I've disowned my daughter

Archwinger · 2016-07-19T11:16:57+00:00

Money doesn't make women love you, stupid. Kudos to your daughter for not pretending anything in order to rob you.

Like any other relationship, the best route is to be awesome and live an awesome life, with or without her. She'll come around on her own, or not.

648262 · 2016-07-19T06:18:53+00:00

You're trying to negotiate affection. I don't have to draw the lines to point out the similarities of things you should know from here.

Scurvemuch · 2016-07-19T13:27:53+00:00

buying or not buying her something, paying or not paying for something will not solve the issue with parental alienation.

she is about to be 18 and was influenced by a bitch to hate you.

You literally can't buy your way out of it.

If you want, all you say to your daughter is that your door is open to let her see her brother and father.

If she can let go of her own shit, she will go see you. If not, then there is literally nothing YOU can do about it until she is ready and willing to come to you.

This isn't about red pill anything.

A person needs to have enough pain to want to change from the comfort of their current anger.

You offering money is insulting to yourself. You shouldn't have to...

Stop trying to buy your daughters affection. Its unbecoming.

spexer · 2016-07-19T20:39:48+00:00

You are wrong.

Your daughter is not upset with you due to your wife's manipulation - she is upset with you because of your clear manipulation.

I grew up hating paternal fucks like you who give gifts with strings. ... and my family had a lot of them.

Either give a gift out of love, or don't.

Right now, your daughter sees a guy who teases her with gestures of love, but then demands payment in her doing certain things... so much for a father just loving his daughter!

...and I am not saying you should buy her anything. But to offer it, and then use the ole bait and switch?

yea... I wouldnt be eager to spend time with you either.

BobbyPeru · 2016-07-19T07:18:19+00:00

1) you need to let go of all that resentment towards your ex-wife. It is eating you alive

2). If you let go of that resentment you will become much more chill person, and your daughter will come around to you in time. Work on yourself, and eventually she will see the change and be drawn to you.

jeeohnjones · 2016-07-19T08:05:16+00:00

people are so consumed by their own selfish resentful bullshit

I guess I'll take that money I had set aside and get the child support reduced.

people are so consumed by their own selfish resentful bullshit

... get it?

She'll be 18 here in less than 2 months. She's an adult now

no she's not. prefrontal cortex not developed etc etc. children literally cannot make rational decisions. Stop expecting her to.

You're the adult, start acting like one.

Sorry kid, but its grow up time.

fuzzyface1980 · 2016-07-19T08:18:39+00:00

Sorry kid, but its grow up time.

I'll tell you the same thing. Let the anger go and grow up. I had to as well. It still crops up. But they are kids. Just little children bumbling around with no leader among you all.

So if you don't end that chip on your shoulder, let me tell you the end result. My grandfather really wanted to get close to us. He was mad that we didn't call more. That my mother, his daughter, had abandoned him...they both took turns doing that to each other. Mad that, as he died, I was the only one to call his old ass. I thought he was great, so imagine my shock.

Instead, he spent some of his last breath and his last words to me so that he could bitch about us being ungrateful. He died a victim. He died disowning his step-son for being gay. Disowned his daughters for being paranoid schizos or over a fucking dinner bill and who wanted to pay. They both fucking wanted to pay and refused the other. Boom. 7 years of disowning.

You sound like him.

Life is full of choices. Sometimes people are so consumed by their own selfish resentful bullshit - they don't really think things through to the fullest extent.

Start taking your own advice or I'm going to start calling you Pappy Trudat.

edit: Pretty sure my grandfather sucked assholes and lips after reading this post. But he had to deal with a paranoid schizo ex-wife that took his two daughters from him. His next wife was a ball buster, but loved the shit out of him. He still died with his anger. Thanks for the life lesson, Pappy Trudat. Sorry you have a mountain of bullshit to deal with.

mrp_1844 · 2016-07-19T05:58:23+00:00

Apparently that's too much to ask.

Apparently. Its sad.

Child support after 18?

ex_addict_bro · 2016-07-19T09:44:52+00:00

I love you posted this here.

What I think... there is a difference between raising a child or between leading and between trying to have control, using materialistic means.

The deal is, the world is not so scarce anymore. She could have a new car, but she could drive in a beat up used car. There is something else, which is more important to her. You won't understand, because you try to understand a woman (doesn't matter, daughter or not) using your own, male thinking.

My father was very controlling person. Back then when cell phones were still something new, he offered he buys me a cell phone - cheap, but with plan. I imagined him screaming at me for calling too much immediately. I told him, no thanks. In a few months I got myself a cell phone which was way more expensive, but it was a prepaid.

