Q4All: Relationship timelines?

Stop_Maximum · 2022-08-01T21:06:46+00:00

I think it has to happen naturally. There isn’t a specific time in which you should fall in love. Some people fall in love very fast and people might be put off but we can’t really judge as everyone is different.
Again, it depends on the couple. I would say make sure that’s how you really feel. Don’t throw it around but don’t uphold its meaning.
I would say you define the meaning of long-term relationship but it needs to be realistic. A month it’s not really long-term, even a project. But it also depends on the quality of that relationship. If you’ve spent most of that short time with each other, it might make it easy to call something other might view as short, long term.
It might happen instantly, it might happen along the relationship or it might never happen. The problem is some people will not want to stay forever or get married to that person. Familiarity will keep them there until they find someone that makes them feel that way.
I would say compromise sometimes but not always. Especially if it’s only you compromising. If it ends, you’ll have a hard time recovering.

GlowingAsItDazzles · 2022-08-01T22:51:15+00:00

how can there be prescriptive timelines for these things

januaryphilosopher · 2022-08-02T08:20:13+00:00

I'd say that you can feel love for someone within a couple of months of knowing them, but it depends on how much time you've spent around each other and how much you've learned about each other in that time - it's not going to happen that quickly if you're going on a date once a week without much personal conversation. I don't think that relationship time is a good metric as you're likely to have met before the relationship started,
As long as it takes you to properly feel it and feel it wouldn't freak out the other person. We took about three weeks into dating, but were best friends before I asked him out.
When a couple moves in together, proposes or makes another big long-term investment, or like six months.
I'd say that you can know within the first year, but should wait two to be sure. If you have no idea after two years, the answer is no.
No. Your rules are presumably there for a reason. It's necessary to respect someone else's rules, but not to break your own.

kittenated · 2022-08-02T08:33:31+00:00

I'm autistic myself but this is even too autistic for me. It's like asking "how long is a piece of string?"

FFTzzz · 2022-08-01T21:10:56+00:00

How soon into a relationship is it possible to feel love for your partner?

Within 10 minutes.

How long into dating before you should say “I love you” for the first time?

Never before her.

How long should a relationship be to be considered an LTR?

At least 6 months.

How long before you should know whether you want to marry them/ spend forever with them or not?

You will never be sure.

Is it necessary to “break rules” for a partner that you previously upheld for past partners to know that you really love someone/have a healthy relationship?

There are no true rules just dumb pretensions.

SmarmyPapsmears · 2022-08-01T21:41:23+00:00

1) How soon into a relationship is it possible to feel love for your partner?

I think I knew within 4-5 months

2) How long into dating before you should say “I love you” for the first time?

I said it first after a year

3) How long should a relationship be to be considered an LTR?

1.5 months

4) How long before you should know whether you want to marry them/ spend forever with them or not?

Same as question 1, about 4-5 months I knew

5) Is it necessary to “break rules” for a partner that you previously upheld for past partners to know that you really love someone/have a healthy relationship?

No it is not. We both kept to our normal rules the entire time.

oldcamembert · 2022-08-02T10:56:26+00:00

On number 3, I don't think it is the absolute length of time, but rather the intensity of it.

I have friends who were in a long-term relationship for over 15 years. They saw each other once or twice a month, and would struggle to recall names of their partner's siblings, for example. Or when one of them got a puppy, the other had no idea for several months. They both are just laid back and very private people, and the relationship simply did not survive when one of them hit a tough period in life and needed more support. Formally it was an LTR, but with very little "relationship" substance.

I also have friends who moved in together and got engaged after 4 or 5 months, and are still blissfully happy for more than a decade now. In those first months, however, they faced a death of parent each, a cancer diagnosis for one of them and a professional disaster (loss of license to practice and the business as a result) for the other. Trial by fire, but they made it through together and realised that they are with their ideal person, even if the circumstances are far from ideal. So it is like they went through an LTR on turbo speed.

Fun_Push7168 · 2022-08-02T12:05:24+00:00

At minimum, you must know a lot about a person to really have love, since one of the differentiating factors is how you feel about everything about a person. How long is tough though, as many have said, this is about how much time you spend with one another in the time period. There are situations where you know someone long enough to know a ton about them before you begin a relationship.
I would question anything prior to about 6 months
Depends on the style of relationship in it's early stages but generically over 3 months
At least two years, this is generally about the length of time lust can last so you start getting pretty safe after that point.
This needs more info.

