Most men aren't bad, they just lack a good example.

Gravel_Roads · 2022-04-14T10:53:53+00:00

I don't think men have ever had a lot of good role models. I don't fundamentally disagree that an ideal upbringing would have a father that is both strong and loving, but I think it's a cop-out to say it's "the father's fault" (or the mother's fault) if someone grows up to be a shitty person.

This is definitely coming from personal experience: my own father was not a good role model. Not abusive, but he wasn't around, he cheated on my mother frequently, made reckless decisions with money and generally sucked at controlling himself. He was tormented, bipolar and had a bad childhood himself, which he used as an excuse when confronted about his behavior.

I got so tired of hearing his excuses that I couldn't stomach using the same excuses he did. So I turned elsewhere. I looked into books, movies, TV, teachers, friends, and I looked for people who don't use excuses for themselves - and I emulated behavior that I admired. The buck stopped with me, I brooked no bullshit excuse and I wouldn't even keep company with people who did.

What I learned when I cut out the people that live off of excuses and lies is that... most people are that bad.

So my contention is that "most men" are, in fact "that bad". But so are most women. Most people suck, and will use "lack of good examples" as an excuse for why they never tried to get better as people.

flapperfemmefatale · 2022-04-13T23:20:42+00:00

I think most men are good. The problem is that enough men are bad that if I'm ever single again, I'm avoiding them.

AltACCboyos · 2022-04-13T22:18:13+00:00

This is a rotten apple case,

If one in 10 apples in this baskey will kill you if you eat it, you better not eating any apples at all,

If 1in10 women suck, you better off not giving any of them a way into your heart, this being required for decent relationship,

I have good examples in my life, trying to emulate their success makes me sad and feeling stupid when i try,

But i fail because the current market sucks, it isn't necessarily my fault,

This is why if i didn't have a good example (parents and uncles) around, i would be better off, because now i need to understand that the levels of success they had in their respective relationships are not normal,

And i should not expect to have as good a relationship my parents have, and must convince myself of different life goals and metrics,

Especially hard since i live with them and their good relationship is constantly on my face,

Weirdly jealous of dad, FML,

Anyway i think good examples are the worst,

If we didn't knew that chad was real, most men would take their sexlessness as a normal thing and not complain, but since they know that better exists, and we are getting the short end, if any sticks, we obviously get mad because it is either unfair or we don't get any cake, thus frustrated and come to this sub to whine...

bludkraze · 2022-04-14T20:39:26+00:00

Men are great. We make stuff happen. End.

Barneysparky · 2022-04-13T22:06:47+00:00

People are much happier today married than they were in the past.

Today people choose to get married to someone they love, not because it is a need or an expectation.

dietwindows · 2022-04-13T23:13:44+00:00

My mother was a real piece of work. I'm pretty confident that her bad example helped push me in the right direction rather than the wrong one. She wanted to be an authoritarian parent to a subservient, obedient child.

But her every instance of crazy behavior stood out to me as unusual even from a young age. That's because my own biological disposition was very much not the things she wanted me to be. There's no fighting nature.

ZealousidealAd7191 · 2022-04-14T16:05:24+00:00

Man cant marry without marriageable women. If fatherlessness is robbing men of good masculine examples, its robbing women of examples as well. Everybody suffers when dads are gone

thrwwayguy · 2022-04-14T21:57:54+00:00

I agree only thing i push back on is that you implied masculine traits are negative. Just like there is toxic feminine traits there are positive masculine traits.

Prize-Thought-4205 · 2022-04-15T00:06:45+00:00

Yup, it’s super depressing to see a lot of loss men mindlessly lifting weights and going to the gym in the modern age thinking this is the secret to success and happiness in every aspect of life especially with their women & ensuring they don’t cheat on you or ever disrespect you since oh look he has giant muscles. Men are so so afraid of that pain, they will do anything to their bodies, that says something about how poor mens mental & emotional health, stability, strength is in the modern America. They all grow up to be men mentally but are still children mentally their entire life. I suspect it’s more than 90% of millennial & gen z men like this so far.

Urbantexasguy · 2022-04-13T22:59:36+00:00

I don't think this is a matter of finding the "right" individuals, both to marry and to emulate, but rather an overall shift in society and societal values.

