This is something I’ve genuinely never understood.

One of the traits I’ve seen criticized for most in dating is being “too eager” or “too excited” about the prospect of having a loving relationship.

What confuses me is that when I look around, I see people tolerate traits that seem far worse. I’ve seen women stay with emotionally abusive partners, physically abusive partners, serial cheaters, drug dealers, gang members, and people with all kinds of obvious red flags.

So here’s my question:

Why does enthusiasm for a relationship sometimes seem less attractive than traits that are objectively harmful?

To be clear, I’m not saying women consciously prefer abusers. Most don’t. What I’m asking is what signals are being picked up in those situations.

What is it about a man being very eager for love or companionship that can come across as unattractive, while other men with far more serious flaws are still able to attract partners?

I feel like there’s something I’m missing, because on the surface it doesn’t make sense to me.