There are rules I feel a strong desire to break for someone I feel particularly strong about.

There are rules I'd make an exception to given the situation.

Then there are rules that a person who loves me should have no problem respecting.

If someone pushes hard on the second or third type it is a strong sign they are either A. Narcissistic B. Just in lust or C. Both

baresquad · 2022-08-01T21:07:21+00:00

It depends on the person and situation.

Sometimes I'm comfortable enough to say "I love you" or feel a strong connection immediately if the spark is there and when it is, it's a good time. Other times there's no spark at first and then it kind of comes naturally over time. And then when there is no spark, I don't think there's a reason to chase or force it, so those things things (I love you, etc.) will never happen.

Is it necessary to “break rules” for a partner that you previously upheld for past partners to know that you really love someone/have a healthy relationship?

No. Your partner should respect those boundaries, wanting you to break them so they can feel loved is nonsensical. I personally couldn't be with anybody that childish

GottaPSoBad · 2022-08-01T21:24:29+00:00

1) How soon into a relationship is it possible to feel love for your partner?

Sooner than you might say it aloud, meaning sooner than the "I love you - I love you too" exchange. But "love" is also super subjective, and sometimes we fall in love with an idea of someone rather than their real self. The earliest I'd say someone can realistically know their partner and love them is probably 6 weeks in, but many will need at least 2 months.

2) How long into dating before you should say “I love you” for the first time?

"Should" being the keyword here. 2 months isn't crazy, but I'd say 10 to 12 weeks (almost 3 months) is safer. It's all relative though, and there's often a bit of posturing involved. Some people are worried about saying it too early, even if they feel it early. But there's such a thing as avoidance as well. If you don't feel comfortable saying it after dating for around 10 weeks, that's probably a bad sign (about you, the relationship, or both).

3) How long should a relationship be to be considered an LTR?

I mean, it's in the name: Long-term relationship. I'd say it's definitionally not an LTR if you've only been dating for a month. That said, LTRs are often about mindsets and intentions as much as timelines and actions. If you're both exclusive, both want an LTR, and the weeks fly by while you're together, I can see calling a relationship an LTR by the 10 week mark. Also definitions change with age. 2 months is a long time in grade school or even high school. 6 months is a long time in your twenties. And so on.

4) How long before you should know whether you want to marry them/ spend forever with them or not?

This kinda goes back to 3. Dating with intention versus not. If you're dating with intention, you should be able to make determinations on these relatively quickly (within 3 months). That doesn't mean you state those determinations immediately, let alone act on them. But if marriage, or just a life partner, is something you have in mind, you should be able to tell who's marriage-material pretty soon.

For those that just kinda date around or date for dating's sake, it's probably a lot harder to tell. And of course it is, since they're not as focused on such things.

5) Is it necessary to “break rules” for a partner that you previously upheld for past partners to know that you really love someone/have a healthy relationship?

If your "rules" make sense and have served you well, they should continue to do so. If your rules haven't served you well (an uncomfortable truth some refuse to see), then you should modify things. Exceptions to a rule may exist, but they're usually too rare to justify abandoning a winning strategy IMHO.

CosmicBioHazard · 2022-08-02T14:41:18+00:00

1) depends on past experience, really.

2) Long before it’s true, if you wanna keep seeing her.

3) A few months

4) Could take a while

5) Yeah

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JMoon33 · 2022-08-01T21:05:54+00:00

What the fuck kind of questions are those lol

Are you 12?

Cephalan · 2022-08-01T21:43:31+00:00

i "felt love" almost immediately, but it was different to the love i feel now. i'm sure in 5 years time i will love him in a different way again. i don't think it's a binary on/off thing that doesn't change.
i don't care. i say it when i feel it. i don't think it needs to be this big, serious milestone.
again, i don't really care if it's called an LTR or not. a relationship is just a relationship until you marry.
once the initial limerence wears off. took about 18 months in my current relationship before i could see him more clearly and realise it was for real.
not necessary, but it does tend to happen

Katatonicsnake · 2022-08-01T22:14:36+00:00

I only have opinions on my own experience, not general rules.