So I rather wanted a more expensive thing I paid myself, than a present "on a stick" from an overly controlling person. Of course, perhaps there was some fault on my side - maybe I was not as assertive, maybe I should not talk as much through phone, but my first priority was to live as a single human being, not being controlled or screamed at, I chosen to live this way.

You tell us about your ex wife and your daughter. I don't see you stating much about your own influence in this whole situation.

I think, that sometimes we may live in a system, that we are not able to comprehend, unless it is too late or we are too old. I tried to fix things and failed, system won again. On the other hand, perhaps it was caused by some qualities of mine, that I am not ready to understand, to comprehend or to analyze.

My dad acted like a stubborn, selfish asshole. He then got cancer and changed his ways, for a short moment, before his death. Gave me a lot of money in that period. I was like... I was feeling really stupid. For the whole my life I felt like a victim towards him, I saw like he didn't give me nothing (which was not true, but that's what I believed!), then wham, he gives me money just like that. I was... it felt stupid. "Wow, dad gave me cash. Now what". I was like stripped from my victim mentality for a moment, it was so sudden, I was hardly prepared for that.

It is interesting topic and it is really good you posted that. I wonder how other guys are going to roast you, because I somehow think, that you and me share the same faults with our approach. Maybe the fault was the choice of woman, the choice to stay, the choice to fight after divorce. Maybe if it was like victim-victim relationship in the past, it is still victim-[a guy who improves] relationship now, there is still that victim there so you need to handle that. Maybe.

I have no idea. I love the direction our discussions are heading. Upvoted.

Countpudyoola · 2016-07-19T21:09:50+00:00

You speak from a closed vantage point, so I'm not sure you'll be able to hear what those of us who strongly disagree with your approach are saying.

The lesson you think you are teaching is not the lesson she will learn.

18

What did I know at 18?

When did I start to appreciate what my parent's did for me?

Mid to late 20's?

She's a baby.

Whatever your ex has fed her, you're feeding from the other side.

Rise above it.

You don't have to support bad habits. You don't have to furnish (nor should anyone) an open checkbook. But you can respond with understanding.

"Sorry, (kidname) , but I can't keep replacing your broken toys because you're reckless with them. I will help pay for a defensive driving class though for next time (look into it, can sometimes reduce points and premiums)."

Maybe shift to trying to help her in ways where she can learn responsibility and helping herself.

But cold shouldering your kids is a good prescription for making sure they have a lot of issues later in life. It plays into every petty thing your ex wanted.

We teach by example, even when not present or BECAUSE of that lack of presence. No matter her age you're always going to be the parent and driver of the relationship. She shouldn't have to.

I feel for you and your situation, but IMO you've got a big blind spot on your life. We all have them.

I've seen it end in a myriad of fucked up ways in my family alone.

My daughter will never know my wife's biological father who lives 20 minutes away for better or worse.

My brother after his 2nd divorce finally reconnected with his two boys. Long after he could have helped them make something different out of their lives.

My ex-brother in law died before he and another nephew could really reconcile (that nephew was 14). 30 now he flits from half ass job to half ass job. Just now trying to make a life for himself. My sister's approach was always to love him into shape. Doesn't work. A kid needs two parents. He didn't want for male role models or uncles.

Sure a kid could be OK because of or IN SPITE of their parents. I could just never sleep easy taking the latter side.

No one says you have to compromise who you are, but keep the channel open for both your sakes... even if can't feel the damage you're doing to yourself now , too.

It's losing by winning.

Maybe it's time to win by losing.

Reserve your ire for your ex if you can't see her as a petty child. Still would be great if you could divorce yourself from the emotional hold it still has on you. What a great thing that would be for you not being upset for your ex acting like an ex. You're giving her a lot of power right now on top of the power she's already in control of. And you helping her push that kid away from you is just fulfilling her predictions and machinations.

weakandsensitive · 2016-07-19T20:11:05+00:00

I have no idea why everyone's jumping to comment on anything more than a massive contract and attempt at manipulation through financial means. Is it because of the pretty red coloring next to the username? I bet I could get one too.

OP, using financial means as a way to manipulate and control behavior makes you a massive cunt. Your daughter is a way better person for at least being forthright about telling you to fuck off.

