Are "approach signals" even real ?

Alienziscoming · 2023-01-06T04:46:33+00:00

In my experience the general rule is that if a woman goes out of her way to interact with you for seemingly no reason then she's probably interested. By "goes out of her way" I don't mean that it necessarily has to be drastic or extreme. But if they appear to be smiling with no context (particularly if it's sustained longer than necessary. This also usually includes eye contact), starting random conversations with you (if there are plenty of other people for them to talk to, but they seemingly decided on you for no reason, that's crucial. Not just like there's literally no one else around...) or have deliberately separated themselves from their group to engage with you, those are all pretty good indications.

I think of it like this: women have to be very careful at all times to not engage with people who might think they're interested. It's sad, but that's how it is. Therefore if they're deliberately smiling, starting conversations, standing near you, etc., it probably means they want you to think they're interested. Another important thing to remember along these lines is that if you're already friends or coworkers or you've known them for years for whatever reason, most of the above does not apply.

OhDestinyAltMine · 2023-01-05T20:08:22+00:00

Women often give signals that are only clear if you’re already looking at/captivated by her—that’s sort of the point. It’s a sly little smile back, not her staring through a crowd to find you: standard issue not short male. Yes there are giga chad sex gods who get brazen drunk invites thrown at them, but generally from women less attractive than they could pull on their own. It makes naive sense for men to assume libfem discourse about sex positivity or egalitarianism will filter down to different behaviors romantically. But practically there is no incentive for women to throw themselves at men who would not have taken the risk to approach them; it often gets them fuckzoned immediately. Sometimes i think the worst thing about the manosphere isn’t the claims or even rhetoric but the immense ego driven risk aversion it causes. Your role as a man is to pursue women who inspire you and harden yourself to adversity and rejection—in both love and general life. Nothing will save you from that, least of all women who want to observe your energy / intentions etc before being vulnerable.

Dweller_of_the_Abyss · 2023-01-05T20:26:08+00:00

If women are "option-selecting," then no. Women will never give up plausible deniability as a card in their deck.

EulenWatcher · 2023-01-05T21:35:43+00:00

They are real, but their intensity and validity greatly depend on a woman. Some will just stare at you and look away the moment you notice it, others will initiate a conversation and touch your hand etc.

For example, when my husband and I met each other I started with just always looking for him in our university halls and giving him a smile or starting a small chat. If he hadn’t got “the hint”, I’d have escalated things to being openly flirty and asking him out eventually. But I’m egalitarian don’t believe in gender roles, I get that a lot of women prefer not to do the first step themselves. My school friend would just glance at a guy and that was…all. Not surprisingly she never got to date any of her crushes.

Your issue here is probably that women don’t often really give these signals. Not because they expect you to read the mind, but just due to a lack of interest or attraction.

chalkandapples · 2023-01-05T20:12:58+00:00

Everyone's signals are going to be different. I'm very introverted so even managing a smile at a distance at someone I like takes a lot. My more extroverted friends, approach, smile, compliment and hug people they barely know and have no interest in.

Take your chances I guess. But it's also absolutely not on you to approach shy girls. We know our signals are weak or non-existent and what the consequences of that is. Not your fault for not figuring out a cryptic signal.

Bandit174 · 2023-01-05T23:08:05+00:00

I laughed at "but ONLY said yes to 95.5%" as if thats a low number 🤣

Mrs_Drgree · 2023-01-05T20:47:47+00:00

In my head they are 😆

northernlights190 · 2023-01-05T20:07:14+00:00

Speaking for myself, yeah, I definitely try to make some form of tacit connection with a guy who has some kind of vibe I’m interested in. Eye contact, usually, and smiling if he looks back. It’s not only an “elite class” of men. I only tend to do this in bars though, mostly because when I’m out at one is when I’m feeling most social and open to meeting new people.

Read-Moishe-Postone · 2023-01-06T00:43:02+00:00

The point of the signals is that they are not explicit. Girls don't hang a sign that says "open for business". They give signals but the signals can always be mistaken for nothing, by design. They want you to notice, but they want you to notice because you're looking for it, not because they walked up and slapped you on the face. Therefore you will never get one of these signals and be 100% sure - that just isn't how it works. It always requires a little leap of faith from you, you're always going to be thinking 'maybe I'm imagining it'. It would defeat the purpose if it was undeniably obvious. The goal is to pique your interest and spur pursuit, not to make you comfortable.

kokokimoo · 2023-01-05T20:04:39+00:00

Albiet I dont frequent parties/bars where alchohol is involved so this is more places i frequent, Gym, grocery stores, coffee shops, local parks, etc.

