This is something I’ve genuinely never understood.
One of the traits I’ve seen criticized for most in dating is being “too eager” or “too excited” about the prospect of having a loving relationship.
What confuses me is that when I look around, I see people tolerate traits that seem far worse. I’ve seen women stay with emotionally abusive partners, physically abusive partners, serial cheaters, drug dealers, gang members, and people with all kinds of obvious red flags.
So here’s my question:
Why does enthusiasm for a relationship sometimes seem less attractive than traits that are objectively harmful?
To be clear, I’m not saying women consciously prefer abusers. Most don’t. What I’m asking is what signals are being picked up in those situations.
What is it about a man being very eager for love or companionship that can come across as unattractive, while other men with far more serious flaws are still able to attract partners?
I feel like there’s something I’m missing, because on the surface it doesn’t make sense to me.
[–]ashpr0ulxPurple Pill Woman 9 points10 points11 points (10 children) | Copy Link
[–]digitalrorschachPurple Pill Man -1 points0 points1 point (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]ashpr0ulxPurple Pill Woman 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Automatic_Safety7029Purple Pill Man[S] -4 points-3 points-2 points (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]ashpr0ulxPurple Pill Woman 5 points6 points7 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]Automatic_Safety7029Purple Pill Man[S] -3 points-2 points-1 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]ashpr0ulxPurple Pill Woman 6 points7 points8 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]Automatic_Safety7029Purple Pill Man[S] -3 points-2 points-1 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]ashpr0ulxPurple Pill Woman 5 points6 points7 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Automatic_Safety7029Purple Pill Man[S] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Jip_Jaap_StamPurple Pill Man -5 points-4 points-3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Secret_Entry1840Pill Of One Woman (sometimes jaded sometimes hopeful) 7 points8 points9 points (27 children) | Copy Link
[–]Automatic_Safety7029Purple Pill Man[S] -2 points-1 points0 points (26 children) | Copy Link
[–]Secret_Entry1840Pill Of One Woman (sometimes jaded sometimes hopeful) 4 points5 points6 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]Automatic_Safety7029Purple Pill Man[S] 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Secret_Entry1840Pill Of One Woman (sometimes jaded sometimes hopeful) 6 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Automatic_Safety7029Purple Pill Man[S] -1 points0 points1 point (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]Secret_Entry1840Pill Of One Woman (sometimes jaded sometimes hopeful) 3 points4 points5 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Automatic_Safety7029Purple Pill Man[S] 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Secret_Entry1840Pill Of One Woman (sometimes jaded sometimes hopeful) 3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]TheColdWomanPurple Pill Woman 3 points4 points5 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Automatic_Safety7029Purple Pill Man[S] -1 points0 points1 point (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ashpr0ulxPurple Pill Woman 3 points4 points5 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]Automatic_Safety7029Purple Pill Man[S] 1 point2 points3 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]ashpr0ulxPurple Pill Woman 4 points5 points6 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]Automatic_Safety7029Purple Pill Man[S] 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]ashpr0ulxPurple Pill Woman 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Automatic_Safety7029Purple Pill Man[S] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]chamomilecloudRed Pill Woman 2 points3 points4 points (10 children) | Copy Link
[–]Automatic_Safety7029Purple Pill Man[S] -1 points0 points1 point (9 children) | Copy Link
[–]chamomilecloudRed Pill Woman 2 points3 points4 points (8 children) | Copy Link
[–]Automatic_Safety7029Purple Pill Man[S] -1 points0 points1 point (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]chamomilecloudRed Pill Woman 4 points5 points6 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]Automatic_Safety7029Purple Pill Man[S] 0 points1 point2 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]chamomilecloudRed Pill Woman 7 points8 points9 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Automatic_Safety7029Purple Pill Man[S] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Secret_Entry1840Pill Of One Woman (sometimes jaded sometimes hopeful) 4 points5 points6 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Automatic_Safety7029Purple Pill Man[S] 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]EugeneCezanneBlue Pill Man 5 points6 points7 points (17 children) | Copy Link
[–]SouthernUral 0 points1 point2 points (16 children) | Copy Link
[–]EugeneCezanneBlue Pill Man 2 points3 points4 points (15 children) | Copy Link
[–]SouthernUral 0 points1 point2 points (14 children) | Copy Link
[–]EugeneCezanneBlue Pill Man 2 points3 points4 points (13 children) | Copy Link
[–]SouthernUral 0 points1 point2 points (12 children) | Copy Link
[–]EugeneCezanneBlue Pill Man 1 point2 points3 points (11 children) | Copy Link
[–]SouthernUral 0 points1 point2 points (10 children) | Copy Link
[–]EugeneCezanneBlue Pill Man 1 point2 points3 points (9 children) | Copy Link
[–]SouthernUral 0 points1 point2 points (8 children) | Copy Link
