Let's talk hypergamy

--cunt · 2017-03-07T15:12:53+00:00

Realistically most women don't deserve that top 20% of men, but they think they do. I know a handful of women who are out of shape and have awful personalities, but want the perfect man. Those women should just "settle," because they don't have any other option.

ragnarockette · 2017-03-07T16:09:36+00:00

In a relationship hypergamy manifests itself in the form of wanting someone else not improving yourself. When I see a hot man my first instinct is "come to mama," not "I should go to the gym to be in better shape for my husband."

We fight our hypergamist inner voice because we want to have long, meaningful relationships with the men we've chosen. "Following" my hypergamy would lead me to adultery.

A lot of RPW is ultimately trusting that you made the right choice of partner, and working to make your relationship as strong as possible. Of course we all get crushes - I have a secret shower fantasy life where I am married to Idris Elba - but acting on them would be idiotic!

AlwaysFlank · 2017-03-07T16:12:04+00:00

In theory, women are happier in a stable relationship than sleeping around. Rather than waiting until you're old and wrinkly to realize it, this sub tries to tell you this while you're young

loneliness-inc · 2017-03-07T16:40:37+00:00

The concept of hypergamy is that you'd leave one partner as soon as you find a better one. This is very destructive to the family unit. It's therefore a bad thing.

However, while dating, hypergamy is a very good thing. It helps you select the best possible mate for yourself. You just need to learn to not engage this once you're in a LTR just like men need to stop looking for a suitable woman once they found one.

Kalikoenig · 2017-03-07T19:18:09+00:00

Every poster is discussing hypergamy while in a relationship, which needs to be brought up. Now let's talk about it from a dating or ONS perspective.

Following hypergamy means you'll fuck high value men. This does not mean high value men will commit to you. Many women don't understand this. Proceed at your own risk.

Nyquil-Junkie · 2017-03-08T01:57:54+00:00

A cow will be standing in ankle deep grass and look longingly at the grass on the other side of the fence.

Because its always greener over there. Don't marry a cow.

NittanyLioness84 · 2017-03-07T16:50:21+00:00

Hypergamy has been killing me as of late.

I have spent almost six months overseas working with alpha males who flirt with me despite my being engaged. I know what they are after, so at least my desire to protect my long term happiness is keeping me from losing my mind.

pizzae · 2017-03-08T19:36:22+00:00

Because hypergamy = eternal chase to continue finding the next best man. Once you find the "best man", it won't be long until you want to find the next. And then it repeats, and repeats, and repeats. Is that something you want to do for the rest of your life? Endlessly repeating the same destructive cycle? Can you imagine replacing a man every 2 weeks, for 50 years of your life? Is what the animal on top of the food chain does? Act like an animal?

This also goes both ways. Its the same for guys who continually want to smash, smash and smash women. But thats for another time.

[deleted] · 2017-03-08T06:18:25+00:00

I'm new to this subreddit. I thought I should add my two cents. I don't see hypergamy during dating to be very bad. I would understand it as seeing several men simultaneously before you commit (only casual "get to know you" type dates) and choosing from that group of men that are available to you and in your reach the best possible partner. It's not about finding the best possible partner on the planet, or going out of your way to attract an alpha male, but the best among those who are already interested in you.

I think without exploring, it can be terrible to settle for the first good enough suitor that comes your way. After commitment, there's no need to continue looking for the next best mate. You focus on the relationship you've chosen.

allhailthebitch · 2017-03-07T23:16:36+00:00

Well, as someone who did in fact leave a piece of crap partner for a better one, I can say that we do in fact do it. In order for you to be able to follow someone and be the kind of partner we talk about here, there has to be a capable male in the relationship. I don't think it's settling, so much as recognizing that a real man is not always going to be mega-wealthy and successful, but is worth our time and effort despite their downfalls, and making a good relationship work to its best ability. I would never settle for a man who did not have financial independence, a work ethic, and confidence in himself and what he wants and needs. That is what is important to me, and I have that. I don't need a man who makes $100,000 a year and drives a Cadillac. I just need one who can give me what I need to make a relationship great. And I think this forum is more about how to make a good relationship great, not settling for something crappy.

En-Zu · 2017-03-08T03:39:03+00:00

I think this sub's main concern is with commitment. Basically how to sustain and improve existing relationships and how to prevent yourself from being "taken advantage of" when you're "vetting" people. This of course assumes that commitment is what you're looking for.

