“Damaged goods”

wtknight · 2020-07-26T16:40:12+00:00

People should probably be forgiving of those with similar disorders as themselves. My wife and I both have similar social anxiety issues that would bother others but not each other. On the other hand, there are women with mood disorders that other men could probably deal with that I couldn't deal with at all.

SplushkaMcOwlFace · 2020-07-26T17:17:09+00:00

Everyone had a trauma at some point. There's very little healthy people. The question is how trauma affects persons behaviour in relationships. Some people with high neuroticism are very good in relationships. They think they are not good enough and trying their best to please a partner. They do more in relationships than recive. They might not be happy but their partners are. So the partners should not complain that their SO is damaged goods, as they get more than they give. Sometimes trauma cases people become very toxic, for example narcissistic personality disorder. Relationships with those people is hell. They are damaged and should be avoided.

CommanderOfTheDeath · 2020-07-26T16:57:26+00:00

People with (heavy) unresolved traumas are unsuited for relationships and therefore 'damaged goods'. That should be common sense.

If you want a functioning relationship picking someone who is severely depressed, has BPD, PTSD, or whatever is a very bad idea. It will just be a waste of time and also take a toll on your mental health.

shininGbannette · 2020-07-26T16:47:33+00:00

[deleted]

TheJim66 · 2020-07-26T16:36:58+00:00

my question is if both genders have mental health issues a lot of the time stemming from toxic relationships, and everyone w mental health issues is considered damage goods, who’s left?

Low n women ❤

slavicgypsygirl · 2020-07-26T18:44:17+00:00

Irl when people like the way you look no one ever cares about your damaged history at all

Guys who have even suspected mine were really empathetic, offering to pay for my therapy

When I refuse to answer their questions about it, men have also respected that too

My past has never hindered my dating life but it has made me never want to be in a relationship

Infammo · 2020-07-26T17:13:17+00:00

my question is if both genders have mental health issues a lot of the time stemming from toxic relationships, and everyone w mental health issues is considered damage goods, who’s left?

This only applies if you take the macro of view of someone needed both genders to find someone to pair up with. Most people only approach relationships for their own personal needs to the opposite gender. They're not going to select their partners based on the needs of the group.

How others manage is irrelevant. From a dating perspective you just don't want someone who's got issues, therefore people with issues are undesirable.

Hannubal · 2020-07-26T18:47:42+00:00

I think you make a good point. The importance is figuring out who is genuinely striving to become better, and who is drowning in their misery. As long as you're doing all you can to become better, then you're well on your way to becoming non-damaged goods. That's the only important part really, because we are all messed up because of childhood traumas or failed relationships.

Of course, there are some people whose problems are so severe that you might lack the experience/maturity/willingness to help them, so you have to be honest with yourself about what you can/want to handle.

MerryVegetableGarden · 2020-07-26T20:39:50+00:00

When you buy into an ideology that seeks to exploit members of the opposite sex to get the most out of them, there's not a lot of room for empathy.

thetruthishere_ · 2020-07-26T23:24:54+00:00

Everyone has something, its how you deal with it. Are you trying to be better or playing victim projecting it onto others?

I also dont think because someone went through trauma automatically means unhealthy. There are those that deal with it learning from it growing and those that dont and project that trauma.

YetAnotherCommenter · 2020-07-27T06:20:24+00:00

You raise a very good point. Certainly just because someone has had mental health issues in the past, or some sort of horrible trauma, that doesn't mean they are dangerous, pathological or unworthy of affection or respect or sex.

On the other hand, people are very worried about the potential of an abusive relationship, and for understandable reasons.

It should be pointed out that there are people, typically with Cluster B personality disorders, who will portray themselves as victims of terrible suffering and trauma. I think that the "damaged goods" idea is really a kind of (uninformed and inexact) way of trying to screen out Borderlines, Histrionics, Munchausens Syndrome and other disorders. And we know just how dangerous it is to be in a relationship with untreated Cluster B people.

