Why do men expect conventionally unattractive women to be less confident?

Phoenix__Rising2018 · 2020-12-15T19:30:55+00:00

I think you explained it in your post. They are misogynists and hate women. They are offended by women being confident in general, and they're even more offended when a woman they don't want to have sex with is confident. It's makes them angry.

Pasdepromesses · 2020-12-15T19:33:51+00:00

Can you please tell me the title of the movie, I need to watch it with the next guy I’m dating 🤣

to_learn_to_fly · 2020-12-15T19:41:14+00:00

Men see women as a possession, and if someone they view as unattractive is getting along just fine without them, they take it as a personal offense. They want the "unattractive" women to be crying in a corner somewhere. Don't you know unattractive women can't be happy? /s 🙄

AbundantOverflow · 2020-12-15T19:44:36+00:00

Much of them being able to carry out their agendas requires women being insecure and pining for male approval. When we decenter men and find confidence without them, they are both afraid and angered. The entire system of patriarchy begins to crumble when women value themselves for something other than how they are perceived by men and how they can be of service to men.

BBQCoolRanchQueen · 2020-12-15T19:58:27+00:00

Here's the thing; lvm/nvm just hate confident women in general. They hate when someone who they wouldn't bed is confident because all women must compete for him and him alone, and if she isn't on his radar, then to hell with everything else. They hate knowing that there are women out there knowing they're worth more than appearance.

The same men also hate when a conventionally attractive woman is confident because she knows her worth. She knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that she can snag any man she wants, and that he'd actually have to put in some effort to keep her. Lvm/nvm are lazy. They'd rather a woman's self esteem be rock bottom so that she doesn't think she can do any better than him.

In my early 20's, I heard two of my ex (male) friends arguing about women's confidence in the form of a would-you-rather; it was a choice between a "4 with the confidence of a 10" or "a 10 with the confidence of a 4". The latter won out in that debate because the consensus between the guys was that an attractive woman with low self esteem usually try harder, put more effort into "keeping him around", with anorexia being an added "bonus" and that "nobody likes an unattractive woman with confidence because it's a sign of mental illness and a delusional disorder". I ended up cutting ties right then and there, and one of them just piped up asking why I'm overreacting, because I was the latter of the two. I just said that it was because they'd rather a friend like me suffer than have any shred of self esteem, and that they're really shitty friends. This was my pre FDS days and I still found it really fucked up.

Lvm/nvm never fail to disgust me.

RiasXgremoryX · 2020-12-15T20:11:08+00:00

Control.

In their tiny delusional baboon brains, everything a woman does is for them. We're "property, cattle", etc. and they tell us who and what we are depending on how fuckable or unfuckable we look. So you can imagine their anger when a woman( especially a conventionally unattractive one) decides to completely disregard their opinion and live life for themselves and NOT men.

They incorrectly believe women are supposed to be desperate, scrambling and fighting over any attention they decide to give us. So when a woman knows her worth it makes them hateful and full of rage because they know they can't control her at all with negging, put-downs and insults.

thinktwiceorelse · 2020-12-15T20:35:49+00:00

They know there isn't anything they could say to hurt such woman. Have you noticed that when they try to insult a woman, they say she's ugly, fat, old, whatever... Even if she's all that, but confident, they're lost. They can't control her.

2020-12-16T03:17:57+00:00

Because they think that "all" men want an attractive woman. So when they see any man who is dating an unattractive woman, they think he's "settling". They can't fathom why a man would date a woman who isn't hot.

It's the same thing when they see an attractive girl with her unattractive friend. They think they're friends because the "hot girl wants to look better in comparison", when in reality it's because they have things in common.

So in turn they think unttractive women don't deserve to have confidence because "no man wants them, and when they do, it's only because they're settling".

missangel89 · 2020-12-15T20:43:37+00:00

Since men also tend to be super self-centered, can't help but think if there was also projection here

Non-good looking men tend to have lots of opinions on women's looks in my experience

lollykpops · 2020-12-15T20:48:55+00:00

Because we unattractive women are considered useless by men and therefore should consider ourselves useless too.

sstena · 2020-12-15T22:43:53+00:00

Men believe in their core that women can only derive self esteem from men's reactions to them.

So it is baffling to them when a woman doesn't want men's compliments, men's attention or men altogether. They can't comprehend how someone wouldn't want the thing they believe they want most!

Of course an ugly woman doing this breaks their minds even more. They see no value in her, so why should her? That is misogyny, whether you want to call it that or not.

