Q4W: How would you react to having your “new” boyfriend being outed as a drug addict, after him hiding it from you?

YaKnowEstacado · 2024-01-13T18:51:37+00:00

I would break up with him immediately. That's a no go for me.

throwawaylessons103 · 2024-01-13T19:03:53+00:00

I used to have a drug (mainly coke) and alcohol problem. I'm a 28F.

I would absolutely date a recovered addict. They do need to have done work on themselves though, and have some time sober under their belt.

A current addict in active addiction is a hard no. I'm fine with occasional alcohol, weed, and psychedelic use. I'm a hard NO on even occasional cocaine, meth, and heroine use. I'm also a no on any drug use that affects their daily life.

saraimarsena · 2024-01-13T18:58:17+00:00

i actually experienced a version of this when i was 19, with my first boyfriend.

we were deeply in love with each other. my world revolved around him. about 6 months into the relationship he experienced the death of a friend and turned to drugs to cope, and hid it from me. he started going through massive personality changes and became incredibly mean, manipulative, selfish. not to say there weren’t red flags in his personality from the start, but the drugs were a catalyst that turned him into a monster.

with regards to your question, even after finding out about the drugs I tried to stick it out with him. I loved him, my self esteem was tied to our relationship, and I thought I could heal him.

Looking back, I should’ve let him go. His drug use and the behaviors that stemmed from it broke me, and I don’t believe that maladaptive drug users of hard substances can be quality partners if you’re looking to start a stable loving family. I don’t believe a person can engage in those behaviors and maintain a completely healthy relationship at the same time.

Casual weed smokers and people who drink socially are fine in my opinion, but hard substance addiction is an absolute no. I’m not addicted to substances, and I’m not interested in breaking myself down trying to heal someone else who’s going through that.

penndelnj · 2024-01-13T18:46:06+00:00

No. Addicts are bad news in general. You will lose $$, time and be super stressed. Drug use and excessive alcohol use are one of my dealbreakers.

avpd_girl · 2024-01-13T18:48:08+00:00

That’s a good question. I don’t think I could date an addict. Maybe I might give him one chance, but if he slips up, we would break up.

januaryphilosopher · 2024-01-13T19:37:51+00:00

I know what addiction does to a family and I'm not here for it. Out of my home, out of my life, no contact, effective immediately, no excuses. If it's an ex, I'm still not talking to them any more.

RepresentativeMark16 · 2024-01-13T18:58:51+00:00

It’s an automatic breakup, and maybe call me once you have a year clean and we can talk. I’m in recovery myself and just hit 6 years sober, so for me it’s not something I’m willing to risk in terms of my own sobriety.

spicytuna12391 · 2024-01-13T18:57:09+00:00

I don't date drug addicts. It would be over immediately.

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2024-01-13T18:50:19+00:00

im fascinated by what you expect to get from this post

id break up with a heroin addict. heroin addicts dont even fuck, how am i even with him without knowing. who gives a shit about my exes, scenario 2 would never happen

toasterchild · 2024-01-13T19:39:57+00:00

A person who is a drug addict doesn't disgust me, it's probably still a long term relationship deal breaker but it would never make me feel disgusted. I know a lot of people who aren't very put off by it. Lying disgusts me much more. If I was with someone who lied to me I would be much more likely to end up actually hating them.

tawny-she-wolf · 2024-01-13T21:26:04+00:00

Immediately break up, block, delete contact. Idgaf if he's "functional" or has $1 million in the bank, he's out.

I'm also not one to keep in touch with an ex so your second scenario is really unlikely to happen. I might pity him but would probably keep it VLC or NC/blocked going forward and definitely feel like I dodged a bullet.

Justwannaread3 · 2024-01-13T20:35:20+00:00

I dated someone in recovery. He was a horrible person for reasons that I think were probably only very tangentially related to his drug use.

If he started using again after our break up, I wouldn’t have thought that was my fault at all.

I would not date someone with an active addiction.

My partner and I are social drinkers and that’s it — no other substance use.

Safinated · 2024-01-13T18:39:54+00:00

Nope. An addict means I’m dating a substance not a human

Some people have the masochism or generosity to be able to love an addict. I am not one of them

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MiddleZealousideal89 · 2024-01-13T19:57:32+00:00

In the first hypothetical - depends. Is he actively trying to quit using? Even if he hasn't started his recovery journey, does he, at the very least, actually want to quit? Because if he thinks he's doing fine, and has no intention of seeking treatment, I'd be out of there like Speedy Gonzales. If he wants to get better and/or is at the start of his treatment, I'd consider staying with him, but I would be one fuck up away from leaving.

In the ex-boyfriend scenario - I'd feel sad for him, something in his life must have gone very wrong for him to resort to heavy drug use.

Also - why does this feel like OP is trying to get people to admit that they're doing heroin? ''Are you excited that you have a potential plug? Would you do drugs with him''. Nice try, Mr. FBI man!