[–]Lemon_geckoWoman (blue). I adopted the bear 2 points3 points4 points (11 children) | Copy Link
[–]Automatic_Safety7029Purple Pill Man[S] -1 points0 points1 point (10 children) | Copy Link
[–]Lemon_geckoWoman (blue). I adopted the bear 5 points6 points7 points (8 children) | Copy Link
[–]Automatic_Safety7029Purple Pill Man[S] -1 points0 points1 point (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]Lemon_geckoWoman (blue). I adopted the bear 3 points4 points5 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]Automatic_Safety7029Purple Pill Man[S] 0 points1 point2 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]Lemon_geckoWoman (blue). I adopted the bear 4 points5 points6 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]Automatic_Safety7029Purple Pill Man[S] 0 points1 point2 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]Lemon_geckoWoman (blue). I adopted the bear 3 points4 points5 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Automatic_Safety7029Purple Pill Man[S] 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]ArrowdodgingaceArchery 🏹 pilled 💊 man 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ArrowdodgingaceArchery 🏹 pilled 💊 man 4 points5 points6 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]Automatic_Safety7029Purple Pill Man[S] 1 point2 points3 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]ArrowdodgingaceArchery 🏹 pilled 💊 man 1 point2 points3 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]sourneck 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Automatic_Safety7029Purple Pill Man[S] -1 points0 points1 point (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]chamomilecloudRed Pill Woman 2 points3 points4 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]Automatic_Safety7029Purple Pill Man[S] 0 points1 point2 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]chamomilecloudRed Pill Woman 4 points5 points6 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]Automatic_Safety7029Purple Pill Man[S] 0 points1 point2 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]chamomilecloudRed Pill Woman 1 point2 points3 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Automatic_Safety7029Purple Pill Man[S] 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]chamomilecloudRed Pill Woman 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]prettywords_Blue Pill Woman 3 points4 points5 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]Automatic_Safety7029Purple Pill Man[S] 0 points1 point2 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]prettywords_Blue Pill Woman 2 points3 points4 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]Automatic_Safety7029Purple Pill Man[S] 0 points1 point2 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]prettywords_Blue Pill Woman 1 point2 points3 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Automatic_Safety7029Purple Pill Man[S] 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]prettywords_Blue Pill Woman 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]-mixedsignalsBlue Pill Woman 4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]lesliecarbonePurple Pill Woman 3 points4 points5 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Automatic_Safety7029Purple Pill Man[S] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]UnstableHotspotBlue Pill Woman 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]PuzzleheadedRow9896Purple Pill Woman 2 points3 points4 points (8 children) | Copy Link
[–]Automatic_Safety7029Purple Pill Man[S] 0 points1 point2 points (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]PuzzleheadedRow9896Purple Pill Woman 1 point2 points3 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]Automatic_Safety7029Purple Pill Man[S] 1 point2 points3 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]PuzzleheadedRow9896Purple Pill Woman 1 point2 points3 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]Automatic_Safety7029Purple Pill Man[S] 0 points1 point2 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]PuzzleheadedRow9896Purple Pill Woman 2 points3 points4 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Automatic_Safety7029Purple Pill Man[S] 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]PuzzleheadedRow9896Purple Pill Woman 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Axis_ControlMeow Pill 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]AnimalLoose2402Purple Pill Woman 2 points3 points4 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]Automatic_Safety7029Purple Pill Man[S] 0 points1 point2 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]AnimalLoose2402Purple Pill Woman 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Automatic_Safety7029Purple Pill Man[S] 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]AnimalLoose2402Purple Pill Woman 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Accomplished-Pin3073 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Perfect-Resist5478Purple Pill Woman 1 point2 points3 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Automatic_Safety7029Purple Pill Man[S] 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Perfect-Resist5478Purple Pill Woman 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]AutoModerator[M] 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]MarioWilson122Red Pill Man [score hidden] (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]AutoModerator[M] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Livid-Log7463No Pill Man 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Chicken_Nugget_2No Pill Woman 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Ju-demigod-do 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Bee-Medium -1 points0 points1 point (0 children) | Copy Link