GargantuaBlarg29 · 2016-07-19T11:07:57+00:00

You mean to say you couldnt buy your kids' love with some money toward a car? She wouldnt take a deal where she had to simply fake some interest in spending time with you? No wonder it's getting to you so much...buying love and affection works everywhere else right? Good thing you can sooth your ego by smiling at her accidents and reducing child support.

docmongre · 2016-07-19T11:52:33+00:00

all the court dealings, the incessant perjury, the lies, deception, false accusations thru DCF... You name it - she did it just about. Just the most hateful bitter bitch you could ever imagine.

Gee it sounds like we're talking about MY ex! My daughter just turned 18, too! I just disowned her, too after basically replicating her mother's behavior! Holy shit we could have been custody brothers. No doubt both of us could have used one.

As for your girl, not knowing your relationship, I can say that walking away has been one of the best things I have done for the mental health of myself and my wife. You seem fair, like you put it to her fair. If she wants to be honest with herself and recognize some hard facts about life, fine...you're there for her. If she doesn't, there's not much you can do to help her. You're holding frame, my friend.

alpha_n3rd · 2016-07-19T11:00:00+00:00

So..... It sounds like you and your daughter had an argument about money and you are DISOWNING HER?

My brother in laws cousin is a JUNKIE and they all watch their valuables when she's around but they didn't DISOWN her. She's YOUR FLESH AND FUCKING BLOOD.

You SHOULDN'T give her a car if she can't keep up her end of the deal. You SHOULDN'T invite her to the rental house if her behavior is unacceptible.

You SHOULD keep the door open for her and keep trying to reach out. Lord knows she could probably use your help after growing up with that bitch of a mother. Besides you gotta take some responsibility for your own behaviors that led up to all this.

FireTempered · 2016-07-19T13:42:37+00:00

Look, I have been through this.

You play it straight. You be fucking awesome. You NEVER talk about her bitch mother. If you do anything that looks like you are buying her approval, she will hate you and hurt you.

YOU ARE THE ADULT. Get the fuck over your self.

SHe is young. You have time on your side. She will come around, but only if you don't act like a validation seeking dirt ball.

It is hard. Just fucking do it and quit whining. Questions?

Big_Daddy_PDX · 2016-07-19T13:51:54+00:00

I found it oddly surprising to hear the rationalizations as well. "Here's money to encourage you to do something you don't want to do" - I'm more surprised that he didn't increase the monetary offer.

Starcruiser28 · 2016-07-19T15:11:07+00:00

I have experienced alot of what OP has, a daughter that was manipulated by her mother, tries to use me, refused to see me and my wife and kids. SHe seems to think I owe her resources even though she makes poor decisions (no surprise there right?).

I totally understand where he is coming from, you get tired of throwing resources (money and time) at the situation while the only people getting benefit are the courts and lawyers.

After years of fighting with her and the courts you finally have to give up and move on for your own sanity and well being.

Even now with my daughter from my Ex she thinks I owe her something for her kids (several from different baby daddies) when she cannot get her life together. She can thank her mother for this mindset I would guess.

throwawaypille · 2016-07-19T16:12:18+00:00

A few years ago I decided to take a step back from the feud happening between my ex-wife and I - and conceded on visitations. I essentially put it into the kids hands if and when they wanted to see me. The visitations that followed were very few and far between. However, the financial war ended being a victory of sorts. I was able to free myself of all associations and get into a manageable child support payment.

This is a bizarre paragraph. You should have had your kids #1 #2 and #3 in any of your plans and let them see you gave a fuck about them. I'm not surprised they believe your ex over you. When we went through a rough patch, I left my kids in no doubt as to my feelings towards them I told them the truth 100% - and told them not to believe me, but just look at the facts. They did - and they know I'm trustworthy.

I had offered to match my daughter's savings - on the condition that she spend more time with us and with her grandparents. The idea was hey I'm not your ATM, you need to be a part of this family and come see us once in a while if you want to enjoy the perks of being in this family.

That is a really really crap condition. Think what it says "I know you hate spending time with us, but as part payment for this loan, you will have to put up with me". That should NEVER be part of any financial deal. Most of the guys here are here because of thinking like that with their wives "If I do X Y and Z she will like me". Bullshit. I agree on making her pay back some of it though.

I talk to her and basically all I hear is the same garbage that spewed out of my ex-wife's mouth 10 years ago when we got divorced. Some real nasty stuff that a child should never say to her father.

What kind of nasty stuff? Sounds like you were butthurt. My eldest daughter (18) sometimes says nasty stuff to me in the heat of an argument, as I do to her, but we always come to some conclusion. If you didn't do the nasty stuff, you should be able to demonstrate that you didn't.