TSquaredRecovers · 2024-01-13T20:53:38+00:00

I’m a recovering addict and alcoholic, so I can’t be in a relationship with anyone who uses any sort of substance (aside from weed usage). For my own well-being, I would not be able to continue the relationship with someone in the throes of active addiction. However, I would be very compassionate toward the guy and try to convince him to get into rehab. If the guy did go into treatment and get sober, I would consider staying with him.

meangingersnap · 2024-01-13T21:24:56+00:00

As a drug user (not addict) fuck being in a relationship with an addict especially to opiates, not tryna be heartbroken when he gets some laced shit and ODs

bluepvtstorm · 2024-01-13T19:25:57+00:00

There is no way on gods green earth I would ever date an addict. I don’t care if he has been reforme for 1 million years. I say this with my whole chest, they can never be trusted. I wouldn’t even have one in my friend circle.

Yes on that I am that judgmental and if he lied to me about being an addict, I would be so pissed I would probably check to see if he had warrants and get his ass arrested. That person risked my health and safety.

Total scorched earth on that one.

apresonly · 2024-01-13T19:20:32+00:00

> Let’s say you’re dating a new guy

so dating, no commitment and i find out he's a drug addict?

blocked.

no i'm not coddling some guy who hasn't even offered me commitment through rehab.

mostly because i dont want to be associated with drugs due to the shady and dangerous nature of dealers/addicts. i'd be less worried about the guy himself than his dealers and friends who now know about me and if he's told them i have a nice house, etc i am in danger.

> If you really love him and have formed a bond with him

after 3 months? lmfao

Flightlessbirbz · 2024-01-14T00:12:07+00:00

This happened to me. He revealed a opioid pill addiction fairly soon, but I didn’t realize how bad it was until later. Because addicts have ups and downs and it wasn’t for a while it started affecting his life and finances pretty badly. Also keep in mind I was a heavy drinker and occasional recreational drug user at the time, just never an addict, so his addiction didn’t seem that different to me from what I was doing (although it very much was). I stuck with him, which no I would NOT recommend, but fortunately he did get into a recovery program.

However, please keep in mind that while yes I encouraged him to, this was HIS choice and something he wanted from the start. Never think you can change someone who doesn’t want to change. You can support them along the way but you cannot make them do anything they don’t want to do. I made a bad decision and got lucky, quite frankly. I would like to say I saw the signs he really wanted to change, but tbh lots of people probably show the same signs and don’t ever change. You’ve gotta go into every relationship expecting them not to change, and if they do for the better, it’s a pleasant surprise.

check_out_channel_9 · 2024-01-14T00:59:39+00:00

Instant break up, once an addict always an addict, forever in recovery, no thanks, don't want that drama.

GlitterAndFireballs · 2024-01-13T19:59:15+00:00

Absolutely not. Any kind of drug use is a dealbreaker for me. The fact that this person is an addict makes it even worse.

KikiYuyu · 2024-01-13T20:54:30+00:00

I'd be interested if he got sober, but at best I would want to be on a break until that happened. I would not want to be romantically involved with someone doing hard drugs.

NJFlowerchild · 2024-01-13T22:07:57+00:00

I'd put them in rehab if they were willing, but the relationship would end immediately and permanently.

ConanTheCybrarian · 2024-01-14T00:03:55+00:00

scenario 1: break up, offer to take him to an inpatient treatment facility if he has no one else. let him know if he gets sober, works a program, and remains successful in recovery for 1 full year, he can contact me again and we'll see if we're both still single and interested.

scenario 2: offer to take him to an inpatient treatment facility if he has no one else. Otherwise, wish him well and stop talking again.

MistyMaisel · 2024-01-14T03:02:09+00:00

I'm on the Gordon Ramsay train when it comes to drug addicts. Absolutely not, you fucking donkey.

Immediate break up, change my number. Not interested. If he calls me later like you said, I'm disgusted. No, I would not assume I had any hand in this. He was a druggie before I met him and he was going to be a druggie after I left him. He's a druggie.

Planthoe30 · 2024-01-14T10:07:23+00:00

I wouldn’t date a drug addict or someone that has used hard drugs in the last five years. Marijuana use is fine but anything else is a hard pass and me loving you is not going to change that because I don’t want to deal with the drama and anxiety of being with a user.

If I found out my ex was a user I’d probably just think I dodged a bullet. It wouldnt even cross my mind that I might be the cause of his addiction so no I would not feel bad for ending things. Even if he outright told me I caused his depression related addiction I made my decision to end things for a reason and for me to end a relationship with you means you royally fucked up and I’m 100% I won’t regret it. It would make me feel less bad for him if he blamed me as a method to avoid accountability for his actions.

operation-spot · 2024-01-14T18:00:25+00:00

I would break up with him. I didn’t grow up around drugs and have no reason to start today.

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