GlitterMars · 2020-12-15T22:04:16+00:00

Because it's always about the male approval. Always. Everyone's lives should always be about gaining male approval. If you don't seek male approval, you basically challenge the very foundation of patriarchy and misogyny we're living in. Obviously, they can't have that.

They ridicule every woman who dares to be different and independent. We're "crazy cat ladies" and "spinsters" and even if we have PhD and a house, we get ridiculed by them if we don't seek their attention and approval (see the post above this one).

romantickitty · 2020-12-15T20:55:09+00:00

Because that's the way society was built to function. People who fall outside the "ideal" standards are shamed and denigrated so they will accept less. The more you deviate from the straight white male thin conventionally attractive norm, the worse it is. And so people who benefit from that privilege are shocked when someone who exhibits other characteristics still manage to be confident and successful and to demand equality.

ThrowawayKITTY777 · 2020-12-16T01:46:52+00:00

It doesn't matter if you're attractive or not men expect you to not know your value. Most men despise confident women.

My sister is literally Barbie, 6 foot tall, big boobs, blue eyes, blonde hair, perfect cute face.... and so many men have ripped on her for her confidence and for and turning them down... she's lesbian so.... no dudes have a chance with her ever, but she's pretty much PERFECT looking and men still have tried so hard to get her to drop her pride and have no confidence.

She's hot, smart, cool, makes very good money as a nurse administrator, and yet men seem to think she should be humble? Oh, and date them even if she doesn't go their way?

😹😹😹

Unfortunately "not perfect looking" women often get told by men AND other women to stop being "conceited" when they show confidence. Yay, misogyny and internalized misogyny in action.

Suspicious-Leg-1407 · 2020-12-16T01:39:14+00:00

They whittle your entire worth down to how fuckable they find you.

Mella_20 · 2020-12-16T05:34:03+00:00

They think every woman should be unconfident. The attractive ones cause they want them, and can't have them dare to stand up for themselves or have standards, and the unattractive ones cause women aren't allowed to think they are worth anything if a guy doesn't want them.

Saitschik · 2020-12-15T22:56:54+00:00

Because all the fuss they make about beauty, weight and age is also in big parts about control.

Watchyourback1121 · 2020-12-16T01:55:33+00:00

They want to define a woman's worth and have control over it. They want a woman's value to be based on what they think as though they are the deciders.

Maisiebr · 2020-12-15T21:01:39+00:00

No one should agree to be treated poorly.

me-a-troglodytam · 2020-12-16T04:41:37+00:00

To be completely honest (and I’m not disagreeing with you) I think a lot of males have lower confidence when they’re ugly, so they expect that me same to be applied to women.

ItsFreezen · 2020-12-15T23:06:06+00:00

He's a pig!

whysoDinosaur3 · 2020-12-16T04:35:14+00:00

Movie title please?!

masterofthebarkarts · 2020-12-16T14:30:41+00:00

They don't see any value in an unattractive woman, so they can't understand how an unattractive woman would value herself.

janatztxcxxx · 2020-12-16T02:29:55+00:00

Well I think the same for the men who are poor financially and have audacity to think they could get girls....

Descendant_of_Innana · 2020-12-16T17:31:16+00:00

I have seen this too many times to think it's an isolated case. My fave example is Rachel Dawes from TDK (one of my fave movies) and in one scene Joker greets her with "hello, beautiful!" and all the men in the comments are like "He was joking; she ain't even pretty". Bold coming from the uglier half of the human species.

2020-12-17T16:05:15+00:00

I don’t know why this is surprising most men are shallow. However, it always sucks when you find out they’re misogynists and have sexist views. I dated a guy who seemed so “enlightened” and “spiritual” until it came to his views on women which he only revealed a few months in. I’m now going to start off by asking questions about his family (his first representation of women/men relationships), and his view on gender roles

dutchie19 · 2020-12-15T23:35:03+00:00

I'll (47f) offer an different perspective, he might have been complimenting you backwards. I guess I am ashamed to admit but I've done that with my super low self esteem ex, rather than a straightforward compliment it was deflected to put someone else down.

RojavaLover · 2021-01-03T00:47:39+00:00

Some guy I shared a dormitory with (separate room, just same building) was talking to his friend about a girl in his class and this is what he said word for word, "she's so attractive and has really low self-esteem, the perfect combination bro".

The perfect combination for them to take advantage of her. That's also why they hate confident women.

Title	Why do men expect conventionally unattractive women to be less confident?
Author	Raegan-Lo
Upvotes	226
Comments	37
Date	December 15, 2020 12:36 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/kdkylx/why_do_men_expect_conventionally_unattractive/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/why-do-men-expect-conventionally-unattractive.731237 https://theredarchive.com/post/731237

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