People are becoming a lot more self-centered these days, BOTH men and women, we're ALL guilty of it. There is more emphasis on self-fulfillment, and less emphasis on community and personal relationship maintenance. I don't know if that's a bad thing or not overall, but it's definitely not great for relationships.

ruboyuri · 2022-04-14T01:14:41+00:00

I’m afraid I agree with FDS here — if they wanted to, they would

Invictus_44 · 2022-04-13T22:23:36+00:00

Tired of people telling men how to be.

Men are fine

kyjolski · 2022-04-14T00:25:05+00:00

Gee whiz Mr. OG simp, can you fill in the void of my unhappy childhood and be my father figure? Pretty please sir.

mmm_try_again12345 · 2022-04-13T22:05:56+00:00

Yeah more men need to realize that unless you’re doing something extraordinary with your life and changing the world, and 99.99% of us aren’t, the greatest thing you can do to fulfill your potential as a man is to become a good father.

That’s what determines your true value, not how many women you sleep with or how attractive of a woman you can sleep with.

Like you said, there aren’t many of those types of role models in pop culture or in many men’s lives, so it’s up to a lot of men to start the trend themselves. Good luck bros, no simping

Play_Muted · 2022-04-13T23:36:39+00:00

Sadly, most marriages in todays age seem unhappy. It's because we're still struggling with older generations tugging on forced relationships

how can anyone come to that conclussion? Ah antiwork spotted, opinion rejected.

Orange_Paisley · 2022-04-13T23:53:26+00:00

That makes sense. My dad and stepdad are both good but flawed men. My dad was raised by his aunt and grandmother; my stepdad’s dad died when he was pretty young. When I look back at the two most prevalent male role models of my childhood I think most of their weak points came from not having fathers themselves. It’s helped me look past a lot of their parental mistakes and forgive them.

DrinkItInMan11 · 2022-04-13T23:34:12+00:00

It's why I say fatherlessness is on of the most pressing issues nowadays, there are less strong father figures to guide young men nowadays so as a result they're becoming weaker and doing bad things.

sarkington · 2022-04-13T23:45:10+00:00

They’re not bad; they just think things are in their favor still.

And they are, but it’s best not to depend on that

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IHaveSalesQuestions · 2022-04-13T21:58:15+00:00

Here here!

Drive-By-Cuckers · 2022-04-14T16:50:42+00:00

My parents are really happy together. It’s my brothers and my grandparents that stress the two of them out

Rook_Cross · 2022-04-15T19:03:25+00:00

What's that stoic quote... something about evil being the result of ignorance? I've always thought this was a copout. Sure, they don't have good examples, but the evil comes from within all the same, and it is evil. They do need better role models (and talking about abortion being more acceptable is not something a good role model would laud). If they can't get it in real life, from a Dad, relative, or mentor, then they should look for it in books. Luckily they seem to crave and look for it, hence the popularity of people like Jordan Peterson, even if he's not necessarily the best guy to look up to. But yeah, need more role models, for women too. The best thing to do is lead your life the best you can, be the change you want to see and all that, be an example (as best you can).

ohyeaoksure · 2022-04-17T02:13:41+00:00

Sadly, most marriages in todays age seem unhappy. It's because we're still struggling with older generations tugging on forced relationships (by society or parents), and a lot of unwanted pregnancies (it's getting less frowned upon to get an abortion these days).

This is the most clueless post on the internet.

pielok · 2022-04-17T20:25:20+00:00

and who’s woman’s role model?? marilyn monroe.. your single mom?? who???

Easteuroblondie · 2022-04-19T17:10:16+00:00

I agree with this. Huge number of men have been failed by fathers. Fathers who model good relationships, fathers who show them what it means to be a man in society, what’s important, how to control anger and sexual impulses, fathers who abandon their children etc

It’s interesting that TRP vilifies single mothers—the parent that stayed and took care of the child. Deadbeat dads deserve way more cultural flack.

Title	Most men aren't bad, they just lack a good example.
Author	ogsimpology
Upvotes	23
Comments	119
Date	April 13, 2022 9:53 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/u31g9c/most_men_arent_bad_they_just_lack_a_good_example/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/most-men-arent-bad-they-just-lack-a-good-example.1112780 https://theredarchive.com/post/1112780

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