he was too busy - meanwhile he would be posting on social media of him seeing friends and doing activities daily.

I decided I had enough of feeling disrespected and ended contact with him and removed him off of social media. I gave him the opportunity to have a talk about it but he was “too busy” at the moment and never followed up. Well today I found out that he started seeing someone about a month after he ended things with me. Honestly it fuelled anger in me to have somebody lie to me while looking into my eyes and I feel a knot in my stomach about this whole situation. I think it’s especially hard because at the time he did fit all of my standards and we were amazingly compatible with each other (meaning I fell into the trap of fantasizing a future with him). But I want to practice HVW energy and want to just move on from this moment in my life with confidence. It’s hard to not feel insecure and some feelings of not being worthwhile after going through this type of situation.

It also gives me huge perspective about how insane some men can be and how important it is not to give my total trust to someone I’ve only known for a short time. I could never make someone else feel like the most special person in the world without truly being invested in them, but some men just do that to everyone! Also not to be too invested in someone unless we are actually committed to each other.

After reflecting on the situation with him, I’ve seen a bunch of red flags and actually am convinced he was/is a narcissist. Definitely employed some FDS thinking but still am a work in progress. It would be really great to hear others’ thoughts on this situation and their own experiences to help me get past this though!

thisissomeshitman · 2021-08-24T17:45:36+00:00

I’ve been doing so well after leaving my toxic LVX, but i have begun grieving my lost time. All i ever wanted was to be a mom/have a family. My LVX expected me to work/be the career woman, and the super mommy who could handle it all. I love kids. but i sit here in my mid-30’s and i just am heartbroken at the time i’ve lost. Probably doesn’t help i start my period today so i’m real weepy haha

Breesasha · 2021-08-24T22:45:03+00:00

This week was great. I'm trying to figure out what to do with myself...I quit OLD earlier this summer and I feel like I can easily avoid LVM because I'm on a hiatus from dating for awhile. I am struggling to find HVW to be friends...but it doesn't seem to last. After vetting the ones I've thought I came in contact with, I realized they had some green flags but also some red flags with pickme tendencies.

So I'm starting back to the gym now; I wanna find a routine so I can start working out and building strength somehow. Idc if it makes me friends or not.

Suspicious-Judge-380 · 2021-08-24T23:37:19+00:00

talked to my roommate about her boyfriends online postings about her. he has a big following and makes her the butt of the joke all the time while she posts super sappy shit about him. she says he “always asks” and isn’t like how he portrays himself online, it’s just a character. people that know shes my roomie were sending me his posts out of concern for her... after defending him she said “not to be a pick me though” LOL. lord help me.

Impossible_Mud_7599 · 2021-08-25T04:14:49+00:00

Some level up-dates! ☺️

I started keeping a yearly and monthly budget spreadsheet to track spending and see where money is going, and to help me pay off my credit card debt more quickly. It’s already helping.

I am now seeing an aesthetician and using professional skincare products. I’ve struggled with acne all my life and idk why or how I waited this long!

I had a really stressful start to this year and it’s finally calmed down somewhat. I’m getting back into a workout routine and it feels really good to move again.

Thank you for being here, posting such great content all the time (I want to contribute more, myself!) and giving me a space to feel safe and sane.

PearlEarringGirl · 2021-08-24T16:37:17+00:00

Hi, I would like some advise please. So last week the building next to mine exploded, it was a big and very ugly incident and even made the news. Luckily I’m fine and my apartment just needed minor repairs (still scary af)

Here is where I need your advice, a guy I was dating last November (4 dates) texted me to ask if I was ok, after hearing the news. I went full NC when at the time he told me he wasn’t the kind of guy to have a relationship, but still wanted to see me, but was scared of Covid and that he didn’t want to/wasn’t in a position to keep taking me out on dates (he is 32 lol) but that he did like me ! So as you can see, an all over the place and scattered argument. I told him it had been nice to meet him and that we had had a nice time and then went NC.

He is a nice person, even tho I don’t respect him for not being direct with me. I really don’t want to rekindle anything. I didn’t block because I didn’t feel the need to, like I was sad for a couple days, applied FDS wisdom and that was it.

Should I reply to his text just to let him know I’m ok, given that the explosion was indeed a big accident? I feel rude if I don’t, because of the circumstances…

warinmymind94 · 2021-08-24T17:26:56+00:00

What is the consensus on taking a random phone call from a dude? We met up once and he has been texting me regularly and checking in. But I can already see the effort dropped off. Before meeting up, he would text me a lot more detailed stuff, have longer convos and respond faster.

Then last night all of a sudden he randomly called me. I didn't answer and waited about 20 min to text him "you called?"

I am proud of myself for handling this. I do not take random calls that stop what I am doing unless we are in a committed relationship. I am proud of myself for how I match the energy, especiallyw texting.