Most women going to the gym/grocery store/coffee shop/etc are NOT going with the intention of meeting/talking to men. They might drop a signal if they’re in the mood and see a guy they are attracted to, but even this is rare. If I see a good looking guy I’ll check him out for 2 seconds and then carry on with my gym routine or shopping list.

You have more luck on the dating apps because it literally is a dating app. The women are looking to match and meet men.

hiim379 · 2023-01-06T11:30:18+00:00

As a guy yes they do, a lot of women will glace at you repeatedly or even straight up stare at you

James_Cruse · 2023-01-06T12:36:13+00:00

I wrote a post on this sub about a week ago detailing my experiences and observations with ‘Pupil Dilation as a Sign of Sexual Interest’ - how, when, why and some scientific notes I’ve collected over the past year.

Have a read into that, it’s the best and most reliable signal for interest I know of.

AntPlastic5316 · 2023-01-06T17:50:01+00:00

Although you asked women, I tell you as a man approach signals ar very real.Actually it's part of the warm approach, what I only do. I approach a woman only in the case if she sends ME approach signals.

Approach signals from women are some strange "language", which men have to learn like every other foreign languages.

The worst things with approach signals, if a woman sends them, you have to shoot your shot!
If you are waiting for a good offer and once it arrives unexpectedly, you have to make your move.

JumboJetz · 2023-01-07T05:27:01+00:00

No approach signals are almost never real. The average Reddit male who is an overweight spectacled average height man isn’t having some woman looking at him and thinking she wishes he’d approach her. Women look at him and barely even register that it’s a human, they see an NPC really. She isn’t going to send him any signals

Safinated · 2023-01-05T20:25:51+00:00

If you can’t figure it out now, I wouldn’t bother trying

Ohyarlysmiles · 2023-01-05T20:41:25+00:00

I'm not a woman, but I have the answer...because I'm a man. *laugh track*

however it seems to be common belief that they will give you subtle hints ranging from hovering in your area, making eye contact, smiling, and things in that same vein.

You have to understand that, for a woman, doing those above things is equivalent to her walking up to you and saying 'PLEASE TAKE ME NOW TALK TO ME PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE.' It's a rather up front play. And when women really really are into a guy, they will do these things.

However, think about your daily life. How many women do you see that make you go OH MY GOD PLEASE TAKE ME NOW TALK TO ME PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE. Rare right? At least on sight.

Mostly it's a 'hey....nice.' sort of feeling.

Which in woman speak is her looking at you and her eyes lingering for a second, or looking at you, then looking back at you fast...i.e. checking you out.

But a lot of the time women check out men in a way that won't allow for easy observation by the man of being checked out.

So typically the best move is to post, scan around and see who makes eye contact with you fairly quickly after your gaze is on them. Usually women who have checked you out will be aware of you looking at them or in their general direction and will make eye contact.

Yes it's a lot. Yes it seems silly. But boyo, nearly 20 years of field experience with this. It works. There's your approach invitation and how to find it.

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TheDustLord · 2023-01-05T21:54:35+00:00

They are real and don’t require alcohol. They appear in such forms as “bedroom eyes” or women wiggling their hips/butts at you.

gymbro718nyc2 · 2023-01-05T21:26:38+00:00

Well, I get signals everywhere I go by women all the time. But that's because of who I am, not what I do. If you want to BECOME that kind of guy, it takes some soul searching so you speak.

That entails figuring out who you are and what you want. Most men walk through life waiting for life to happen to them. They are swept by the tide instead of being the tide. Want to be an attractive man? Live life on your own terms. Figure out what YOU want from life and what YOU want from women. Don't worry about what women want as much.

Do you know what kind of woman you want and what you want her for OR are you the type of guy who goes with the flow (tide) and is wishy washy? Do you want to have r a bunch of FWB or a single, great woman who is crazy about you and vice versa?

Figure out what you want and who you are, what your likes and dislikes are, what your values are, who you are. As a man, you need to be rigid and unmovable like a rock and not pliable and bendable.

When it comes to signals, it is a question of the story you tell yourself. Do you tell yourself: "I'm just not the kind of guy that women give signals to, I'm invisible, only Chad gets girls, etc".? This is a very self defeating story.

