You can’t claim to have decentered men if you complain about men all the time.

Storage-Express · 2026-07-18T06:06:56+00:00

it's the female version of most MGTOW guys really, those guys often can't stop talking about women either. i guess decentering is not the same as going their own way but the concept of focusing on a group you don't care about/dislike is very similar.

now i'm sure some people of both groups are just focusing on their own life instead but you don't hear from them of course.

Late_Painter_7120 · 2026-07-18T01:52:54+00:00

The fundamental issue is that academic terms get recycled as brainrot. Similar thing with the term "love bombing" among others.

Decentering men is a general cultural policy... and an admirable one at that. It means we should not culturally orbit around the masculine. It means health care studies should involve proper gender representation. It means our representation of media to youth should avoid portraying heteronormativity as prescriptive. It means investment should be given to those with merit and gender should only be a factor where it genuinely is applicable.

As a personal dating strategy, the term is simply brain rot.

So I'm suspicious of even anyone claiming to be decentering men if they describe it as personal strategy. The conversation of decentering men should start with "what should we do" and not "this is what I'm doing to protect myself."

bluestjuice · 2026-07-18T03:04:46+00:00

As the comments here seem to show, people have different things in mind when they talk about decentering men.

NotAllTheCake · 2026-07-18T02:54:49+00:00

If a large part of your personality is how much you don’t like men, you’re still male centered. Men are still at the front of your mind, just negatively instead of positively.

Yeah, this isn't a celebrity/fan relationship where parasocial fans of a star turn into parasocial haters. They could just block the star, whereas men shove themselves into women's lives uninvited by harassing them and committing crimes against them. Also, stars don't demand attention, attraction and unpaid work, like men do.

Expensive_Lion1807 · 2026-07-18T02:01:00+00:00

That’s not what decentering men means.

Decentering men means shifting your focus away from male validation, opinions, and relationships as the central measure of success or self-worth.

It is a psychological and social shift where individuals—primarily women—prioritize their own needs, goals, and happiness, treating romantic partnerships as an enhancement rather than the core purpose of life.

The practice aims to dismantle the patriarchal conditioning that teaches girls and women that being "chosen" by a man is the ultimate prize. When men are at the center of a woman's world, it often leads to abandoning personal boundaries, altering behaviors to fit the "male gaze," and viewing singlehood as a failure.

Decentering men is a framework for living rather than a rule against dating.

Key behaviors include:Emotional Independence: Finding self-worth in personal achievements, passions, and self-care rather than relying on male attention or romantic milestones.

Re-evaluating Relationships: Expecting equity in romance and refusing to tolerate unfulfilling partnerships or unequal emotional labor.

Prioritizing Community: Investing time and energy into platonic female friendships, family, and personal hobbies.

Shifting Perspective: Not automatically prioritizing male voices, perspectives, or advice as the default "objective truth".

While some view it as a rejection of romance, many women feel that it is simply a healthier way to date.

Decentering men allows women to date from a place of clarity and self-respect, rather than fear of being alone.

Outside_Memory5703 · 2026-07-18T03:03:28+00:00

Men still affect our lives and physical wellbeing even if we don’t center them. They insist upon themselves

Present-Afternoon-70 · 2026-07-18T11:01:31+00:00

Fuck, another post where the answer is literally just to spend 30 seconds on Google or take a Gender Studies 101 class. Hell, make it mandatory starting in fifth grade and teach it every year after that, because apparently that's the only way some of you are ever going to understand these concepts.

Decentering men doesn't mean pretending men don't exist or never talking about them again. It means decentering male validation, male approval, and male perspectives from your own life. It changes the media you consume, the relationships you prioritize, the behaviors you engage in, and the standards you measure yourself against.

When feminists talk about problems involving men, they're talking about social patterns, institutions, and behaviors. Sometimes they'll use an individual man as an example, but the point is the broader pattern, not obsessing over men as individuals.

Why can't you people spend thirty minutes reading an actual feminist book or article before arguing against feminism? Just once, try reading it without the preconceived hatred or caricatures you've already decided are true. You'd stop making posts like this.

FSantiam · 2026-07-18T16:13:40+00:00

> Besides the few men they have to interact with, such as at work or school, men may as well not exist to them.

Where do these women live?? I'm affected by men I've never even met on a day-to-day basis. The laws passed by overwhelmingly male politicians. The wars they start. The technology they've decided to deploy.

Eblademonk · 2026-07-18T01:51:16+00:00

Nothing like a bit of casual hypocrisy to get someone through the night, eh?

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windchaser__ · 2026-07-18T17:00:06+00:00

These are essentially different stages of The Stages of Grief. Complaining would be "anger" or "denial", actual decentering would be "acceptance".

When dealing with grief, though, it's pretty normal for people to bounce around between the stages, rather than just progressing linearly from one stage to the next.

So maybe say: decentering men is a process. I don't expect someone to get there all in one go.

HungryDepth5918 · 2026-07-18T03:36:02+00:00

Why would I want to decenter men? Men are hot.

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Just_Fisherman4910 · 2026-07-18T20:40:53+00:00

Eeeeeeh, women are human, we are NOT robots...and, yes, despite all effort, we are all still searching for "the one" aka "Mr. Right".

Title	You can’t claim to have decentered men if you complain about men all the time.
Author	Newduuud
Upvotes	82
Comments	58
Date	July 18, 2026 1:40 AM UTC (2 days ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1uzijmz/you_cant_claim_to_have_decentered_men_if_you/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/you-cant-claim-to-have-decentered-men-if-you.1585291 https://theredarchive.com/post/1585291

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