1.1-2 years 2.when it feels right 3.3-5 years, depending on the age of the couple 4.you don’t have to know or want those things 5.???

SouthernGrass3 · 2022-08-01T22:23:39+00:00

Your opinions on:

1) How soon into a relationship is it possible to feel love for your partner?

I think you need to have been friends or partners for at least a month (and more often, at least 3 months) before you can really know. It’s tough to call it love rather than infatuation (which sometimes becomes love) if you don’t know the person well enough.

2) How long into dating before you should say “I love you” for the first time?

If it happens after you’ve been dating for a while, and you think you’re on the same page, you often okay to tell them. If it happens a month in and you don’t think the other person is there yet, hold off.

3) How long should a relationship be to be considered an LTR?

At least 3 months

4) How long before you should know whether you want to marry them/ spend forever with them or not?

At least a year

5) Is it necessary to “break rules” for a partner that you previously upheld for past partners to know that you really love someone/have a healthy relationship?

No

operapeach · 2022-08-01T22:26:36+00:00

Immediately
It depends how frequently you’re hanging out. If only a couple times a week, no sooner than 2-3 months
6+ months
At least one year
Again, it depends, but if I really care I will make sacrifices and break rules, yes

Novadina · 2022-08-02T00:04:41+00:00

Depends on the situation. I think my partner felt love for me before we even started a relationship, that’s why he asked me out.
Depends on the situation. Ideally when you think the other person is also feeling it. I usually start by saying I really like them, or that I have strong feelings for them, and if they seem to reciprocate that I will move to “I love you” if I’m feeling it.
Maybe 3 months, this is subjective though.
1-5 years. Depends on how soon you move in together, too, if you plan on living with them permanently. I didn’t live with my partner until we were dating for 3 years, I couldn’t have known I wanted to spend forever with them without even doing that.
I have no idea what you mean by this question. If you mean should you accept being abused by your partner as a sign you love them even though you refused to put up with abuse before, then absolutely not, but I don’t see how that would be a healthy relationship, so I really am not sure what you mean here.

Ramzabeo · 2022-08-02T00:23:03+00:00

I think it depends on the person, my wife told me she loved me like 2 months in (which i thought was insanely fast) it took me a year to say it back
Again personal, however i do know some people find it a turn off/red flag if someone says i love you so soon, makes them think they dont mean it.
Id say 6 months to a year, usually when the honeymoon phase is over.
Thats a tricky question, i met my wife when we were like 16, we didnt date till like 18 tho, she said she wanted to get married as soon as we could, i didnt want to get married by then, took me 5 years of dating, 1 which was of us living together before proposing, but honestly i knew id marry her after our first 3 years.
Not sure what this means honestly.

M3taBuster · 2022-08-02T00:39:42+00:00

Using my personal definition of "love" (caring about someone to such a degree that you would put them before yourself), I'd imagine it would take a year or more in most cases. 6 months at the very least, and that would be with spending A LOT of time together, and with very intensive closeness and intimacy, and maybe sharing some sort of extenuating experience.
You should say it whenever you a) mean it, and b) are confident that what you're feeling actually is love, and not lust or infatuation.
I'd say it's fair to call it a LTR at 6 months.
By 5 years, you should know whether you want to marry someone/be with them for life--even if you aren't necessarily ready to actually do it yet due to your circumstances.
It's not necessary to break rules for your partner that you imposed on previous partners. However, it is necessary to not impose new rules on your partner that you didn't on previous partners. To have a healthy relationship, that is. Though you can certainly love someone and not have a healthy relationship.

rosephase · 2022-08-02T02:04:52+00:00

How soon into a relationship is it possible to feel love for your partner?

I only date people I know very well as friends. If I want to date them? I'm basically already in love with them.

How long into dating before you should say “I love you” for the first time?

Very fast. Like basically right away. Sometimes before we've even been on a date.

How long should a relationship be to be considered an LTR?

I would say over two years.

How long before you should know whether you want to marry them/ spend forever with them or not?

I think I figure out what the level of compatibility we have when it comes to time and space in 9ish months. Not interested in marriage.

Is it necessary to “break rules” for a partner that you previously upheld for past partners to know that you really love someone/have a healthy relationship?