You need to change your story and repeat to yourself every day. "Wherever I go, women are always sending me signals, hoping to talk to me, there are exactly my type of women right now who are trying to find a guy exactly like me hoping that he will talk to them".

As you change your story, start taking the first steps. Instead of always waiting for women to send you signals, start sending them signals. Smile at them, nod and say "what's up". See if there are any takers or positive reactions. The other day I was sitting at a coffee shop drinking my coffee and looking at my phone when I noticed a gorgeous girl walk in. I followed her with my eyes and as she was sitting down she made eye contact and I smiled at her right away. She smiled back and looked down. So I went back to my coffee and phone and after I was finished a minute or two later (no rush, taking my time), I got up, out on my coat and walked up to her. She immediately pulled out her headphones and smiled at me. She was expecting me to come over. But it happened because I sent her signals and she sent some back.

That being said, I will not approach a woman who looks closed off, has her headphones in, or is trying to hide her face with a hat or behind her phone. Also, some environments are more conductive to socializing such bars and clubs. A guy like me can meet women in all kinds of environments (met my wife at a bar, but a lot of my exes and FWB I met at places like Starbucks for example), but there is no denying that a bar or a club just has a wealth of single women who are going out hoping to meet a guy. Meeting a girl at the gym or grocery store is a nice to have thing, but I wouldn't make it the primary way of meeting women. Unless you are really good at it. In my prime, I needed to approach one or two women a week to have a full dance card.

No_Reflection_798 · 2023-01-05T22:46:45+00:00

Here is what I have noticed. A women is interested in you if, when you start speaking, she immediately starts looking directly at you. I mean, directly facing you, and both eyes wide open and locked onto your eyes. Anything less, and they are just being friendly.

Phoj7 · 2023-01-05T23:53:59+00:00

They exist but you still have to do something to get that. Women are not going to stand around and stare at you or smile or approach you.

Make eye contact with them. Smile. See if they respond.

I spoke to a woman I was passing by in the store earlier today and made extended eye contact with her. She smiled and engaged me in conversation to which I answered her questions.

She asked me how I was and I replied that I was tired and she asked why. I told her I had just come from the gym and she asked me where I went. The entire time smiling at me while she kept looking.

Women don’t want to show their cards until they believe they’ll win the hand. Choosing signals still require a body language initiation from a guy to receive any back unless you’re super hot or something otherwise extraordinary.

growandappear · 2023-01-06T07:13:38+00:00

I've never given one consciously. I've looked at people and had no intention of interacting with them, if that counts? But some strangers are meant to stay strangers.

I've never responded to one either. Women that have been interested in me haven't been shy about expressing as much, but these are also people I already know, so you have the opportunity to flirt intensely and persistently.

There are micro-tells too but I can count on one hand the times I've noticed them. I am fairly oblivious though.

toasterchild · 2023-01-06T15:37:02+00:00

Rarely would I ever want to be approached in a place when i was alone and most of the places you listed I would be alone if I was there. So it would be extremely unlikely I would be sending out clear approach me signals in places like those.

shrikethrush23 · 2023-01-06T17:07:53+00:00

Yes, but they are inconsistent. I knew a pretty woman who would seek me out just to make fun of me, and I'm pretty quick on that trigger for banter so I would immediately burn her back, and then later she was super frustrated and said 'how can you be so smart and so dense at the same time' and I realized oh she's into me. Thanks for finally laying that one out, Tessa.

If a woman literally approaches you, that's a good figurative approach signal

Affectionate_Sky960 · 2023-01-08T05:49:53+00:00

It depends on the woman and their personality. Just like how some men are intimidated by goodlooking women and won’t even look them in the eye and others are brave the same can be said of women. Most men don’t really get choosing signals it’s just made up in their head primarily if a woman opens the door they might call that a choosing signal cause their delusional but I get what your saying I’m also highly attractive 6ft 5 ripped and I get way more attention on dating apps than irl for some reason I’ve never been good at picking up women irl I’m not sure why but I know of average looking guys having better luck tan me but online I absolutely kill it I can even show u my matches what I have

Title	Are "approach signals" even real ?
Author	dank_summers
Upvotes	39
Comments	60
Date	January 5, 2023 7:49 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/10487y7/are_approach_signals_even_real/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/are-approach-signals-even-real.1146896 https://theredarchive.com/post/1146896

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