Prude-shaming

PersonofControversy · 2018-08-12T19:54:11+00:00

In my experience, "prude", or rather "virgin" shaming is more responsible for the sexual choices of young men. I had a friend who actually didn't want to hook up with a girl in our friendship group, because she was known to joke about guys lasting a short time in bed, he was a virgin, and he didn't want to have his first time with her (a girl he really liked) because he didn't want become the butt of a joke.

The fact that, as far as I can tell, in modern media broadcasted where I live, it is up to girls to be "sexy", and up to guys to be "good at sex", that I think that "prude/virgin shaming" is actually a bigger motivator for the behavior of young men. The classic sitcom teenage boy is obsessed with girls. Strong action heroes are basically assumed to be sex gods. Not wanting sex is weird. Not being good at sex is embarrassing. Not being able to get sex makes you an incel; and we all know the kind of flak those guys get.

Prude shaming, I'd argue, is a big motivator for "fuckboy" culture, and a lot of other stereotypical male behaviors; it's just that it's so implicit that it doesn't really get noticed. It's taken as a fact. Young boys aren't prude-shamed into being fuck-boys, in the same way some people try to slut-shame women into being prudes. But the background culture of equating sexual prowess and success with all these positive traits, and more importantly, male virginity with a whole bunch of bad traits, in a way is one massive prude shaming machine that suddenly makes fuck-boy behavior a lot more appealing.

If you ask teen boy to choose between being labelled a fuck-boy, or being labelled as an incel, a creepy nerd, or some weird new derivative of beta cuck/white knight virgin boi/etc... I'd be willing to bet like, 5 dollars on that kid picking "fuck-boy" 10/10 times.

passepar2t · 2018-08-12T20:33:18+00:00

Only men get "prude-shamed" to a significant degree.

iceicle999 · 2018-08-12T19:13:39+00:00

A very large portion of reddit's userbase thinks that western society is still very traditional and prude, so asking this on reddit will give you a lot of said responses. I have seen it myself, I remember one particular time, where a woman was being criticized by her two friends for not putting out for a guy and therefore she "blew her chance". It's just a fact that in a certain number of cases, women's relationship prospects will go up significantly if they put out because that's what guys want. This doesn't apply all the time, but many many times it does. There's also the whole element of u go gurl, get out there and explore yourself, etc etc, but that's been around for decades.

tiposk · 2018-08-12T23:08:14+00:00

As a woman who didn't have sex until she was 24, I've been shamed for that in some occasions. The most interesting thing is that most of this shaming came from men. At some point I stopped talking with people about my experience (or lack thereof).

ChrismaKwanzukah · 2018-08-12T18:27:36+00:00

It seems to me, the only “acceptable” sex is if a girl only has had like 2 partners total before she gets married. Ya know, someone that has had some experience but apparently not enough to have a “dirty” vaj.

Aufbruch · 2018-08-12T18:35:54+00:00

Inasmuch as you can shame anyone for just about anything, I suppose....I'm sure it's happened. I'm also sure that long-eyelash-shaming has happened....

hitomieyes · 2018-08-13T07:59:52+00:00

Virgin waiting until marriage here. Generally, my friends are perfectly accepting of that decision and give me zero crap over it. Horny dudes, though? Not so much.

Popular belief seems to be that waiting until marriage is just an act and she'll give in if you're attractive enough and make the right moves. Heaven forbid she actually follows through on her word and refuses to fuck you. Enter the prude-shaming, accusations of being a tease, the whole nine yards. I've experienced it all myself. I honestly respect men who take my words at face value and end it right then and there more than the ones who lie or dodge the issue (a la "we won't do anything you don't want to") and then prude-shame when they finally realize that I'm actually serious about waiting.

Kaz__Kaan · 2018-08-12T19:09:58+00:00

I don't really think prude-shaming is a thing. But guys (on BOTH sides/pills) do get very irritated/angry when they find out that they're dating/courting a fake-prude. Basically a slut (for lack of a better term) or a promiscuous woman who fakes prudishness for whatever reason. They genuinely convince you that they "aren't that type of girl", when they actually are that "type of girl". We don't mind girls that are genuinely prudish/conservative. If we see her as worth it, then we'll try for it or drop them completely and move on.

We typically like when our bros give us a heads up about a slut if we don't already know she's one.

Edit: Also if we already know a girl is slutty and she acts slutty/"relaxed" with us then it's cool. If we already know she's slutty (but she doesn't know that we know) and she tries to act conservative/prudish then it's very annoying.

deadsandsushi2 · 2018-08-12T19:43:50+00:00

It definitely is to some degree. I'm expected to love sucking dick and swallowing and/or doing anal or I'm a prude, lol. I'm fine with just saying I'm not his type if that's what he expects.