Now I think that a lot of women here would counsel against listening to hypergamy because they feel that knowing your own SMV and finding people close to that makes it more likely that you won't be taken advantage of and pumped & dumped.

So, even though guys might dip down for casual encounters, and you are tempted to allow them because of hypergamy, a RP aware woman will know that those men won't care to commit and that's what this sub is primarily concerned about imo.

OwnedAndLoveIt · 2017-03-08T12:12:06+00:00

I do not think hypergamy is always a conscious thing. It is a natural gravitation to the highest value male, that is a dna ingrained survival tactic.

cynicalhousewife · 2017-03-07T19:22:40+00:00

People need to be realistic about who it is they can pursue. Not everyone can be near the top even with effort and people need to work with and make the best of what they have.

wantonton · 2017-03-07T21:31:24+00:00

I see cheating as a bad thing, I never have and never would cheat. I also see marriage as a lifetime commitment.

Because this isn't consistent with hypergamy. Hypergamy isn't the criteria for choosing the mate you will have and remain loyal to for a lifetime. It's the drive that makes you forever continue to chase upwards in mate selection no matter your current mate or past commitments. To have a lifetime monogomous commitment, you must significantly curtail hypergamy.

Without hypergamy you wouldn't feel driven to chose your best option, but that drive makes you a risky choice for any man so selected. He's your best option...for now.

Eosei · 2017-03-08T10:24:31+00:00

I think this is a key question and it comes down to something like this:

Deciding what is good life, what you want out of life, and seeing reality for what it is. Then adjusting to reality; accepting what you can't change, changing what you can, to live the best possible life.

And I agree hypergamy is not bad, without hypergamous tendencies there wouldn't be humans.

On the other hand there's nothing behind that drive other than infinite need to keep moving, it works by inducing certain emotions of wanting and disrespecting. And people get spent. There's no promise that following the drive will ever make anyone happier.

But we have other needs that make us more monogamous. Also there are too many people and lives are too short to reshuffle the deck so many times that everyone is with the best possible partner they can ever get. We just do a rough sorting and find our match. If it's a roughly a match, it's probably not really worth it to change just for another equally rough match. With time you've grown together, there may be other things unique to your relationship, so your initial match might be the best after all. Hypergamous tendencies lower the wall that we have to overcome to severe the familiar tie and reshuffle, it makes us unhappy with a perfectly fine situation. The danger is that if you follow that drive, there's no guarantee that you'll find a better match. You may have overestimated your value as well as the availability and interest of potential mates. TRP says women have a particular way of misjudging these things. And therefore under most conditions we need to know how to live with the tendency without acting on it.

I think it could also fall under hypergamy to use the drive to reinforce your relationship. If you focus on why this relationship is the best possible one for you, gratitude and respect, then your hypergamous tendencies may be satisfied with that one partner.

testmypatience · 2017-03-09T15:18:23+00:00

Hypergamy... like gambling but in relationships.

youreallmeatanyway · 2017-03-07T22:51:35+00:00

Here's my take:

True, hypergamy is a quasi sexual arms race as you described above. But the point where the rubber meets the road is that only 20% of men and women will be in the top 20%. The rest are in the lower 80% and it doesnt help a man or woman who is a "4" that he or she is worth a "10", or that he or she should hold out for such a person.

To do otherwise would be to set that lower SMV individual up for perpetual failure, singlehood, resentment, and a very bitter, bitter, life.

CleburnCO · 2017-03-08T01:37:48+00:00

Raw hypergamy is a bit like playing the stock market on the high risk side...you win big and then you win again...and again...until you don't. Then you crash hard.

Unchecked hypergamy will end in a crash...a bad one with a string of destroyed people and step kids in the path.