I'm like Aren't you tired of being a good little soldier in this idiotic war your mother wages on me? I'm offering you a car - a pretty nice one in comparison to what you're used to. Are you thinking this through? It’s not like I'm asking her to quit team mom and join team dad - I just want a little normalcy. I just want to see my kid and spend a little time with her.

Maybe if you backed off instead and said "OK let's assume everything your mother says is true." Then that means X, Y and Z, which I couldn't possibly have done because of A, B and C. You can believe what you want to believe but I'm still your father and I'm always here for you if you need to talk about anything. You can ask me anything and I will answer truthfully. Shout at me all you want, think whatever you want about me, and when you're ready, come and talk to me, I'm always here.

ex_addict_bro · 2016-07-20T11:19:07+00:00

I have a mirror of this article and I plan to bring it up if someone is interested. There is a lot of value in it and in our discussion here.

Griever114 · 2016-07-19T11:38:34+00:00

I had offered to match my daughter's savings - on the condition that she spend more time with us and with her grandparents. The idea was hey I'm not your ATM, you need to be a part of this family and come see us once in a while if you want to enjoy the perks of being in this family. I'm not going to hand over cash for a car to a kid that refuses to see me. My daughter ended up refusing the offer (manipulated by my ex I'm sure)

You are a weak pathetic beta bitch. You are LITERALLY BRIBING YOUR FUCKING DAUGHTER TO SPEND TIME WITH YOU. Stop blaming your wife for the problems with your daughter. Own your shit.

Read the shit that you wrote. Its not a covert contract. ITS A LITERAL CONTRACT. I give you money and you spend time with me.

If you are making literal contracts you havent even STEP FOOT onto the path. Nothing be excuses and throwing blame everywhere.

EGOtyst · 2016-07-19T13:57:27+00:00

So there are a lot of weird things to unpack in your post.

1st: Your relationship with your daughter is based in financial transactions. I.e. you pay her for things you want. That is not how to treat women. It isn't, really, how to treat anyone you want a meaningful relationship with. You pay her to come visit you? We can describe that relationship in a lot of different ways (and we do: beta buxx, sugar daddy, prostitution... etc). Regardless of the terms, you become worse than an ATM (what you said you didn't want to be): You have become an employer. You are just someone looking to pay her for a service. Your rates obviously aren't high enough, so she feels justified in not paying them. Go read this article, and draw the parallels. If you have trouble finding them, let me know and I can try and make them a bit more explicit (that isn't me being a dick, trying to actually be helpful). The problem is that you aren't her employer. You are her dad. Economic pressures aren't something, IMO, children and parents should EVER get into. Just don't bring money into the relationship, because it makes things economic in nature, not social in nature. I.e. your currency for interaction should be positive emotions and love. Not money.
2nd: You ARE being an asshole. You gave away visitation rights? I.e. you told a child that you hated seeing/fighting her mother more than you loved seeing/being with her? That fucked up, man. If the shoe was on the other foot, WTF do you think you would be saying? "Motherfucker (heh) doesn't even want to fight to see me anymore? He gives mom money, only because the courts make him, and he is going to PAY me to come visit him?! FUCK HIM!" That is what I would say. And fuck anything and everything you tried to give me. For a long long time. I would spit in your face, too. I would spit in the face of anyone who tried to give me that kind of blood money. That is a shit ton of baggage to get over, and it doesn't sound like you have done much to try and repair it.
3rd: You aren't being a good father. I know, fuck me for dare insinuating that you aren't a good father! Now that that is out of the way, I'll say it again. You aren't being a good father. Tough love for your kids is a tight line to walk. Too often it just ends up being "Tough" with little or no love. Kids aren't adults. They are kids. They require unconditional love to nurture them and help them develop into loving people. From the sound of your post, everything you have tried to give your daughter was just to get her to do something for you, not just because you wanted to do something for your daughter. It sounds selfish as shit. I know we throw around "You do you, be awesome, and others will follow" a lot on here. But that shit is different with your relationships with kids because...NEWSFLASH... they're fucking kids. You act like a selfish shit around your kids and then disown them when they grow up into selfish shits? The irony would be hilarious if it wasn't so sad.

And a lot of the shit you say in your post...

Sorry kid, but its grow up time.

Jesus Christ, dude. You have a warped reality of what it means to be a parent. Your job is to HELP her grow up. Your job is to be there for her after the world kicks her ass. Laugh with her, help her brush herself off, and then cheer her on while she tries to tackle it again. THAT is tough love. Fucking A. The World will be hard. Your job is to be the one pocket of positive safety net that catches her and helps her back into the fight.

