Beta behavior to avoid

B-Rabbit · 2011-07-14T17:07:11+00:00

They talk to me in private about how hot other girls are, instead of telling the girl they are interested in.

This is probably my no. 1 problem. I seriously need to start approaching girls.

CuilRunnings · 2011-07-14T16:14:48+00:00

They don't accept invitations to events without asking about hot girls being there.

That's so fucking annoying. I've seriously had to drop guy friends for doing this (and other things) before.

lilninjali · 2011-07-14T19:47:04+00:00

As for confidence, fake it until you make it. Avoid approval seeking behavior, and stop apologizing all together. Get comfortable knowing that people want to be around you. Take phone numbers often (guys and girls), making new connections, even if you don't plan on calling them. Recognize your beta behavior and change your habits.

ngroot · 2011-07-14T17:53:12+00:00

They complain that they would need to change who they are in order to be successful.

This alone clinches it.

DeeWall · 2011-07-14T16:35:00+00:00

They complain that they would need to change who they are in order to be successful.

I enjoy that line because you make it clear to be true. Start with that one, telling them the first thing they should change is complaining about it.

FucksWithHiveMind · 2011-07-14T21:37:15+00:00

Back in the days we would get together and point out hot chicks to each other. The other day I'm at the bar chatting to somebody and notice a table of 4 guys sitting there, staring at all women that walk in, giving them a grin and telling their friends something along the lines of: "Oh yea, look at her, she is so hot" and "I'd bag that one". I thought to myself, oh this is exactly what we used to do! And then I realized why I'm chatting to a hot chick and they are sitting down and spotting chicks.

This is another thing betas do. Don't sit there staring, go do something. Have you noticed the man wall in clubs? Men that stand there and watch girls dance. Don't do that. Be snappy. Remember the 3 second rule. Also do you know some men surround girls on the dance floor and dance next to them? Well, either go speak/dance with them or move on.

yourthoughts · 2011-07-14T23:18:09+00:00

Get. Out. Of. My. Head. Seriously, this was like reading a full analysis of myself. This is me, all the way. The problem is that I have no idea what to say or do within a few seconds in order to just be so cool and charming to attract someone. I know people say it takes practice but how does it take practice if you're just not capable to be an extroverted charming person? If your personality is inherently awkward and just not up to par for social interactions? Maybe practice will allow you to lessen the fear of embarrassing yourself but you still retain the limited mental capacity to think fast on your feet and charmingly engage someone. Right?

sithyiscool · 2011-07-14T17:53:26+00:00

Won't go out unless they are with a large group of people they are comfortable with. (i.e, "Dude, I'm asking if you want to go with me to the bars, you shouldn't have to rely on so and so to be there for you to want to go")
Can't make a decision. "Everything from which bar to go to next?", "Which restaurant?", "Should we take a taxi?" Also, looks to others to see if they are siding with their choice before they fully commit to it.

Also, basically anything that Socially Ackward Penguin does.

baianobranco · 2011-07-14T18:04:34+00:00

Great points. From my experience, the guys that constantly commit errors 1, 2, and 5 have a lot of re-evaluating to do with their sexuality in general. Not always the case, but I have a lot of friends that harp on the attractiveness of girls to such an extent that they end up sounding like they are over-compensating for (lack of) sexuality. Sorry for getting perhaps a little Freud-y there.

JimmyBeats · 2011-07-14T20:09:57+00:00

They complain that they would need to change who they are in order to be successful

This was me a few years ago. That line is a total cop out. You don't have to change yourself to be successful you just have to change your approach

AveofSpades · 2011-07-14T22:04:28+00:00

In fairness, you criticize them for being beta, but you should at least try to help them. I try to help dudes that lack game, same are receptive to it and become better by having someone to lead, others continue to make excuses and sulk in frustration. Ditch the sulkers, but it definitely is beneficial to help those out that needed it. It probably was you at some point.

tigrenus · 2011-07-14T16:13:56+00:00

Good points, however...

They are not good at making conversation which makes others feel comfortable(rapport). This happens by asking questions about the other person.

true, but don't turn it into an interrogation. statements of opinion need to be peppered in there when you're in that stage of conversation.

PasDeDeux · 2011-07-15T01:15:51+00:00

They complain that they would need to change who they are in order to be successful.

This is the first thing I changed when I began my path/learning about seduction and self-improvement. It's an important, metaphysical step. I think it's the only step that really can't be helped by anyone else--you have to come to the realization that your desires are not matching up with your reality for a reason, which you can fix.

JihadDerp · 2011-07-14T23:12:27+00:00

They complain that they would need to change who they are in order to be successful.

This is a good start.

infinite · 2011-07-15T01:24:37+00:00

I am aware of these things and I don't do them. Frankly, anyone who does those things annoys me. Other things:

No excuses. You F up, move on.

No whiners.

No gloating.

Don't judge. Mother Teresa said if you judge someone you have no room to love them.

Don't have set expectations. Let things happen and be happy in the moment. Don't put pressure on expectations.

Don't be too much of a coldhearted badass, let your emotions flow. It's OK if you had your heart broken, just don't wax on and on about it. Happened, move on.

No telling anyone how much better you are for having such standards of conduct. Only on reddit am I open about these things. If someone annoys me, I just politely move on, I don't lecture anyone. All these things give me happiness, and that is important. If I need to lecture, that means there's something in me that needs to lecture others, and that is insecurity.

mesosorry · 2011-07-15T03:03:36+00:00

They are not good at making conversation which makes others feel comfortable(rapport). This happens by asking questions about the other person.

Wait, are you saying that asking questions about the other person will not make them feel comfortable?

2011-07-15T10:07:23+00:00

"All the girls here are b*****s" - when he can't get any aha

2011-07-15T15:14:59+00:00

They talk to me in private about how hot other girls are, instead of telling the girl they are interested in.

Nothing wrong with that, I think. If the guys is too shy to tell her, there might be a problem, but I see absolutely no problem with discussing girls between friends.

Title	Beta behavior to avoid
Author	lilninjalee
Upvotes	153
Comments	68
Date	July 14, 2011 2:44 PM UTC (15 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/ipgm9/beta_behavior_to_avoid/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/beta-behavior-to-avoid.1320231 https://theredarchive.com/post/1320231

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