Old pickme-me would have stopped what I was doing and been texting him im so sorry I didn't pickup! And been throwing myself at him or doing legwork to carry the convo. New me is just "you called?" And "oh I was busy". Theres no apologizing or sentimentalness from new me.

Of course he is hitting me with the "good morning :) " texts the next day and I am just ignoring him. I will text him later. I feel lousy i thought the first meet up went well overall, he acted HV, he was very handsome, dressed nicely, and really made a lot of effort on me and it felt so nice to go out and be taken care of like that. But now of course hes "working a lot" bs and "exhausted". It's not a valid excuse, if he does like me he still needs to be making the time and putting in the effort. I would like to see him make plans for another meetup before this month is out, which gives him about another week. I don't want to invest my time being strung along.

I am preparing to travel for two weeks soon and that includes visiting my grandpa who is on hospice now. The trip will be very emotionally taxing on me. Plus it's 2 weeks that I won't be making any money. My mom and I have a very strained relationship too, very low contact, but for my grandpas sake I will have to see and stay at my moms house while I am there. I will be especially vulnerable and emotional on/after that trip so If a man wants to be in my life he NEEDS to make the time to actually talk with me about it, be understanding, and patient. I already set money aside because I know I will need to speak with a therapist after the trip. But if a man wants to be my lover, he needs to listen to just a little of it as its a huge change/impact in my life. I really won't be able to handle the sporadic texts from this dude, the checking in sort of texts, and time passing for replies. He needs to be there for me.

I am prepared to block and ghost him at any point, probably soon. He can linger around but if he doesn't make plans with me before I leave AND OR if the texting is sparse and boring as it is, I'm out. He should just marry his job since it means so much to him and clearly consumes his life that much.

90860008 · 2021-08-24T23:53:07+00:00

I am trying to get back on the dating game. I’m on OLD and go to the gym pretty frequently. I have seen this cute guy at the gym and thought he kept looking my way for the past few weeks. It’s at the point where we smile “hi” to each other. Based on some friends advice (which I would never take but they dared me and I can’t pass that up lol) they told me to start a conversation with him. I made a small comment to him about the condition of the gym….. and this man was like “yeah”…. Someone pls drill into my head that he’s not interested in me bc that’s what it seems like

Expensive-Worker5767 · 2021-08-25T20:43:11+00:00

Second date I agreed to go to his house for dinner, initially his friend and friends son were going to be there as well (they were visiting from out of town). So I felt fine accepting. Well that day was really busy for me so he offered to delay a day, great! The day of I find out he has just dropped them at the airport. So dinner was just the two of us. It was fabulous, he bought me flowers and had a glass of Rosé which is the wine I ordered on our 1st date. Anyway we had a heavy make out session and removed a lot of clothing, he tried going down on me but I just got up got dressed and said nope it’s too soon, he was fine with that. I usually have sex between 3-5 dates. Ideas to get this more FDS aligned? The day after our 2nd date he left for a somewhat long trip, that was going to be 2 months but he has cut it to two weeks, and says he can’t wait to see me. Has been in contact the entire time, including some calls & FaceTime.

gingerandlime · 2021-08-26T14:21:26+00:00

Whew... the relief of having standards. Yesterday, I dropped by an outdoor event at a venue I like, and a man approached me with pretty obvious intentions. Not necessarily a problem, and the conversation was acceptable enough that I gave him my number. Come to find out, he's 1) not yet vaccinated (it's been widely available here for months), 2) can't take a soft no for an answer/wants to "discuss" my standards, 3) openly disrespected his mother in text because she had been wanting him to get vaccinated. Absolutely not.

It was also a nice reminder of the community and friendships I've built, because I had a good half dozen friends and acquaintances there who I could have used as backup if I wanted to get out of the conversation. The owner of the venue, when he realized I did not know this man and might not be comfortable, immediately pretended he had something special he wanted me to try so as to pull me away, and then apologized for giving the guy an opening to talk to me, although I didn't mind.

That said, one thing I've been wanting to shift in my life is being approached (appropriately) in person so I don't have to rely on OLD, so there we go, fine.

afab_100 · 2021-08-28T03:22:05+00:00

So my bf coerced me, was not apologetic about it, he did not care to sext when I was horny (hypocrite) until I let him know that it bothered me, says he loves me, talks about our intimate lives to his friends, drives hours for me, gets me food, and does activities he does not enjoy (and complains about it) for me.

Am I dealing with a POS?

warinmymind94 · 2021-08-30T17:38:37+00:00

Getting other good morning texts and how are you texts. I ignore completely. Really tired of the low effort. If anyone wants to talk to me they need to make it more thoughtful and original than their copy pasta good morning. Its very freeing.

Title	Weekly FDS Check-in
Author	Unlikely-Marzipan
Upvotes	28
Comments	51
Date	August 24, 2021 10:04 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/pakax2/weekly_fds_checkin/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/weekly-fds-check-in.1060204 https://theredarchive.com/post/1060204

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