Any rules I have are because they are early warning signs of bad treatment. Like all my rules have gotten more harsh. I would wait longer to move in, for sure. I won't combine finances (but I'm happy to pay for stuff!). And I will leave right away if someone is mean to me on purpose, no matter what kind of emtional state they are in when it happens.

SwimmingTheme3736 · 2022-08-02T10:55:43+00:00

There are no rules.

You can’t force it

My husband we moved in after 6 months it. Said love you around 4 months We brought a house and got engaged at 1 year Married after 3.5 and had a baby 9 months after the wedding

vivvienne · 2022-08-02T13:43:50+00:00

at least long enough to know and trust them.
I never say it first because it's a lot of pressure if they don't. If it's on the way then there's a chance acknowledgment will give them cold feet. I let them go first and I will say it back if I feel it as well.
1 year. If you've survived every holiday together you're probably in it for the long haul.
2 years if you're in your late 20's, more if you're younger.
The only steadfast rule is that there will always be exceptions. That is just reality, things don't just conveniently play out for us. People will draw different lines in the sand.

Express-Fig-5168 · 2022-08-02T14:19:56+00:00

Depends on what you mean by love. In some ways, immediately, in others, there isn't a set time, typically when you know them well enough, I'd say, a year or two depending on how much time you spend with each other talking about yourselves.
Actions > Words but to answer, same as above.
As someone else stated, at least 6 months.
One or two years depending on how much time you spend getting to know each other.
Not always but some people would want (and may need) such a thing for peace of mind.

Otfd · 2022-08-02T14:55:14+00:00

Very soon (but be wary if you're the type to fall easily, then I would wait to decide)
Me and my current girlfriend had dated like almost two months and talked for about 4 before we said it.
This should be a conversation being hard prior to saying I love you in my opinion. so a few month in you should both have agreed to commit to one another.
About 1-3 years depending on the couple. Atleast one to have a good feel, I would suggest living together for a year atleast too.
This question depends too much on the rules as some times you shouldn't. Other times you probably should.

jackedsoon · 2022-08-02T15:42:00+00:00

1 month

3-6 months

6 months-1 year

6 months

sure

AstronautLoveShack · 2022-08-02T16:02:42+00:00

1 - when you feel it.

2 - when you want to.

3 - 6 months or more.

4 - Long enough that you're certain and don't have doubts.

5 - No.

RocinanteCoffee · 2022-08-02T17:46:40+00:00

1) I'm not overly romantic or sentimental so it could be years.

2) There is no time that is "too late" to say I love you but there is definitely time that is too early. If someone fell in love at first sight I would hope they would keep it to themselves until/unless it got serious otherwise I'd be out of there. You can't actually love someone until you know them. You can't know them well after a day or a week.

3) This is going to depend on my dynamic with that person. Right now I don't foresee ever getting into a long term relationship so never. I think most people need to get to know each other for many hours and months but if they were friends before they started dating this might be quicker. It depends on the couple.

4) I never want to marry and I don't see myself spending forever with anyone (though I leave that tiny possibility open). I think it depends on how much time you spend with someone and what you talk about/do together. I think you need to live with someone for many months before you know if you'll be compatible for a long, long time.

5) You shouldn't have "rules" in regards to timelines. Do what is right for you and your partner, and that might be different depending on your dynamic.

2022-08-03T04:34:56+00:00

1) How soon into a relationship is it possible to feel love for your partner?

2) How long into dating before you should say “I love you” for the first time?

About six months.

3) How long should a relationship be to be considered an LTR?

Six months to a year.

4) How long before you should know whether you want to marry them/ spend forever with them or not?

About 4 years in my experience. Maybe more.

5) Is it necessary to “break rules” for a partner that you previously upheld f

I deserve the Right to change my opinion about how I conduct myself in relationship based on how I gain experience with them. That said, it's not necessary.

ReferenceImpossible2 · 2022-08-06T15:15:43+00:00

Maybe my system is ass backwards, but I usually feel head over heels and like I wanna marry her pretty early on.

Although usually the more time spent with her, the less intense these feelings get over time lol

Title	Q4All: Relationship timelines?
Author	WaffleBurner96
Upvotes	8
Comments	79
Date	August 1, 2022 8:56 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/wdsa94/q4all_relationship_timelines/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4all-relationship-timelines.1209211 https://theredarchive.com/post/1209211

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