Sid_Insidious · 2020-07-27T17:53:32+00:00

It depends on whether you want a functional equal partner or a "patient" to take care of. My ex had way more physical and emotional problems than I did and despite my every effort to help her along, I found it to be draining, and that reduced MY ability to be fully present in the relationship. Then, after the divorce after all was said and done she said that (get this....) I ENABLED HER. lololol. Yeah, her continual and ongoing 'crazy' that I tried to deal with was really my fault because by trying to help her I was enabling her.

I say avoid 'traumatized from this', 'survivors of that' or women diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (unstable narcissism in panties) or history of depression, anxiety and substance use. Also avoid women with a history of choosing violent, narcissistic or emotionally unavailable men - they're just codependents looking for their next poor lost soul to fix. And, if she can't fix you, she'll have no use for you. After all, avoiding HER issues and fixing others is her schtick. Some women actually belief that them choosing one shitty partner after the other is the result of the universe, or the stars, or patriarchy, or misogyny, or anything other than the reality that she's addicted to assholes.

Life is too goddamned short and relationships are already WAY hard enough you don't need to start that game with someone who's fucked up.

Hurt people are sad, and sweet, and nice and people should feel bad for them. Just don't date/mate with them. It's a recipe for disaster, and they're not your problem to fix.

The few guys I know who are still doing OLD report back: "Oh, she has this and that problem. I'm like - no way".

Oh, and if you HATE SEX get with a woman who has a past of sexual abuse trauma. Or just sign up for relationship counselling after your first date (or just ruuuuuun....)

Don't play another guy's saved game. Don't pick up another guy's damaged goods.

2020-07-26T16:35:15+00:00

who’s left?

Undamaged goods

No one owes anyone martyrdom

Mimoxs · 2020-07-26T16:55:13+00:00

Women love damaged men bc many women have the complex where they want to "fix" men.

Some men often have savior complexes, but those that don't still blame women for their own damage bc they perceive it as a woman's fault or the result of her own actions.

The most "damaging" things long term are things like childhood abuse or rape, but men blaming women for things entirely out of their control is nothing new. Men can't even "forgive" women for what someone else did to them against their will.

TheGirlGetter9000 · 2020-07-26T17:16:15+00:00

Posts like these always skip over the fact that sex and dating are indeed a marketplace.

Nobody is obligated to accept less than their desires if they are capable of achieving them.

Nobody is able to acquire their desires if they're incapable of achieving them.

What people list as their standards does not matter. You can filter for anything you want. You owe nobody anything. And nobody knows you anything.

Ironically I'm saying that as a bit of a hypocrite in this regard. The home I came from was pretty broken, and though not by my parents, I was abused a bit as a kid. Nothing like what some go through, but still.

Having had that experience, I would never want to date a girl who went through anything similar. It tends to breed dysfunctional people. The fact that I am not dysfunctional is an aberration. I would not want to bank on somebody else being an aberration. And since I am functional and you'd never know that about me, I do have the option to discriminate in that way.

Is it unfair that some people don't really ever get a fair chance in life? Sure. But life is just not fair. Oh well.

acenosk · 2020-07-26T17:42:24+00:00

Raped women are the biggest damaged goods, the rest is normal these days.

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Pastelitomaracucho · 2020-07-26T16:47:47+00:00

There's plenty of healthy people left

Sultmaker_9000 · 2020-07-26T17:28:44+00:00

It's not always 'toxic relationships' it comes from anywhere, a lot of women I find have what is called 'daddy issues', has grown up to be an absolute bitch unchecked, or is super anxious and controlling because he was just never there or something like that, I've also noticed it in women who took a lot of drugs during their 18-25 days partying it up .

12112019 · 2020-07-26T17:37:11+00:00

my question is if both genders have mental health issues a lot of the time stemming from toxic relationships, and everyone w mental health issues is considered damage goods, who’s left?

The ones who don't have mental issues.

Nd the other thing is, have both groups just decided that people of the opppsite gender who struggle and need a different or catered type of love aren’t worth it but people of the same w mental disorders are just angels who been through it?