Simple question: Did you invite your daughter to vacation at the beach with you and your new wife? Just a simple invitation? "Hey, me and Jane are going to the beach next week and we would love to have you come out! It'll be awesome!"

not "Hey, I'm going on vacation with your new mom. You can come if you mind your manners and aren't a bitch!"

See the difference?

Just remember, you disowning your daughter is just admitting to the world that you are a piece of shit father. Say it to people's faces, tell your co-workers at the watercooler, chant it into the mirror, and internalize the statement and meaning. If it doesn't fill you with shame, I don't really know what else to say.

"I disowned my daughter. She was just too much of a little bitch."

IASGame · 2016-07-19T13:21:55+00:00

OP really should "next" this particular daughter. And get over it. He is starting to break away from having "One-itis" for this particular family member but is struggling which is understandable.

He even has other offspring which are under his care (the 7 yo), so he should be able to have Abundance Mentality towards offspring. If he doesn't need his daughter at all, she will need him more than he needs her. Maybe when she actually grows up and lives some years away from her mom she will start making her own opinions about the dad. But I wouldn't count on it.

And by then he better have made himself a more valuable man than his posts in this thread are indicating.

screechhater · 2016-07-19T11:06:59+00:00

Wow, I see your frustration and pain. I would keep extending your invitations without any strings attached. I would highly recommend explaining to her that you all want to see her. It's always tough when a child or loved one has been manipulated

You do need to keep you cutremt relationship healthy and solid, not letting her impact it, and hopefully she will see the light when she moves out of her mothers house. If she happens to chose to move in with you, boundaries and rules

PaperStreetVilla · 2016-07-19T12:45:56+00:00

/u/illimitable man I think is quoted in one of his tweets.

Just, has to be one of the most passive words in the English language. Once you start listening for it, you hear it's everywhere. Everyone hedging their statements. Not a fan of it, and I hate that I occasionally still slip one out.

That level of OI is truly difficult for many. I'm very happy you're sticking to your guns on this one. /u/Archwinger is right, she's not trying to manipulate you into free shit, so it's not a total loss.

enskip · 2016-07-19T16:38:55+00:00

I think we might be getting off track here with alienation, etc. Yes, it's a real deal, but on a more basic level...

No disrespect intended AT ALL to you OP, but your daughter (and I understand she's your daughter, I have one too), but at the end of the day your daughter is just another woman.

Even though she's your daughter, treat her like you would any other bitch. AWALT!

Where is your OI? Why are you chasing her?

Why are you positioning yourself to come across as so needy to her?

Treat her like you would ANY OTHER WOMAN to get the results you want and it MIGHT work (she is damaged by your ex after all).

Your current approach leads only to anger and disappointment.

bourbonhipster · 2016-07-19T17:14:54+00:00

Brother, I think you are escalating far too quickly with words like "disown".

Shes an 18 year old girl. If shit wasnt confusing enough for her being a girl, theres the whole highschool/college|real-world transition thing happening soon, a decade's worth of ex-mind-poison shes still intoxicated with, etc.

I believe you are correctly assessing the situation in that none of these are her thoughts, and they are all impressions and influences of your bitter ex.

Additionally, I dont really have any qualms with how you wish to financially support your daughter conditionally.

I do believe that at this age, emotions are far more volatile and are overriding any rational thought. I believe that if you continue to be consistent, kind, and non-confrontational towards your daughter, your ex and whatever shit is going on in their life, she will EVENTUALLY see the real you. She will grow bitter realizing the indoctrination spell she was operating under as a child. She will open up, and your relationship will grow.

I dont think this is possible until she spends a considerable amount of time out from under the umbrella of the ex, out in the real world, on her own.

It might be 5 years from now, or 15. But I would wager in your position that being a rock-solid father figure to her consistently starting today until then, she will see it, and then you two can finally start talking about shit when shes ready and when she asks, and then you both can have a real and fulfilling relationship again.

FWIW this situation can and has totally happened to sons at her age as well.

Good luck OP.

trudatness · 2016-07-19T20:20:39+00:00

She'll be 18 here in less than 2 months. She's an adult now and its time for her to bear the responsibility for her own behavior. If she hasn't wised up by now that mom has manipulated her into being a method to hurt me, then it probably won't be happening any time soon - might never happen.