Sebbean · 2017-03-09T17:01:51+00:00

What's hypergamy?

glitterchild · 2017-03-10T04:32:54+00:00

Thanks everyone for your responses! I'm honestly stunned by how so many people are completely misinterpreting me, or maybe I'm just misinterpreting what hypergamy even is. What many of you are describing is what I would call branch swinging, not hypergamy. Thanks to those of you who understood what I meant and actually answered my question. Everyone else, i don't mean leaving your partner when you have one, I mean wanting the absolute best you can get and refusing to "settle for mister good enough"

LarsAvatar · 2017-03-12T19:16:22+00:00

Great question (full disclosure: I'm a RP guy lurking on this subreddit). It seems to me that traditional Lifetime Marriage up to now has been society's way of attempting to ban women's hypergamy and men's polygamy, therefore ensuring that many more men get their sexual needs met so they can be productive members of society. That has pretty much worked up until now. But Lifetime Marriage is now failing (for reasons as to why, see The Four Sirens in this article: http://puerarchy.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/TheFuturist_TheMisandryBubble.pdf). So, should we find something else to to ban hypergamy and polygamy as Lifetime Marriage has in the past? Well, maybe not. Lifetime Marriage is hard because we live much longer, and it goes against our biological wiring, which is to desire hypergamy and polygamy. Maybe we could find a way to allow at least some more hypergamy and polygamy? I think so. Here's an article introducing some ideas on this: http://www.blackdragonblog.com/2017/03/09/societys-reaction-to-the-loss-of-lifetime-employment-and-lifetime-marriage/ . If we allow hypergamy and polygamy to some degree, not only the top 20% of men will have access to sex. A man who's at the mid-point of attractiveness will still have sexual access to women who are below-average in attractiveness (if he can find them attractive enough to fuck). For the men who aren't attractive enough to get any kind of girlfriend, I'm hoping technology such as VR or robotics will soon be able to provide them with a satisfactory way to get enough sexual needs met. So what would a committed relationship look like with rules that allow for some hypergamy and polygamy? I think an open long-term relationship (OLTR) has some potential. Men will be allowed multiple partners, so long as they commit to one. Women will be allowed hypergamy, so long as they don't abandon the family structure they've built with their OLTR. Of course, an OLTR may not last a lifetime, but that's OK so long as it lasts long enough to get the kids raised, and the couple can remain on good terms afterwards. People move up and down the scale of attractiveness their whole lives, we need to let people have the freedom to match up with appropriate partner(s) given the level of attractiveness they are currently at in their lives. The hard part of this is that both men and women have to give up jealousy and the desire to have exclusive access to one person. But giving that up seems to be well worth the effort.

Paininabox · 2017-03-13T06:58:20+00:00

The problem with hypergamy is that it can run unchecked. To a woman, a man is a long term investment. She picks a guy at her peak attractiveness and femininity, he takes the helm as captain in her life. She degrades in quality, particularly when she hits the wall. The woman who is enslaved to her hypergamy constantly changes who she is going with, making poor choices, never actually committing. She will never see the payoff of seeing that initial investment and growing it. Particularly when you have kids, switching at that point is detrimental to their development for the rest of their lives. If you think hypergamy is a good thing, then what is the bottom 80% of women going to do when the top 20% of men reject them? Join their harem?

Unchecked hypergamy constantly whispers in your ear about how so-and-so is better than your mate. Properly reigned in hypergamy is tempered with the idea that you probably have the highest quality man you can attain, because that would be who you were attracted to. A smart woman knows she can't afford the best, so she strives to improve herself and her relationship so her man can improve, satisfying her hypergamy even if he isn't strictly the best.

There has never been a better time for a smart red pilled woman to understand and leverage her attractiveness, get a guy going onto a med school or law school track, and committing to helping him and improving herself. She can buy a guy outside of her league, he will not leave her because she was devoted, feminine, and loyal.

WeCaredALot · 2017-03-07T21:04:47+00:00

It seems a little suspicious that so many posters here are against hypergamy. Are these male accounts writing here?

OP, I agree with you that hypergamy is a good thing for women. As long as a woman is striving to be high value herself while also striving for high value men, I don't see the problem. I'm honestly surprised that some RPW folks are against it. It's natural for a woman to seek the best possible mate for herself and her children and that typically means finding a man who can be a great provider.

fetchyminx · 2017-03-07T15:01:04+00:00

Someone explain what hypergamy is

RainbowKitty77 · 2017-03-07T20:23:30+00:00

I dont think when you're single\not serious it is a bad thing. However in a serious relationship it isn't okay.

Title	Let's talk hypergamy
Author	glitterchild
Upvotes	17
Comments	57
Date	March 7, 2017 2:55 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/5y0seh/lets_talk_hypergamy/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/lets-talk-hypergamy.87060 https://theredarchive.com/post/87060

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