Could be it doesn't cost anything to show empathy, but pairing with someone like that possibly could

HatezWomenzCuzIncelz · 2020-07-27T03:53:39+00:00

Women are more selective and thus chase after a fewer number of men in high school and college. These men, being few in number, and due to the laws of supply and demand, have an advantage over these women. These men can, and do, use this leverage for sex throughout high school and college. These women get passed around and pumped and dumped and pumped again and again, until they either can't compete with younger women and attract quality dick or grow tired of being used. All this constant rejection for commitment causes these women to have all types of relationship trauma. These women are referred to as "damaged goods". Women who have received this type of repeated trauma have serious mental issues and are not seen as marriage material by a lot of men who do not have near the same level of relationship trauma.

Mrs_Drgree · 2020-07-27T04:10:24+00:00

[removed]

_Neon_Shadow_ · 2020-07-27T05:15:22+00:00

if both genders have mental health issues a lot of the time stemming from toxic relationships, and everyone w mental health issues is considered damage goods, who’s left?

The people who aren't damaged obviously.

have both groups just decided that people of the opppsite gender who struggle and need a different or catered type of love aren’t worth it?

Yes. Speaking from experience.

but people of the same w mental disorders are just angels who been through it?

I don't believe this but I can see how both sides come to this assumption.

bakachelera · 2020-07-27T05:49:54+00:00

People need to stop thinking having a partner is a valid coping mechanism. Damaged goods type people need therapy until they no longer are damaged goods.

InevitableLight6 · 2020-07-27T10:01:46+00:00

I do not see mental health issues as a red flag. I am willing to help a partner though their mental health issues. However, I will always refuse to have their problems taken out on me unless I am directly responsible.

Expensive-Guitar3609 · 2020-07-27T15:32:14+00:00

I'm not a redpil or a pinkpil but I will tell you I dated a lot of women that were beyond reparable, psyquically, emotionally and sexually.

Like, I understand you have a serious trauma from your past abusive ex but then I'm not a psycologist, I can't fix you nor I want to, becouse I don't have the time and if I had it I would prefer to invest it in a sane girl to be honest.

So if your ex beated you, cheated on you with your sister and mother, yelled "ooh It's covered of shit" from the bathroom after having anal sex, badmouthed you, trash talked you about your weight or told you about how good looking his friend was and how he wished you were more like her...

Yeah, I'm sorry, but I can't do anything for you. Stop trying to date before fixing your issues, seek professional help, stop whinning and get over it. "Grow up". "Mature".

I can understand a girl and make the effort if she come to me with humility and kindness and ask for acceptance and understanding, but I have no time for damaged bitches that pretend their past of failures, toxic relationships, abusive dickheads and obvious developed traumas are nothing more than "little mistakes" and she "experienced Queen/grown ass mature woman that doesn't take bullshit from nobody" meaning that you have to accept her "like that" or... You have to accept her like that becouse refusing such a deal is not an option (she doesn't have options).

No, thanks. You are not a gift from Heaven just becouse another guy sluted you out. I'm not Joshua the carpenter an certainly you are not a holy Mary. Go fix yourself somewhere and by your own, like mature people do.

2020-07-28T09:43:18+00:00

My last was broken af and definitely had more partners than id vet for I didn’t give a shit still big love. I couldn’t maintain her lifestyle partly because I fucked up my own life so it goes

And but also yup bad vibes forever cus of that one

I tend to think a lot of what we call mental illness is politically motivated speech. Life is fuuucckkeedd how can I not fuck with someone just because they’re scarred from a bad experience ?

I have no problem being punching bag, saviour, whatever basically just being of service, but also wanting to fukk you

But like J Cole says right

Mrs_Drgree · 2020-07-29T00:45:27+00:00

[removed]

InevitableLight6 · 2020-08-01T19:56:39+00:00

For the most part, I don't care about mental conditions. When a sociopath tries to stab me, then there's a problem.

goneaway2thewind · 2020-07-26T20:07:01+00:00

Women seem the most likely to filter for this because the guy wouldn't be able to consistently provide resources and perform for her happiness, guy who do know not to "Stick their dick in crazy"

Title	“Damaged goods”
Author	shininGbannette
Upvotes	20
Comments	100
Date	July 26, 2020 4:25 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/hy9s2o/damaged_goods/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/damaged-goods.717791 https://theredarchive.com/post/717791

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