That's expecting a lot from a female, let alone a teenage female.

trudatness · 2016-07-19T20:32:06+00:00

A few years ago I decided to take a step back from the feud happening between my ex-wife and I - and conceded on visitations. I essentially put it into the kids hands if and when they wanted to see me.

It's not the job of children who are not capable of making a rational, informed decision (and who are under the control of a crazy harpy who hates your fucking guts) to make an effort to see you. It is your job as a parent to make an effort to see them. You basically ceded your responsibility as an adult and put it in the hands of your children.

It's laughable you think it's their fault they don't want to see you when you were an absentee father who actually blames them for not having a relationship with you. MRP is about owning your fucking problems and not only are you not doing that, you're putting the blame on CHILDREN. I thought blaming women was bad.

Adderallabuse · 2016-07-19T22:36:25+00:00

Sorry to hear this bro

This story about your wife reminds me of theultmatecads very different approach.

He believed one keeps his friends close. And his enemies closer.

I'm not judging your actions, just highlighting how one never knows what its like to walk in another mans shoes

okkyle · 2016-07-19T23:42:18+00:00

Sorry to read that, man.

I'm not married, nor do I have kids, but I would advise you to really start taking a cold, calculated look at the future prospects for a healthy relationship with your daughter and evaluate whether the risks of continuing your efforts are worth the potential costs. In other words, I think you have to next this daughter.

What am I referring to when I mention potential drawbacks? Your Family

Your daughter is turning 18, she's from a broken home, and she has an adversarial relationship with her father. You've read enough TRP to know how these girls turn out. She's already being irresponsible with her car, that's a sign. I don't think you're done seeing reckless behavior from her. Is she someone that you want in your children's lives? Think about it, you have a young son now, maybe you plan to have a few more kids with your wife before you're done... do you really want her calling you, showing up at your house in the middle of the night with her bad-boy fuck-buddy and her skank friends asking you for money, calling you late at night for bail money for her drug-dealer boyfriend because her mom refuses or is too broke to help her again? What if you have a daughter with your current wife? Is this young woman someone you want around setting an example?

Don't give me "Well, I know but my daughter was on the honor roll and the swim team and she's actually really..." No dude. AWALT. There are no snowflakes, not even daughters. Especially not daughters from broken homes with complicated relationships with their fathers.

Not to mention, you're currently living inside the ticking time-bomb called marriage. I know you're on your MRP game now, but you don't need any extra drama rocking the boat and potentially causing tension with your current wife, which could start this cycle all over again.

This sounds cold, and if it seemed like your daughter was closer to coming around I would say you should hang in there. But she's just as toxic as ever, plus she's already running to your parents for cash to cover for her bad decisions. Dude, it's not looking good, and you have a family to look after now. I realize you feel terrible, and the truth is all of this is your fault to some extent, but you can't let your innocent family suffer because of your past mistakes. Good luck

FistFullOfBitches · 2016-07-19T21:23:38+00:00

The word "disown" implies punishment, rejection, intentional shunning with the goal of hurting. This says something about your residual anger, and suggests you're reacting rather than responding. Whether this is simply through frustration at the recent chain of events or whether a longer lasting anger that you're still holding onto, only you know. A couple other commenters mentioned this; I agree they're onto something. Let it go.

And, as others pointed out, you're trying to buy love on some level with the conditions. When my dad bought me this great stereo system when I was in high school, just after they divorced, well, sure, I enjoyed it, but it always felt weird, coming from a guy who was never a big gift-giver and super frugal. Kids can sense this stuff.

And at 18, yeah, she's also dealing with all the general issues of adolescence on top of filtering out the contradictory and painful story she's getting from her parents. This doesn't absolve her of acting poorly, just saying consider it before you decide to burn any bridges permanently.

My own daughter (16) went through a phase of parroting a lot of aggressive shit towards me from her mother (my ex). Verbatim almost. It made me sad, not angry. I still get the sense my daughter feels hurt over the divorce (I guess all children of divorce do, to some extent), and this can provide fertile emotional grounds for anger and resentment to grow.

My advice is to let the anger go, let the resentment go. I know, easy to say, but it needs to happen. And let your daughter know you're there for her but you're not going to be manipulated nor try to manipulate her. The door is always open, but this is a relationship between you and her only, and crazy drama with the ex has no place. Say your piece, then let her hopefully mature into the girl who can understand.

Best of luck to you.

Title	I've disowned my daughter
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	18
Comments	255
Date	July 19, 2016 5:32 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/4tjjjm/ive_disowned_my_daughter/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/ive-disowned-my-daughter.199748 https://theredarchive.com/post/199748

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