LooksSafeFromFarAway · 2018-08-12T19:20:12+00:00

Yeah it's a thing. In high school if you aren't giving Bobby Varsity Jock ass when all your friends treat hand jobs like a hand shake, they will ask you wtf your deal is with the implication you think you're too good to touch a dick. As if that's a legitimate thing, they just don't want to feel like "sluts" even if you aren't judging them. It's a preemptive "don't judge me" strike combined with trying to find out if/who you're sexually active with so they can store that info as girl drama ammo if needed. It did change decisions I made in that category. I didn't do anything even slightly scandalous with anyone from my school. Guys knew they could date prudes and fuck the willing, or just fuck the willing any way they could, because they would fuel the girl drama and watch them rip each other apart socially with practically zero blowback. Did not want. It teaches you to value discretion from others and avoid even the hottest of loudmouths that's for sure. It's awful but useful.

The real fun is how these factions change and develop after growing up and marriage. The prude crew still exists, but now I'm on the opposite side, and nobody is out to girl fight anyone because we're all married anyway.

killallthenarcs · 2018-08-12T18:44:12+00:00

Not exactly shaming, more like gentle ribbing.

Unless of course there's a general bullying situation happening then everything is a cause to shit on the victim... they could bully one day over prudishness and the next over sluttishness without the victim having done or changed a damn thing. https://youtu.be/4bcCj8W6Ok8

flamingoinghome · 2018-08-12T19:21:12+00:00

Nah, not really a thing except mayyyybe in certain subcultures that I sincerely doubt you, Mr. Smoogs, care about. Even then you're fine if slap an identity label on.

ChrismaKwanzukah · 2018-08-12T21:12:52+00:00

Damned if you’re a “slut”. Damned if you’re a prude. That was the point I was trying to make.

PennnyLame · 2018-08-12T22:17:16+00:00

The only place I have been prude shamed is PPD. I have been slut shamed both on PPD and IRL. 🤷🏼‍♀️

i_have_a_semicolon · 2018-08-12T22:53:13+00:00

There's two types - from "men" and from peers.

"Men" (in aggregate, on the internet etc) believe prudes interfere with their sexual strategy to get their dicks wet. Thus men in aggregate will lament all prudes.

Peers will ridicule you for being prude as it's a sign of immaturity, naivity, risk adverse behavior, and just generally being lame.

KikiYuyu · 2018-08-13T01:27:36+00:00

I got mildly prude shamed for telling my drunk female friend to put her shirt back on.

ATastefulNude · 2018-08-12T18:28:58+00:00

The only times I've ever been called a whore or slut has been by men I've sexually rejected. Not really "prude shaming", but an attempt at shaming for not having sex.

The truly prudish women I know aren't really shamed for the prudishness itself, but other common character traits that come along with it. Standoffishness, shyness, being a square/tightwad/killjoy, being super religious, etc

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Workaholico · 2018-08-13T03:51:18+00:00

Is there such a thing? I never met anyone you guys would consider prude in my life. So I have no idea.

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2018-08-13T04:57:24+00:00

There was a LOT of prude and virgin shaming in the 80s, i cant imagine there is now with how stuffy virginal and uptight everyone seemsc

lalabats · 2018-08-13T05:29:38+00:00

I definitely don't think it's a thing in the adult world, and it wasn't a thing when I was in HS (2009-2013). I was never called a prude and can only recall being called a slut once, despite never having any type of sexual interaction at that point. I feel like I was in an interesting position because I started having sex regularly at about 16, so still young (slutty). But, I've only ever sex with that 1 person who I'm now married to (prude).

GridReXX · 2018-08-13T15:46:22+00:00

Never seen it outside of 7th grade.

[deleted] · 2018-08-14T06:52:49+00:00

Well hollywood and the mainstream media considers not partying from country to country boring. So if you don't do that you're considered boring because the people who control the media controls what's considered cool or not. Maybe it's human nature though, maybe we just like to look at people in high energy environments rather than a library.

says_harsh_things · 2018-08-14T13:16:19+00:00

I have no love for prudes, so yeah, its a thing.

omegaphallic · 2018-08-19T00:42:54+00:00

There is virgin shaming, and trying to shame a man's sense of masculinity if he chooses not to put out, but otherwise no.

LeftAndRed · 2018-08-12T21:04:12+00:00

Maybe women pride shame each other. Men don’t care. Well with date or won’t. No shaming.

Women are terrible to each other.

LeftAndRed · 2018-08-12T21:04:16+00:00

Maybe women pride shame each other. Men don’t care. Well with date or won’t. No shaming.

Women are terrible to each other.

themormonchurch · 2018-08-13T02:03:27+00:00

"shaming"

what a fucking joke american vernacular has come to

i blame the fucking liberals, of course. always looking for new shit to bitch and cry about

LivelyChartreuse · 2018-08-13T18:14:30+00:00

There were a few girls in high school who got prude shamed not because they didn't want to have sex, but freaked out anyone swore within earshot or talked about sex / violence in their vicinity. You basically couldn't have a normal conversation about your SO near them because they would announce to whatever teacher was near "CHARTREUSE IS TALKING ABOUT SEX, THAT'S INAPPROPRIATE IN A SCHOOL ENVIRONMENT", so they slowly got excluded from friend groups until it was just their little prudish gang.

Title	Prude-shaming
Author	Mr_Smoogs
Upvotes	5
Comments	109
Date	August 12, 2018 6:19 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/96r34h/prudeshaming/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/prude-shaming.261165 https://theredarchive.com/post/261165

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